The Mad Rat’s Lab

I’m walking through the street. Next to me, Clara is anxiously looking around. She must be nervous because of meeting new people.

“We’re almost there, Clara. And calm down a little, they aren’t going to do or say anything against you.”

If anything, I’m more worried about what YOU are going to say and do.

“Do I look nervous? I’m not nervous, ok? Who would get nervous when meeting new people? A child maybe, but definitely not me, ok!? I’m NOT nervous.”

“Ok, ok… I’m sorry, I was wrong. You AREN'T nervous.” I say. But inside I’m thinking ‘Denying it so much only makes me sure of it, you know…’

“Oh, we’ve arrived!” I say.

This is a small cafe near our university. It isn’t the first time we come to this cafe after classes. And since our university is close enough to our house, there’s no trouble for me to come even if I’m at home.

Because there’s not many tables in this cafe, and it is close to the university, the cafe is always full during the day. Luckily, I can see Ricard and Laura seated at a table with two empty seats.

After entering the cafe, the smell of freshly baked bread and pastries fills my nose.

“Hmmm…! What a nice smell! I already know what I’m going to eat! Huhuhu!”

“Can I have something too? Will you pay for me?” Says Clara with puppy eyes.

“You can have whatever you want, but pay for it yourself!”

Clara looks away and makes angry noises. “Wuu…” But still follows me as I move towards the counter.

“A coffee and a croissant, please.”

“Only a coffee for me.”

Why are you making the ‘I must save money and hold myself back’ face, Clara? Did you spend all your money already? That was fast, considering your birthday was only two weeks ago… Please, don’t tell me you spent all your money on Abyss plushies. If so, I’m not going to enter your room ever again…

Food in hand, we walk towards the table and sit at the empty spaces.

To be more specific, Laura pats the chair next to her, telling me to sit there. So I sit next to Laura, and Clara next to Ricard.

And, as it couldn’t be in any other way, Clara gets angry and makes a pout. Of course the reason is that she can’t sit next to me.

You know what, Clara? If you want to choose where to sit, be faster next time and be the first to reach the cafe. It’s because of you that we’re late! You took 30 minutes to change your clothes!

“Good afternoon!” I greet my classmates.

“Hey there!” Says Ricard.

“Hello, Andreu! So… she must be your little sister, right?” Laura extends her hand towards Clara. But Clara only glares at her without saying anything nor moving. After a few seconds, Laura makes a weird laugh and returns her hand to its original position.

Trying to break this awkward situation, I introduce them.

“Guys, this is Clara, my little sister. And Clara, these are Ricard and Laura, my college friends.”

“Nice to meet you, Clara!”

“I hope we can be friends and play a lot together!”

Of course, the last one is Ricard. He is monothematic and even in introductions he can only talk about games.

Finally, after a few seconds, Clara opens her mouth for the first time. “...me too. …nice to meet you.”

Hahahaha! Why are you so shy now? A while ago you said you weren’t anxious, hahaha! Also… weren’t you glaring at Laura just a moment ago?

“So… how about we start talking about what we are going to do? My idea is to play together as a team tomorrow, so that we can start familiarizing with each other’s playstyle and improve our teamwork. And if you are fine with it, I suggest going to a dungeon from a faction we aren’t very used to. Unexpected situations are the best to improve. What do you say?”

Ricard is always fast to change topics when it comes to talking about games… It sometimes even surprises me. But thanks to him, the mood has improved.

This is what I think… until I see Clara and Laura intensely glaring at one another. I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling about this…

 

---

 

“Hello my monstrous creations! Your daddy’s back! Hahahaha!”

I’m inside the game another time, shouting and laughing alone. One must roleplay even when alone, isn’t it?

We already planned tomorrow’s dungeon invasion and team building session. Now I should be preparing for tomorrow, but I’m not because I don’t feel like doing it right now.

After today’s meeting I need to relieve some stress. That’s why I entered the game another time even if it was late.

Also… I’ve had a crazy idea that I MUST implement. And it has to be as soon as possible because it’s soooo good I can’t wait to see it working!

“Fufufu! An idea so crazy that makes me shudder! I can already imagine the despair and shouts from the invading players! Hahaha!”

“This idea is so stupid that nobody’s going to expect it! But also so random, that most players, if lucky, will never know it exists! Hahaha! It’s perfect! The most crazy idea since the start!”

By now, most of you will be wanting to know what this idea is. But I’m not going to tell. Ahahaha! The suspense!

“The whole idea is based on some dungeon invasion stories I’ve read in the past. The despairing faces of everybody present at that moment! Ooooooh! I’m getting excited just by imagining it happening inside my dungeon!”

“I can’t wait anymore! Let’s start already!”

The first step is to create the core of the idea. In this case, the whole idea is going to rely on a single element.

“And this element is a single dungeon mob. And it’s going to be a fucking Stitched. Hahaha!”

Yeah, you heard it right! The whole new crazy idea is going to have the most useless, stupid, weak, slow, and gross unit I can create as the core.

“Wow! There isn't a single good adjective in that list! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

And also there’s a reason why it MUST be a Stitched and not any other unit. And it’s precisely because the stitched are the stupidest, weakest, and slowest unit.

And also they are gross and useless, so it’s a bonus!

“Fufufu! Being the slowest and weakest has advantages sometimes! Like this one time.”

Now that I think about it… It’s also the first time that I find being weak and slow an advantage. In fact, I’m always complaining about it…

“Anyway! Let’s start already!”

The first step is to create the Stitched that’s going to be the core of the whole crazy idea. For this, I create a new template. Even if the new stitched is going to look the same as the previous ones, I don’t want it to have anything related to them. I need a blank slate to work upon.

“The AI first! It’s the most important part!”

To implement the AI that I want, I first must give it the Intelligent skill. So I spend one skill point to get it.

“Now I can start! Hahaha!”

Basically, what I do is that it avoids obstacles. Yes, you heard it right! I spent a whole skill point just so that I could change the AI so that the damned Stitched doesn't bump into things! And I insist on this, it’s ONLY to avoid obstacles. It’s still going to bump into other units!

Also I lied. This only needed one AI change. I actually spent the second AI modification, obtained by the Intelligent skill, in making the Stitched perpetually move forward and choose a random direction every time it reaches an intersection.

“Now I have the perfect slow and stupid unit! A unit that’s going to move through the whole dungeon without ever stopping! Perpetually walking! Hahaha!”

You might be asking yourself how this is a crazy idea (other than being ridiculous) and how it is going to make the invading players cry and despair.

But… I already said it, didn’t I? This stitched is the CORE! The core of what I’m going to do starting NOW!

So I save the template and start the creation of this stitched. By the way, the template’s name is called ‘Driver’.

“Now for the fun part! Fufufu!”

I open the dungeon traps menu and select the Hidden Enemy trap. And start the creation of 50 of them.

“Hahaha! A whole fifty hidden enemy traps! Now, I put one here… One there… Oh, this one looks like a nice spot! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

I keep placing the newly created Hidden Traps into random places through the whole dungeon. I only avoid the dungeon entrance.

“Now the trigger for the traps. Hahaha!”

Of course, the trap’s trigger is ‘when the Driver comes close enough’. So unless the Driver comes close to the Hidden enemy traps, they will never activate and release the unit that’s inside!

“And the last element to complete this crazy idea! Fufufu! There are fifty empty hidden enemy traps, so of course it’s the mobs to fill them! Hahaha!”

For now, I’m going to create 50 stitched for this role. In the future, as I have extra spare bodies and more time, I’m going to add more Hidden enemy traps and put other kinds of mobs into them.

“Sooo… A new template! And this one’s going to be called ‘Passenger’! Hahaha!”

The Passengers are all going to have the same AI. This is a little tricky, because in the future, the template is going to encompass multiple different unit types. So I just add a single instruction so that even the Stitched, with Intelligence 1, work properly.

And this instruction is ‘follow the Driver’.

“Yes, only this instruction! Haha! And this simple instruction completes the crazy idea! Well, I still need to add the skills, but it would work already if I didn’t! Hahaha!”

Is funny how I don’t need to give the Driver the Commander skill for this crazy idea to work. It’s because it actually doesn’t care about the mobs following it, or how many there are. It also doesn’t need to communicate with them, so having COM 0 isn’t relevant.

Not wanting to waste time, I quickly open the skill list again to add the skills…

“Oh, I almost forgot to level them up!”

I level both templates to level two. Now both Driver and Passenger can have up to two skills. I quickly add the Unstoppable Mob to the Passenger template.

Then add the Follow My Lead skill to the Driver. This skill is generally useless, but can be very powerful in very specific and niche situations. Exactly like the one crazy idea I’m creating right now! Hahaha!

The Safeguard skills are also very rare ones. Because they only work once per invasion. Now, if you have some high-damage area damage from that element, they can be a very powerful combo.

“But I only use them as a prevention measure. So that the enemies can’t blast all the Passengers by using a single area skill! At least those who have the safeguard for that damage type will survive! Hahaha!”

 

By now, I think you already can guess what the crazy idea is about. Am I right?

“Yes! It’s about a ‘Monster Train’. Yes! A fucking monster train! Hahaha!”

“The despair in those novels, where they had to fight an unending horde of monsters because somebody else provoked them while running away! I can already imagine the same situation happening in my dungeon! Fufufu! Hahaha!”

The explanation of how it works is like this. At the start of the dungeon invasion, the Driver is alone. Then, it starts moving randomly through the whole dungeon, and every time it gets close to a Passenger, the Hidden trap activates, releases the Passenger, and it starts following the Driver.

Slowly, the Monster Train is built. As more Passengers join the train, they get stronger and stronger! And to make everything even more funny, the train starts moving faster as more Passengers join it, making it even faster to get more Passengers!

“Fufufu! Hahahaha! I’m sure most invading players aren’t going to find the Monster Train. Unless they enter the dungeon multiple times… But once they do…! Hahaha! The faces of dread and despair are going to be awesome!”

Oh, just as a curiosity. To create that many stitched I needed so many corpses… Now, of the four Corpse warehouses I have, only one is full. The one that is attached to the Horrific Generator.

“And see? I told you it was imprescindible that the Driver, the core of the whole Monster Train, was the slowest unit! Because otherwise the others won’t be able to keep up with it! Hahaha!”

“And why did it have to be weak? Because if the invaders somehow manage to spot the Driver and do something to it (like stunning it from a distance or with a trap skill), it’s easier for it to die if it’s weak. And once it dies, all the Passengers will start running amok in the dungeon, so there’s no way to escape even if the Driver is dead! Hahaha!”

I keep laughing maniacally in the laboratory. Nearby, the Driver has already spawned and is starting to move. This is the birth of the unstoppable and eternally moving Monster Train.

“Fufufu! Go! Go and crush everything in your path! Hahahah!”

 

“There’s only one thing, ONE THING, that you CAN’T do anything about. If you’re lucky, you might never find it. But… If you DO find it, accept death! Yeah, ACCEPT. DEATH. Or surrender! There’s no way to outrun it, kill it, or even hide and survive. What am I talking about, you ask? The MONSTER TRAIN. No explanations needed.”

- Extract from the Chapter ‘When everything is lost’ from  ‘How to Stay Sane in The Mad Rat’s Lab’.