There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

Karn came to a stop in a small round crossroad within the maze. Three paths met up to face a single direction left to travel and from the furthest of the third paths, Estal and Silver appeared, looking a little breathless.

“Good... we found you,” Estal exclaimed, leaning on her knees to breath.

“Oh, you’re alive! I was betting Silver would have left you behind or had to bail you out,” Karn said as Hazhur lingered back, avoiding the light of the mushrooms. Estal glared at him, puffing her chest out.

“We were faced with a near unbeatable test that took all of my wisdom and intelligence to pass,” she exhaled with a business-like tone and Silver shifted at her side, not saying anything, but it was clear he was... amused?

“Silver helped,” she allowed. Hazhur finally walked forward and Karn could see the confusion on Estal’s face as Hazhur had removed parts of his trousers to turn them into combat shorts in order to wrap his head in the thick protective cloth.

“Hazhur... were you attacked by a murderous Pygmy with scissors? Maybe a fashionista on a warpath or were you just sprucing up your look for my benefit?” Estal asked with a narrowing of her eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he stressed firmly. Estal seemed to have some sixth sense on Hazhur and embarrassing things because she moved in like a snake.

“Why does your normally bald head have two bulging parts?” she pressed and the man glared at her. Karn had seen hardened warriors wilt under that glare, but Estal seemed unaffected by it either by exposure or bullheadedness.

Karn paused to snicker.

“Bullheadedness,” he repeated to himself quietly, but Hazhur must have heard because he turned his murderous glare onto Karn.

“Look... a path!” Karn said helpfully and walked on.

He ignored Estal’s spluttering and Hazhur’s muttering. Silver fell into step next to Karn.

“I enjoy your nails,” Silver said and Karn beamed, flashing them for great effect in the ambient light.

“I’ve never painted my nails before. Well, this is more like body poisoning with style, but still!” he said with enjoyment.

“I was led to believe that atypical gender notions made some men uncomfortable about trying more gentle art and fashion?” Silver asked, a little confused and Karn thought about his childhood.

Especially after Gamma; where he spent what seemed like endless days under the cruel sun in a metal cage that would sear his flesh if he touched it from the heat alone.

“I find life is too short to be embarrassed by colors and slightly different lengths of fabrics,” Karn said simply.

“I wish I could live as open as you,” Silver said evenly and Karn didn’t try to be an asshole and pretend Silver could just be ‘more confident’ in himself. He didn’t tell Silver to be confident either. Silver’s case could literally get him murdered if he showed his face in the wrong town.

No amount of courage would save Silver from a mob.

“Just stick with Hazzy and Essy and me. We’re distracting enough so you can be left alone,” Karn suggested.

“You are all... quite colorful,” Silver said with a slight hint of amusement.

Karn just winked back.

The group came to a stop as the hallway opened to a large chamber that had to be the deepest part of the second floor. A large chasm separated one side from another and only a narrow stone path connected the two sides.

Each wall showed a massive carved mural that was lit up by various glowing mushrooms.

One side was that woman again, Delta, that had been seen around the Dungeon before; she had her hands grasped and her eyes seemed oddly animated for a wall. The other was a teen boy that Karn was pretty sure hadn’t been seen anywhere else in the Dungeon.

“Grumpy looking git,” Karn said as the teen had blue hues painted about him and was glaring at the entrance as if hating them on principle.

A sign was ominously waiting for them, the first one they had seen in a while.

‘When she is awake, the shadows follow and obey; when she sleeps, the hornets stir. He gives pains and she accepts it. Watch closely.’

“Karn, take the lead and watch for wires or traps on the bridge,” Hazhur said as he pulled a rope out of the bag he carried with him, tying it to one of the pillars of the doorway arch they had come in.

“Not enough rope to tie everyone together so you all better be ready to grab it if the bridge goes,” he warned.

“I don’t think it will. The sign speaks of ‘hornets’. That seems more like an incoming threat,” Estal pointed out and Karn agreed with her.

Once they were ready, Karn slowly stepped onto the bridge and began to move in a painfully slow manner as he scouted for any obvious signs of tampering on the bridge. The room was quiet, but they all soon heard something... unnerving.

Grinding stone.

“The eyes!” Hazhur snapped and Karn saw the mural of Delta was moving, her eyes were being rotated around on some disc to replace her open eyes with soft closed ones.

“Should we run?” Estal demanded.

“Don’t... move,” Karn warned as dozens upon dozens of tiny little wooden blowpipes emerged from the mural of the teen boy, but they didn’t fire. The mural of the teen... its eyes had moved, landing squarely on them.

Seconds past and Karn could hear Estal groaning.

“I have...an itch,” she whispered, shaking.

“Resist,” Hazhur warned her quietly as they all stood like statues.

“It’s between my nose and eyes,” Estal hissed back. There was a tense moment before Delta’s eyes swung back around to open and the blowpipes vanished as if scared of being caught by the mural.

“Yes!” Estal cried, going to town on her face with one hand.

“Move!” Hazhur said and they took five more steps before the eyes once more swung about. They passed this easily enough and Karn was beginning to think this wouldn’t be so bad.

They took some more steps and the grinding stone came again. Karn stopped, but Hazhur grunted in surprise.

“Wha-” Karn began and something hit him on the side, making him wince, but he resisted the urge to grasp at the place where the blunted dart had smacked him. It hadn’t pierced, but it had enough force behind it to likely already be forming a bruise.

Karn looked up to see Delta’s eyes had closed and her stone hand had been raised to her lips as if to shush them.

He desperately wanted to look behind him, but those blowpipes in the corner of his eye were... dangerous.

On top of that... he could hear something else that was new. It was a lot like wood moving over stone, but Karn couldn’t see what it was and turning his head was not possible until the statue moved again.

“Karn!” Estal cried out and that was followed by her screeching which caused her to be hit by a second volley that sounded like it nearly sent her over the edge... that was until Silver moved, his odd metal feet shifting to likely catch her; but he didn’t cry out when the darts hit themselves on his body, some of them sounding like they hit metal.

Karn understood what Estal had been trying to warn him about. A long wooden pole playfully nudged his body as if teasing to push him over, but it pulled back after a moment.

That had been to make his team break position rather than actually push Karn over and it had worked.

Great, the little demons had mind games mixed into this demented test.

The statue returned to neutral position and the team pushed on, but they were cut short just before making it. They all carefully watched the statue for changes and first the eyes rotated, indicating they shouldn’t be seen moving, then she covered her mouth to indicate they shouldn’t make a sound... and then she did one final thing that made them all recoil internally.

The statue’s hand moved its remaining hand to her throat as if clutching it.

Karn instantly felt his lungs burn at the sudden halting to something they considered important; his breathing. Did Estal just exhale when the statue moved? Did Silver need more air or less?

The burning grew sharper as the statue didn’t move after five seconds.

Six... was Hazhur choking or was Karn imagining it?

Seven. Estal likely had never been quiet for so long.

Eight...

Just as Karn was about to gasp at the eleven second mark, the statue moved back to normal and the entire group gasped in lungfuls of air.

“This place sucks!” Estal wheezed.

They finally crossed the bridge and Estal let out some tribal war cry.

“Can’t stop us!” she laughed and a second later, Delta’s entire statue moved, rearranging it so she had her entire back to them.

“Estal. We need to go back that way,” Hazhur said calmly.

“Y-Yeah...”

“And now we’re not allowed to breathe, be seen moving or make a sound on the way back,” he continued.

“I got that...”

“Could you have ‘got that’ thirty seconds ago?” he insisted. Estal huffed.

“I have barrier magic, we’ll just need to group close cause I don’t have... length so much as thickness,” she said, a little feebly.

“I don’t mind either, just go at your own pace,” Karn said helpfully and she glared at him, looking remarkably like her cousin at that moment.

“We could go one at a time with you. A group can be daunting if your magic isn’t up for it,” Silver suggested and Estal turned her glare onto him next.

“Men,” she said with a dark tone and stomped off.

“Don’t go too far, don’t want you to barrier by yourself,” Hazhur said dryly.

“Jump in the pit!” she yelled back.

Silver, Karn, and Hazhur all shared a look that might have been amusement at Estal’s expense before they quickly followed her; just in case she did need actual protection.

This place was... unpredictable.

---

Haldi hummed as he moved the large mirror out of the closet, removing the old musty sheet that covered it.

“Ah, self-love machine?” Seth asked and Haldi stared at him, not understanding.

“A mirror,” Quiss translated before narrowing his eyes at the thing.

“A communications mirror?” he guessed and Haldi grinned, showing his missing tooth.

“Exactly! I’ll just give Oppy a little ring since he should still have its pair somewhere. If he answers is another question, but let’s not plan too far ahead. I’ll forget and wander off to make more cheese,” Haldi warned as he set the mirror up in a good spot.

“Is the mirror like... a phone?” Alpha asked and Seth decided to answer him.

“Mirror is like... instant paper that shows face. Only one and one can be paired, like worm house,” he said and Alpha seemed to understand the man.

Bless the boy, Haldi couldn’t get any sense out of Seth.

“Come again?” Haldi asked bluntly.

“He means like a letter that’s instant but also shows your face, but only two can work together, like two openings of a tunnel,” Alpha explained and Seth beamed at him.

“Basically. Oppy and I had these mirrors bonded when we still tolerated each other. He mostly used them to boss me around or brag about his achievements so I ended up doodling on the glass to give him mustaches or wigs. Great thing is that they usually think it's just smudges on their side,” Haldi snickered.

“I thought if we avoided telling the Archmage who just usurped him for the longest time that would be the best way we could avoid being murdered,” Quiss pointed out a bit tersely.

“You could try, but trust me, you need to handle your problems head on and with some good food in your stomach. These things are magic and magic won’t be ignored,” Haldi instructed as he adjusted the gems around the frame to a certain direction, increasing how receptive it was.

He was silently pleased to see it work again since when Durence had... done something... the village had lost most of its mana in a deadzone; so most magical items lost their powers because... of reasons...

Haldi didn’t dwell on the ‘reasons’. Too risky.

His heart still ached at the name of his missing teammate. Durence loved trying his cheese, but that didn’t matter now, because he could feel his ‘memories’ trying to reach for more memories and those would reach for more then those memories would find...

‘Those’ memories.

The mirror flickered for a moment showing it was powering on. Haldi gladly took the distraction as he was struggling to keep his mind off events.

He tapped the mirror as it seemed to be flickering with orange ripples for a moment.

Then his call was answered by the much older and yet... familiar face of his brother.

“Hello, Oppy,” Haldi said softly. The face that stared back at him looked far too supple and put together for Haldi’s older brother’s actual age. The mirror still showed a ghostly reflection of Haldi that overlaid Opopal’s face, showing where Haldi had wrinkles and deep crow feet on his weathered face, Opopal’s face looked like someone twenty years their junior with healthy glow and silverish hair that flowed like ghostly moonlight while Haldi’s was wispy and barely combed over.

Opopal’s robes looked elegant even if they weren’t the famous Archmage robes he was known for. They looked like they were made from creature’s so rare and put together by mastercraft tailors that half of Durence wouldn’t be able to afford the cleaning bill if it ever got dirty. Haldi’s patchwork shirt was frayed at the sleeves and had gone from an off-white to aging yellow with the stains of old cheeses giving it an appearance like a map.

“Haldirian... this is... unannounced,” Opopal said finally and off to the side, Quiss mouthed the name ‘Haldirian’ to himself in surprise. Haldi supposed the lad had always just known him as ‘Haldi the harmless cheesemaker’.

“Alright, Oppy?” Haldi asked and his brother’s face darkened like a storm.

“Archmage Opopal, if you would,” the mirror said, less of a request and more of a command.

“Sure, Oppy. Anywho, I thought I’d check up on my brother since the we last spoke ended a bit abruptly,” Haldi said brightly, smiling to show his gap tooth which made his brother’s lips pull back in obvious judgment.

This made his brother snap, with anger coating every word as he leaned in close enough to fog his side of the mirror.

“Abrupt? Abrupt?! You, that mouth demon, and the huntress invaded the capital and threatened the king with death, you rained enough cheese down on the town that my tower needed to be completely rebuilt in the years that followed! Even worse, I have to bear the shame of being related to such a criminal to this day!” Opopal roared, the mirror shaking with violent magical energy.

Haldi just blinked and without missing a beat, shrugged.

“I was angry with your king. I’m still a little peeved off at him, but listen, your tower was ugly. I did you a favor,” he said kindly.

“Listen, I don’t have time for your antics. What do you want? Last I heard, you and your fellow circus clowns were condemned to a Mana-Void land and left to die and spare the Kingdom of you all,” the mage said flippantly as he reached for paperwork, doing work as if Haldi was only worth a fraction of his attention compared to the massive ‘job’ of running the local mage tower in the capital.

Haldi frowned.

“You didn’t even check on me? I mean, I was stuck being a little... mana-deprived, but you didn’t check on me once?” he asked, a little hurt creeping into his voice and Opopal raised his eyes to stare right into Haldi’s.

“I did us both a kindness and presumed you dead,” he said coldly. Haldi inhaled once then just smiled; locking that painful statement away until the boys left his hut. Alpha didn’t need to see an old man shed a tear when he was relying on Haldi to bring him some comfort.

“Very well, if you want to put manners and niceties aside, I’ll be blunt. Opopal TalentDragon-” Haldi drew himself to his full height and the old remodeled church he had turned into his home seemed to inhale as if Haldi was drawing on the space itself.

The man in the mirror drew back, surprised.

“I, Haldirian TheBigCheese, bar you from my territory as an individual; the power of my thrice name dominating your double title,” he thundered. Opopal spluttered as if he hadn’t been challenged like this since they were both boys.

“I am the Archmage! Such rules don’t bind me! I go where magical issues arise! Not that I would visit your pig farm hovel!” Opopal screamed, eyes bulging.

Haldi leaned in, channeling a piece of the hurt Opopal made him feel into a gleeful smile.

“Oh? Then you’ll summon the Archmage staff or robes for me to check, hm? I can be so forgetful in my ‘hovel’,” Haldi said, voice dripping acid like molten cheese.

They stared at each other and Haldi watched that gleam enter Opopal’s eye; the clever intellect that allowed Haldi’s brother to become as powerful as parts of the royal court.

“You know.”

The tone was both furious and... triumphant. Haldi didn’t look to the side, at Alpha.

“I do. And you won’t come sniffing here for answers. It’s called karma and I think you should start looking for a new job title. Maybe try for Assistant-to-the-Archmage?” Haldi crossed his arms as his brother drummed his fingers for a moment.

“I won’t lower myself to demand an answer. I know you are stubborn as you are foolish. You have no clue what you’ve invited,” Opopal warned darkly, his youthful face flushed.

“Nothing because you won’t admit what you lost and people won’t come here for something they’re confident hasn’t left the capital,” Haldi pointed out and he frowned when Opopal laughed without mirth.

“Again, this is why you may be a powerful wizard, but you are a terrible wiseman. The title of Archmage isn’t just clothes and a staff. It’s a fragment of magic itself, latching on to the strongest or worthiest magic-user to announce their name. Do you think it isn’t desired by forces so vile that I could barely leave my tower without facing attacks?” the ex-Archmage sneered.

“I’ve faced things I had to purge my memory of. Your magic-addicts don’t worry me,” Haldi said confidently, shooting Alpha a wink.

“Fool. You know nothing... nothing of magic. But... you are correct. I won’t be announcing where this new ‘archmage’ may be found,” Opopal announced with a scowl before he smoothed down his expression.

“I warned you long ago before you sought to fight this enemy ‘within’ that another danger lurked within this world. Ignore me now as you did then, but I won’t continue to draw their attention any longer. I’ll be destroying this mirror after this,” Opopal said with a flat tone and Haldi tried not to bite his lip and ask what happened to them.

Had magic torn them apart so badly?

“Goodbye, Oppy,” Haldi said quietly. The man paused then turned away.

“Goodbye, Hally,” the man said and the image cracked violently, distorting the image into a dozen fractures before it spluttered and the mirror exploded outwards.

Haldi raised a hand to his cheek, coming away with his two fingers covered in redness, his cheek cut by a shard of glass.

“One world threat at a time,” he sighed and turned brightly to his guest.

“We should be all good now! He won’t bother you,” he told Alpha with his best jolly tone. He touched his cheek and a thin film of cheese spread like fungus over the cut, bubbling before it peeled away to reveal slightly pale but unblemished skin.

“What was he talking about? The danger he talked about?” Quiss asked, suspicious and Seth just gave him a deeply concerned look.

“Oh, nothing major,” Haldi promised as he pulled out platters of cheese to distract them from his next words.

“Just that magic may have come into existence by luring a god into this world and shredding it into ingredients that ended up making the first magic-users near the beginning of humanity’s history,” Haldi said with a snort.

“Morbid, but how is that dangerous?” Quiss asked as Alpha looked down at his hands with wide-eyes.

“Just Oppy buys into this old myth passed down the various Mage Towers,” Haldi said, trying to stress how he didn’t buy into it given everything he had seen.

“Pieces of this ‘god’ are bigger than others and certain cultists want to reunite it and worship it as an icon. So they want to kill all the Archmages in the world and take their titles into one person,” Haldi said before he plucked a particularly juicy piece of cheese on a stick for himself.

“Cultists?” Alpha echoed.

“Well, the first magic users kind of ‘borrowed’ that god from the actual people who believed in it. I don’t know anything more because Oppy was kind of ranting and raving when he told me this years ago,” Haldi shrugged; he had been more keen with dealing with the... uh... thing he wasn’t supposed to remember.

“Trust me, it won’t come back to bite us,” Haldi said, confident and his three guests shared a worried look.

---

Across the lands, through the dark woods and past swamps of dark bubbling ooze and dirt, a ruinous castle rose up through skeletal trees. Against the moonlit sky, the castle looked precariously lopsided and tired.

Deep within, many sublevels into the cold ground, a pair of red eyes opened inside a bedroom. It sat up slowly, feeling the changes in the gentle balance of magic.

“...” she said, nothing more than a release of air escaping her throat, but it was enough to ignite the various torches around the room and awaken the still form in the corner of the room. The woman in the rocking chair that had been cobwebbed and coated over in dust stood up, smoothing down her servant’s clothes that looked like a mix of purples, whites and a black tight corset around her waist that allowed a white apron to flow down gently.

There was a series of clicks and grinding gears before the maid righted herself and managed to smile.

“Lady Altnis, are you finally a-a-a-a-awake?” the woman shuddered as her voice seemed to grind to a stop for a moment before clearing up.

The young girl in the bed slowly turned to the woman, her red eyes turning pink and milky in the light, betraying her inability to see.

“...” she breathed, moving her hands slowly in a one-handed series of gestures.

“Yes, my lady. I am functional,” the maid bowed, making sure to make her clothes brush against each other to let her girl know what she was doing.

More gestures and the girl sat up in her bed, barely a slip of a girl, but the paleness of skin and stillness of her movement betrayed her unnatural existence.

More gestures.

“Truly? A fragment is finally exposed?” the maid said with excitement and the Altnis signed more.

“I shall wake the castle. Your loyal friend, Snugglebuns, remains at your side always,” the maid smiled, revealing a slightly stitched mouth and black ears that blended into her black hair as if swept back.

The girl turned, flailing her hands in utter embarrassment. The maid merely hummed.

“Twas the name you gave me as a young girl! How could I discard such a name, but as you command. Your loyal maid, Snug, is here for you! Snugglebuns in secret!” she clapped her hands, her wrists turned like locks in a machine.

Before, Lady Sarah Von Altnis sagged as if exasperated and began to edge towards the end of her bed.

It was time for the last heir of Magic to return their God to right!