The Love They Never Had

From the time that the Nam's left, life was lonely in this vast and gloomy home. I was completely restricted in every way possible, and I was no allowed out of my quarters for any reason, other than to bathe and cook my own food as usual. At least the Young Master made sure that I was being served properly by new servants he had sent over after his absence. But that wasn't all, it had looked like the servants who were once glued by Chun-Ae's side were all begging to return to my service since the new maid seemed to treat them worse than they could possibly bare. "May I ask you for a favour, Young Mistress?" The very same servant who had left my side before Chun-Ae's sudden death had now been waiting to greet me every morning for a week, 3 months after the Nam's had left for war. And I had been trying to ignore him as much as I could, but it looked like my luck had ran out today as I had come by him as soon as I had made my breakfast in the kitchen as early as possible so I could avoid the new maid as I had done all this time. She could make all of the changes that she wanted to in this household, that really didn't concern me at all. But I had barely gained a foothold in this home myself and I somehow had a feeling that this maid wasn't the type to share her new home, especially when she eventually found out that I wasn't the Young Master's cousin at all. I knew that Nam-Jeon wouldn't kick me out and I had no idea why, but nobody could protect me from the new set of challenges that I knew I would eventually have to share until the Young Master returned home in one piece.

"...I have been waiting for you for anxiously for a while now, but I barely had the time to get away from work and..." "Will you please get to the point, my breakfast is getting cold." "If you do not disdain, then I will spare no efforts into working for you again at all costs." "Well that is very kind of you, but does the new maid know about this? She might be unhappy if you commit to me again without her consent? I cannot give you my consent either without the young master's approval." "Do not worry about that my lady, no-one will go against this minor wish of yours. All you have to do is simply ask."

"I really wonder if you made the excuse of your stomach hurting because you have seen your former Mistress. I do understand that the Young Master has sent her some new servants, but are they really not enough for you to wish to re-employ my incompetent slave?" All of my hard work of wandering around in this household as an invisible being had now gone to waste as I now stood face to face with a woman who looked younger than I was...and dressed up exactly like me. Down to the shoes and accessories that I had picked out for the day. How could she have possibly known...

"You misunderstand, I am happy that somebody as loyal as this servant can work for Chun-Ae's new replacement. Any request for myself to re-employ him is simply out of the question." "Well well, you are very well-mannered indeed. It is not surprising that the Young Master treats you with such care. Not even I can compare with this...." "As far as I am aware, you currently hold onto the status of a top maid, so how could you possibly imagine you could have the same amount of care that I do?" I couldn't hide my nonsensical jealousy and I no longer wished to, at least in the Young Master's absence. "The Young Master only pities my condition and orphanage, but it sounds like you are the only maid in this household who has ever gained her own quarters. That would surely suggest how much he values your...talents." "You stupid servant! Go and slap yourself 50 times before returning to your chores! How dare you look your nose down at me whilst sucking others shoes! You do not even remember asking me for the very same favour on the day of your previous master's demise! Don't you are think of eating with your eyes on somebody else's plate!"

"I advise you not to waste your breath on a disloyal servant like him. No one would trust anyone with this sort of trait within him. And I expect that all of her old maids are like this." "Young Mistress! Before you turn away to enjoy your meal, I wonder if you would entreat me to a cup of tea? We have avoided each other long enough it seems and if we are to live together, we might as well get to know each other, isn't that right?" As if taking out her anger for my words on a defenceless servant wasn't enough, now she wanted to use any excuse to have a look around in my quarters? And my suspicions were confirmed when she made her way into my room without giving me a chance to reply to her request or even letting me lead the way inside. "I really do like the fragrance of the fruits here, it really does have a calming effect." "I dislike burning incense sticks or scented candles and I even abstain from rouges or powders of I can..." "it doesn't look like you need it either. I really am envious of you." I could only smile wearily as I began to eat my food so I had less opportunity to answer back as sarcastically as I was. I had no idea what it was about this woman that instantly made me distrust her, but my gut was my only lifeline in the young master's absence and I would be a fool to disregard it for the sake of polite etiquette that I was barely trained in.

"You have already taken a look around, am I to assume that you have more to say to me?" "Well, as you know, the Young Master has promised me that my status will elevate to concubine upon his return. And to be honest, I really do not have that many skills to show off. And I hear that despite being a disabled woman, you are actually literate? So I was wondering..." "All you have to do was to follow the books that you can find in the market. Unless..." "Yes, I cannot read Hangul characters either." "Well unfortunately, I do not have any of my books since my memory loss. All you need to do is to buy whoever you need from the market and I will help you as much as i can. But..." "But ?" "It is better if you can hire a tutor for yourself who can teach you more than one talent if you know what I mean. Preferably a woman; a man like the Young Master needs a woman who can take care of his personal needs, he isn't the type to...flit between women." "Are you saying I need etiquette lessons?" "Do not take it from me, but just because you are guaranteed to become a concubine, do you really feel like you can carry out that role to perfection?" "Excuse me?" "The Young Master is trying to make his way in life and he needs a woman with an equal educational standard to help him out. Do not be like other concubines who just stay for the money and prestige, otherwise those women just have long but miserable lives. I hope that you can understand me. What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Young Mistress, are you sure that we have never me each other before? You just seem really...familiar." "What do you mean?" "You look a lot like a little girl who used to chase the Young Master around a lot." "Excuse me?" "Never mind, you probably cannot remember what I am talking about. But you really do look a lot like the young woman who used to chase after her brother's but friend. She was also epileptic just like you..." Brother? Who's brother? What on earth was she talking about? No-one has ever mentioned a brother to me, and that was the sort of thing that I knew the Young Master would never keep from me...no matter how close we had gotten in a short amount of time...

"...and although I am new here, I have been thinking about throwing the Young Master a party to celebrate his achievements. What do you think of this? Young mistress?" "But of course you must..." "and in addition to this, as womenfolk, we cannot fight the enemy in the battlefield. But we can do our bit to set a good example to at least cut down the spending to show our sincerity to the soldiers who fight for unordinary citizens. So I have taken it upon myself to downsize the tailors and make use of our hands. Instead of wasting our time just lounging around here, we can put our feminine hands to use and make somethings for ourselves What do you think?" "It seems like you care about the country and the people long before you have even thought of aiming for a concubine position." "Thank you, but as you have clearly stated, I have no experience in this sort of thing. So I can only leave it in your hands, at least until I have been taught." "Me? What about the servants..." "No! Excuse me, but I do not plan on letting the Young Master near any female attendants ever again. I hope that you can understand my meaning..." "But of course, and thank you for not turning down the work, especially in this critical moment." "Of course, I will not let you down..."

I was barely done with my breakfast when Nam-Jeon came up to us both in a fit of rage. I had no idea what had happened, but he looked far too angry for me to ask him anything at all. But there was something raging in his eyes that wasn't there before, and it was making me silently panic. Just what had happened between father and son this time? Had he done something to the Young Master? "My Lord...where is the Young Master?" "What the hell is it to you where my son is?" His dangerous tone of voice could instil fears into others, but I was getting very fed up of it already. I hadn't done anything to this man, that I could remember anyways, so why should I have to take this disrespect? Even if he was my senior, he shouldn't treat me like this without any reason at all. "I just want to enquire about my saviour..." "You saviour. What a goddamned joke. Listen here you epileptic mutt, even if my son does come home, I want you to stay as far away from my son even when he returns home. No more tea runs, no more cooking for him and don't you bother him in the least. He has a position in the palace as a general inspector and he needs to study hard for it. If he under-preforms even once in his job, I will hold you responsible." "Why?" "Excuse me?" "Why are you holding a mere common born girl like me responsible for his actions? The Young Master always keeps me at a distance anyways, so I have no idea what you are worried about..." "He cherishes you, a lot more than you realise. Ever since the day he brought you were in his arms, he has been excessively worried about and your every move, as if you are some newborn babe." "What on earth are you talking about?" "I have caught him watching you from your door several times already deep into the night, he always approves of the food that goes through your door and the clothes that you are wearing, they do not come from my pocket at all." "I...I had no idea....but why? What was my relationship with him before I lost my memories? Please tell me, so I do not make any mistakes in the future." "Do you really want to know?" "Of course." "My son, he..."

"Don't even think about poisoning this child with your lies, My Lord." A very angry Seon-Ho came out of nowhere with a defeated and sad look in his eyes. His fancy robes were torn to shreds, he smelt as if he had been sleeping outside for the past few days and his hands were covered in bloodied bruises, but his voice roared like a wolf. I had never seen this side to him before and it was honestly a little intimidating, especially when he grabbed my arm and pulled me behind him to shield me from his father. No-one looked out for me like he did, and I doubt that anyone would.

He would always take my side, always stand up for me and never abandon me to the hands of his father. Never...I hoped.

And he proved me right when I suddenly found myself the target of his father's rage when things apparently didn't go his way, which was starting to happen a lot more. Every time Nam Jeon came home in a rage before this war, I would hide myself in my room but it was only then when he found a reason to drag me outside and punish me with no food or I would have to kneel on the floor outside of his office. I would have gladly gone through these punishments with no complaints if the Young Master almost didn't rupture some of his veins when he found out and he actually took on these punishments for me with a smile on his face, as if it was nothing. And it was only then when I saw a new side of the man I had been living alongside with all this time. The outwardly cold and strict man was a cruelly abused and neglected illegitimate son of a man who had no end to his ambitions that were going to end up killing him and his son. The man was the only one of his professional circle who even had a sedan chair just like the King did because apparently walking on the same ground as mere peasants like myself was completely beneath him. But Nam Seon-Ho was an intelligent, open-minded and passionate person who could excel at his work that his father got for him if he was just left alone to breathe for a few minutes.