The Seeker | Volume 2

Paxton had hesitantly agreed to let us keep the cat on the basis that it would solely remain outside. Since the brown cat had remained with me all day, it was pretty clingy and refused to let go of me until the nighttime, meaning I had to spend most of the day outside playing with it and petting it even if I didn't want to.

When I entered the house and the cat fled under the porch I saw Mrs. Usagiyama and Admiral Kaelin had entered the house, carrying 2 arm loads of groceries brought from the market. They both had their collars over their noses, for the smell of canned fish was really pungent. 

"I assume this is for dinner?" I asked as I entered Paxton's kitchen and glanced at the bags. Inside, I only saw some iron tools that they had purchased for the ship's maintenance, some canned fish, some bread, and a clear gallon filled to the brim with fresh water.

"Yeah, it is. Paxton's wife didn't feel like making anything tonight since last night's meal exhausted her." Usagiyama replied.

She took out two slices of bread and the canned fish before opening the lid with her sheer arm strength alone! She spread the canned fish over the bread, making a sandwich. 

"It's cheap, but it's good. Being at sea taught me that." she said with some food in her mouth. 

She suddenly turned her head and looked outside the window, noticing the brown cat that had peeked out its head. 

"I saw you playing with that cat earlier." She said, looking at the feline that gazed back at her in curiosity.

"Yeah, I was. I like cats, I've always enjoyed their company." I replied as I made myself a canned fish sandwich. 

Admiral Kaelin, who had remained silent as he bit into his sandwich, finally spoke. "I once had a cat."

"You did?"

The white haired man nodded. "A white one, it's name was crystal. She was my number one companion through the waves. But she died due to old age; it's unfortunate, but it's the cycle of all living things."

I nodded in understanding. When I was younger I'd always collect the small insects and spiders I'd find outside, keeping them inside of small jars. But I didn't know I had to poke air holes in them, so they all ended up dying, making me sad for the next hour to two.

Upon remembering that, I chuckled self deprecating upon realizing my fatal mistake. "Sometimes, it's you that can make the cycle repeat."

"Mmm?" Admiral Kaelin made a noise of confusion due to all the food in his mouth. 

"I always kept bugs and stuff, but I didn't poke air holes, so they suffocated." I explained with a dry chuckle. 

"Well, at least you correct your mistakes, some people can't do that easily." Admiral Kaelin's eyes suddenly softened as his lips twitched downward.

"It was in the past. If I can learn to forgive myself you can too. I've killed a person once, remember?" My voice slowly softened as I spoke. Admiral Kaelin looked back at me and sighed. 

"I know, kid. It's just that those people all had families to run home to. They all had someone to lean on, someone to love, someone to tell them they're not alone."

I suddenly felt a different emotion upon hearing Admiral Kaelin's words. Who was he to guess someone else's living conditions? "You don't know that for sure…"

I tried to hide my small anger, but I guess the lack of warmth in my voice set him off. His eyes widened suddenly and his lips curled back, revealing his rows of yellow teeth, his face resembled that of a snarl.

"I do! You don't know batshit about my life! Fighting in a war, killing innocent people who were probably dragged into this by their hometowns for the sake of fighting, knowing their families are probably still grieving years later! You don't know anything about what that does to a person, do you?!" Admiral Kaelin yelled.

"...I've become a monster. Here I am, keeping people under my ship and torturing them. I don't even care about that damn charm anymore, they can keep it for all I care." 

I saw a few tears run down his face. He suddenly uncurled his left hand and revealed a gnarly burn mark, his wrinkly skin charred iron black. 

"I tried to feel something other than that sensation of murder, so I held onto a barrel of a gun right after someone had fired it until one of my men had to pry it off."

The Admirals voice was hushed and shaky as he recalled the painful moments that had occurred. 

After a few moments of contemplation I hesitantly spoke up, hoping not to tug on anymore heart-strings.

"You don't have to feel that anymore. They may all be dead, but they're probably in a better place now. I was told once that you shouldn't care about anything lower then you, but I decided not to fucking listen to those words. Just because you're an Admiral doesn't mean all of the men you kill are nothing but tools for their country, they're just like you…they all want to be forgiven for the blood they shed. You need to let go, accept they're in a better place, damn it!"

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. Those dreams I had all taught me that humans are not powerful in the face of a god and that anyone above them has the right to trample over them and crush their enemies. But even if I was destined to be a force of nature, the one who would destroy the world, I refuse to not look at a person and say that they're cared about!

Upon hearing my words, Admiral Kaelin fell silent for a brief period. His eyes softened gradually as he wiped the tears from them. He then looked towards me while taking a shaky and deep breath. 

"Are you sure?" He asked. It felt weird having to assure an elderly man that those he killed were in a better place, and that they wouldn't suffer due to his actions as an Admiral in the war. 

"Yes, they are. Trust me." I replied, my voice deadpan while also soft and gentle. It was like talking to an injured puppy, coaxing it into comfort. Admiral Kaelin's expression suddenly lost its look of sadness, but he didn't smile. Instead, they widened and he opened his mouth slightly, but he was unable to find the correct words.

"I'm not a monster…I'm not a monster." 

I listened to Admiral Kaelin affirm to himself, and I couldn't help but smile slightly. While Mrs. Usagiyama's expression was one of concern, she also had a small smile on her face as she watched Admiral Kaelin come to accept this face about himself, that it wasn't his fault, and that he truly wasn't an evil person.

…

The captain of the boat had announced that they'd been in the Katshin Empire tomorrow, and Shinso couldn't help but feel a deep pang of relief upon hearing that statement. He had left his room and walked onto the new empty dock. He could hear the chatter of nobles inside the ship's main lobby, but he didn't pay it much mind.

Aizawa, who had just woken up from a nap, walked onto the deck and approached Shinso who was watching the waves slowly ebb away at the hull of the ship. 

"You alright?" he asked, placing a careful hand on his shoulder. 

The indigo haired boy nodded indiscernibly, his expression indifferent as he watched the water. Upon seeing this, Aizawa sat down on the edge of the ship and met Shinso's sunken eyes.

"I can tell you're not feeling good." He said softly, a tiny pang of concern on his face, quite the rare sight.

"No, it's not because I'm seasick. I'm just concerned about him, Aizawa…" Shinso said, his voice solemn while also containing a rational amount of deep worry.

"I don't know where he is. He just set off on his own without letting us know!" 

Upon hearing Shinso's medial amount of distress, he blinked slowly in contemplation while rubbing his eyes.

"I know, it's pretty out of character for him to do such a thing. But trust me, he's smart and good at thinking, if he's out there he'll most likely know we're coming." Aizawa reassured Shinso.

"Are you sure? In this world we've fought demi-gods, flesh monsters, numerous secret cults. Who knows what Isaac could be getting himself into?!" Shinso exasperated. 

Aizawa knew exactly why Shinso would be feeling this way. Aizawa ran a cautious hand through Shinso's tufts of hair, feeling the small knots against his fingers.

"Trust me, Shinso. If we've gotten nearly two months in this world without dying, I assure you we could survive here until we find a way to return back home, ok?"

"...but what if we don't get home? We don't have any leads?" Shinso's voice suddenly took a dreadful turn. 

Upon hearing Shinso's question, Aizawa suddenly felt a pang in his stomach. What if they never actually got home? Aizawa would never be able to teach again, who knows how long they've been away from home? It could have been days, weeks, months, what if everyone forgot about them?

"Just trust me, Shinso. That's all we can do at the moment…" Aizawa said in a reassuring voice.

Shinso looked up from the waves, meeting Aizawa's gaze which had softened slightly.

"I think that girl's softening you, heh." Shinso joked.

Aizawa's cheeks suddenly flushed a little, but he quickly dismissed the rush of anxiety. 

"Shut up."