This Isn't Canon! (Or that time I reincarnated into an AU-Naruto)

Stepping out of her bathroom Naruko would blink. 'This feels like Deja Vu.' "Gramps, you really need to learn to knock. At least knock on the window or something, y'know!"

He looked up from the book he was flipping through and raised an eyebrow. "I think the more important thing to focus on is why you have this?" He waved around the orange-colored book.

"Took it from Kakashi." He pulled out another. "Took it from Coyote." He put them down and pulled out a third. "That's Iruka-senisei's." He sighed.

"Why did you steal three Icha Icha books?" She shrugged.

"Steal enough things and eventually people will get better. We're in preparation for war. I'm just prepping them for hidden explosives." He paused, before slowly nodding and putting down the third Icha Icha.

"That's one way to do I suppose my girl. Now, how about I give you your presents?" He pulled out a scroll that he unfurled on her kitchen table, before slowly pressing his hand on the seal in the middle. With a puff of smoke, a neatly wrapped pair of presents appeared.

"The big one is mine. The little one is from someone else." Rubbing her hands together with a mad look on her face she'd lean in.

"So how much money did you get me?" He sighed.

"It's not money Naruko."

"Ramen Tickets?"

"No." She sighed. 

"Well alright then. Let's se-" Having unwrapped the present she froze. Then a giggle escaped her, that turned into a mad cackle. He sighed.

"Please use responsibly Naruko. I was only going to give them to you when you became a Chunin, but current situations considering I decided to give it to you now." She continued to cackle holding it in her hands. 'Oh, my pretties... Momma is gonna have so much fun with you. I'll get everyone to run in fear!'  "Remember to read the scroll I left for them." She stopped her cackling for a moment to nod, before continuing on. "I can't help but regret this already..."

"MINE!" With a sweep of her hand, she hid them all away from the devil gramps thinking about taking them back. *Cough* "Alright, sorry about that. You said this one was from someone else?" He nodded.

"Yes, was quite insistent I give you it." Humming, she slowly unwrapped the box before opening it. She blinked. Pressing her hand on the seal she surged her chakra. With a poof of smoke, lying on the table was a Katana, with the handle emblazoned with a red swirl and on the other side something akin to a Vajra - otherwise known as the Senju clan symbol. Looking up to ask a question, Naruko noticed the slight shock that was quickly hidden.

"Gramps?" He stared at her for a moment before his lips tugged upward,

"Tsuioku no ha - the Blade of Remembrance between the Uzumaki and Senju. I thought it was lost." Slowly picking it up she'd grasp the handle in both hands, close her eyes, and then a moment later put it down. 'There's a note.'

"I... who?" He looked at her with a small smile.

"Who else do you think could have found it?" Her eyebrows squished together for a moment. 'Tsunade? But why?'

"I'unno gramps. Maybe a caterpillar?" He chuckled but gave her a look nonetheless. She grinned in response.

"Alright Gramps, lemme clean this all up, and then BIRTHDAY RAMEN!" She jumped up into a standing position, finger pointed into the air. Gramps snorted. 

"We have ANBU to clean up, how about birthday Ramen now." She opened her mouth, thought about it for a second, closed her mouth, and then shrugged.

"True. Hey gramps, do they clean your house too? If so they should do mine, y'know! Oh right, I shouldn't leave this sword lying around." She flipped through a few hand seals. "Dance of the Humming Cicada Seventy Step Revolutions of the Kami: Transfer!" Slamming her hand on the katana it completely disappeared from view.

"Well, good luck to anyone trying to find it now!" With a pep in her step, she left her apartment and caught up with Gramps. "Now onward Gramps, towards Ramennnnnn!"

-Later-

"Nooo."

"Yes."

"No?"

"Yes."

Naruko whimpered. He grinned.

A moment later she flashed through hand signs. "Water Style: Stormy Blockade!" Slamming her hands on the ground for once she herself used the Jutsu, and her chakra exploded out of her. The entire lake moved as she called for it, surging towards what was no longer her gramps, but her Hokage.

As the lake full of water surged passed her she raised her hands for another seal. Drawing on her chakra, she pulled for more her eyes turning a slitted red. "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu." A titanic amount of Chakra was pulled from her seal and was released into the Jutsu.

A hundred clones appeared around her, each with around 60% of her full strength, and the reserves nearly at the level of a Jonin. As they formed, each of them slipped from out of their sleeves the first gift she was given - a Tri-Pronged Kunai.

"Well, this just seems unfair." There was an amused hint to Hiruzen's voice, before he began to sign himself, each hand doing separate signs. At the same exact time, he slapped his hands on the ground. From one hand a summoning seal was imprinted on the ground, whereas from the other a titanic Earthen wall rose up from the ground to protect him from the oncoming lake. 'Shit I can't see him.' 

Her clones surged forward, but it didn't matter. Slicing in half the Earthen Wall, and also all of her Shadow Clones a black staff came nearing her head which she hurriedly ducked out of the way of. Looking wearily at Hiruzen as he stepped out of the smoke and rubbles of his Earthen Wall Naruko quipped back, "Well, now that doesn't seem fair."

Her chakra was surging as nearly all of the Chakra she used to make the Shadow Clones was now returned to her. 'Can't hold this much that long...' Hiruzen chuckled.

"I don't know Naruko, you did it first. What do you think Enma?" The staff vibrated for a second before saying,

"This is her? Interesting." 'Interesting? Well, I can't have that! I'm damn amazing!'

"You're right. So it's only fair I do this right?" In one hand a Tri-Pronged Kunai slipped into hand, and in the other? A strange whirling noise could be heard. Hiruzen's eyes widened slightly.

"Enma." His tone wasn't panicked but was just a simple comment on the situation telling his partner what to do. 'They truly have fought through entire wars together.' 

"On it."

The Adamantium Staff surged forward towards her, but with a feral grin she surged all of the Kyuubi's Chakra to her hand, causing it to be coated in a bubbling red aura.

A purple rapidly rotating sphere appeared in her hand, and she clashed with the oncoming staff. "Kyuubi... RASENGAN!" For a brief moment, she pushed against the famed Adamantine Staff. Before she exploded backward, her head slamming against a tree falling unconscious.

-Monkey King Enma-

He couldn't help it as he changed back into his true form, he laughed. "How old did you say she was Sarutobi?" His old friends' lips twitched into a grin.

"Nine. Today's her birthday." His laughter got even louder.

"Screw the Toads Sarutobi! She's mine now. Have her sign my contract whenever she's a Jonin." He grinned a little, "Maybe she'll actually learn from me." His old friend twitched slightly.

"Not everyone is fit for the Sage Arts Enma, you know that." Enma smiled humorous, yet mocking.

"Yet somehow two of your students are Sages, and the third uses a seal to use Nature Energy. I think you're just getting old my friend." The grin that had formed on Hiruzen's face turned into a chuckle.

"Perhaps, perhaps. But..." Hiruzen stared at the young girl who was slumped unconscious. "I didn't expect she managed to hide it. She must have been splitting off an extra clone this entire time... Truly, she takes after her parents." Enma grinned.

"Sounds like you got a real Shinobi on your hands. Your old 'friends' will surely be surprised. Summon me the next time you have to face one of them Sarutobi, Kami knows with your decrepit old body you can't do anything without me." As fake outrage spread across Sarutobi's face he desummoned himself. 'What an interesting young lass. She's an Uzumaki however, I'll have to teach Yuebei the Adamantium Dagger and Adamantium Sword. What a shame, it seems we won't have a Bojutsu master in this generation of summoners... Those darn toads better not try to share my summoner again. I let them have Minato last time!' Chortling to himself he closed his eyes on the top of the tree he had re-appeared on.