The Simpsons: Bart

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***

**Lisa Simpson**

Today our family is going on an extraordinary trip. This time just to Texas, to visit suddenly, as is usually the case, relatives on Dad's side of the family. Uncle Herb, maybe? I haven't heard from him in a while.

- Bart, let's go! - came Maggie's whining voice from inside the house.

And even though I said we were going as a family. Bart's allowed to stay home and rest after the wrestling competition. He's allowed, but I, who'm on a scholarship for my academic performance, can't! Where is justice in this world?!

Why should I be surprised? Parents have always been more interested in athletic achievements than mental ones. That's why someone is given all the freedom he would not wish, and others have to try without rewards.....

Well, except for the ones I got at science fairs, competitions or Olympiads.

- Lisa!' my father shouted behind me, fiddling with the boot. - I took your saxophone out of the workshop a fortnight ago!

Dad followed with sweat on his forehead from carrying the suitcases and pulled out my saxophone, which looked almost as good as new. I ran my fingers along my old friend before taking it from Dad's hands.

This month I had a free day. I didn't feel like walking in the countryside, walking with anyone is ridiculous, so I just slept a bit more, and surfed social media reading the news. After updating the blog of a plant rescue charity, I put my smartphone away.

A saxophone caught my eye. For fifteen minutes I struggled with laziness, but eventually decided to play it for a while. It had been two, maybe three years since I'd done much music. I'd never gotten round to it. The source of the pounding on the wall had evaporated, though, so you could play as much as you wanted.

When I picked up the saxophone, I noticed a problem with the bow - it was barely holding on. It would have been a tragedy for me as a child, but I was relieved.

- Maggie, leave your brother alone! - as I was carrying the saxophone, Mum walked past me carrying Maggie in her arms. She needs both hands now, and it seems like a while ago.....

- But I want him to go too! - Meggie, on the other hand, was in tears, which is hardly befitting her age.

As I walked past, I noticed the door to Bart's room was ajar. Involuntarily, I peeked inside. Bart was shaking his head with a smile on his face and then on his forehead, his t-shirt was also damp, I think he had gone for a run before we left.

- Girls are all over me.... - crunching his neck, Bart gave a smug chuckle. What happened next was...

- Hmm.

That made me jump up and down and swallow my tongue. Bart took off his T-shirt. His body, though it looked like a teenager's, was clearly marked by muscles. They weren't in perfect relief everywhere, but it was worth it to pick up a clean T-shirt and pull his stomach in....

I could see the abs, the broad arms, and the lush, masculine breasts. The morning sun was beating down on his back, making the drops of sweat glisten and the shadow of his shoulder blades and the hollows of his muscles look clearer than ever.

- Stop!' Bart's sharp voice almost made me drop the saxophone. - If they were leaving now, why would I want to get my clean T-shirt dirty? The bathroom would be completely empty.

Bart abruptly threw the black T-shirt back into the shelf..... Yes, 'into,' for neatness was not the same as 'put it back on the shelf.' He waved his fringes, grabbed the edge of his shorts, and....

- I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything.... - I whispered a mantra, and I ran briskly into my room.

- Huh? Where are my knickers?! - when Bart's voice came from behind the wall as he apparently looked down. - I just took them off with my shorts, because I was scared.

Okay, nothing I haven't seen on the internet before, I certainly haven't seen now. So I'm gonna calm my raging respiration and--

- On the other hand, since no-one's going to be in the house any time soon, I might as well go without knickers. - Please don't!

After waiting for Bart to go to the bathroom, I was able to peel myself off the wall and breathe evenly. Although my breathing didn't last...

- Ah.

I should have noticed That the corner that used to be occupied by the saxophone was no longer vacant. There were materials for college essays, various reference books and other literature, which, surprisingly, can not be found on the Internet.

Throwing a glance around, that place was never to be found. All the corners, shelves, and wardrobe were crammed exactly to the point where chaos would ensue. The only way I could fit the saxophone in and still keep things tidy was to put it second to last.

- I... Me...

Somehow, on my own, I realised that I was fourteen. That I was growing up. And that the time had come when I had grown out of something far more meaningful than clothes. Probably the same way I felt at about three years old, about five years old, when my favourite t-shirt stopped fitting and had to be thrown out.

I pressed myself against the saxophone and tears came to my eyes at the shared memories. It was as if I had relived all the time I had spent studying, as if I had played every tune over and over again, as if all that fatigue had come over me again.

Stiffening my heart, I took the saxophone down to the basement. I sighed. I took my smartphone out of my jean shorts pocket and opened one of the books.

- Lisa, hurry up! - Pushing me along, my father was already not only humming, but half out the window.

Afraid that this would again end with a call to the locksmith, I sprinted outside, only catching a glimpse of the top of the stairs, where...

- I'm sexy, and i know it~

Bart was dancing in sunglasses with a smartphone in his hands and headphones in his ears, and he was dancing with no clothes on.

- Go! - I jumped in the car, breathing heavily.

- Lisa, why are you red? Are you sick? - which made my mum turn to me with concern.

- Who wears short shorts? We do not wears short shorts~

- I'm fine, hurry up! - I mumbled as I heard my brother's fake singing approaching.

.....

It was a long drive, but it wasn't without the stereotypical Simpsons adventures-

- Aah! A snake got in my trousers! - However, when we stopped to pee in the middle of the desert, my dad had to run around screaming.

Speaking of snakes. Why was Bart acting like a child today? Who, even at our age, would dance without underwear? What's the fun in that? Bart's not going to grow up?

- Haaah.

Sometimes I envy him. Nothing seems to get through his hard head. Staying a sophomore year? Nothing. Expelled from school? Nothing. Injured in a competition? Nothing.

- Liz, what are you doing? - Maggie turned her head to me.

While Dad ran through the desert, the Simpson family of women sat on the bonnet of the car, covered ourselves with a blanket, and watched the best view the desert had to offer: the sunrise.

- So, thinking about Bart. - turned to Maggie with a smile.

- Mrgghm... I'm sorry your brother couldn't make the trip. - Mum said wistfully.

Even though his relationship with Mom wasn't the best, Bart didn't seem to care. Not to mention his relationship with me. I wouldn't be surprised if Bart was happy that we didn't see each other much. Let alone talk to each other.

Not to say our relationship has ever been smooth sailing. But we used to both play together and talk about all sorts of things that were, because of our age, interesting to us. I guess in some ways, as a kid, Bart was my closest friend. Not the kind of friend who was necessarily fun to be with, but the kind who would come to the rescue.... Maybe that's just how family works.

- Marge. - as a tired father walked back to the car with his head down. - I realise it's not my birthday, but you have to suck out the poison..... Please?

- Ewww! - as my mind pictured something disgusting.

- Homer! Not in front of the kids! - Mum covered Maggie's ears, who didn't understand but found it hilarious. - Haaah. I'll do it all when we get there.

- Yahuuuuuu~! - Throwing his hands up to the sky, Homer shouted.

- Ewwwww!!! - my own abomination eliminator went so high that I jumped off the bonnet and back into the car.

- Lisa, stop. - Dad yelled at me. - I have a new pet for you. - Dad took a snake out of his trousers. - His name is Shipyaka, and he is on his way to the position of head pet in the house.

As dad stood still and stroked the snake under his snout, I could swear I felt the way mum rolled her eyes.

.....

- Ah... How are you doing there Sizzle? - Mum eventually made my dad leave the snake in the desert. Which brought tears to the corners of his big eyes.

In fact, Bart reminds me of my dad with his toughness. Dad's always doing something weird, something that makes him, and often the whole family, laugh.

I've seen Dad angry, I've seen him sad after my grandparents died, I've seen him happy when the plane Aunt Petty and Selma were on went down. The good news was that they were in that strange all-male tribe in the jungle that sang them like goddesses....

But no one ever wanted to touch them. Eventually, they became the last straw in the tribe's path to a complete change of orientation. As a liberal, I'm truly grateful for that.

Getting back to my father, I never saw him.... What would you call that feeling? Anxious? I never saw him reflect on his limitations, imposed by both Mother's nature and society. He, like Bart, always goes on with a smile on his face and an open heart.

- Dad, I'm sorry. - while everyone was asleep, I spoke to my father. Because from his behaviour, it's easy to fall into the delusion that his life is simple and there are no significant problems in it.

- Why, sweetheart? - Not knowing what I was talking about, my father glanced in the rear-view mirror. And before I could answer, his eyebrows lowered. - If this has anything to do with the boy. Do you remember our rules about talking about boys?

- Yeah. Don't start them where there aren't guns or baseball bats around. - rolled my eyes and answered. Which made me wonder something. - Does Bart have the same rules for girls?

- Ha ha ha. Honey, what kind of father chases his son's girlfriend with a bat in his hand? - with a smile that gave me goosebumps. - It is the mothers job, and even after marriage, to make her life hell.

- Mrgghm... - Mum made a distinctive mooing noise through her sleep.

Apparently, that's why his parents are turning a blind eye to Bart having a girlfriend. with whom he could currently be doing--

- Mrggh! - This time, the characteristic mooing came out of me.