The Love That Remains

When I wake up, I don't see him. My body is aching in pain. I wait for a while before I climb down the bed. I see a red patch on the bed. I take a bath and wear my clothes. Sung Jun is still not back. His things are also not there. Now, I feel anxious. Did something happen to him? I pick up my phone and dial his number. It doesn't get through.

Probably, it's the network problem. I take my bag and go downstairs. My classmates are also gone. I find the receptionist.

"Miss Fang?" The receptionist looks at me with surprise. "Do you want to book the room for one more day?"

"No..." I blush and look away. "Did you see Sung Jun? He is tall and good looking. He has honey brown eyes."

"Yes, he left three hours ago." She eyes me with pity. "He paid for the room."

"He didn't leave any message?" What is this feeling in my heart?

"No...Miss Fang, you should call him."

I leave the hotel and reach home. I change my clothes and call Wang Mei. She didn't pick up the phone as usual. I try to call Sung Jun again.

Sung Jun never told me his address or any other phone number. Half a day is gone and there is no message. I check his social media.

He is in Korea.

I message him there and wait. After a while, I find that I am blocked.

What's going on?

The day passes by and I don't get any message or call. I am restless and worried. I can't eat or sleep. Something must have happened to him. Granny Lan is also worried about me. She asks me to see him in Korea.

"Go and find answers." She says. "It's better to face him than worry about it here."

Next day, I leave for Korea.

Through his social media, I have some idea where he lives in Korea. His fangirls are a great help and a bit scary. I go to his house and get turn away at the gate.

This goes on for three months until his butler decides to tell me the truth.

"Miss Fang, Sung Jun has a fiance."

There is a pity in his eyes. I hate seeing that.

"He is getting married next month."

"Oh!" I laugh at his butler. "Tell me, your master can't even come out himself and tell me that? What a coward!"

"Miss Fang, he has arranged for you to go back to your home." I hear his butler say nervously. "You should hurry back home. Your family is worried about you."

"I should." I get up and smile at him. "Tell him, I will never love him again. In this life or next, I will never ever love him again."

On my way back to the hotel, I collapse in the taxi. When I wake up, I am lying in the hospital.

"What's going on?" I ask the doctor in confusion.

"Miss Fang, you had a miscarriage," The doctor replies in English, "You have not been taking care of your body. Recently, you must have experienced a shock."

***

My bowl in my hand is broken. The porcelain shards pierce my skin and bring my mind back to the present. Some things cannot return. Some things cannot go back to the way it was. I don't care whether he can see ghosts or demons. My child cannot come back.

I am tired of everything. I don't want this second chance. I don't want revenge. I don't want to see these people. I just want peace. If possible, send me back to my child. Bring me back to that time when I can save my child.

The doctor and the nurse come in. They see the blood in my hand and asks me questions. I can't respond. Their words sound like background noises.

"Aisa?" A familiar touch.

"Come back from the dreamland." Same soft but firm voice.

"Look at me." He waves his finger in front of my face. "This is not a dream."

"I know...it's a nightmare."

He caresses my cheeks. "I am here in this nightmare with you."

I laugh at him. "You called me a liar earlier. Did you ever look at yourself? You are worse than the worst. I will never forgive you."

His face pales.

"Leave. I don't want to see you ever again." I push him away. I turn to face Lan Hui Yao. I don't know when he came, but he is always like this. "Get me out of this place. I hate hospitals. I hate him. Get me out of this city. Send me somewhere far away."

"Even going to mental asylum is better than being here. I can't even breathe. I can't deal with this reality. I don't want to exist here. If Fang Qi can't even do this, he should cut my name out of the family register. I am not a Fang anyway. I will never claim that I am his daughter."

"And, tell Wang Mei. I don't care why she refuses to talk to me. I will not forgive her either. I am leaving this place whether you people let me or not. I will go somewhere far away. Away from anyone who makes me remember the past."

Everything breaks out like the overflowing dam. I take a deep breath. My tears are falling on my bandaged hands. I have been broken for a long time.