There is no happy ending

****

At first, Bianca was relentless and kicked Jade out of the room, but on the third day, a small incident occurred.

Jade had fallen in love with a client in a first-class room and nearly drowned. Bianca was forced to let him back into the room. It was one thing for Jade to die, but it was another thing altogether when a human being died.

But it was a good thing. It gave me an excuse to spend more time with Rayman and Bianca.

It was hard to eat while listening to the servant squeal in disgust, especially when he was the one who hadn’t been relieved to be kicked out.

From then on, Bianca naturally spent every evening with Rayman. This allowed them to get to know each other pretty quickly.

‘You said you preferred meat to fish, didn’t you?’

‘Yes. I’ve smelled the ocean so much that fish makes me nauseous.’

‘Mmm…….’

Rayman didn’t answer, his gaze darting off to the right. That was his way of avoiding eye contact when he felt awkward about saying something. Bianca set her jaw and asked.

‘What is it, that look?’

‘I was hoping to have snapper tonight, but I didn’t want you to get nauseous.’

Rayman glanced away, not wanting to look disappointed or regretful. Bianca narrowed her eyes.

Bianca liked Rayman’s consideration. She wanted people who cared about her because they were noble, and when she saw someone who didn’t, she sometimes urged them to care about her.

But from one day to the next……Bianca believed that in order for Rayman to fully understand my perspective. It was a surprise. When Bianca realized that, she thought to herself, she was getting used to him.

Bianca tapped her palm lightly on the table. The sound was not loud, but clear, and Rayman’s head snapped up again. Bianca said.

‘Order it, Domi.’

‘You sure you don’t mind?’

‘How long do you think you’re going to keep me in line?’

‘Until ……, that is.’

‘Rayman, you must be mistaken. I don’t have a crush on you because you listen to me and read my mind.’

I didn’t like him for that reason alone, though I’m sure there was a very good reason. Putting aside the Bliss-like face, and the good listener personality, I was drawn to the man himself, Raymond Oswald.

Despite his blunt mannerisms and voice, he smiled, both pleasantly and shyly. Bianca’s expression cracked at his smile.

‘May I order you some wine, sweetheart?’

‘For the chicken……. If you’re confident you can get over the fishy odor, I won’t touch a drop.’

‘Then I shall have to put up with it; I don’t like viscount.’

‘I’ve told you before, you have a peculiar taste. Who eats fish with wine?’

‘It has its charms.’

Bianca often thought of Bliss when Rayman remained expressionless. But as they spent more time together, Rayman’s smile made her forget Bliss’s expressionlessness.

Bianca often thought of Bliss whenever Rayman was expressionless. But as they spent more time together, Rayman’s laughter made her forget Bliss’s expressionlessness.

Their banter and casual, off-the-cuff conversations increased, indicating that they had grown accustomed to each other. It was remarkable, considering Bianca’s hypervigilance.

Time passed.

The Millennium arrived in the harbor of Ballona.

*** Duke Winston

Back at the Duke of Winston’s residence, Bliss quickly made his way to his office. Ever since Bianca’s departure, ever since her, the throbbing headache wouldn’t go away.

He’d thought that if he focused on something, he’d forget the pain, but he hadn’t. A strange emptiness in his chest stopped him in his tracks. So he had to face the headache from time to time.

Tiredness overtook him, but he could not return to his bedroom immediately; he remembered very well that Odette, his lover, had promised to wait for him in his office today.

The thought of hassle threatened to overwhelm him. Bliss forced the thought down. This is the woman I love. Troublesome is an absurd word. Isn’t she always so affectionate and loving that she should be a joy to look at?

Bliss turned to head for her bedroom but then turned back to the office. From the outside of the mansion, the lights were off, but she didn’t care.

Odette was not one to leave without a word, and since nothing had been delivered to the butler, she would remain inside. Perhaps she had fallen asleep. He didn’t want to bother with that. Bliss had enough headaches as it was.

That’s why he didn’t notice. He thought the situation was strange. The eerily quiet mansion, the fact that no faces were running out to greet him with a smile and a ‘hello’ when he arrived. He had to take that into account.

What Bliss saw when he opened the door to his office was not the face of a sleeping Odette.

‘……Odette.’

It was Odette’s face, sitting in the unlit office, staring at him. The face stared back at him with two puffy eyes and tear stains that were hard to hide.

Bliss called out to her in a panicked voice.

‘Odette, why are you…….’

‘Nothing, nothing, nothing, please. Duke.’

It was a cold title. It was the first time she had heard it since Bliss and Odette had started dating. Bliss’s body stiffened. A chill ran down her spine.

Silence hung between them. Odette stared at Bliss with eyes swollen from crying, and Bliss was too nervous to speak.

‘……I need to ask you something.’

Bliss nodded. Feel free to…… ask. Odette mulled over her questions.

She imagined herself asking questions from the moment she opened the drawer. Bianca’s ring and handkerchief were hidden in the drawer. The look on Bianca’s face when her words had broken her. Something so deeply hidden, something that somehow looked like it didn’t want to be found, but also something …… so precious.

There were many things that could be unearthed if one probed with the question, ‘Why? There were so many things Odette wanted to ask, but at the same time, she didn’t want to ask. She felt like she would fall apart if she asked Bliss a question. So Odette wanted Bliss to come back, but she didn’t want her at the same time.

But Bliss came. Of course, he came back. Therefore, she had to ask.

Many questions should not be asked. You’ll get stuck in a moment where you’re talking longer and thinking longer. Something as short as possible, with as many answers as possible.

‘I kept thinking, I kept thinking because I had to keep thinking…….’

Odette’s voice quivered slightly.

She was right, she thought, that Bliss was in love with her. It was the same for Bliss.

It couldn’t be love if it was so painful. Odette did not doubt Bliss’s love. But Odette also thought that what Bliss was hiding was love. Bliss’s love for Bianca, which she would never admit, was also love.

So why did Bliss love Odette?

Because he did not recognize love, he could not explain it. Why did Bliss fall in love with Odette at first sight? Why did she fall in love with Odette as Odette did…….

‘Why, why did you love me?’

Odette wasn’t stupid enough to forget the strange names that Bianca had spoken. Nor was she stupid enough…… to bury them until this moment. Inside Odette’s head, Bianca laughed.

‘Who’s Eugene?’

In Odette’s mind, Bianca was wearing a gorgeous red dress, her engagement ring to Bliss on her finger. As she was, one corner of her mouth twitched up, and she sneered at Odette.

No, no……. Are you sure you’re laughing at Odette?

‘And…….’

I don’t know. Odette is unaware. Bianca appeared to be mocking Odette, Bliss, and their love.
‘Who is the Countess of Ordowell?’

At the last question, a tear trickled down Odette’s cheek. I thought I had cried enough, but there were still tears left to squeeze. It was a strange thing. But Odette couldn’t help but marvel at it.

‘…….’

Bliss opened her mouth for a moment at the unexpected name. His breathing was labored as if he had been struck by a blow. Odette wanted to press for an answer, but she held back. Perhaps if she gave him time, Bliss would come up with a better answer. It was a futile hope.

Bliss stared at the tears rolling down Odette’s cheeks for a long moment, then turned away and looked at my desk. No, no, no, there it was, rolling around on the desk, the box with the ring.

Bliss didn’t say anything. No, he couldn’t think of anything to say. Stranger still, he felt more sorry for the box now than he did for Odette’s tears. And Odette knew that very well.

She thought Bliss was perfect. She believed he loved her completely and utterly. He didn’t. It was all a lie, an illusion. Bliss wasn’t perfect, and he didn’t love Odette completely.

‘…… Why aren’t you saying anything?’

The voice spoke again, this time full of insane anxiety. Odette was tempted to ask herself now. Do you realize how foolish you were, that sort of thing?

Their relationship was now out of Odette’s and Bliss’s hands. All that remained was for them to fall from that great height and be crushed to death. The longer Bliss’s silence lengthened, the more vivid it became.

‘It’s nothing, you can just say it.’

I’m miserable. I feel like I’m going to die of misery. The more Odette opened her mouth, the more sadness seeped out of her voice, like sand slipping from her grasp. Bliss replied, her voice hoarse, barely audible.

‘Nothing…… is.’

As she said it, Bliss looked as distressed as Odette. Bliss’s hand trembled slightly, just as it had the day she knew Bianca loved her. In the darkness, he could see it clearly, and his head throbbed as if he’d been slapped in the back of the head.

Bliss had to look away if she was going to lie to Odette. The right thing to do was to look Odette in the eye, not at the ring still rolling across the floor, but Bliss wouldn’t do it. Bliss blurred out of Odette’s vision once more.

Bliss stared at the ring rolling across the floor. Does he know what Odette is thinking right now? She was sure of it. No, he couldn’t possibly know. It was obvious that he didn’t know a single…… thing.

‘It’s nothing?’

‘Odette.’

‘Liar.’

‘…….’

Emotions ran high. Odette had never imagined the day would come when she would sell Bliss.

‘Despicable liar, deceiver, cheat!’

Odette was powerless to stop the tears from welling up again, so she simply let them flow down her cheeks.

She was blinded by love. She was foolish, foolish, foolish. She knew all too well about men who cheat on their wives, but she’d fallen for the illusion that he was different. She blamed him, but she couldn’t blame him, and she’d closed her eyes to the truth.

Shame washed over me. He recognized the shame and the drowsiness that had eluded him forever. He remembered the way he’d flirted with Bianca, not wanting to lose his first love.

‘Al, do you know, Bliss?’

‘……Odette.’

‘Alas, I can’t bear this guilt that comes with shame, I can’t bear this anguish, knowing this pain.’

My head felt dizzy. Odette had asked Bliss that, but she didn’t think Bliss would know her pain. Odette couldn’t bear to look at Bliss any longer. She buried her face in her hands. There was a small sob.

She didn’t know if it was from Odette’s selling or her tears. Bliss wiped her dry face with an embarrassed expression.

‘……Don’t cry.’

Bliss acted smug, but she was still too young to have mastered human relationships. Arrogance only masked it. Like Bianca, Bliss was a child, and I didn’t know what to make of this situation.

The fact that Odette had opened the drawer, the ring on the floor, Odette’s sale, and her tears. It’s all enough to confuse Bliss.

But I know this much. That Odette had come to doubt my love.

Bliss couldn’t control his emotions when he thought of Odette, so he thought it was love, so he grabbed her despite Bianca’s presence.

.

He was confident and sure that he could make her happy. But something about this. It was painful, like a snake slithering dizzily through her chest. It seemed to leave deep marks wherever it passed.

He certainly didn’t want to make Odette cry, for he remembered vividly what it felt like when someone who looked like her cried. No, he knew he couldn’t stop the tears, so at least he hoped they weren’t for Bliss, for himself. But, but…….

Bliss stood rooted to the spot in the doorway. With long, thick arms, Bliss pulled Odette into a tight embrace. Bianca’s ring was still in sight.

Bliss didn’t know how to explain this, didn’t know what to do, so she closed her eyes. Then he said, sounding as distressed as Odette.

‘Please, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I didn’t want to make you cry, Odette.’

And that was not the answer Odette wanted.

It’s mean. It’s mean. Bliss was so mean that Odette closed her eyes, even though the answer she wanted was so obvious. Odette’s cries grew louder.

‘You, you don’t know, Bliss, you don’t truly know my grief.’

‘…….’

‘I wanted to throw away the ring secretly! I wanted to burn the handkerchief you failed to burn!’

That’s not good enough, the words stuck in Bliss’s throat, but they weren’t the answer. Finally, with a pat on Odette’s back, Bliss lied again.

‘……I’ll do it if you want me to. Please, please, please stop crying.’

I hoped she wasn’t too distracted to see through the lie. Odette screamed like a seizure.

‘You can’t do that! If you could, you would have done it long ago! And worst of all, I couldn’t! Alas, Bliss, I had no one but you, and I trusted you…….’

Odette, being in Bliss’s arms, pushed him away with her thin arms. Bliss didn’t want to let go of Odette, but it felt like she would cry for an eternity if she did.

Odette staggered back, free of Bliss’s embrace. Her intentions were clear. She wanted to put distance between her and Bliss. Odette rubbed her hand down my arm as if she wanted to wipe away the filth from my body.

Bliss could have sworn she heard glass breaking in her ear. Bliss felt as if her actions were erasing her love for him, and she wanted to take Odette’s hand, to make it impossible to wipe away, but she couldn’t. Every tear that fell from Odette’s eyes was like a punch to the gut.

Bliss’s voice couldn’t have sounded worse.

‘……I’m here, that’s all you need, I told you I don’t doubt my love.’

It might have been better if he’d told her he loved her. Odette laughed and cried at the same time. I laughed like I was crying. Odette’s head nodded weakly.

‘Yes. I-I don’t doubt your love, I promised you I would.’

Odette’s eyes twisted.

‘All I need is love, too. But Bliss.’

‘……, Odette.’

‘You don’t love me, you don’t love me, you don’t love me. Where is the love that makes a person so insecure, when you give me…… now only insecurity, not love.’

Bliss’s face stiffened. Odette didn’t bother to cover her leaky laugh as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Odette was tired now. She pulled at my collar and rubbed my face. My tear-stained, messy face was wiped away by the soft cloth.

The sleeves of my lemon-colored dress had soaked through and darkened in color, but there was no one here to care.

‘You shouldn’t have caught me.’

It had been last winter when Odette had told Bliss she loved her, and that winter had come early, snow was falling and the wind was howling.

The world was white, and it seemed as if no one could find her. But Bliss found him, found him, and confessed his love. It was scary, but at the same time, it felt like the snow was falling and spring was coming. The first time was so intense. I didn’t want to let go.

‘I don’t know the answers, I can’t. I don’t know why they love me, I don’t know who they are.’

But now, Odette realized, it was time to let go.

‘Can I let go?’

That sentence is preceded by a lot of missing subjects. She wasn’t just talking about the ring and handkerchief hidden in Bliss’s drawer. Thoughts about Bianca, feelings Bliss didn’t even realize she had. Odette asked him if he could throw them away.

And Bliss couldn’t answer. It was enough that he couldn’t answer, and Odette laughed weakly.

‘You don’t have …….’

‘Why, you say that.’

‘I’m hurt, I’m hurt, Bliss.’

Odette was hurt. Hurt as if she’d been torn apart as if she’d been torn apart from her once whole emotions, if a little dull. What had been barely held together had been torn apart again today, and it was irreparable.

No, no. In truth, Odette knew that very well. All she was doing now was showing Bliss her wounds, taking out her anger on her. They were accomplices. She knew it, and she held Bliss’s hand.

“But she couldn’t shake off the guilt she was feeling.”, and she wanted to think it was Bliss’s fault. Odette had wronged Bianca, but Bliss had wronged both Odette and Bianca. Odette asked one last time.

‘Yes, Bliss.’

‘…….’

‘I don’t know where you liked me, so I have to ask: where did you like me?’

‘…….’