The World Has Become Kinder to Her

If it were Theodore, he would have easily noticed what emotions she was harboring.  

After all, it was that man who had witnessed her first suicide attempt and found her unconscious body.  

— “Since you’ve died once, think of this as living your second life.”  

She had once thought those words, cold as they were, were his way of offering comfort. Unfortunately, they had become a harsh reality. But this second life wasn’t proving to be much easier either.  

The sudden shift in how people treated her, no matter how much she tried to think positively, constantly grated on her nerves, and the ever-growing number of mysteries felt like they were tightening a noose around her neck.  

— “When your mind gets too chaotic to control, occupy yourself with work. Or come to me. At least that way, you’ll be freed from unnecessary thoughts for a few hours.”  

Theodore had a talent for making nonsense sound like ordinary advice.  

In truth, when she was pushed to the brink, his words were tempting. And every time she embraced her misery and kissed him without any charm or seduction, Theodore had never once rejected her.  

Of course, once the storm of emotions calmed and her body ached from their night together, regret would come crashing down like the tide.  

He would watch her, smiling quietly as she clawed at her hair in frustration, then offer her a cup of tea to ease the pain.  

— “If you had just taken it easy from the start, none of this would’ve happened. Isn’t it inefficient?”  

— “I’ve told you repeatedly, don’t expect rationality in bed.”  

— “Why don’t people see this side of you?”  

— “Because they only see what they want to, and I only show them what I want them to see.”  

At that moment, Lotus had wanted to ask:  

*How much do you intend to show me? How much more are you going to reveal to torment me?*  

“My head hurts…”  

Why does my brother always have to stir things up? After a small confrontation with Hession, Lotus had locked herself in her room, curled up on her bed for hours.  

She had gone through the trouble of borrowing and buying books, but tonight, she had no motivation to read. It was one of those nights when, whether she wanted to or not, her mind would sink into a swamp of thoughts.  

That swamp was the most treacherous in the world, one she couldn’t escape from alone.  

Her thoughts spiraled on their own, and anxiety flung open the doors to memories she wished would stay shut.  

When she pushed away the memories of people who had hurt her, what naturally came to the surface were memories involving Frederick or Theodore—something she could do nothing about.  

After all, those two had been with her longer than her own family before she died.  

Arrogant and sly Frederick. Cold and calculating Theodore.  

She had thought of them that way, but the more she recalled her memories with them, the more confused she became.  

Was it because memories tend to get idealized over time?  

Or was it because seeing Frederick cry and kneel yesterday had been so shocking?  

*Maybe…*  

Was she now seeking comfort?  

What was she hoping to gain by clinging to these few beautiful memories?  

The sharp questions stung.  

*Because living beings are selfish and contradictory? I wanted to die, but deep down, I still wanted to live? Because I didn’t want to hurt anymore? Because I missed the brief moments of peace and warmth I felt today?*  

This inner dialogue, faint as it was, left her feeling even smaller.  

She couldn’t understand why her mood and physical condition had suddenly deteriorated like this. Where had this fatigue, turmoil, and anxiety come from?  

*I had lunch with Kenneth, went to the bookstore but didn’t find a book, then headed to the Imperial Library, where I ran into Lord Hycen. Kenneth had started acting strangely right before we met him.*  

And, and…  

Her thoughts stopped there, likely because she didn’t want to think any further. But how long could she avoid the answers?  

*The shield spell doesn’t just activate on its own.*  

Not unless a mage heightened their sensitivity.  

Lotus wasn’t as knowledgeable as a mage, but she knew a fair amount about magic, thanks to one of her former lovers who had been the master of the magic tower. It would be embarrassing to remain ignorant.  

It wasn’t just her, but anyone who looked at Rikheus would have seen that all he did was grab her wrist. But surely there was more to it.  

That’s why the shield had sensed danger and activated.  

*Was it a subtle type of magic? But Lord Hycen isn’t a mage… is he?*  

Could it be that he possessed a magical item or perhaps knew how to use sorcery?  

Unlike mages, who needed an innate talent for manipulating mana, sorcery required only some skill, practice, and a strong will.  

Lotus herself had some knowledge of sorcery, as Theodore was a highly skilled sorcerer, though he kept that talent hidden from the public.  

In the past, she had even learned a few spells from him, though she rarely used them due to the severe headaches that followed.  

*What is Lord Hycen hiding?*  

Recalling the mixture of excitement and unease she felt around Rikheus only deepened Lotus’s confusion.  

*You say you like him, so why can’t you fully trust him?*  

A voice that resembled her own quietly asked.  

Perhaps it was because she had never truly been loved that she didn’t know how to properly love someone else.  

*Or…*  

Was it possible that what she felt for Rikheus wasn’t love from the start? If so, how pitiful her situation was.  

After all, it was the mistaken belief that she loved him that had driven her to attempt suicide.  

The concept of love, which had always been difficult for her to grasp, now seemed utterly worthless in an instant.  

*This is the worst.*  

Though the windows were tightly shut and the room was perfectly heated, Lotus felt cold. Even pulling the blanket up to her shoulders didn’t seem to help.  

Perhaps it wasn’t her body that was cold, but her heart. But the heart had no blanket to shield it.  

Negative thoughts spiraled endlessly, and she couldn’t break free of them.  

It even felt as though someone was urging and encouraging these thoughts. Just as this unsettling feeling crept in, there was a light knock on the window.  

“…!”  

Why had he come at this hour?  

It felt like a scene from the past playing out again.  

Lotus debated whether to let Frederick, who was floating just outside her window, in or not.  

Half of her wanted to avoid dealing with him in her current state, while the other half reminded her that if she didn’t let him in now, she might never get another chance to speak with him alone.  

[Lotus, just for a moment. Please.]  

Glowing letters appeared on the window and then faded away.  

Their eyes met through the glass. Strangely, Frederick’s silver eyes held a different light from what she remembered.  

The arrogance and confidence that once resided there had disappeared, replaced by a desperate longing that didn’t suit him at all.  

“You really have a poor ability to learn, my lord,” she sighed, opening the window.  

As Frederick entered, a gust of cool air followed him, carrying a faint, crisp scent.  

“What brings you here at such a late hour?”  

“I have something to give you.”  

From his coat, Frederick pulled out a slender bracelet with a large green gem in the center.  

At first glance, it looked like an emerald, but upon closer inspection, both its shape and color were different.  

Having seen something similar in the past, Lotus immediately recognized what it was.  

*This is a bracelet made from a high-grade mana stone.* Why was he giving something like this to her?  

“I refuse…”  

“You won’t refuse? Good decision. Let me put it on for you.”  

Once again, Frederick did as he pleased.  

Lotus sighed, wondering whether she should toss the bracelet out the window.  

Then again, given that it was a piece of jewelry Frederick had brought, it probably wouldn’t break from a fall, not from the third floor. It was likely enchanted, at the very least.  

Before she could react, Frederick swiftly fastened the bracelet around her wrist.  

“Do you like it?”  

“…”  

“To be honest, I wanted to make it into a brooch instead.”  

Frederick chuckled softly, though his laughter felt different this time. It sounded more like a sob. There was a strange intensity behind it.  

Even before the word “brooch” was mentioned, Lotus’s heart had started to tremble.  

“But then I realized there was a problem. You can only pin a brooch to clothing or objects. If you didn’t make an effort, I wouldn’t always be able to keep it close to you. So, I thought of another piece of jewelry. Something you could wear all the time without it being too much of a bother.”  

“Lord Abran!”

“A shield spell and a binding spell are engraved into the bracelet. Unless a mage far more skilled than I am comes along, no one will be able to remove it from you,” Frederick said.  

“…Please don’t do this.”  

At Lotus’s clear refusal, his expression hardened.  

She could see the hurt in his silver eyes, which trembled as if wounded.  

“Why? Is it too much for you to accept?”  

The familiar words that slipped from Frederick’s mouth pierced her heart.  

It was the exact phrase she had used in the letter she left with the mana stone brooch in preparation for her death.  

“Or do you think it deserves a more worthy owner, someone greater than you?”  

His voice, though tinged with a smile, carried no warmth. His lips were curled upward, but his eyes were devoid of laughter.  

“Frederick…” Lotus called his name, her voice trembling.  

At the sound of his name, a glimmer of joy flickered in his silver eyes. Blinking a few times as if overcome with emotion, he whispered sweetly.  

“Yes, Loti.”  

The nickname he had once been the only one to use.  

In that moment, Lotus realized with certainty—Frederick, like her, had returned to the past.  

She had wondered about it, but this wasn’t how she wanted to find out.  

Frederick, too, was now certain that Lotus had also experienced the regression. Finally, the reality that he had reunited with her began to sink in, and a storm of emotions welled up in his chest.  

Confusion, longing, resentment, affection, joy. But above all, satisfaction dominated his heart.  

Lotus was now close to him, almost as if in his embrace.  

“How… how did this happen?” Lotus asked.  

“When a person struggles as if their life depends on it, be it a curse or a miracle, things can happen.”  

Frederick lifted her wrist and kissed the mana stone embedded in the bracelet, then kissed the back of her hand.  

The places where his lips had touched felt warm.  

“I fought desperately to see you again. And as soon as I returned, I started making this. I wanted to do it right this time. So I wouldn’t lose you in vain again.”  

Lotus’s expression was filled with confusion and discomfort.  

Yes, she had made that same face when he handed her the brooch in the past. Somehow, seeing it again now brought him a strange sense of joy, and a gentle smile spread across his face.  

That was his last memory.  

The process of refining a mana stone, which should have taken over a month, had been compressed into just a few days.  

Frederick had pushed himself to the brink, physically, magically, and mentally.  

He had only appeared stable because of the intense determination and tension that kept him going.  

Had it not been for Salia’s assistance when he needed to expend large amounts of power, he likely would have died in vain.  

Ah, but it’ll be fine, at least for now, he thought.  

Now that Lotus knew he had also returned to the past, and after hearing her call him by his name as she once had, Frederick finally allowed himself to relax.  

And with that release, the most powerful slumber imaginable overwhelmed him.