The Princess's Feathers

“What about prey? Asha, there’s gotta be something I can do for you.”

Kuro looks down at me with warm eyes, eager for my response. I wish I could make her happy and tell her I’m hungry… she’s been trying so hard to accommodate me while I heal from Relmoon’s surprise attack. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not at all hungry. Nakino brought me a spikehorn leg after waking up this morning, which has kept my stomach full. I appreciate everything Kuro’s doing to help, but—

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Tomcat sitting past Kuro in a darkened corner of the den. She’s staring at me with a fire in her eyes, vigorously nodding up and down. If she could somehow speak telepathically to me, she would surely be yelling, ‘Asha, you featherbrain! Just say yes!’

What is Tomcat doing…?

…

Knowing she’ll be upset if I decline another offer for help, I turn back to Kuro and mumble, “Mmm, you know, I am a little bit hungry….”

“Jimabl it is!” Kuro declares, opening her wings. “I’ll be back soon with a muzzleful, okay?”

“Okay,” I nod, relieved to see Kuro’s smile return. “Thank you, Kuro.”

The soot-plumaged drakaina lowers her head, and we nuzzle. I take in the spiced scent of her feathers, allowing it to calm my frazzled nerves. Between Couple’s Night and getting ambushed by Relmoon, it feels good to be surrounded by something so familiar. Kuro pulls her head back, filled with a second wind of energy and purpose.

“Warm currents,” she speaks softly, then turns about on her talons and exits with a spring in her step.

By the cover of a heavy snow squall, we returned to the Grandfather Tree early this morning. Nakino was anxious to begin treating my wounds right away, but I was exhausted after the chaos of last night. Half-conscious and unable to keep my eyes open, I slipped past Nakino and Kuro — both engaged in an argument about something or another — to retreat to the bowels of Nakino’s den. Warmed by the interior roots of the tree, I fell into a deep slumber as I laid down. When I awoke this morning, I was treated to an astonishing sight: Nakino and Kuro, sharing a den and sleeping beside me! I could scarcely believe my eyes!

I’m not sure what happened between them as I fell asleep, but it feels good knowing my friends care so much about me.

This morning was a whirlwind of activity. As soon as he stirred from sleep, Nakino was on his talons and treating my wounds. In addition, news of Relmoon’s treachery spread fast, as a concerned Fra, Ykuvi, and Gima soon visited me. Tomcat arrived when Nakino left to triage some Dragons feeling ill, and she’s been keeping me company ever since.

With Kuro off to hunt, I have an opportunity to ask Tomcat about her behavior a few moments ago. I gaze across the den and ask, “Tomcat, why—”

“Asha, you have to stop doing this to her.”

I blink, confused by Tomcat’s abrupt change in tone. “I’m doing something to her?”

“Yes!” Tomcat exclaims, rising to her talons. “Kuro’s trying so hard, but you’re always flying one cloud ahead of her.”

Flying one cloud ahead of her…?

I sit in silence, unable to find adequate words. This has to be something important. Tomcat never acts this seriously. But what is she talking about, and what does it have to do with Kuro?

“Listen,” Tomcat says. She lays down beside me and neatly folds her wings. “I know it must be uncomfortable to think about these things. And, maybe they don’t do that in the Farlands. That’s fine! But you’re breaking her heart by refusing to acknowledge her. She deserves to know.”

“Tomcat, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“W-What?!” she stammers, almost shocked. “You mean, you really don’t know?”

“About what?”

“About Kuro’s huge crush on you?”

What.

Every feather on my body seizes. My stomach churns and freezes to ice. The moon itself stops spinning around Maki.

…Kuro has a crush on me?

“Ohhhhhhh, man,” Tomcat growls, ruffling her feathers in delight. “You didn’t know! This makes so much sense!”

“W-w-whu—“ I stutter, completely incapable of forming words. “W-what are you—”

“I thought you were just ignoring her advances on purpose! Like, maybe you didn’t wanna break her heart and tell her you aren’t interested in other drakainas? Hardly anyone is.”

What…

How… how can this be?!

“F-f-f-fr—“

Kuro… has a crush on me?

Over and over, the words repeat inside my head. Thinking back, I recall the times we were close and see them in a wholly new light: The first time we visited her den. Our fire training at Tall Spires. When she groomed my neck while I sobbed into the grass at Archer’s Landing.

She… wasn’t just being nice?

Kuro has feelings for me? Romantic ones?

‘Don’t you feel the same, Asha?’

“Frope!” The words spill like water from my muzzle. “H-how can Kuro have a crush on me?!”

Frope laughs, “She likes you, featherbrain.”

“N-no, not that,” I say, shaking my head. “I mean, Meldi said every Dragon in the flock had to take a mate and raise a family. She made a huge deal about it! But Kuro and I can’t whelp kits if we’re mated to each other!”

“Well,” Frope says, ruffling slightly. “It’s very rare, but you can go before Keuvra and ask for his permission to be mated with another drakaina.”

“You need permission?!” I squawk. “That’s barbaric!”

Frope shrugs her wings. “Those are the rules. If you can’t whelp kits, then you need to ask Keuvra. Don’t you do something similar in the Farlands?”

“Absolutely not! You can be mated to whoever you want in my Kingdom!”

Okay, okay… some Rabbits get weird when it comes to interspecies relationships. But same-sex marriage is perfectly normal in Ellyntide and always has been! To be fair to Frope, a certain part of me understands why you might need to ask for permission. I’ll never forget the pain in Bonello’s voice as he recalled how the flock gradually lost their summer hunting grounds. If you can’t raise a family, you’re diminishing the flock’s chances for survival.

Still, seeking permission to love someone… that rubs me the wrong way. I can’t accept that.

“Okay, fine,” Frope says, flattening her feathers. “But, seriously, Asha? Everyone’s noticed how affectionate Kuro acts when you’re around her. I saw it right away! Haven’t you wondered why I always flew off to find my friends? It’s because I wanted you to have some alone time with Kuro! Honestly, did you really have no idea?”

“No!” I exclaim. “I thought Kuro was being nice to me because she’s my mentor. And, um, we’re really good friends.”

“But you knew Nakino had a crush on you,” Frope says.

“Yeah, because boys are supposed to have crushes on me! And besides, I saw a pile of Kin mutually grooming each other at the last darkmoon gathering. I thought stuff like grooming and head rubs were normal in the flock!”

I was raised in the Lordanou Palace, where — needless to say — animals don’t break down in the halls to share their tongues. The customs of ferals are so different from the ones I was taught as a kit. How was I supposed to know when I landed in Felra what was normal and what wasn’t?

I continue, “Even when Kuro groomed my neck, I thought—“

“WHAT?!” Frope shrieks, squawking like a bird of prey. “Kuro groomed your neck?!”

I stare down at Frope, the power of her voice having caused my neck to rear back as far as it will go. “…Yes?”

Frope’s wings vibrate, and her tail twists like a propeller. “Asha, that’s… that’s the most romantic thing Kuro could have done to you!”

My heart collides with my chest. “R-really?”

“Listen,” she says, lowering her feathers and forcing herself to take a breath. “Grooming the body of another Dragon is just, like, a polite thing to do. I sit in those large groups sometimes, and it’s nice to get your feathers preened by somebody else. But grooming another Dragon’s neck is… it’s so romantic! It’s impossible to do it yourself, so to put your trust in someone to preen the feathers that everyone sees the most… it’s a big deal, Asha. Kuro wouldn’t have done that if she wasn’t serious about becoming your mate.”

I stare wide-eyed across the den, trying to internalize the gravity of everything Frope’s told me. For the first time, all of the strange interactions I’ve had with Kuro are beginning to make sense. “She’s been dropping hints since last season, but I’ve been blind to them because I’m a Farlander. And, well,” I chuckle inwardly. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. My first kiss was last night with Nakino.”

“Really?!’” Frope asks with genuine surprise. “You mean, you were never mated to anyone in the Farlands?”

“Frope, I was the Princess. Do you realize how important I was? I didn’t have time to chase boys.”

“Really?” she asks coyishly.

I hesitate, realizing just how obvious my lies must sound. “Alright, maybe I could have. But that’s not what I was interested in! Chasing boys, I mean. All I wanted to do was work in my garden, shower before supper, and read a book with Bro and Pro until I fell asleep.”

Frope stares at me, perplexed. “Shower…? Read a book?”

“I’ll explain it later. Look, the point I’m trying to make is that I didn’t care about that stuff. At all. So I never had the opportunity to learn about… um, being someone’s mate.”

“Well,” Frope says, stretching her talons out before her. “You have time to learn about it now. So, what do you think?” She scoots herself closer to me and lowers her voice. “How do you feel about Kuro?”

"Well,” I say, feeling the pressure of Frope’s eyes. For some reason, It’s much harder than I expected to articulate my feelings for Kuro. “I-I’ve always liked it when she’s nice to me,”

“No, not that. I mean…” Frope trails off as concern swells on her face. She pauses to gaze out the den’s entrance, and a moment later, Nakino’s voice echoes faintly off the root walls. Satisfied, Frope lowers her voice and continues, “When Kuro is being nice to you, have you ever felt anything… more?”

After a silent moment of contemplation, I think of something to say. “I like how she smells. I think about it a lot.”

“Yes, that’s something!” Frope exclaims, fluttering her wings. “Anything else?”

I stare across the den, trying to locate my feelings for Kuro. After a long pause, I release a frustrated huff. “Frope, can I ask you something?”

“Of course!”

“What do Lithans find attractive?”

“Huh?” She blinks. “You mean you don’t know?!”

“No, of course not! I only know what Farlanders find attractive, and I’m certain It’s different from Dragons.”

“Um, well,” Frope says, lowering her head to contain a smirk behind her wing. “For us Sisters, we like drakons who are confident and strong. When I’m whelping kits in frostwing, I want to know he’ll find us prey, even if he has to dig through every snowbank in the valley.”

“So, you like drakons who are muscular,” I say.

“Oh, yes. A strong pair of hindlegs are just….” Frope’s feathers ruffle, and she becomes a vibrating ball of fluff. “Ohhh!! Almighty Keuvra!”

“Oh…” I trail off, feeling downtrodden. “I don’t think I feel the same.”

“What about Nakino?” Frope asks. “Did you feel anything last night?”

It only takes a moment to locate the answer. “I don’t think I’ve ever had feelings for any Dragon.”

“Hmm...” Frope mumbles, narrowing her eyes. “Well, that’s no good!”

That’s a little weird, right? I’ve been a Dragon for almost a full season, but I’ve never been physically attracted to one. How can that be? Is something wrong with me?

It’s not like I’m unfamiliar with the feeling. When I was a Lemur, I felt all sorts of things about the women who passed through the Palace. I’ll never confide this in anyone but myself, but I had a bit of a crush on Corya, the other Ruffy who worked in the garden. She always arrived in the morning with a smile, happy and eager to work. And when there was a difficult task to perform, she never complained. She just put her head down and kept working until the job was finished. I admired that.

And the way she tied her hair back into a ponytail, leaving a few loose strands dangling at the front… mmh. It was really, really cute.

So, why don’t I feel anything like that now? I admire Kuro a lot, of course. But I’ve never looked at her feathers the same way I looked at Corya’s hair or thought of her as anything more than a good friend.

Do I truly lack romantic feelings for her?

Or…

…Have I simply repressed them out of guilt?

I’ll admit It. I’ve been so caught up in the stress of returning home that I haven’t allowed myself to enjoy Felra. Even in winter, the scenery here is drop-dead gorgeous. It could take a lifetime to categorize and understand the biodiversity of the plants that grow here! And most of all… this is what I’ve always wanted, right? A respite from the responsibilities of being the heir to the throne? No more confining palace walls, no more arrogant nobles, no more sleepless nights wondering if I’ll be a worthy Monarch.

Freedom.

I got what I wanted.

And yet, when I think about Mom and Sofl and everyone back home… I can’t let go of their faces. I can’t forget the night I flew over Rhl and terrorized my own citizens. And I can’t stop seeing Calypso’s body lying motionless in the grass.

I promised him his sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain. Is this what he would have wanted? To witness me abdicate my responsibilities and live a placid life while my Kingdom withers?

“Asha, is everything alright?”

Frope’s concerned voice cuts through my thoughts, dragging me back to the present.

“Mmh,” I mumble, clearing my nose and sitting up straight to regain my composure. “Frope, you’ve been in a relationship before, right? What do you think I should do? I wasn’t sure how I felt about Nakino, but now Kuro has feelings for me, too. I… I can’t reciprocate feelings for either of them. I’m the Princess, and I have to live up to my responsibilities. I wish I could stay in Felra, but—“

“Asha.”

I quickly shut up as Frope interrupts my babbling to lay a wing gently against me.

“I know how important your family is to you, but… you can’t rest a talon on two islands.”

I tilt my head and stare into Frope’s golden eyes. “W-what do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is, you’re in Felra now. You have to let go of your family in the Farlands until greenwing. There’s nothing you can do to fly home quicker! So, you might as well focus on what’s in front of you. And right now, that’s Kuro and Nakino.”

I exhale sharply and look away. She’s absolutely right, of course. Kuro and Nakino are going to tear each other apart, trying to court me. But even the thought of setting aside my family to worry about Dragons in Felra fills me with insatiable guilt.

“I’m not saying that you need to choose one or the other. If your heart has decided that you can’t be with another Dragon, then fine. But if you feel anything at all for Kuro or Nakino, no matter how small, then you need to take your feelings for them seriously. If you become a Lemur again, you’ll never be able to return to the flock. You could regret that decision for the rest of your life, Asha.”

The rest of my life…?

Could I really feel that way about someone? Someone like Kuro or Nakino?

I’ve been so caught up in wanting to return home that I’ve never really considered how my time in Felra would change me, for better or for worse. I’ve been living as a feral Dragon for months. How difficult will it be to reintegrate into modern society? Will I still treat animals the same way as I did before? Will I look back fondly at my time in the flock?

Could I… come to regret leaving?

…

When I flew from Ellyntide, it felt like my family was torn away from me forever.

Will I feel the same when I leave Felra?

…

“Just think about it, okay?”

I pull myself away from my thoughts and gaze down at Frope, wise beyond her seasons. “…Already am,” I smile. “Thank you, Frope.”

A smile brimming with relief grows across her face, and we nuzzle our heads together.

“Asha?”

Nakino’s voice echoes faintly from another room. “Asha, are you still here?”

“Y-yeah!” I stumble, quickly lifting my head away from Frope’s. Moments later, Nakino steps into the opening of the den. His face is sullen, and his wings are raised slightly.

“Sorry to interrupt. I know I asked you to rest for a while, but…” he swivels his head around and briefly gazes into the central room of the den. “The Kin who showed up earlier are very ill. I need your help.”

I exhale a surprised breath and gaze at Frope. She’s similarly concerned — she flicks her ears forward, signaling me to go. I smile, once more thankful for her wisdom, and leave to join Nakino in the other den.