The Love They Never Had

"Well? Just where the hell is she!" "Forgive me Young Master, but she seems to be avoiding me as well now. She hasn't greeted me once or even asked me any questions like she normally would. She has currently stayed close with The Master Dal's wife, who moved her into more private quarters in the back outside…" "So she rejected the room I gave her right in the middle of the brothel where I needed her to be?" "It seems so, she has already reunited with the ihwaru kisanegs and she has…" "Now what has that brat done?" "She has regifted all of your gifts…" I was out of the door before I knew it and starting my way up to her so-called upgraded quarters. She had never ignored me like this, especially when I had returned from the palace just for her. I wanted us to have a meal together and talk civilly before I figured out what would happen to us next. There were things that I heard that I needed to hear from her mouth only, but she was acting just like she did under my father's roof, like she wanted nothing to do with me at all. I was only pulling back from here because I was unsure of how to treat her with everything that I had just heard that morning after I already had a plan in mind of what we would be doing, and now I had to make a new one from scratch, after not seeing each other for over a year! Yes, I wasn't handling all that she had been through well, but she knew me well enough to never distance herself from me, especially when all I was doing was for her…for us..

"Ouch! This soup is boiling hot! And where is the feast that I told you to prepare!" "Young Mistress Seo, you really are quite delicate to serve, despite being a low-born for most of your life." "Excuse me?" "If it was truly hot, you could have just blown on it a little, couldn't you?" "Just who the hell do you think you are? Who allowed you to treat me this way!" "It was The Young Master Nam of course, who else could I possibly serve here?"

I simply couldn't believe this, didn't we all suffer enough? Didn't I give myself to this country enough for it to continue to betray me at every turn? Who was I fighting for anymore? What were my gaols and ambitions worth if nobody allowed me to carry them out? Or even allow me to hope to even work to the level that I had been trained for my entire life? "…Young mistress, a person shouldn't forget where she came from. We all worked together to help each other out in the past, didn't we? But now that you have become and unmarried Lady, you shouldn't forget your origins, right? Because now, no matter what we say to do, you will always fund fault with it to show off your new prowess, won't you? You really are hard to serve." "So you refuse to acknowledge the status that The Emperor himself bestowed upon me? Well even if it offends me as your superior!" "Yes yes yes, you are the boss now and I am just your plaything to carry out your orders. This must be why you had such a big crush on our Young Master, so you could act all high and mighty like this. And since this soup is too hot, then you can simply throw it out!" All of these petty insults were driving me back to a past that I would very much like to forget, and that was the only reason why I burst into that room and kicked the servant with her back towards me so that billing hot soup burnt her hands in the process.

"Since when did I hire you? Why can't I remember it?" "I…Young Master Nam…!" "Men! I want this cunt dragged our of here and whipped 100 times along with her friends over here! Then drag them to the workhouse!" "Young Master Nam! Please forgive me! Forgive us all! We admit to our mistakes!" "So why did you lie to her! Because I didn't hire you at all!" "Forgive us…no please! We do not want to work in the workhorse! It was The Lady Min that hired us to…" "Just became she was a lowborn before doesn't make her the same now, does it! She is not a lowborn! And she is not a kisaeng! Nobody is allowed to belittle her and no man is allowed to see her! Men! Beat them all outside so everyone can see it!" "But we already admitted to our mistakes! Please have mercy on us! Mistress Seo! Pleas save us!" "And you! Since when did you become this fucking weak! Well! Tell me!" I couldn't help myself but to shout at her after I had back ed Yeon into the corner of the wall, waking up my so-called nephew in the process. "Since when do you let a servant climb all over you!" "Why? Does it disappoint you that much? That I am not as strong as I used to be, and therefore I possess less value to you now? Well I am sorry, I have no idea what you expect of me, but I am not that person anymore…!" "It is because you are doing this on purpose! I know that you are not this weak, not really! So pull yourself back together and come back to me!" I regretted my actions as soon as I punched a hole in the wall right next to her head, which made her collapse onto the ground in fright, but it was too late to take my actions back. She had run out from right under me, presumably so we do not wake up the baby anymore, but I was past caring about anything now. I gave chase to her so that I could deliver my message before heading back to the palace to see The Third Princess Consort for the last time. Damn her and everyone else who turned my rock int ruble, because without her, we were all done for.

"Thank you for your help this evening, it is thanks to you I now have a new focus at work.": "It is alright, it is the least that I can do for you. It is about time that you tried for a promotion anyways." This was a rare encouragement that I have never received from anyone before and I longed to hear more. "Do you really think that I am good at my job Yeonnie? Even though we both know I did not land this job on my own merit." I remember observing her carefully for her reactions to make sure I was right about her before I gave her her memories back. And I could not help but notice how much her mannerisms and etiquette had improved greatly since loosing her memories. I daresay she even had better body language then Hui-Jae did. "I think that despite your unfair circumstances, you are passionate enough for the job. You want to serve your country despite the corruption that usually goes on behind every post. I think you are determined enough to get the job done and achieve your goals…you just need a fair chance."

That one sentence that she uttered whilst looking straight at me instead of being disgusted by what I was or what I was doing gave me all the confidence I needed to carry on with my plans. I spent the rest of the night in Yeon's company where we talked and talked until she fell asleep across her table as if she were a child. I could not help but to stroke her hair lovingly before I leaned in to kiss her, and hoping with a much fuller heart that she would forgive me one day for what I had done to her and her brother…and I hoped she forgave me in time to allow me to take her far away from my father when this was all over. And then I was going to give her everything she deserved, as long as she stayed by my side…and maybe even beyond that if her brother took her away.

I knocked down her doors on a busy night and I pulled her so closely into my chest that she had no way to escape. She was completely terrified of me and that was making me even more angry, but I had to give her a few minutes to clam down before I spoke to her again. "Servant! Where are you! Tell the Madame of the brothel that Seo Yeon is exhibiting small signs of the plague, so she is to be quarantined in her chambers by the order of The Fifth Prince himself! She caught a simple cold and from the canning weather and is recovering from..recent trauma. Her health is suffering due to emotional distress and she isn't allowed to come int contact with the Ihwaru girls until she fully recovers! She also has a high fever and experiences difficulties in talking. Now go! And leave us!"

"What are you doing? Why are you restricting me like this?" "I shall do so until my orders are complete. Now you listen to me and you listen to me well! I have left you instructions with the servant and you will follow them to the letter, or I shall…" "You shall what? What can you hold over my head now!" "Or I will let my family clan fall onto the head of your brother's family, including his pregnant wife! Do you understand me now? Do you take me seriously now? The person who put you in these places have manipulated my family clan to target your brother just like my father did to him! And we both know that he will not be able to handle it, not without your help! And as for your future nephew! Your precious father's first grandchild! I myself cannot handle them on my own neither, not since…" "Since you work for The Third Princess Consort? The very woman who destroyed my life and reputation! She had something to do with my family's demise, and you betray me by working with her! So what! Are you embarrassed of me now! Do you also want to keep me hidden for the rest of my life? Our lives!" "I am doing this for other reasons! I have done my best to have a future with you and I crawled from death time and time again just to be with you! But you always push me away! What more must I do!" "Do you know why I do that! It is because you show me time and time again how important your goals are to you compared to everything else, even now! But did it even strike you why I made the decisions that I have so far! Do you wonder why I never tried to escape wherever fate puts me! It is because it coincides with my own plans! And I have no plans to be a hidden Mistress! So what if you are rich! It is not even your money that has saved your life for all of these years since your father's death! Has your care towards me been a fee for sleeping with me! Since I enjoyed it as well, I may as well pay you back with your life!" "DO NOT MAKE ME LOOSW MY ANGER ON YOU YET, OR I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS!" "I had fun during our affair, but our time is up now. You can go to The Lady Min or Hui-Jae for all I care! You can even marry them! Because I have no place in your plans anymore and you no longer have to walk on eggshells around me! We all have our battles to fight and you are getting in the way of mine! So let us never meet again!"

"What plans! What plans could you possibly have!" "Don't you understand yet! You want to infiltrate the palace and eradicate the corruption there, but it will never be sold! There will always be evil people there in more power than you can control! You want to help The Royal Family! But I want t bring it down to it's knees and make them vanish into history! I want to get rid of the monarchy and establish a democracy instead!"