This Is Where I Want To Be

10. Wednesday

Chris

I felt like a kid again. The previous day was the most outrageous, strangest, newest I had ever experienced. The most exciting day I have had in a long time... Not only did I meet my fantasy girl, the one who had been bombarding me those last few months. But I also saw her disappear into thin air. Above all that, I touched her—twice. Once, when she was in front of me and when she was not… I was sure I did and had a smile on my face to prove it. I had driven past her after school, and the thought made me sick. She saw me sitting next to my wife in the car. I didn’t want to be married anymore. I couldn’t sleep the previous night. I was in my study most of the time, trying to figure out what to say to Juliet, how to approach her, or if I would at all.

I stared at my wedding photos on the wall for a long time. I had put them up to convince myself there was still hope for my wife and me. I had tried to fix our relationship. Sita never wanted the same thing as me. She was content with a friendship as a marriage… It wasn’t even that anymore. Since the first day I saw Juliet, I knew I couldn’t handle the farce anymore. I wasn’t that guy who settled and accepted half a life or… I didn’t want to anymore. I stood up and walked over to the wall, taking down each frame. I opened them and put the paper through the shredder; even if Juliet would never be an option, my marriage was over.

Thoughts about what I would do in the future brought me back to my work at the school. I wanted to leave… I had for months. Sita was there. If we divorced… I wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

Consequently, I would end whatever was going on with Juliet and me, and she was the reason I hadn’t resigned yet. Our meeting kept playing over and over in my head. The fact that she wouldn’t have believed Carl. Why would she not believe him? Why could she not answer my question or look me in the eye? We had been making eye contact for months until I was in front of her. She was as red as a tomato. I smiled, thinking about how embarrassed she was. There really could be only one reason; it meant she must have feelings for me—that Carl and Charlene knew of… A crush, maybe? It wouldn’t be the first time a student thought highly… no had impure thoughts about a teacher. I stiffened at the idea. The desire was there… But she had never given me anything more than that.

No, I couldn’t believe it! Someone like her could never have a crush on me. I was so dull. As I watched her, I took note of some of her mannerisms. Juliet played most of the time, laughed, or was very serious. There were always boys and friends with the three of them… But… if she did… like me… and I talked to her again, it would mean I was pursuing her. Even if I just went to confirm my suspicions. It would be selfish, and pushing the boundaries of propriety was wrong. I could never do that to her, and going to talk to her just about disappearing or why she even could—meant I only cared about that.

I parked at the school half an hour later. From my car to the school’s front door was a short distance. That morning, it felt like a walkway to hell. One choice meant how the rest of your life would be. Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair. My other hand was stuck in my pocket. My bag with my journal and notes hung around my shoulder by my side. I walked through the offices toward the school grounds and had to pass the receptionist. I stared at Miss Lucas, thinking if I should or should not ask for Juliet’s schedule for the day. She smiled, “Is there something I can help you with, Chris?” she asked in her nasal voice. My nerves were shot. I knew if I crossed the line that day… I might as well go to her class, drag her out, and make her tell me what was going on. Tell her that I was in love with her. That I fantasized about her… It was the school clothes she had on standing across from me the day before or that she needed to be summoned by a teacher to come and talk to me at all. My friend. A close friend… The school environment of pimple-faced kids greeting me was a constant reminder of the age difference between us.

“No, thank you,” I said. “Have a good day,” I walked past. I was decided. I would not be that guy.

“You too, Chris.”

***

Sita

That morning, Christopher had left the house earlier than usual. He didn’t go to sleep the previous night. Something was wrong with him, and whatever happened between him and Juliet shook him. He was in his office most of the time. After the garage door closed, I went in to try to figure out what was going on. Luckily, his laptop was on the desk. Chris had no privacy… I had all his passwords. Not that he gave them to me. It was easy going through every folder and website he had visited. There was nothing strange on his PC.

I decided to take that time to dump the files of the cameras I had hidden all over the house. I haven’t done it in a while, but it might shed some light. Other than that, I needed to get to school. I was already late.

I stood at the door, surveying the room to see if everything was in place. I noticed the walls, “Our wedding photos.” He had taken them down. Mixed emotions ran through me. He had given up and, in a subtle way, let me know. I had not seen them in the trash. My eyes shot to the shredder. I walked over as my pulse quickened. Lifting the machine part, I got to the basket where the shredded pieces were lying. I didn’t even have to rummage. They were there. Pictures in tiny strands. My throat felt tight. My eyes were burning. I sat there until tears rolled down my cheeks.

For years, he had pushed and prodded me to go for counseling. To find a way to move forward. The assignment was never something I wanted. I had to do it. It was my duty. Consummated the marriage because it was what I was supposed to do. After that… I just couldn’t. Whenever he touched me, I would close up. Walls would surface, and I ran away. I had noticed him staring at one specific schoolgirl the last few months. How he changed his routine and familiar places so he could watch her. At first, it didn’t even bother me… What did it matter who he used to get off on? It was a fantasy. She was stunning for her age. She stood out among all the girls in school and had the personality to draw anyone’s attention. Younger girls were known to catch the eye of thirty-year-old men before.

Just because my grandfather thought Christopher was the hybrid did not mean he was. They had no proof but a hunch about something that happened when he was born. Where did the legend come from anyway? I would have known by then if I could get over my issues about sleeping with my husband. It just didn’t feel right.

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My makeup was a mess. My life was a mess. I was stuck in a mess. I tried again to think about how I got through the first time we slept together—all that ever answered was a confused mess in my head.

***

Sita And Her Grandfather

“I think he plans to leave me,” I whispered, staring out over the mountains.

Sighing, Nick sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “I am tired and old. Your parents died, and I am going to leave you here alone. This is a good chance for you to be happy, Sita… Go think about it carefully… You have a chance to turn everything around if you want to. You guys spent a lot of time together before the marriage. Everything was fine. You told me you thought he was the one regardless of everything else.”

I sighed, hesitating to tell the truth, “I lied to you. I felt it necessary… To do my duty.”

Shocked, my grandfather got choked up by the revelation, “I would never have forced you. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

I turned to him and moved forward, putting my arm around his neck, “I thought I could do it. Many women have married for less. I didn’t know… It’s not your fault.”

“Why did you stay so long? Chris has been miserable.”

I was struck by the question. I did not have an immediate answer. My feelings that morning were proof that I had gotten used to having Chris by my side. He is handsome and at home most of the time. Following him and having people surveying him had shown me he had never cheated on me. Until… Juliet.

“No, jealousy about this girl?”

My features pulled tight, and my body stiffened in response. When I thought about that little vampire, I did get mad. She had not even done anything, yet she had his full attention. I nodded. Of course, I was jealous. She was on my territory. I felt stupid… I wanted him, but I also didn’t.

***

Charlene

I rang the bell at Juliet’s house for the fourth time, waiting a few minutes. No one was home. I called her cell, but she didn’t pick up. It was working but just kept ringing. Worriedly, I walked to the side of the house, going through a small side gate and peeking into the garage window. I didn’t see Mr. Farrow’s car. Did they take her to school? Without telling me?

I left; there was no point in hanging around. Carl was already waiting at the bridge. He waved at me when I walked down the small, hilly road leading to the stream. Waiving back, he gestured questioningly with his hand. I shrugged. “Did she say anything to you?” I asked as I came closer. Carl shook his head. “Their car isn’t there either.”

Carl’s eyes dropped down, “I know we said we would not talk about it too much. But this is weird, right?” He said eventually. I nodded and stopped walking to rest my arms on the guard rail, staring into the water that lapped below us. Carl kept talking, “There’s been so many times things with her family came up or stuff she couldn’t explain to us.”

“I know… Yesterday… After Chris… She was lying. Chris was lying. Did you see him fumble… And that would’ve been okay. If something had happened between them. But no one is home. Chris has nothing to do with them, being AFK every week….”

Carl stood staring at me, “Would it be unfair to make her tell us what she’s hiding? Is it wrong of me to wish she would confide in us? Let us in a little more! You always come up for her, Chars… Tell me not to push. Whatever is going on gets swept under the rug.”

I didn’t say anything because I was hiding so much from them. I liked Juliet because she was my friend no matter what. I didn’t need to do anything. She didn’t need to do or tell me anything.

“Let’s go. I don’t want to be late,” his tone was clipped at my nonresponse. Carl crossed the rest of the bridge angrily.

I wasn’t saying what he wanted to hear, “Maybe they went somewhere for breakfast, and Juliet will be waiting at the school.”

Carl gave me the ‘don’t be stupid’ stare. “You’re just as bad as she is. I can’t cope with you guys acting like teenagers!”

Juliet never pitched. The fifth period was computers with Chris. I was kind of worried that we hadn’t heard anything from her. Not even a text. “Carl, did you get any messages yet?” I whispered.

He shook his head from side to side… Regardless, he checked his phone again. He had been staring at his phone every period. Carl cared even if he was frustrated.

That morning, when I woke up, I had a funny feeling, and I still didn’t feel a hundred percent. My stomach was upset. Yesterday, when Juliet met us at the gate, I was so emotional when Jerry spoke so roughly to her. It felt like I had no control over my mouth. I said some stupid things to back up my friend; maybe I was also in love. I shook myself. I felt foolish, worrying about my friend who was somewhere with her parents.

I looked up at Chris behind his desk, shaking my head. What did she see in him? Juliet and Chris made me think about love… Benjamin’s face came to mind. We had such a good holiday together. We got on really well. He was handsome with dark brown hair, highlighted, and it was growing out. It was long and hung over his ears... Having him with me over a white Christmas, a New Year’s ball with dancing… It was the best time I had ever had. We went sightseeing while our parents were busy with business.

Being back in that small town with nothing to do was depressing, dealing with stupid crap! Irritated, I threw my pen on the desk, checking my phone for the umpteenth time. No messages from my friend. I hadn’t told Juliet everything about Ben and me. I don’t know why…. It wasn’t like Ben was my first time. Maybe it was because she was still a virgin. I jumped up and walked toward Chris’s desk. “Mr. Rheed…”

Dumbfounded at my tone and my hands resting on his desk, his eyes said more than he would’ve wanted to, “Yes, Charlene?” The poor man had no idea what to do.

I was chewing my lip nervously, “If there is anything that happened yesterday… we should know of… I would appreciate it. We’re getting a little worried. I haven’t seen Juliet since….” I didn’t know the man. I didn’t know his reactions or how to read him. He shook his head slowly. My

After school, Carl and I walked back home in silence, deciding to go to her house again at the last minute. “Who’s car is this?” Carl asked.

“I don’t know… It was here this morning.”

There was still no answer at the door, “Should we go around the house just to make sure?” He asked.

I stepped out and opened the side gate. We headed towards Juliet’s bedroom. The window was open. Carl drew back the curtains. Her room was a mess: clothes on the ground, the cupboard open, her schoolbag standing at the door, and a made-up bed. “She didn’t sleep in her own bed last night?”

“Well, what now?” Carl asked.

I shrugged, “Let’s go home. At least we know she’s with her parents, right?”

Carl looked doubtful and took out his phone to call Mrs. Farrow. There was no answer.