Thief of Time

“Achoo!” Claud, who was in the middle of telling a random story to a bunch of Shadowed babies, rubbed his nose. “Who’s complaining about me? Not you guys, I hope?”

“Did you catch a cold?” Lily asked, before pouring out a small bowl of soup. “Here.”

“Lesser Half’s Divine Kingdom is perfectly regulated. There’s no dust anywhere, and there’s definitely not a gust of cold wind. And I’m a hexa-folder, albeit a degraded one, so there’s no way I’m sick. This means that the cause is likely to be someone talking smack about me.”

“How did your elimination process result in your bringing up an old wives’ tale?” Lily asked. “Come on, drink up. After this, stay still…”

After wiping his nose a few times, Lily squished his cheeks. “Alright, do continue the story.”

The little babies bobbed their heads in agreement, and Claud smiled. “Sure, sure. So the wise old mayor turned to the young man and asked for a bag of coins, before bringing it to the cook. Instead of handing it to him, however, the old mayor shook the coins and returned the bag back to the young man. The cook said, ‘What do you mean by this?’”

Claud paused, and then said, “The mayor replied, ‘You wanted payment for him smelling your food, so I rang some coins for you. Case dismissed.’”

The children laughed silently — most of them just opened their mouths and rocked back and forth. Of course, it wasn’t their fault; the Moonlit and the Shadowed kids communicated via telepathy or something. They could also read the thoughts of other people in general, which was utterly endearing, since they knew what their caregivers wanted.

“Alright, I suppose we’ll call it a day here.” Claud rubbed his nose and stood up. A deep sense of fatigue washed over him as he straightened his body properly, and the world seemed to spin for a moment, but before he could fall over, Lily had caught him.

“Whoa there.” Lily looked at him, and her smiling face dimmed a bit. “It’s getting worse, right?”

Claud nodded. “It has to. I can get used to a constant level of pain and fatigue, since the body and mind adjusts. I suppose it’ll peak out at some point, though.”

“Really?”

“The Risti I saw did just that, I think,” Claud replied. “Don’t worry about me. And it’s a good way to push my limits without actually being in danger. After all, you’re by my side. Even if I fall, you’ll catch me.”

“Claud…”

Claud stared deeply into her eyes, and was about to take her lips when a small cough sounded from his left.

“Excuse me.”

“Ah, Dust.” Claud felt a bit sad that he couldn’t complete the little kiss, but if she was here, there was probably something important going on. “What do you need us for?”

“Lord Lesser Half invites you two for lunch. He is concerned about your health in particular, Claud. Also, he wants to ask about familial advice.”

“Familial advice?” Claud repeated. “Wait, the two of us?”

He exchanged glances with Lily, who tilted her head. He was someone had been orphaned halfway through his childhood, and Lily…

“Uh, I don’t think we’re in a good spot to provide familial advice,” Lily replied. “We definitely don’t have the qualifications to do that.”

“No one does, but it’s probably a way for the master to vent some of his own worries,” Dust replied. “Come on.”

With a wave of her hand, the world changed. There, at the head of the table, was a human-sized void that contained innumerable cubes that were outlined in gold. The void was holding human utensils and carving up a slab of meat gently, and Claud watched on, enthralled.

After the small slab of meat had been diced perfectly, Lesser Half looked up. “Ah, you two came. Give me a moment.”

He clapped twice, and Count Lostfon popped up out of nowhere. He looked a little sleepy, but there was no hiding the alert gaze that he swept the room with, which promptly turned into that of surprise when he saw Lesser Half.

“Lunch?” Lostfon asked.

“Lunch, yes. I decided to get my best cook to whip up all this,” Lesser Half replied. “To thank you for letting me sample your wife’s cooking. There is a homely feel that my chefs cannot replicate, amusingly enough. Perhaps there is some secret to it.”

“A secret?” Lostfon bobbed his head. “Maybe I can ask her for the recipe when we return.”

“That would be very nice of you,” Lesser Half replied. “Now then, do enjoy the lunch first. I look forward to seeing your faces.”

Claud sniffed, and his smile widened. It didn’t take long for everyone to start stuffing their faces, although it was quite interesting to see how Lesser Half ate. Of course, the divinity didn’t need to eat, but it seemed like he liked the notion of doing so, and presumably to put them at ease too. Nonetheless, the sight of him eating by putting food into the area where a mouth should be was quite novel, and Claud had to force himself to not stare rudely at the Lesser Half of the great Dark.

Thankfully, everyone polished off the really excellent meal within minutes, and Lesser Half let out a contented sigh. “Just what have I been missing out on for so long?”

“Good food?” Lostfon asked.

“That is, perhaps, the most succinct way of putting it,” Lesser Half replied. “Food is truly a means in which human interaction takes place repeatedly. While it serves little actual purpose for me, the mutual enjoyment or distaste for dishes served provides a very strong point in which discussions between mortals can build off from.”

“Yes, indeed,” Claud replied. “Although there are more fundamental reasons to eat, though. I believe these interactions grew out of the need to eat, rather than supporting it.”

Lesser Half thought for a moment. “But engaging my sister through a meal is likely to work, yes?”

“Probably?” Claud tilted his head.

“Well,” said Lily, “assuming she enjoys eating too. But if your chefs prepare food well enough, it should work…probably. Does Greater Half eat? Does she know how to eat?”

“…Probably?”

Lily rubbed her head, and then turned to look at Claud, who made some funny faces in response. After a while, he asked, “So, uh, you guys disagree on many things? And you’re not on the best of terms?”

“…It’s not that,” Lesser Half replied. “My sister is a bit intimidating, and I’m a bit scared of approaching her. She hasn’t talked to me for over a few millennia, and I’m nervous just from thinking about it.”

Claud blinked. Lesser Half was surprisingly adorable regarding this topic; it was as if he was watching a kid brother asking his friends about what to do about the scary older sister that looked at him with stern eyes. Whether or not said sister loved her brother was up in the air entirely, but the way Lesser Half was acting was…

Really endearing.

“It’ll be fine,” Claud replied. “Just talk to her over some food. Don’t worry. It doesn’t seem like she bullies you or anything, right? Just that you’re intimidated.”

“Intimidated enough to not talk to her for a few millennia,” Lostfon quipped. “I mean, if I was her, I might be quite angry or something. You’ll have to convey your thoughts across, but if it’s you, it should be fine.”

Claud really admired how everyone had started to talk informally to Lesser Half of all people, but it was also proof of how hospitable he had been during their stay here. Lesser Half had tried to help Claud solve his problem with a variety of methods — apparently, he didn’t know that one just needed to pay ten times the usual amount of lifespan to reacquire the qualifications to start the Third Tutorial.

He wasn’t going to say anything, though. Claud didn’t know how he would explain his possession of such knowledge, and it would be very dangerous for a lot of reasons.

Glancing at Lesser Half, he said, “You should try to talk to her as quickly as possible.”

Lily nodded. “The faster you clear this up, the fewer the eventual problems generated. It’ll be nice if you two got along splendidly. After all, both of you make up the great Dark, right?”

“…Were it that easy.” Lesser Half chuckled. “But thank you for your encouragement. Now, there are some pressing things we all need to deal with. Claud, your current condition seems to be worsening with each passing day. I apologise. It seems that even the treasures of my realm cannot overcome natural law.”

“It’s okay,” Claud replied. “There will definitely be a way. Or a miracle. I can feel it.”

“…Thank you. I will continue to look for a way, however,” Lesser Half replied. “Finally, I just remembered that I owe you a promise of protection against the Red God. Precision, however, has perished. While the threat that is targeting you has vanished, I will continue to abide by my promise of protecting you once against any other divinity that seeks to do you harm.”

Claud blinked for a moment, and then nodded. “Ah, yes. Indeed. I don’t know how the future will change, now that the Thief of Time has made a move…even the future is mutable.”

“Very much so.” Lesser Half sighed. “What a mess. Now, then…I suppose you three have your own things to settle outside, yes? The storm surrounding you three has ebbed. It is a good time to return.”

“Oh.” Claud raised a hand to his chest. “Thank you for bringing us here. It has been an incredibly fun experience.”

“We would love to come again,” Lily added.

“Yes, indeed.” Lostfon chuckled. “I want a summer palace here.”

Lesser Half chuckled. “Now that’s pushing it…”