The Price of Love Was Only Despair and Hell

CHAPTER 2

Sarubia slowly entered the banquet hall. As if Jenaden had not yet arrived, the servants of the palace were busily carrying food to the table. Upon seeing Sarubia, they bowed. Sarubia nodded once and went straight to her seat.

Delicious food that made her mouth water was spread out before her, but Sarubia’s appetite seemed distant. She felt as though she was going to eat too much if she indulged in it.

“Here comes the Emperor.”

At the servant’s words, Sarubia rose from her seat. She watched the door open for Jenaden. He stepped into the room, dressed in a neat black coat. 

The pitch-black hair that had captivated Sarubia at first sight glimmered in the light. He smiled slightly, his gaze fixed on her.

Jenaden, who seemed so familiar, walked toward her one step at a time. When he noticed Sarubia, he smiled gently.

A painful, throbbing feeling stabbed Sarubia’s heart. She instinctively put her hand to her chest.

Memories flooded her mind. She recalled Jenaden coldly rejecting her, his words echoing in her ears.

‘You were just a woman from the Duke of Bronar’s house, someone I couldn’t help but hate!’

Jenaden had shouted these words at her as she collapsed to the cold floor.

‘I hate you… Do you know how disgusting it was to pretend to love you every day?’
His voice, once warm and friendly, had turned into a blade that stabbed deep into her heart in a very cruel way.

‘I suddenly remembered how I looked then.’

Sarubia’s eyes suddenly blinked, her vision darkening. At that moment her body swayed and then collapsed, falling to the floor.

“Sarubia…”

Jenaden’s voice echoed in her ears as she lost consciousness.

***

“I assure you, there’s nothing wrong with Her Majesty.”

“How could this happen… Why did she suddenly collapse?”

Sarubia could hear people murmuring around her. Slowly, she opened her eyes. The familiar ceiling of her room greeted her.

“Your Majesty the Empress…!”

Asta hurriedly rushed to her side as she found Sarubia awake.

Sarubia slightly raised her right hand, and Asta quickly helped her sit up, supporting her body with both hands. 

‘My head is still throbbing, and I felt like throwing up.’

“Are you all right?” Jenaden asked in a concerned voice. His voice, once comforting, now made Sarubia feel ill. 

‘Hypocrite,’ she thought bitterly. 

“I’m… I’m fine…”

Sarubia managed to speak, slightly avoiding his gaze.

“The Empress, are you sure you’re alright? You don’t look well…”

“I just felt a little sick for a moment,” Sarubia replied, forcing a weak smile.

“I’m sorry for causing you concern, Your Majesty…”

“What are you talking about? Don’t you know your health is the most important thing?” Jenaden said gently, reaching for her hand. His gaze was warm, as it had always been.

But in that warmth, Sarubia knew the cold truth of his hidden intentions. Beneath that gentle exterior was a man seeking revenge.

How he must be laughing at her weakness, she thought.

“Your Majesty, I’m sorry, but I feel a little unwell.”

“I’m sorry. You should take a rest,” Jenaden said, standing and taking her hand.

He left the room after giving her a polite greeting. Sarubia exhaled deeply and lay back down in bed. Asta, sensing her mood, suggested that she call for help if anything else occurred.

As she lay there, staring at the ceiling, Sarubia was overwhelmed by confusion. She didn’t want to admit it, but she knew the truth.

She had returned to the past.

She closed her eyes slowly, reflecting on the inevitable end she knew would come. In the end, she, who had wanted love, was destroyed, and all that would remain was the happiness of Jenaden with his lovely lover, Elaine.

‘But not this time,’ she had made a firm resolution.

“What should I do now?”

The difference now was that she knew the future. She knew Jenaden’s true feelings and the cruel fate his father would inflict upon her.

She remembered her own father. The father in her memory was always a man of bottomless greed, selfish, and ultimately, the one responsible for her downfall. Her father had been the cause of her death, and his actions lead to her demise at the hands of Jenaden.

“I wish I could go back to before I became an empress…”

If she could, she would have run away before her marriage and lived a life free from the chains that bound her.

“I don’t want to be discarded again.”

It had hurt enough to break her, and she couldn’t bear the thought of enduring such pain once more. She had hoped for his love, only to end up destroyed by it.

‘I will never be abandoned like that again.’

This time, Sarubia vowed she would abandon Jenaden before he could cast her aside.

***

After Sarubia collapsed, Jenaden had “hurried” to send precious medicines, scouring the empire to find the best remedies. Whenever that happens, Asta fusses over her at how the Emperor truly cares for her, but Sarubia could see through his intentions and only humorously respond, hiding her true feelings.

She’ll just hope Jenaden won’t die sooner rather than later, because she had her own plan. She would only dispose of him once her revenge was complete.

Once Sarubia recovered, she immediately requested a tea time with Jenaden. He eagerly accepted, and the two met in the Queen’s Palace garden.

It was a sunny day. The sun shone brightly, and the red roses of summer were in full bloom in the garden inside the Empress Palace.

“The Empress, how are you feeling?” Jenaden asked, his eyes briefly meeting hers as he sat across from her.

“Yes, thanks to your great help,” Sarubia replied, sipping her tea.

“That’s a relief.”

An awkward silence lingered between them. Jenaden couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Sarubia, who was usually talkative during their tea times, was strangely quiet today.

“Your Majesty,” Sarubia called in a voice lower than usual.

Jenaden looked up at her, concerned, flickering in his eyes.

“What’s the matter?” Jenaden looked at Sarubia with a friendly smile,  a sunny smile that she used to love.

A throbbing pain. Her heart ached again.

‘I won’t be swayed by him anymore.’

Sarubia took another sip of her tea before setting the cup down. She looked at him and smiled steadily.

“Please divorce me.”

Clink clink!

The sound of her words hung in the air. Jenaden’s teacup sharply hit the holder, he looked at Sarubia with shaking eyes wide with disbelief. 

He looked at Sarubia, as if asking her to repeat herself.
Sarubia looked coldly at Jenaden in front of her and didn’t falter.

“Instead, there are conditions.”
“What do you mean?” Jenaden asked, his voice filled with a mix of anger and disbelief. His reaction only made Sarubia’s cold smile grow.

“Let’s divorce. We…”

“Sarubia.”

“Your Majesty doesn’t love me.”

Jenaden flinched at her words. Did she hit the nail on the head? His face was stained red with embarrassment.

“Empress, if my love was not enough…” Jenaden stammered.

At Jenaden’s words, Sarubia shook her head.

‘Love?’ Sarubia thought. ‘Have you ever given me love?’

No, it had always been a lie, a false affection painted over cold indifference.

“Isn’t it someone else you love, not me?” she pressed.

“What are you talking about?!” Jenaden’s face contorted in confusion and anger.

“The lost Costel girl,” Sarubia continued, her words sharp.

Jenaden’s face hardened.

“How do you know…” he continued, but Sarubia could see the change in his expression. The mask was slipping.

“Please take off the mask now.”

Jenaden’s eyes froze, the warmth that had once radiated from him now gone.

“I don’t want your love anyway. I know what Your Majesty truly wants.”

Jenaden’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What do you mean by that?”

Sarubia smirked, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried to maintain control of her emotions. 

Jenaden’s expression, which had been warm until a while ago, became as cold as snow falling in the middle of winter.

‘Now you’re showing your true colors.’

“I know you want revenge on my father. I’ll help you bring him down. But divorce me first.”

“What?” Jenaden looked at her, speechless.

“I will bring down my father with you. But please divorce me.”

“Do you think that makes sense?” he muttered, still in disbelief.

“Yes, it does,” Sarubia answered firmly. “And then marry her—Elaine.”

Jenaden’s gaze softened, and he hesitated. “Elaine… she’s alive?”

“Yes,” Sarubia replied, her smile enigmatic. “I know where she is.”

“Don’t lie!”

“I’m not lying. Your Majesty.”

She smiled and stared silently at him. His eyes shook. 

Elaine Costell. She was Jenaden’s first and last love, a man who has loved desperately for life. 

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I told you. I want to bring down my father with you.”

“Isn’t Sarubia the daughter of the Duke of Bronar?” Jenaden’s cold eyes glinted with uncertainty.

“Do you really think someone who sent me into this hell could ever be a true father?” Sarubia’s voice cracked with emotion. She remembered her father’s last words.

Her own father, who was mean and foolish. Even before he disappeared from the guillotine, he was only angry without admitting his fault. 

‘If only you were good enough, it wouldn’t have been like this!’

‘It was the last day I could see my father,’ The father who was seen over the iron bars, shouted with a blazing gaze.

‘I curse you! The ungrateful woman who doesn’t even know the grace you were raised with!’

Sarubia shuddered at the memory.

Her father, driven by endless greed, had abandoned her, leading her to this hellish existence.

But now, Sarubia would not run away.

She wouldn’t escape like she did before.

“The Empress…” Jenaden’s voice broke through her thoughts.

“Yes, go ahead,” she said coldly.

“Give me time.”

Sarubia nodded when she saw his confused eyes. Of course, she knew he would accept her offer. To topple her father together and for her to step down from her position as the empress on her own. It was a plan he couldn’t refuse.

“Then, I will give you an answer next time,” Jenaden said, rising from his seat.

Sarubia didn’t bother to rise or follow him.

As Jenaden turned to leave, he glanced back at her.

“The Empress… don’t you love me now?”

Sarubia laughed bitterly at Jenaden’s words. 

“Love? What’s the point of that?”

The betrayal was too deep.

She took a sip of her tea, savoring its fragrant aroma, and smiled faintly.