The Salvatore Saga, Part Four: My new Life

That heat had been brutal, and I had not recovered it fully, but I pulled myself back together as I walked back to the house, where now everyone was normal and happy. Mariella was all healed up, and I guess Damon had something to do with it. Mimosa and Shadow sat on Adam's and Charles's laps, so I was not going in there either.

It was again time for lessons and consequences, as I could see. Both of them were meant for me, but I did not know why. Has it been just his drunken state or what? But our relationship took a big hit from this. I kept my side of our bond extremely tight, not letting anything go to Damon and not even looking at him. 

My rage was on enough so everyone could see it, yet no one tried to soothe me or even talk to me. I felt like I did not belong to this pack at all. I went to smell my coffee. Then to the fridge to find something to eat. I selected my meals, not caring what I was supposed to eat as I was pregnant and with multiple litters, that I could feel too. No one wanted to care for me as the princess had been traumatized by this heat and somehow I got the idea that it had been all my fault. 

I kept everything inside me. It was time for me not to react, not yet or not with these. I could smell pheromones clearly enough. I was still triple-alpha. I had my abilities. I would do this alone as always and then, after this, it would be time to give a few lessons for this pack.

Not one, Salvatore stood up and tried to give me food. All were next to Mariella, talking to her, stroking her, giving her treats, and such. Never mind, I would not react. Let them be a happy family for I care. I could do this by myself as well. It was good to get again this reality check once the shock of my nonexistence had blown over, that nothing had changed in this pack.

I knew I was pregnant. This would take only four weeks and litters would be many, many, but they would not be big, not even a hundred. Damon had told me that. I was fertile enough so I would probably have litters for a year or longer, but let's be breeders then, at least we would be busy and doing something. 

At least my cubs will love me and I will find my nest, and give my cubs certain pheromones, to make sure that they know who loves and cares for them. Let a pack of lions have their kittens. This alpha jaguar will care for her own.

This was supposed to be a long breeding season and no mega litters for anyone, only nice tidy, ones that everyone could care and we would care for them always that eight weeks. Four weeks indoors and four weeks outdoors. Our previous cubs would come to help them, but Pack was helping with the smaller ones.

Let's just see what kind of breeding season this will be. It was a good thing that litter size was small, meaning I could cope as it was pretty probable that I would not get much support with my litter as the other three females would need all the men to themselves, but I could manage. I would manage. 

I had my five. I could ask them to stop by from time to time. And then I would have someone. Those five, well, they are very protective of me and I have no idea what they would do. 

This was just one more breeding season, well our perfect time of having those babies had ended up because of that freaking infection on Mariella and Mimosa, so my babies were put to sleep too. So no one was pregnant. While those two were whisked away, of course, no other place than the Irish castle, and they spent there six weeks. Mimosa told me it took a week to get that infection out, but they had to fuck.

And when they returned, it was again the same thing, Damon all over Mariella and me being air to him. When I am trying to live in a pack, I get raped into heat and here I am pregnant and good, but it is all good. I can do this. It was obvious that the cubs did not get my feelings or did not respond to them as those babies had, well it is what it is and I go with the flow. No need to think about what I am doing or not as I try just to live and be pregnant. 

We moved into a Spanish castle, which had been the pack's possession during those seven years and I had not been here even though I had been back for years. The fact was we had so many houses that there had been no time to visit them all. Damon informed me in a bitter voice in mind that there were no hiding places for me in that castle, no nests to make my den. I did not reply, not at all.

A few days went by, and I got my support thankfully in the form of Charles. he had been attuned to me and he had been ashamed about his cruelty towards me I forgave him, told him what happened and he protected me but soon noticed that I was not okay so to speak. I was fucked up, or my alpha side was at least. I did not let him touch me at first; I flinched away, and it had taken some serious effort from him to get me tame enough for him to wrap himself around me for the first time. 

Charles had been with me, now a few days, trying to see that I wanted to eat again, my alpha side came to the surface and every single dish that Damon had done or planned for me, tasted bad or bland and I did not want to eat it. Charles had to be creative because I would need my strength and fitness. But he found suitable foods for me. He had to get my body to stay calm enough. Now it was not a good time to get an allergy for number one. He had his rage on as well, and he was furious for number one. 

He just made his twist on those meals, changing them into his creations, and they were quite tasty. He was patient with me and knew that despite litters being small, there was a whole lot of them inside me, each of them sapping my fitness and strength if the need arose, so I needed to keep fit and eat like a horse. Or a pack of wild horses at least, but fatty meat with Charles's touch. 

He was close to me. I was again the one most important to him and he snapped angrily a few times at wolves when they tried to get him. He was not letting me go just yet. He sensed my distress, my fucked up state. He was trying to help me, as much as possible.

This had all been one big whirlwind. I mean, I stopped existing. For god's sake, I was no more. Only the desperation of number four had given him an idea of how to get me back. Though it had been number one who had done it, he had also programmed and abused me when I was not in good shape.

That led me to be sedated for months in feeding while the pack kept heat and bred me in there, too. I was glad that I had reserves, but I had had a bond with those babies and it had been a bitter thing for me to let them go.

I told this and everything else to Charles, and confessed to him how much it had hurt me when those babies were put back to sleep. He understood me fully, did not judge, did not demand me to be strong but let me feel my feelings, and told me that everything gonna be okay someday and he was there for me. 

He kept me in his arms, getting me to sleep now and then. Purring at me, sheltering me. He was there with me.

On top of everything else, number four was now my Damon, but he was the same and then again, he was not. Mariella wanted to have him too, so she tried to take him. I had gotten little time with him. Number one being a jealous bastard and seeing number four biggest threat that there is, well, nothing I can do about that now. Number four is unstable. He loved me, he truly did, but I had seen him punishing Mariella during the heat quite damn brutally, teaching her he did not belong to her.

A day later, I walked all over the castle, looking at different rooms and places to be. I was not looking for a birthing room just yet, not wanting yet another war. Damon had so much to deal with whole my nonexistence and what happened and that drove him to Mariella. I stopped and looked at my palm. No scar.

He had truly done the impossible and taken a vampiric divorce from me, and I had no way of knowing how I felt about it, one thing it was one thing that separated us even more, he was now free to do it officially with Mariella and be happy with her. But then again, it meant that I was free, too. To marry a vampiric way, even Charles. I was not yet even thinking about it. 

He had also ripped the flank organ out of me, my collar, and took everything from my chakras away, so there was not one chakra burned in place. All of my chakras were free and hiding, and my magic symbol was gone too, he had truly ripped himself free of me and there was a huge rift between us ad chakras were one thing that we use to connect to each other and we had done that for years, but me, not anymore. Sure, I might be able to call one of my chakras to meet one of Charles's, but not all of them. 

I was just looking place to be; I had found rooms there and here, where I had spent my time, alone as usual but I was searching for something else, just because Mariella had again released a veritable sea of pheromones meant to make everyone worship her as she was super hormonal so I had a hard headache because those pheromones stank to my nose. My cubs did not like them either, and it seemed that they were meant to get rid of me. Push me away so I would not be with anyone. Jealous much?

Charles had been gone to see her too, and I did not blame him. They were hormonal needy females jealous as hell and I just thought that this was just a universe fuck to my face. I needed to get my attitude in place so there would not be this nagging feeling of loneliness in my soul, this feeling of drifting and not belonging at all. I needed to be strong, not this miserable, lonely, creature who was not sure what I felt or if was I capable of feeling anything true. Was my soul crushed one time too many?

I ended up making a nest on the roof; I had hamster storage and my other storage that had been linked here to an enormous canopy. I put it up onto the roof, brought the bed, and tables, and made a good place to be there. Read, relax, and try to rest these less than three weeks that I had left. I felt lonely and miserable. So I called just for fun Wulfe and it did not take long for my five to come to see me.

I talked with my five. They had been so happy that I was existing and we had had no time to meet up properly so I set up in my canopy some room and tables, got food, and invited them to chat and see each other. Colin checked me over. He was very worried about me, as usual, but he was now also king of elves, so he had his duties, too. 

I told them about the heat, about the programming and that was something that set them all off more or less, I was their leader, their very important person, and how Damon had treated me was not acceptable to any of them, not even Colin and he was glad that Damon had taken vampire divorce from me, and ripped out the flank organ and my electric collar too.

He checked me out and Wulfe did some sort of magical check-up on my chakras to see that they weren't damaged at all and it felt so damn good when someone took care of me. Again, my old feelings of this being a weakness threatened to surface, and it took quite a lot of time for my five to get my mind to accept help here and there. That need for others, my need to be taken care of, is not a weakness. It is strength, and it gives you and those who care for you a lot. 

 I had less than three weeks left as this pregnancy was four weeks and it had been a little over a week. The roof was a good place to be. My five visited me for hours and then they had to leave, duties call, and everything else too. They knew Salvatore might get upset if they stayed too long. Even Magnum would have been more than happy to keep me in his arms, making me sleep, and Wulfe as well.

I knew I had a lot of litters inside me, so this would go on for quite some time, but I was prepared for it. It was good to breed, even though the heat had been the worst that I have ever had. If you are talking about those heats that had naturally, not forced on me. 

Once again, I was all alone, but I kept myself from feeling it because cubs are more sensitive, and Damon is an idiot. I did not want to flank or some other means of restraint if cubs would alert him on the radar. I once again suppressed my emotions so I could have a decent time and not lie sedated and restrained in medbay. 

This was just my life, all over again and I did not know what would have to change in order for something really change in my life. Maybe it was just that I was not supposed to be changing. I was chaos. I would bring change, but not like it myself. Talk about complicated. 

Days had gone by. I had read, eaten, and enjoyed myself in my canopy. I was getting fuller by the day and felt movements already. They liked I purred for them and they got upset too when I went inside to have more food or drink. Those pheromones irritated them, too. I had to be fast when I was inside. Those pheromones were stronger by the day. It was not anymore headache but nausea as well what they did to me.

I was doing what needed to be done to protect my cubs and myself, too. Few weeks left to be pregnant and then I would get to focus on my litters and being a mother once again. And I would need no one else. It would be time for me and my cubs.