NOVEL NEXT Feeling of Loss
After the last day’s incident, there was a substantial increase in the number of people coming in and out of Silver Closet. Especially after Bai Yu Yan’s face-off with Song Mei Lin who was like an idol to most noble ladies, Bai Yu Yan earned some amount of criticism in the capital for not knowing her place. But the ones who had bought dresses from the shop were all compliments about the design and fabric and no matter what others said, it was evident to anyone that the dress from Silver Closet was unique and distinct from the rest.
That day, the shop had no lack of customers and Bai Yu Yan didn’t take a single break the whole afternoon as she worked non stop. She was busy, much busier than any other servants in the shop where she personally attended to every customer without stopping even for lunch.
Xiao Fan and Manager Gao were worried for her seeing how she wasn’t acting like her usual self. From outside it didn’t look like there was any change in Bai Yu Yan’s behaviour as she was only doing her job but having worked for some time with her, her staff knew that she was forcing herself. It almost seemed like she was trying to distract herself from something.
This made her occupied for the whole day. But only she knew how much she was immersing herself in her work so that her mind wouldn't wander away, somewhere where she didn’t want it to.
“Xiao Fan, what time is it?” asked Bai Yu Yan in the middle of answering a client’s queries.
“Miss, you just asked it ten minutes ago. It’s two o'clock,” replied Xiao Fan for the fifteenth time. Bai Yu Yan had been asking her the time every eight to ten minutes which Xiao Fan had a vague answer to why she was doing it.
Nodding her head, Bai Yu Yan went back to what she was doing. Despite her mind’s unwillingness, her heart silently calculated the time left for Lu Tong Xiao’s departure. Half an hour more, it reminded her, which she took a deep breath and ignored.
Bai Yu Yan had never shied away from her feelings no matter what they were. And she knew that she liked Lu Tong Xiao but she couldn’t help feeling scared. Scared that like the way she couldn’t control coming into this world, she wouldn’t be able to do anything about the written fate where they are not meant to be together.
Today, the dense clouds had a grey shade, covering the whole of the sky without a hint of sun. Bai Yu Yan’s mood was not any better than the gloomy day outside. Her heart and mind were constantly fighting with each other where her heart implored her to believe in what she had while her mind warned her of the incoming future.
“Madame Lu, is this purple fabric georgette?” asked a woman. When she saw that Bai Yu Yan was blankly staring into space and not responding to her, she called, “Madame Lu...Madame Lu!”
When the woman’s hand touched hers, Bai Yu Yan was jerked awake, “Huh? Did you say something?” She wasn’t following the conversation. In fact, she hadn’t been aware that she was having a conversation.
“Madame Lu, are you alright? You look pale,” asked the woman with concern when she saw Bai Yu Yan’s appearance with huge dark circles that she received for not sleeping the other day.
“I…I don’t think I am alright,” Bai Yu Yan shook her head in a daze. Before the confused woman could say anything, she picked up her skirt and ran outside the shop ignoring the frantic call of Xiao Fan.
“Take me to Lu manor. Fast!” she hurriedly instructed the coachman standing outside and climbed inside the carriage.
The coachman saw that the lady was in a hurry so without wasting a single moment, he whipped the horse and started the carriage.
Biting on her lips, Bai Yu Yan looked outside the road passing by with speed. Although her face was still calm, her hands that were tightly clutching on her skirt revealed her inner emotions.
She didn’t know if what she was doing was supposed to be right or wrong but there was one thing she knew...it did not matter. It did not matter whether it was right or wrong because she would do it nonetheless.
After fifteen minutes of speed riding, as soon as the carriage stopped, Bai Yu Yan jumped out of it, scaring the coachman who was about to help her and tossed some silver taels at him before she ran towards the manor.
At the huge gate of the Lu manor, two guards were vigilantly standing on guard. They recognized Bai Yu Yan who had just gotten off the horse-drawn carriage which didn’t belong to the Lu family. Seeing her coming in a hurry, one of them asked with concern, “Madame Lu, is everything alright?”
“Where is His Excellency?” without wasting a second, she asked them while rushing inside.
The two guards glanced at each other with confusion in their eyes. Realizing that she was already striding inside, one of them said, “Madame, Master has already left.”
Bai Yu Yan suddenly stopped in her tracks. She stood there for a while and blinked her eyes to comprehend his words, “Is he leaving from the palace?” She wasn’t informed that he would drop by the palace before leaving.
The guard shook his head and politely answered, “Master had already finished his affairs in the morning court so he didn’t stop by the palace. He directly left for Jin from the manor. It has already been over an hour.”
The summer wind blew past her face and ruffled her hair. Bai Yu Yan could feel a knot forming in her throat. She licked her lips that suddenly seemed dry.
“Wasn’t he supposed to leave at two-thirty?” she mumbled, turning her head to look at the guard.
“Madame it’s already three-thirty,” confirmed the guard with hesitation when he detected Bai Yu Yan’s mood. He remembered Lu Tong Xiao stalling the time and leaving only at three o’clock when he realized that Bai Yu Yan would not be coming to see him off. At that time, they had thought that Madame Lu was quite heartless but looking at her now, it didn’t seem to be the case.
Bai Yu Yan ran her hand on her cheek to push away the annoying stray hair that had escaped from the hairpin while she was running like crazy. The sole of her feet hurt now that the adrenaline had worn off.
Turning her head, she looked at the wide road outside the gate which was empty now. Even the dust kicked by the horses had already settled on the ground. She felt her eyes sting which she thought was from the sand carried by the blowing wind.
Bai Yu Yan raised her hand to rub her eyes so that it would come out but the more she did, the more it stung, filling her eyes with fresh tears that didn’t fall down.
The guards standing there didn’t know what to do as they looked at her. They exchanged perplexed glances and finally decided to call a servant to help her inside.
Feeling the tiredness gripping her body, Bai Yu Yan thought her legs would soon give way beneath her. She felt the urge to sit somewhere, anywhere, even if it was on the ground by the roadside. But the small reason still left in a corner of her head prevented her from doing so.
Unknown to how long she stood there, Bai Yu Yan faintly heard the hooves of the horse striking against the ground. Raising her hand to block the light, she peered at the direction where she heard the sound coming from.
Bai Yu Yan thought that she was imagining things. Was she hallucinating, she asked herself mockingly. But her self-doubt didn’t cause her gaze to fall from the view as it remained stuck to what she thought was her imagination.
A well-built man in a black robe rode on a tall horse as the blowing wind tangled his hair. His focused eyes and chiselled jawlines did more than justice to that serious face that even the Gods wouldn’t dare to forget. The shiny black horse galloped its way through the empty road, throwing a cloud of dust behind it. And as if the horse understood its master’s intention, it didn’t slow down the whole way as it darted with its strong legs.
The majestic sight was like something that had directly come out of an exotic oil painting, giving Bai Yu Yan an unreal feeling.
She didn’t want to believe what she was looking at but as the horse drew near to her, the face of the person mounting it cleared from the blurriness of the distance and she saw the face she recognized all too well. Her heart raced with the rhythm of the hooves which only grew louder with every passing second.