The Love They Never Had

My time in this yangban was very unpredictable to say the least; when I wasn't being pulled into these games by the Young aster and a servant who was constantly suffering from her grand delusions, I was being...entertained by the Young Master himself, who certainly was unlike anything I could have even imagined. To others, he was cold and aloof, but to me he was just a lonely man with more personalities than one. He wasn't the frivolous type who was passing his time with vices like the rest of the noble sons that I couldn't help but to observe on my monthly days out. He didn't boast about his achievements to anyone and everyone who would listen, he didn't drink excessively, he didn't throw his father's money around just to show off and he wasn't an ignorant person. Far from that actually, he was rather intelligent and he had a good head on his shoulders. But his life story that he told me about himself had made him an outcast in his own village. It was very clear that he was repressing all sorts of emotions and even parts of himself just to survive under his father's roof since it was the only home he had. But to me, well, the only reason I could think of was because of this 'friendship' that we had, even though we were both from different worlds, but he seemed to show me something new everyday. Sometimes he was strict and formal with me and preferred to keep his distance, and yet he always found a reason to call on me, to check in on me, send me gifts and he genuinely seemed to be interested in my knowledge. He even gave me the privilege of reading his books whenever I wanted when I wasn't studying housekeeping to keep myself occupied.

Usually I would be the one to go into his study and choose a book for myself but the young master had gotten rather busy lately with the upcoming Liadong war that he was going to be a part of. So instead, he chose to send me a medicinal book of all things when he knew that I wished to learn Chinese to keep myself as busy as possible, so my interactions with everyone in this household would be limited in the eyes of the lord of this home, even if he was extremely busy. I thought it rather odd but then again, the Young Master did tell me that the only reason why I had lost my memories in the first place was because of a condition called epilepsy. Although I seemed to be the only person in this village to have the condition, there was still some knowledge that I could learn from it, to understand why I was the only one who had it. The young master refused to tell me if I was born with it or if something happened to me to make me that way.

But as soon as I had started to look into it, a flower pressed bookmark had fallen out of a page that was about herbs that could be used to help induce sleep. And to my surprise, it was all kinds of common herbs that I knew for a fact were being put into my prescription tonics that I was still taking...

I immediately ran to the young master's quarters, only to be turned away for once. Dal said that the young master was 'taking a nap', but we all knew that his father kept him on his toes at the most unpredictable of times, so he was only allowed to sleep at night just like everyone else. So why was he refusing to see me only minutes after sending me this book? Actually, now that I thought about it, I had been sleeping rather excessively of late. The only medical tonics that I could have taken for me to have that effect would have been my epileptic prescription, but the effects should have worn off by now. So what was it?

I immediately set off to the kitchens, where I knew I would find the only person in this house who had a grudge against me. I didn't even look her in the face as she carried on with her barrage of insults against me as I wasn't afraid to look for these herbs right in front of her to give her a good scare. Or at least I was tempted to anyways, but in truth, I only had to take a peak at the overflowing herb baskets whilst I was making a snack for myself to distract the others. And as soon as I got everything that I needed, I went out of my way to find Dal, who I knew had a little medical knowledge and I knew that he would be willing to help me out. "This is a Hengu acupuncture that the Chinese use: this needle will indicate any unusual sleepiness if the tip changes colour due to the after effects of certain drugs." "I am not currently on any medication, so it must be in my food..." "for this certain drug to be taken in so quickly, it must be in your drinks..." "or somebody could have increased the dosage of my prescriptions, the physician could have been bought off by someone higher up." "They would have been discreet about it, it is a little too subtle for my liking." "Really? So what could have happened if I didn't suspect anything?" "After about a month or two, you would have experienced somnolence and then psychotic delirium in under 6 months." "What a sinister trick indeed." "It is very important to take precautions..." "the priority should be to identify this poisoner." "Do you have a suspect in mind? The tonics are prepared in your quarters..." "even though my 'servants have come from the young master, they were still a part of this household and there is no denying that Chun-Ae's hand reach's quite far." "Let us not beat the grass to alert the snakes."

"Let us check the brewing process and keep it from the Young Master, I do not wish to burden him even more than I already have done." "And if we cannot find anything?" "Then there must be something wrong with the utensils. Wouldn't the colour of it changed if it simmered this poison?" "Most likely. But in this teapot, only the colour of the lid has changed." "We cannot accuse them of their lack of care towards me, I am only lowborn guest after all. But which servant gives me my perceptions?" "A new girl that Chun-Ae hired before her demotion." "So the Nam's rely on her for all hires?" "Yes." "Bring her to me." Truth be told, I had never really seen the use of servants apart from the fanfare that they added to one's household. This low rank that noble class created for their service was just a mess of anyone and everyone buying off people who needed the money. This was just another example of the young master's intelligence and honestly, I was having doubts about him using me as a pawn in his scheme. But I was in a situation where I couldn't remember my past and it seemed that I was paying for it in the present. I still had absolutely no idea why all of the women here hated me enough to want to kill me, but if I wanted to find out, then I had to make the decision if I really wanted to get my memories back or not. But for right now...I was comfortable and I knew I had the young masters backing, no matter what I did.

"You called for me, Young Mistress?" "I just wanted to ask you who sent you to me since you are really good at your work. I am pretty sure that you are good enough to serve the masters of this household?" "Thank you young mistress, but I am too humble to work for anyone notable here." "Kim Chun-Ae is no longer notable due to her demotion, but I really wonder what power she has over you for you to want to harm me." "Young Mistress, I really do not understand..." "A slave's loyalty is to the master that she serves. I already have sufficient evidence that is enough for you to be beaten to death, and if you do not talk, then I will personally have Dal here put a charcoal in your mouth for every minute that you stay silent."

I knew that I was just a guest here and by imposing such punishment on a servant that wasn't even mine. But rather than being a docile little girl that spent her time trying to please others, especially if they were already prejudiced against me, I had to start looking out for myself. I was still an orphan with no friends to rely on or to share my troubles with. The young master couldn't look out for me all of the time either, so I should also expect less from others.

"She told me that all I needed was to put poison on your kettle lid..." "that she supplied from the kitchens, right?" "She said that your accidental fall turned out to be a blessing in disguise and it regained the young master's attentions after you had forgotten him. And that..." "let me guess; as a penniless orphan, the only way that I can secure a future in this world is to seduce the young master that I barley remember and what? Trap him into marriage? So she thinks that I imperil my own life for his attention if I can barely remember him? Does that make sense to you? To anyone?" "But he is rich and he likes you. He talks to you, he smiles at you and he sends you gifts. None of the other maids could ever get him to look at them, then you..." "I cannot remember him, so why would I seduce a man when I cannot remember his personality? His temperament? His likes and dislikes? In case you all haven't noticed, he is the one who approaches me! I am not a woman who will turn over every stone to attract a man's attention. It is completely absurd that women are fighting over men who are unfaithful in nature anyways..."

"Is that so, Seo Yeon? Last time I checked, you have never had experiences with men, so how do you know that they are all unfaithful? Every single one of them?" The unexpected anger in his voice completely took me by surprise, but I wasn't going to take back what I had said. It was the truth and he knew it, but I also had been warned about not bringing up the topic of his own concubine mother by his father. So I chose to ignore his anger for the time being and get on with this situation. "Are you well rested, Young Master? Because it was very dangerous for me to be as well rested as you were." "And I will have your foods and tonics closely monitored in the future, I promise you that this will never happen again. I will have this servant flogged to death, along with everyone else who is involved in this scandal." "I have never intended to harm anyone in this household..." "You have become an innocent victim in a series of appalling events, you should just rest..." "and how exactly are you going to tell your father about this and guarantee that he won't just forgive her and favour her all over again?" "Then how do you suggest that we proceed?" "Does the lord not have an upcoming banquet? For this war that you will leave for?" "Yes?" "Then do not do anything to her yet and do not ask me questions. Act as normal, but I can assume that you will take care of this evidence for me?" "Of course I will." "And we need to keep our distance, so we do no arouse suspicion. But I will need Dal's help, if you can spare him for a while." "Of course; Dal, bring her to the abandoned quarters and keep her there until I decide what to do with her." "Yes, Young Master."

"Wait! Young Master! Please do not take me to that cold and abandoned place! Please...why hasn't it been cleaned up?" "You are no longer living in your own quarters, maid. And since you are known to despise male servants such as myself, you will never have another friend or fellow to help you until the Young Master calls for you. So clean this place up yourself if you wish." "Wait! Please!" "What is it? I thought I was unworthy to help you?" "Please! I will do anything you ask me to! Please keep me alive?" "Well, well, well, exactly what are you planning on doing to keep me happy then? Do mot worry, nobody else needs to know..."