The Love They Never Had

That bastard. That illegitimate, unloved, reckless, undeserving, lowlife and cold-hearted monster. He dared, he actually dared to hide all of this information from me? That Seo Hwi had been wealthier than he led the rest of us to believe for years now? I thought that I had already tortured myself for not reuniting with him in time since I was already his best friend's woman. But I had only myself to blame for parading myself on this jerk's arm in full view of his little sister so she knew that she had to back away from Seon-Ho at last and leave him be. She was nothing but an epileptic orphan girl anyway; even if they did grow up together in their childhood, it was about time that she woke up from her grand delusions of marrying her brother's best friend when it was me that Seon-Ho had been devoted to ever since the day he met me just a week before the disastrous military exam.

Seo Yeon. Once again, all threads of doubt pointed at her. She was the one who unknowingly seduced the only man who could save me before he was even aware of it. She was the one who must have kept her brother away from me as soon as she told him about my liaisons with his best friend. She was the one my so-called husband kept staring at night after night in the brothel where I was supposed be residing in when I...well she deserved it. She deserved to be where she was right now in my place after all of the damage that she had caused. Who else could Seo Hwi be spending his money on if it wasn't for that spoiled brat that he had raised himself? And...his new woman. Good god, even thinking about that little hussy who had stolen my man from right under my nose sent me in an almost undeniable rage that I vented at my husband, as usual.

"How dare you? Who are you to speak to me this way you bastard! It is not your place to question me after the chaos that you started! You...you have just come back from seeing her haven't you? You are always different when you see her! So what did you do this time? Just stare at her the entire time? Like you used to do for me? Did you write out and leave little notes for her professing your undying love for her? Did you leave her flowers and gifts? Of course not, because she has watched you do that to me, so it would never work. Seo Yeon will never want you again after you abandoned her for me!" "She doesn't have to want me, she just..." "are we really doing this again? I have no idea why you keep denying your feelings for her in front of me. Why follow her everywhere she goes then? Why you do fund her activities? Why stare at her like a lovelorn dog if you do not love her?" "I owe her. A lot. That is why it is my duty to marry her..." "...so soon after the death of her fiancé? Your old servant Dal? I wonder how that came about..." "I have no idea..." "You know, for such a long time I was convinced that it was only her brother who was absurdly overprotective of her. But I was wrong." "I..." "Her brother isn't the only one who cannot tolerate other men for being around his little sister. I bet you were dying inside when you saw your own servant getting close to her under your own roof. And all because your daddy refused to let you interact with her for all of those years..."

Why? Why wasn't he acting like he usually did when we fought like this? Why wasn't he grovelling at my feet and just giving me more money to end this quarrel? Why was he looking at me like...like he could see right through me? No, no, this could not happen now, not before he arranged for our wedding ceremony to take place, otherwise everything I had done against him would be for nothing at all...all my years of planning, endurance, patience, tears...I could not let it come to naught...

"There are other issues that we have to speak of." Was the only thing that he said before making his way to my quarters, which he was hardly allowed in and he knew it. "What is it? What has happened?" "My senior at work, he is facing some difficulties at the moment and he needs to help raise funds for his mother's coffin who is on her sickbed. It is my turn to make some contributions so I need you to give me back some of the money that I have given you within the last 6 months. This is also why our marriage ceremony is being postponed."

Seon-Ho's senior...his higher up in his office needed money...the very same man who gave me the most money...he was facing difficulties? Financial difficulties? Did this mean...that he expected me to repay him back? For every single piece of silver he has given me over the years? No, this couldn't be. I had no money left to give him at all. If he needed his money back, then I would be ruined. And if I escaped before he came looking for me, then surely he would ruin me and cause a scandal. No, I could not let that happen. I was so close to achieving my own goal that I needed everything that had now so I could...no, the only way out of this was to take risk on Seon-Ho once again. If I made him angry enough to throw me out of our home for just a little while, then no-one could accuse me of running away from my benefactor. I still had to do everything that I could to maintain my reputation, I was still a self-made lady no matter what anyone else had said. And anyways, Seon-Ho would always find me no matter where I went because he was still madly in love with me, just like he promised me he would be.

"I no longer have any money." "What do you mean?" "Husband, I have a confession to make." "Yes?" "I have been throwing dinner parties in your absence. I know that you abhor it, but I have only ever done it for your sake only. Your colleagues cannot stop praising your generosity, you have even helped some of them in his harsh winter by feeding them and..." "so you have already used up every single piece of silver that have ever given you? You have wasted them on activities that I forbade you to do long ago?" "If we didn't do this, everyone would have continued to overlook you long ago! It is thanks to me that people remember to invite you to functions that you never would have been a part of otherwise!" "So your social-climbing skills mean more to you on the very finances that we live off of? Do you understand what you are saying right now?" "You are the one who has grown up with a silver spoon in your mouth! You would never have been able to survive without the fame that we have, otherwise you would have become a mere scapegoat for any failures that other's may have committed in your office! I know that your office in particular is being divided by the Emperor himself and his third son. You would have never have survived without these parties and guests to protect you! What? Why are you looking at me like that?" "What else have you hidden from me?" "There is nothing else that I have hidden from you." "Are you sure about that?" "You have only give me jewellery and money, what else could I possibly hide from you?" "So you have no idea where my land registrations are? Because I haven't been able to locate them since we moved into this home of ours." "I have already told you that I am barely literate. The very posters you caught me hanging up when he first met were made by a friend of mine." "So you had no idea what those posters that could have costed you your life said and you just glued them on anyways?" "Of course I did!" "How?" "Because... I was the one who dictated what those posters should have said, that is how I know what was written on them."

"So I can only imagine that you have no objections if I have this house searched? My own house, since you have contributed nothing to the household finances after all?" That bastard! He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he had his father's old men turn out my room so recklessly that they were smashing every delicate ornament in sight! I could not believe the level of disrespect that he was showing me, his own woman! "My Lord, the Young Miss whom you have taken in probably knows the whereabouts of such items." "Bring her to me." It was only then when I had realised that it was indeed the same servant who had gone up against me just to claim favours from my husband was the very same maid that had trusted all of my important tasks with...and I didn't even realise it. What was wrong with me? I had grown up in a brothel full of women my entire life, so why did I fail to recognise her lowly character? I used to be so good a distinguishing such characters that I had managed to avoid getting into fights with other women because I knew who to stay away from. There was a time once upon a time ago that I really did hate it when women fought each other over men, so what was I doing? Why was I doing much deeds now? Had I ...had I truly lost myself in this drama that I seemed to be bearing on my own? Seo Hwi, didn't you promise me that you would return to me after you had saved your sister? Why did you let me wait for so long? Long enough for me to loose hope and run into the arms of another? Where are you? Does your new woman keep you close and forbids you to see me? Why? Why is she more important than what we had? What we could still have had if only you...