The Love They Never Had

"Young Master? What exactly are you smiling about?" "Yeonnie handled the situation beautifully and spared me from a beating from my father." "So your plan for the servants is working?" "I honestly didn't know how I was able to do it without her." "But why..." "Even if Yeon has lost her memories, she was the homemaker for her and her brother. So I know that I can trust her with at least the running of a household. And it will give her something to do and keep her busy." "You are afraid that she will eventually be curious about her memory loss?" "Yeon is...different from most women. She isn't timid and quiet, she says everything that is on her mind, even if she does it eloquently and once she has something in mind, nothing can deter her." "Young Master?" "For a girl...woman, Yeon has an unusual thirst for knowledge and education. I am convinced that she could even be on par with the place scholars if she were a man." "I do not quite understand, you are throwing her into the lion's den when it comes to this maid you have taken in with promises of making her a concubine..." "Obviously she has my full support in everything that she does under my roof. I will never abandon her. But..." "Young Master, may I say something?" "Go on?" "All your life, you have manipulated the people around you just to get to where you are. But when it comes to he Young Mistress..."

"The Seo's are not a part of that world of mine, they were never supposed to be. They were always the most innocent part of me. The person that I am...the monster that I am, Seo Hwi was never supposed to even get a glimpse of this side to me..." "...and yet you do not mind exposing that side of you to his little sister?" "What on earth are you talking about? I haven't done anything..." "The situation with Chun-Ae and getting rid of her and the other servants, you couldn't have done that without her help. She caught onto the situation so quickly and she managed to get it done before you even left for the war. And now with this maid..." "You know what? I have a feeling that she can handle it...what? Why are you looking at me like that?" "Despite all of your efforts, Seo Hwi has seen the side to you that you have kept from him for so long. And under this situation, you have no choice but to manipulate him. But Yeon...you are testing her. Over and over again. And I have no idea why." "Because she is hiding something from me, something that she may not be able to remember now, but I will get it out of her." "So this is your new obsession? To keep you grounded away from the palace in your free moments?" "What obsession?" "You know exactly what I am talking about." "After everything my father has put me through, can you blame me for being this way? Is isn't my fault. But no, Yeon is not going to be an obsession of mine." "How do you know?" "Because she isn't mine! She isn't something I own, she isn't someone I can keep by my side forever. I have to give her back to her brother, and as soon as possible. Yes, I admit that our relationship is different from before, but not that much..."

I didn't know why Dal kept questioning me like this, but I really did not like the look on his face every time he said something. It was like he knew something that I didn't and he was making a fool out of me for it. But I didn't have time to think about that right now as I made my way to the palace, especially when I saw Hui-Jee of all people making her way towards the palace in front of me with my father in tow. From the moment that I saw her, I completely froze in my steps from the very memory of the sheer humiliation that she put me through the last time that we met, which almost topped everything that my father has indirectly put me through. "Young Master, why do you keep turning around?" "What are you saying? Why would I do that when the palace is right in front of me?"

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As I watched the Young Master go through his initiation at work and almost throw up in front of the kisaeng who was just as disgusted by him more than anyone else, I really couldn't help but to wonder about the changes that were going on with the young man that I wanted to serve before he went off to war. Not a day went by when he didn't have some sort of temper tantrum or mental breakdown when he was last seen with the Seo's. And especially what he had been put through now, I had definitely expected him to be at breaking point with his father already. What happened to him? What had changed him? And why was it that every single time he looked uncomfortable or if he was having doubts about anything, he always looked back behind him, as if he was expecting somebody to save him. But who? The kisaeng girl? But she was right in front of him, so why would he constantly look back? The maid? That was a ruse and everyone around the dense girl knew it apart from herself, even Yeon was catching up to our plans on her own. So who else could it be, other than the Seo's? It was true that he was become a lot quieter since he ran into Seo Hwi in the war...but I couldn't deny that he had developed this strange habit of looking over his shoulder ever since this blasted girl came to stay with us. The orphaned and penniless epileptic girl that everyone in this village laughed at. And now she was paired with the most hated man in our village. And if I thought that would aggravate him for his grand plans, well I couldn't be anymore wrong. This was probably the first time in my life that I couldn't read the Young Master, not when it came to the one and only young mistress. And even she was a mystery in itself. Who knew that such a naive and un-coordinated girl could come about so...polished, eloquent and even witty at the same time. And she hadn't had a single fit yet, so we could only guess that it was that horrific disorder of her's that was really holding her back her entire life. I had no idea what it was about her that calmed down the Young Master so much, but it was almost...unnatural, what she was doing to him. It was almost like he was torn between the guilt he had for her brother and then he was a little too grateful for just having someone to accompany him in his father's home, even if she wasn't aware yet of her reason for being stuck with the rest of us.

What was it about this girl that actually calmed down his ferocious temper? What was it about her that made her brother adore her instead of seeing sense and selling her off to the highest bidder so he could rid himself of the burden of being her carer and even making some money for himself? Wasn't that what she was? Just a burden? She had no value at all...no matter how much she had blossomed in such a small amount of time. Yes she was intelligent...alarmingly so, for a lowborn orphan with no formal education, that was. And yes she was...beautiful and as pure as a white lily flower in the Emperor's pond...and she smelled nice....and she looked a great deal better in noble silk, as if it was made for her...she was just a distraction. Yes, that was it, that was all she was. Of all the obstacles that I had helped him remove in his life so he can focus on his revenge plans against his father, I knew that the only line I could not cross was the one he had built with the Seo siblings. As for the brother, he never let me accompany him with their meetings, but I at least had his sister in his sight and under my thumb in case I needed to get rid of a new distraction. I had no idea what sort of spell she was able to cast on the men in her life, but I was not going to fall for it. I had worked too hard to get to where I was now, and I was close in achieving my own goals through the Young Master. And him finally enrolling in the palace like he had dreamed of meant that he was only a few steps away from getting the revenge he had always craved. But there was one thing that I couldn't truly figure out; taking down his father's servants was a genius idea. But how did he think of it just now? Instead of coming up with the idea all those years ago when he was stuck in this home and working through his father's vigorous routine? And was he really trusting Yeon with running the household as a part of his plan to take down his father? I couldn't explain why, but as soon as the Young Master filled me in, the very first thought that came about in my mind was that he was training her to be his wife. But that wasn't possible; no matter how much he had changed, he wasn't going to throw way his ambitions for a lowlife like Yeon. He wouldn't, it just wasn't possible at all.