The Regressed NoBody

I felt as if nature was under my command. I felt I could do anything. I was a quadra-elemental mage—a hunter—, I could command all four elements to however I wanted. To shape them in whatever thing I needed.

And they willingly complied to my whims, to make them whatever I want.

I was a being who had defied the laws of this world, by regressing back in time, done by some mysterious phenomenon at play, I had reversed the wheels of time, and had now also come to influence it. I could also separate myself from the bounds of time, which none were able to perform, except myself. My existence was something akin to an anomaly—just like how Laurena Lianard had said to me in our conversation.

I was different. I was not weak anymore. Is this how ‘he’ must have felt? I thought drunk on the euphoric relief of this power, as more adrenaline rushed through my veins making me feel absolute.

So much power, and arrogance which flourished through that dominating strength to end my opponents. That I alone was the one being which matter in this vast universe.

That except for me, everyone and everything held no meaning and value. They were just meaningless ripples formed in the vast sea of power. They were lesser beings, mere insects, miserable wretches.

Don’t return to your old ways. Suddenly, the distant words of Laurena—the seer—began to echo inside my head. It was like a hollow discreet howl made out of pure desperation by my body and mind rejecting Ruler’s Authority's allure and destructiveness. To free me from it as a last ditch act.

Through those words, my mind was stirred away from the impulse of my malicious thoughts, as a crumbling image of Jihye projected into my head. In it, she held my hand, firm and gently, her hand had felt so warm back than, which made me feel protective and contentment, as she dragged me across the street with a warm smile over her face. Back then I hadn’t know what my sister was going through. She put a warm smile to hide her pains and condition, even from me. I felt a sudden and weird warmth envelope me as my lips quivered from the vertigo of recalling the memory.

I felt weak for some reason, despite knowing I was strong. The mana and demonic energy hailed and revered my strength by shimmering and sending ripples through the air, as if singing my praise.

What was some strength worth, if I couldn’t protect the people I loved? I didn’t even have the power to undo what Jihye was going through, and yet I deemed myself strong.

I was pathetic. I felt miserable. My thoughts felt weak to me, Ruler’s Authority dimmed as my mana flickered and wisped away from it. I willed for the deactivation of it, for it to fall dormant, but the skill still tried to keep itself alive and working, rejecting my command.

My arms trembled as I clenched them into white knuckled fists, as my veins bulged, until I felt something viscous drip and smear the palms of my hands.

I knew this was wrong. I could tell the right from wrong. My mind was still fighting against the malice shrouding my senses. The burning fury and desire to bring forth the absolute annihilation of my enemies. I held the desire to win, I wanted to end my enemies until nothing of them was left. Even at my own cost and wellbeing. My own life!

Even if I needed to burn the whole world down to ash to do so, if that was what was necessary and meant I could finally win and protect the people I cared and loved.

I would do it, as many times as it took.

Is this really the answer you're looking for? The outcome you want? A world where you—...

A distant voice so much like my own said at the back of my head which left me annoyed and frowning. My head throbbed with an unimaginable headache. The sorrow and empathy laced in those words felt alien to me as the veil of apathy shrouding me slowly tore apart, but which made my heart to hurt.

They were own thoughts, but being pushed back by a wall of apathy created by Ruler’s Authority and my own growing hunger for more power and destruction.

I felt the temples of my head contort as a painful frown appeared on my face.

Shivers ran wildly around my body, my vision blurred, the fatigue and pain I had been trying to supress for long, finally began to shroud my body and left me weak in my bones.

My breathing grew hard and rough. A headache caught up to my head as I bit my lower lip until it drew blood.

I felt like electricity had struck my mind as I plummeted to my knees, a hoarse scream leaving my mouth as it shook the air like thunder.

I wrapped my hands around my head, my blood staining my palms as my body shivered uncontrollably. Ruler’s Authority was rejecting my will, but each nerve and muscle of my body rebelled against it.

I felt my body could break down as my mind could shatter any minute.

I screamed again, my mana working and fighting to take control, to dismiss the skill and its power provided by the insight.

My body winced, blood dripped from my nose as I felt nauseous. I couldn’t hold my own thoughts, my mind crumbled away, so did the memories which were projected in it. My heart beated like a drum, each beat caught in my throat, as if my heart could jump out of my chest.

But suddenly, the headache grew more harsh and deadly, as the skill stirred and winced from my own rejection. It roared like some ferocious beast to not fall dormant, it fought back, my entire body burned as my mana forcefully made way to the skill.

Then unknown images started to play inside my mind, like a blank canvas taking form. They were distant, hollow and foreign to me, but at the same time, undeniably, a part which made me, ‘Me’.

It was like a maelstrom was raging inside my head, threatening to destroy me. I felt my head was about to burst as my veins popped and I gritted my teeth. My breathing becoming unsteady and rough as I rested my forehead against the cool and moist muddy land.

Soon I was able to decipher those images as they started to fall in place and queue. Starting first as an unsteady and distorted image of a young man, no older than twenty five years old with his features slightly blurred.

But I was still able to make out of his slightly blurry face. I had seen him somewhere before, he was someone I knew, but didn’t. He had short brunette hair which framed his sharp and masculine features, with his dark eyes burning and shining with a fatherly love and warmth in them, which instilled complicated emotions in my heart.

Were these my own or...?

He was walking toward me in that image, or memories, with each slow step he covered, his figure cleared up and I saw the face of the man I had seen several months ago through the shared memories of this body—‘Jiwoo’.

His face and mine now shared a very clear resemblance to each other.

He picked me up in his arms and held me in his tight, yet gentle and caring embrace as he gave me a peck on the forehead. The memories making my head throb as I felt like it could burst.

In that image, Jiwoo—the real one—giggled like the child he was, I felt like I was the one who had done it instead of him, like I had been the one to live through that moment instead of him, being held with such care and protectiveness.

His father held him in his hands and looked down with a bright and caring smile. I felt warm for some reason, as the raging storm within me dimmed momentarily.

Then the scenery shifted like paints running on a blank canvas, another image played inside my head as my breath staggered and groaned, in it, Jiwoo was now much older but still a petit boy, standing in front of a mirror with an innocent face full of curiosity and wonder, trying to tie a tie, but to no avail, until a silhouette of a woman crossed from the entrance of the room and appeared right behind him—no me.

The woman’s features were blurred, but her outward demeanour was relaxed and her hand reached up and she stroke her chin with a blurry but bright smirk playing on her plum lips.

Long glossy black hair which absorbed and reflected the light of the lamp casted on one side of the mirror. In the mirror I saw the woman’s reflection, and the first thing I recognised was a pair of beautiful chest-nut eyes which made me frown as a torrent of unknown emotions shrouded my heart and all my senses.

I ran my fingers unsteadily through my long ruffled hair, as the headache became worse and unbearable. The woman reminded me so much of Jihye, her bright cheeks, her beautiful white skin, her long and glistering hair and those shiny dark eyes which looked at me with a familial love and care, but different from that of a sibling. Something more.

A love which was different, something which felt alien to me even now as it was projected to me. A kind of protectiveness and warmth which I had never experienced first hand, was being displayed on the woman’s face as it cleared up slowly, making some knot to form inside my stomach.

Jiwoo—no, I said something to her, and in response, her red lips parted and she chuckled lightly with an innocent smile on her face, the simple gesture making me feel protected and warm yet complicated. I-I, no Jiwoo, tried to make an angry face, but instead he looked adorable, as the woman placed a hand over my head and ruffled my hair as she bent down to take the tie from my childish hands—no, Jiwoo’s hands and started to show him how to tie it. Slowly, I wasn’t able to make the difference between Jiwoo’s memories and mine, as if the curtain and subtle barrier which separated us from each other disappeared, as if two canvases were becoming one as they merged together; like the two sides of a coin. As if the things I wanted to learn, some answers I needed about this boy were being answered slowly by these shared memories. As if layers were being slowly peeled off to release these sealed memories to me. The memory filled me with a warmth which I could have never felt or experienced before. A mother’s warmth, her love and care. Jiwoo’s emotions from back then were projected to me as vividly as if they were my own.

I’d never knew what motherly love felt like. I felt tears started to well in my eyes as the backdrop shifted again, making me sick and my inside to lurch as I felt I could lose consciousness at any moment.

It was too much to bare, all of it at once.

But seeing that woman—Jiwoo's mother—made me feel some kind of subtle emotion which I didn’t knew I had. It was a type of yearning I still held inside my heart, but never told anyone and tried to hide even from myself. It was a desire I was never able to fulfil.

I never knew who my own mother was, and this woman was Jiwoo’s mother, not mine. But why did this memory awoke such desperation within me? It was like I felt some connection much deeper and intricate with this memory than any other.

These memories were too vivid. I could even recall all of the sounds, smell or tastes of the things projected to me. The vertigo of suddenly moving from one image to another left me weak and vulnerable.

Now Jiwoo stood inside a dimly lit lounge, Jihye sitting atop a couch placed there with a picture frame tightly pressed against her chest. There was some incense burning in the house, which left a bitter sweet smell in the air. The strong and confident girl I had once seen, who always had a smile over her face, had a kind of sombreness and gloom around her which aroused some kind of melancholy which pinched my heart.

Her hair was dishevelled and dark circles prominent under her eyes as they looked swollen and red, but soon again, tears welled down her face. Her lips looked dry and both of her arms covered in bandages with her skin exposed purple through the narrow gaps.

It looked as if she hadn’t eaten or drank anything properly since a few days.

Why was Jihye crying? I thought through the migraine which made me barely able to focus on anything else. But my concern for my sister bled through my face, even though it was just a memory, just a projection of the past, something that had happened so long ago, I knew this concern I had was my own, not some lingering effects of this body—‘Jiwoo’s’. I needed it to end, I wanted it to, but the memories kept on flooding into my head like a storm raging uncontrollably. My mind felt stagnant, not able to process the information fed to me. I felt stuck.

All my thoughts were all over the place. I wasn’t able to think straight as I held my head tighter and more firmly.

With each shift my heart felt weaker—felt like glass, that it could shatter with the simplest push, into millions of pieces.

Then the image or memory distorted as Jihye stood with her legs trembling, she staggered on her first step as the picture frame fell to the floor and the glass encased around it shattered as the wooden frame broke apart.

My gaze went to the picture held inside the frame, and it was a beautiful and happy family of four. Jihye, her parents and Jiwoo, standing with their backs facing a beach with bright smiling faces, like any normal family out there.

I heard a low and quivering noise and turned to face the child Jihye, her face was covered by a grim expression of loathing and sorrow as her body shivered. Tears streamed down her childish face as she looked at me with her dark eyes, filled with desperation, sorrow, anger and hatred. It was a mixture of all of them.

Why are you looking at me like that? Jihye, why?

I weakly thought, my body shuddered as I dragged my face into the mud further, trying to subdue this pain and agony I was going through.

My moans filled the air as I grunted several curses through each breath, fiddling my bloodied fingers through my head, trying my best to appease this pain and agony I was experiencing.

Jihye spat something through gritted teeth and clenched hands, and the moment I heard those words and recalled Jiwoo’s memory, I felt like I had been struck by thunder, each cell inside my head rebelled as if to protect me from the malevolent power of Ruler’s Authority threatening to consume me the weaker I got.

But I held control and the battle continued. I wanted to reject all of those words, but they were just memories, and a certain truth which couldn't be changed as much as I wanted to reject it, grow ignorant of it.

Jihye was looking at me like I was some monster. This fourteen year old girl, who had barley reached her teenage was looking at me as if I was some monster spun out of some child's nightmare.

I’d seen that gaze and expression so many time that I can’t even account to, even if I saw it now from someone I wouldn’t bat an eye, from enemies who fell before, allies whom I worked with for a short time, but I felt my heart tearing apart as I saw Jihye looking at me with those same, loathsome eyes.

Please, don’t! I begged, trying to push them away even if I knew these were just memories of the past, I couldn’t.

“I hope you die.” I felt something inside me on the verge of shattering as I heard the childish voice roar through my mind, which held so much animosity and apprehension for me.

What....?? Tears welled down my face as low quivering noises released my mouth. I didn’t know what else to do. Just why?

Just what happened in the past that made Jihye act like this? Why did she say something like that? Jihye would never say that. Was this even my Jihye? My sister? It wasn’t some trick my mind was playing on me at this moment.

No, Jihye would never say that. As if to reject reality, I pushed that memory away, but it repulsed and pushed back even harder.

My body felt numb now. I couldn’t take it anymore. The fight between Jihye and Jiwoo continued, but Jiwoo didn’t say a word, only silent tears ran down his petit face which looked sombre and dark. The barely old enough boy kept listening quietly, letting his sister vent out all of her pent up emotions, sorrow and pains. Working as a wall for her sister to throw all her desperation to. He allowed the fingers of accusations to point at him as he listened with a blank expression.

Just what was happening? Why were they fighting in the first place? What was Jihye accusing Jiwoo of?

I screamed, my voice billowed and carried throughout the dark forest as my body lost strength.

Then the canvas shifted as it turned grey to colourful the blank spaces brightened as my mind lurched.

So many memories, good or bad, it was like warm to cold, then the opposite in sudden bursts as I felt my heart could shatter any moment.

But I felt like I was close to the end. With this the memories were getting over. Jiwoo’s life, his years at school, as he was bullied for being weak and an orphan, in one of them he also tried to kill himself when times got tough and he couldn’t bare with it anymore. Then I witnessed Jihye embrace his brother tightly, patting his head as Jiwoo cried, venting out all of his emotions which he had locked away, as he held his big sister. All of this boy’s memories were transmitted to me, some clear, some blurred, some blank and some only show half of what they had.

In some I witnessed him getting accepted to Lock, Jihye looking more vigorous and excited for him getting accepted than the person in question himself. His short time spent there. And then getting targeted by the bullies there as well, one such was Thomas, who had died by my hands, until the memories came to stop after a certain point, but they had stopped when they had arrived close to when I had awakened inside his body, taking the boy’s life away from him.

Then everything was a blank, I was finally able to take a breath to relax my mind, until the canvas which had been displaying those memories in a queue, tore apart as it scattered like shards of glass leaving only a gap in between, like an abysmal pit.

My mind went deeper into the black space as I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand in alert as my nape grew cold.

There I saw a very familiar sight, something I had seen months ago, a place which I was only able to witness for the briefest of time, but one which I questioned the most even now.

The bloodied battlefield, the crimson moon burning high in the sky, the smell of blood around me, and the deformed and alien land which looked the same as I had last seen it. Everything was the same as I had witnessed months ago.

I searched through the land littered with countless bodies and the two entities I had seen before were still standing there. My head throbbed as if I was getting struck in the head by some maelstrom. Their features still blurred, and auras as strong as ever, but this time I was able to bare with it.

My brows knitted as I laid eyes on a third individual standing on the battlefield alongside the entity to my left.

I narrowed my mind’s eye and laid eyes on that individual’s features. They were as clear as day, unlike the other two.

Long bright wheat blonde hair—more cream coloured than blonde—with highlights of grey mixed in them ruffled by the fierce battle, dark stains of red palpably visible on his shiny white armour cracked with crevices and fissures on several places.

His face something otherworldly, as if a professionally carved sculpture hardened through the span of time itself as his sharps features made any comparison come in pale. His face was unlike any I had seen. Despite the countless wounds visible over his body, his face displayed a sharp maturity and wisdom which struck a person with awe and reverence.

Despite his own condition looking no better than the countless corpses on the alien land, he stood firm in front of the blurred individual whose figure distorted further, as if trying to protect him.

But the most noteworthy feature I noticed was his two sublimely beautiful eyes, which burned liquid gold and radiating a shine like the morning sun, but there was an iridescent quality to them as a frown caught up to his bloodied face.

His cracked lips worked as he said something. I didn’t hear it through the rustling of the wind as I dwelled deeper, my head winced as I ground my teeth, my breath shallow and unstable.

I felt shivers run around my body as I sputtered coughs. My body burned as if it could burst from the inside out.

Just who were these people? I asked with my senses unsteady and mind hazed.

This time, the system didn’t interfere with my recollection as I dwelled deeper. There was no wall stopping me from knowing who these three were, and why was I seeing them, this whole battlefield, and my connection to all this. I wanted to know.

I came close enough, the feature of the two hazy individuals became more and more clear, but before I could see who they were I felt, no heard something shatter. I felt blood run down my mouth, nose and eyes.

A sudden warmth bloomed inside me, as if trying to protect me and pull me from my own self-destruction. It was an alien presence, something different from myself, but familiar.

But I needed to know who they were. I needed this single answer.

My vision blurred and I wasn’t able to make out of anything. My mind was hurled as I felt nauseous. And before being expelled, as the canvas fully broke apart, the last thing I saw were two pairs of eyes, one holding the every quality of the universe itself and the other a malevolent spark of crimson ready to devour and destroy anything.

“Forgive me for dragging you into this losing battle, Old Friend!” The man with the alien like eyes said—his eyes were like the night sky, star speckled—which seemed to hold the wisdom of the universe in them—the voice sounded ethereal, something so perfect and otherworldly, like a deity’s, which sent shivers through my body—to the blonde haired individual, which in response he made a saddened, yet determined expression indicating his resolve to what was to come.

Slowly the golden eyed individual’s lips parted as he spoke in a hoarse and rough voice, obviously sounding tired of the battle they supposedly had fought.

“No. It was my honour to accompany you until my last moments...” his deep and majestic voice resounded, the amount of respect I sensed through each word left be dumbstruck and contemplative about the circumstances behind this event. “But, I have hope. A hope that is yet far and distant in the future; unformed, yet some day will definitely come true. I hope, my descendent does what I couldn’t. To achieve what I had long yearned for.”

What? I mused through my headache. His words left me in a state of flabbergast, as I wasn’t able to understand the meaning behind them. Goosebumps rose over my body as I searched and tried to work my mind and understand the inclination behind his words.

With his final words, the backdrop shifted again, the colour ran dry and still, as my mind was hurtled back with enough force to make me go unconscious. The crevices in the canvas grew larger as it shattered into millions of pieces as the memories embedded on its swirled inside my head, my mind returned from witnessing so many memories and events. My inside lurched as I vomited blood.

My breathing caught up, as my mana flickered, but I felt some change occur inside me as I felt Ruler’s Authority dim, some piece I lacked before I had gained now, as the scattered pieces fell into place themselves as its impulse became weaker and more subservient to me, its rampant and frenzied power grew to accommodate my strength and growing potential, no longer trying to hold back or deny my control over it. As if the wild beast which this skill was, had finally been tamed into subservience.

And I felt like I wouldn’t lose control if I used the skill again.

It no longer rejected me. Nor felt like it would go out of control anymore.

With the last bits of energy I could muster, I pulled back all of my mana and the skill dimmed and fell dormant as I was finally able to take a breath of relief as the mountain worth of weight released from my shoulders as I plummeted to the ground as I closed my eyes and relaxed taking a long and refreshing breath.