The Simpsons: Bart

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***

**Becky Shorter**

- Ali, will you go to Lisa's? - turned to her desk mate.

- Yeah, you? - I have a choice. I've got midterms coming up.

Today Lisa had gathered all the girls she'd been in contact with since she was a little girl and asked them to come and visit her. It's no exaggeration to say no one was very enthusiastic.

Lisa's not a bad girl, we've been friends since we were kids..... Or something like that. She just can't be tolerated sometimes! She always thinks she's the most correct and perfect, and she belittles everyone else!

She calls everyone a hypocrite when we're out on the farm petting the chickens. We eat meat, so we shouldn't like animals or find them cute! She rolls her eyes when someone starts talking about boys. I just want to shout in her face:

'I'm sorry we don't want to put in every conversation that our planet is going to have a second ice age, or global warming, or climate change, or some new threat that scientists without names warn us about!'

Her reaction to talking about make-up or clothes is just priceless..... Though after a certain point, the incomprehensible mixture of sighing and snarling gets tiresome. And why does she think she's any better than anyone else? Worth a handsome guy appears in town, then Lisa's lower jaw is among the first on the floor.

In general, Lisa annoys everyone. That's why she has no real friends. Naturally, in her opinion, we're all just not on her intellectual level, so we can't be friends with her. But seriously, I'd rather spend an evening with a guy playing some stupid game on Sonox or whatever these consoles are called than spend an evening with Lisa! But...

- Haa. I'm getting a new phone for my A's....

.....

- Allison, where did you get that cardigan? - the good thing we had company today, besides Lisa and me, was Alison and Jenny. - Becky, are you making another video for the blog?

- No. Not for the blog, I don't do that sort of thing! - Not yet, anyway. I'm just shooting videos on my phone and then practising editing so I can try something in the future.

Alison is friends with Lisa from time to time. She doesn't need her help with her studies, so of all the friends, she's the most real to Lisa. Although she is annoyed that Alison is a year younger than her, but in the same class, and that she is much more talented than Lisa at playing the saxophone. Basically Lisa's pinched ego becomes a problem for their friendship. And then there comes a stage where Alison starts hanging out with others and bullying Lisa, then Alison eventually becomes ashamed, she apologises, they become friends again and the circle starts again.

Jenny is simple-minded, and is friends with Lisa more out of inertia. If she gets a chance to hang out with someone cooler, she'll take it. Also, I started to think a long time ago that Jenny has a soft spot for Milhouse, which is why she's trying to keep her rival close.

Basically, my motivation is not that far from my suspicions about Jenny. Really instead of Milhouse, I've always liked her older brother, Bart. I remember the day I was made to kiss him and he ran away from me, but I still got mine. The girls laughed and raved about how I dared to kiss Lisa's nasty brother, but what did they know about guys?

Bart's like that. He's so-- He's so cool. So opinionated! He knows what he wants out of life! And he definitely knows what you want out of life!

.....

- There's a new music video out, BTM, Han Sang-hyun, so cute in it! - while Lisa went out to get snacks and drinks, us girls were girls.

- Why don't the guys at school look after themselves? - muttered Jenny, BTM's biggest fan.

- Because they think the smell of sweat and last night's wank makes them look manlier. - Waved Alison's hand while the other covered her mouth in laughter.

- Ewwww... What boys are disgusting! - Jenny grimaced.

- And I don't mind the smell of sweat. - I'll probably even choose it over the option of someone too perfumed. - What's a wank? Do guys like throwing darts that much?

- You're a year older and you don't know, hee-hee. - I'm sorry I'm not as smart as some people.

- By the way, it's really only boys who dart balls at the seaside in the summer..... - a sudden insight from Jenny got Alison thinking. I guess I'll never know what the word 'wank' means. Well, it probably means something along the lines of ambergris. Then it must mean that blokes have some kind of special secretion?! Ewww.

- Having fun? - Lisa entered the room with a tray and a sour face.

- So, what are you doing here, Liz? - Taking a bottle of green tea, Alison got straight to the point. That's what it means to be an independent woman. Independent of extra tasks...

- Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me angry. - clenched her teeth, almost hissed Lisa. - Can you imagine...

.....

Lisa told me about another one of Bart's pranks on her. He decided to pretend to be a nice guy from Britain online, and started flirting with Lisa. She's still figuring out what he's up to, but she's sure Bart's not going to be any good.

I don't share her position, and I think Bart may have been trying to get to know his sister better, or to teach her that she shouldn't trust strangers online. Well, if it was just a simple prank, what should you expect from a bad guy like Bart, especially ... Before he spots the one who can fix him?

- How'd you fall for that? - While Lisa's story made me and Jenny think about who we were friends with online, Alison was amused.

- Well. He pretended so well, so skilfully... - Lisa averted her gaze as she began to straighten out her pointy ends.

- Oh, I see. Well, the picture that he chose, let me see? - With a sly smile, Taylor covered her mouth again to keep from laughing out loud.

- You... I knew I shouldn't have called you!

- Liz, calm down, okay? - Jenny intervened, I'm having a biscuit during all the cheesing, it's quite tasty. - So what do you want from us? What's the payback plan?

- Tit for tat. One of you will make a loser fall in love with you!

- Barta, ewww. - was Jenny's first reaction.

- Your brother's sophomore slump-buster? - the prospect confused Allison, too.

- ... - I sat in silence.

- Okay, no protesting! - Isn't Lisa a liberal? Don't they support the freedom to protest? It's kind of weird if that's the case. - I've helped you study, how many times?

- Not once. - while Jenny and I averted our eyes to the floor, Alison calmly gave Lisa a straight look.

- Whoo! I knew I shouldn't have invited you.

- You're repeating yourself, Liz. All right, I'm in. Maybe it'll be fun. Especially planning what we're gonna do with him.

- Huh? I was just planning on one of you creating a fake account to seduce him. - Not quite sure where Alison was going with this, Lisa looked confused.

- This is gonna be boring. And it doesn't really work with guys. No, one of us has to be his girlfriend.

- Ali, do you like Bart? He's so dirty. - Jenny said with some disgust.

- No,' Taylor said, as calmly as I could ever be. - I mean, wouldn't it be fun if we, you know. Make him wear normal clothes?

- Or shower every day?!

- Or even make him study?! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

The girls laughed, and I tried with them. But it was hard, because I think they're being too hard on Bart. He doesn't look like a slob, he has his own style, and grades aren't everything in life.

- Okay, I like it. All right, draw lots. - Lisa pulled a pack of cards from the table. - The one with the lowest card will be the victim, hee hee.

- Ughhhh. - Jenny drew the king, which practically guaranteed her a flop.

- Uh-oh. - I had to act disappointed when I drew the four of clubs.

- Bad luck, Becky, first you had to kiss him, and now you're dating him, so in a couple of years you'll be married to him after the hen party. - Lisa squinted at me while Jenny and Alison laughed at me.

Marry Bart? I'm sure we'll spend our honeymoon on a romantic ride on his motorbike, all the way across the country..... Oh, Bart, he never wears a helmet, but he'll make me!

- Well, and purely for the sake of confirming a fact, I.... - Alison pulled out the card with a grin to her ears, and as soon as she turned it with her shirt on the floor, the smiles disappeared from Alison's and my face, while Jenny and Lisa opposite laughed at Taylor and her double of diamonds.

- Phew, saved, eh, Becky? - Jenny punched me in the shoulder.

- Uh-huh... - why her and not me?

- I don't want to! - As if spitting, Alison stuck out her tongue in a protest forbidden in Lisa's room.

- You pulled the card, so you must! - Lisa hurried to nip the protest in the bud. I wonder if she herself wouldn't have protested if she had been in Alison's shoes and Bart Milhouse's.

- But I don't want to! He's stupid and fat and he probably stinks! - Hey! He's not like that!

- Those were the terms! You owe it to me to help me get back at Bart for playing with my feelings!

- Okay, okay, I get it. - Allison stood up with obvious irritation and before she could go across the room, she said. - You'll see, I'm going to make Bart into such a guy that even you, Lisa, will be looking at him.

- What?! - which made the lady of the room freeze with her mouth hanging open.

- Ha ha ha ha! - Jenny laughed.

- ... - I remained silent, hoping Bart would say no. I bet he would, wouldn't he? He has to.

-Five minutes later-

- Well, Liz, meet your brother's new girlfriend.

Bart, how could you?! What about our babies, Charles and Sabrina?!

- My brother could be seduced by a tree if he wore a dress. - somehow Lisa didn't seem very happy either.

- Well, I'm gonna head back. After all, being a maiden in love, I can't live a second away from my beloved. - Allison said playfully, pressing her palms to her heart.

.....

After Bart carried me out of the fire in his arms like a prince from a fairy tale. I realised I couldn't let Lisa and Alison play on his feelings any longer, or hide mine. So editing a clip from the video I had left over from my forgotten camera, I headed over to his house after school.

- Oh, hello, are you Lisa's friend Becky? - His mum opened the door, as always, with a kind smile on her beautiful face.

- Ah Bart, home? - Clutching the straps of my briefcase, I could barely keep my legs from running away, so much I was getting stressed out.

I might actually start dating Bart today! Sure, I'll hurt him first, but I'm sure I'll have the strength to heal his wounds ... Unless I panic at the last minute, of course.