The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon

“They’re regrouping,” Ulf said, leaning on his sword. “That gives us a few minutes before the next charge.”

Half the people on the front lines sat down to get what could pass as a rest. It was a terrible decision from a strategic point of view, but at this point it no longer mattered. After hours of fighting and the number of losses they’d suffered, it was looking like the next large charge would be the last; or if not, the one after that.

Everyone had celebrated the return of Baron d’Argent, especially seeing that had brought back an airship of reinforcements. There had been a moment of hope during which the defenders of Rosewind believed they could save their town. As it turned out, the hordes of goblins had other things in mind. Even with the baron dealing with the evil Lord Mandrake, and a hero taking on half the enemy horde alone, there was little to stop the advance of the remaining attackers. Most of the buildings had been destroyed and the only remaining defenders were covered in wounds and low on strength.

“Think they’re doing better at the castle?” a soldier asked.

“Not by much,” the adventurer said. “The walls are still standing, but there are more goblins there than here.”

“Never thought it’ll be a goblin that’ll get me.” The soldier let out a bitter laugh. “Any last orders, lieutenant?” he turned to sir Ribbons.

The man lay on the floor of the surviving wall tower. Most of his body was wrapped in rags—the proper bandages had finished ages ago, leaving the fighters to do what they could.

“The more we kill here the less will get to the castle,” the lieutenant said. With the death of the captain of the town guard he had ended up being in charge. “The baron will take care of the rest.”

“You think he could, sir? I know he’s a mage and all, but just look at them? There’s no end to the critters! It’s the same as—”

A large hand relaxed on the soldier’s shoulder. Everyone went quiet. The hand belonged to Cmyk—the only person who hadn’t wavered. To the people it was a complete mystery how the man could continue fighting as he did, never needing rest. Goblins, gnome-work armor, even a few trolls had attempted taking him on and all of them had failed. Cmyk was the sole reason the patch of wall hadn’t fallen to the enemy. Unfortunately, even he had his limitations. As strong as the man was, he could only be at one place at once.

“Sorry, sir Myk,” the soldier said, looking away. “It’s just… you and the baron are strong, but we aren’t.”

Cmyk moved his hand away, then looked at the masses of goblins. Even they were tired, but not as much as the defenders. Already they were prepping their weapons, moving away from the piles of bodies so as to have the space for one big charge.

“I’m afraid he’s right, my friend,” Ulf sighed. “The baron is quite a guy to take on Lord Mandrake himself, but he isn’t here. At least we’ll go in a blaze of glory, right?”

The minion looked at the adventurer, his face as stoic as usual.

“Yeah, I thought you’d say that. Still, it was fun knowing you. See you in another life, okay?” He straightened up, lifting his weapon. “Isn’t that right?” he shouted, turning around to the people behind him. Several hundred soldiers, guards, and adventurers still remained in the small makeshift fortification. Sadly, they were facing thousands.

Following suit, Cmyk took a step forward, raising his massive sword in the air. He, too, knew that this was going to be his last stand. The energy the dungeon constantly provided him to restore his health was reduced to a trickle. Despite most people being convinced that he was unwounded, that wasn’t at all the case. Beneath his shiny clothes and armor, the minion had more holes than a centipede had legs. His inability to bleed had created the illusion of him being invincible, yet he wasn’t. Like any dungeon minion he only had a set amount of “health.” Once that was gone, he’d be reduced to a pile of bones on the ground. That was alarming, not to mention highly embarrassing. After spending so much time with his adventurer friends, Cmyk definitely didn’t want anyone to see him in such a state.

“Gashaaaa!” one of the goblins yelled. Hundreds of others soon joined in, charging forward.

This was it—the final stand of Rosewind. Cmyk gripped the hit of his weapon tightly, preparing for the onslaught. The goblins were five feet away, screaming and waving crudely made sharp objects as goblins tended to do.

Cmyk swung his weapon. The moment he did, something extraordinary happened. Purple light shone from the ground all over Rosewind, along with dozens of structures. All the missing sections of the wall, along with watchtowers and ballistas, came back to existence, restored from the rubble. But that was far from all. A nest the size of a small castle appeared on the largest section of the wall, near Earl Rosewind’s castle—a nest full of griffins.

As all these changes were going on, Cmyk felt a sudden surge of strength and energy within him. It wasn’t just a means to heal his wounds, but something a lot more. Faithful to his creator, he finished off the swing of the sword, letting out a bolt of lightning.

Golden energy mixed with electricity shot out of the sword’s tip, hitting the goblin directly in front of him. Simultaneously, lightning came out from the walls and newly reconstructed buildings, scorching the goblin armies.

Waves of lightning moved through the creatures with great speed and ferocity, reducing them all to cinders. In a matter of seconds, thousands of goblins were reduced to ash.

There was silence, there was awe, then a chorus of cheers that filled the air, all chanting Cmyk’s name.

“Of course, that would happen,” Theo grumbled in his main building. “I do all the work and he gets all the glory… again.”

“That might be for the better, sir,” Spok said, looking at the re-emerging city from the window. “The earl is more likely to bother him with his requests and leave you alone.”

“I wish,” the dungeon grumbled. “With my luck, the king will probably come and send me to conquer some distant land or something.”

It was meant as a joke, but upon saying it Theo considered the possibility. If that happened, he was definitely going to convert most of himself to mana and move elsewhere. Despite his grumbling, however, he had to admire what the town had become. The funny thing was that, for the most part, he was admiring himself. It sounded slightly narcissistic, but after what Theo had been through, he thought he deserved it.

Lord Mandrake’s armies paused. With the several thousands of those in the city dead, the ones outside were having second thoughts. Alas, for them, it was too late—they still had a heroine to deal with, not to mention a flock of griffins that flew out of their nest, filling the sky.

“Not to criticize your achievement, sir, but was it necessary to create a griffin’s nest?” Spok asked.

“What’s wrong with them?”

“Nothing is wrong, sir. But the amount of core points remaining are… well, you virtually have no core points left.”

“We can always get more core points.” One additional thing that the dungeon had done was create roads throughout the city. That way, every monster core that hit the ground instantly became his. The final amount was quite puny compared to the bounty of the demon heart. Even with all the goblins and everything else combined, he had merely gotten over twenty-three thousand. Maybe in a week or two he would regret it, experiencing buyers’ remorse, but for the moment, Theo only wanted to enjoy the moment.

Left leaderless, and facing a flock of supernatural creatures, the goblin armies were quick to break up as the creatures scattered, fleeing in panic. As a rule, they weren’t brave creatures. The only reason they fought at all was because the threat behind them—which used to be Lord Mandrake and his demons—was greater than the threat in front. With the gnome gone, they had one single course of action.

Theo’s avatar teleported in the main room of the second floor. That was one more trick he had acquired, among a few others. As it turned out, the goddess had been very correct that the rank increase was worth it. Apart from gaining the ability to construct hundreds of new rooms and minions, he had also received some unexpected bonuses, as a result of all his avatars receiving a boost. Spok, Cmyk, and the dungeon’s own avatar now had access to a lot more spells than they didn’t moments ago.

“I would also suggest you get rid of the slime pits, sir. They will only slime things up.”

“They’ll be fine. I’ll slaughter them when they get out of hand.” Technically, he was going to do it mostly for the sport of it. Now that Lord Mandrake was gone, the dungeon no longer felt the urge to do anything heroic. The best he could hope for was a long break to do absolutely nothing.

“As you wish, sir. In that case, I insist on adequately remodeling the buildings.”

“What’s wrong with the buildings?” the dungeon asked, hurt at the suggestion.

“They are uninhabitable, sir.” The spirit guide frowned. “Having some crude beds and a single table doesn’t constitute living conditions. Now that you’re a rank two dungeon, you have to think of your appearance both on the outside and on the inside.”

“Spok, it’s not like I’ll be going to any dungeon meetings to discuss appearance…”

“That might be so, but as steward of your estate, I will not allow it to remain in such a terrible state. As you previously stated, I’m to be in charge of the minor details. Meanwhile, you can focus on doing nothing, or make one of your observatories you’re so fond of.”

After he had a few moments to think about it, the offer sounded incredibly enticing. Sending his avatar to the study, Theo then finally took a well-deserved nap.

Meanwhile, the changes kept on happening. True to her word, Spok gave the new houses a distinctly elegant look, giving the town a very different appearance. The dungeon had already done the brute work of it, but the spirit guide polished what had been created to perfection.

The temple of Peris was the first to be finished. Content with what she had before Lord Mandrake’s siege, she was happy to have everything—including her statue—reconstructed as it was. In her view, it wasn’t the size that mattered, but what one did with it, and having a nice small temple was a lot more fitting in Rosewind, not to mention a lot easier to maintain.

The town walls were also given a coating of gray marble. The towers were also modified so as to allow guards to stay there comfortably and have their weapons at hand in a brand-new armory beneath every tower.

Strangely enough, it was the dungeon's main building that had remained completely unchanged. Already close to perfection, Spok had only slightly changed the outside coating, making it blend a lot more with the newly constructed neighborhood. Ironically, with all the changes, the castle and the noble’s mansions ended up looking a lot worse than everything else. Quite a few of them complained. In their view, it was unacceptable that mere commoners flaunted the state of their houses so indiscriminately. Several even went to Theo’s home to complain. One look at Cmyk was enough to make them reconsider, especially since the town guard had elevated him to a local legend.

As townsfolk emerged from the shelter of the castle, astonished by their new homes, the focus shifted to everything outside the city. While there wasn’t anything that needed repair, the devastation was epic. Airships, bombs, and magic had transformed the once beautiful fields into ditches and mud. Corpses and crashed airships were everywhere, like cranberries in a bowl of milk. Liandra and the hidden dozen helped a bit with some of the cleaning up, mostly gathering as many of the dead goblins in one place so they could be burned and buried. Deprived of their cores, the creatures were nothing more than disease ridden flesh that had to be dealt with as quickly as possible if the town didn’t want a series of diseases on their hands.

By evening, several pyres of goblins were burning a respectable distance from the city walls. Liandra had done her part to bless the remains before setting them on fire. The rest was going to have to be done by the locals, including the new followers of Peris. After she had done that, and made sure that the villagers from the Mandrake Mountains were well fed and in good condition, Liandra went to Theo’s mansion. Straightening as many wrinkles in her clothes as she could, she then knocked on the door. Within seconds, it opened, and the imposing figure of Spok came into view.

“Hello?” the spirit guide asked, not crossing the threshold.

“I’d like to see Theo,” the heroine said.

“I’m sorry, but Baron d’Argent is sleeping?” Spok said with a relaxed expression. “He needs to restore his energy after all the excitement. Maybe you could visit again in the morning?”

“I’ll be leaving Rosewind shortly. I’m on my way to have a brief talk with the earl and was hoping to catch Theo before that.”

“I’m truly sorry.” Spok remained adamant. “Would you like to leave him a message?”

“Just tell him I owe him one. He’ll understand.” The heroine turned around and walked away. After a few steps, however, she stopped and turned around. “Do you happen to know where he got his sword?”

“His sword?”

“The legendary sword he carried in his dimensional ring.”

“Oh, that. It was a gift from an old acquaintance. Why would you like to know?”

“The sword belonged to my grandfather,” Liandra explained. Although Spok remained a spirit guide, she felt a chill run through her. “He was killed recently. In fact, that’s the reason I came to visit the earl. My grandfather helped his family out several times, so I was hoping he’d have an idea what my grandfather was going before his death.”

“I’m afraid it’s unlikely the baron might be of any assistance. As a mage, he doesn’t tend to use weapons for much other than display them in his mansion. I wasn’t aware that the person who gave it to him was a hero,” Spok lied. “I just viewed him as a strange visitor.”

“That’s grandpa,” Liandra chuckled. “Strange to the end. He probably found it too heavy and just dropped it off before continuing on another crazy adventure. Sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you with this.”

“Oh, it’s no issue. You have my condolences for your grandfather. Looking at you, I’m sure he was an extraordinary man.”

“That he was,” Liandra smiled. “Tell Theo I hope to see him again sometime.”

“Of course.”

Watching the heroine leave, various thoughts went through Spok’s mind. As a spirit guide, it was her duty to assist her dungeon in any way possible. The question was, would telling him about this conversation be useful? Theo was prone to overreacting. If he heard that Liandra was hunting down the entity that killed her grandfather—namely him—he might do something brash. No, it was far better to keep all this a secret. Hopefully, the heroine would be too busy with her work and her quest for revenge to visit Rosewind again.

The following day, the trivialities of everyday continued as usual. Waking up from Spok’s spell, the duke’s daughter was quick to notice that everything in the city had changed. Upset that she had missed all “the action” she attempted to have a tantrum. One harsh glance from Spok made her reconsider—which in practical terms meant going to the earl’s castle and having her tantrum there.

The clearing of bodies and debris outside the walls continued in full force, now aided by the townspeople and the rescued villagers. Peris also was doing her part, be it indirectly, by opening her temple to heal the wounded. It was a relatively slow process overall, even if it produced instant results for the affected individuals.

Finally, around noon, Theo woke up. Strictly speaking, it was more appropriate to say that the drunken songs coming from the adventurer’s guild a few houses away made it impossible for him to sleep. Annoyed, his automatic reaction was to go outside with his avatar with the full intention of speaking his mind to the good-for-nothing adventurers. That had proved to be a mistake.

“Baron d’Argent!” a loud voice filled the street. “A moment, my lord.”

The avatar stopped, then slowly turned around, only to see the very familiar figure of the overachieving town guard standing ten feet away.

“Yes, Lieutenant Ribbons?” the avatar asked with a smile.

“I’ve been promoted to captain, my lord.”

“Ah. Congratulations. Well deserved, I’m sure.”

“I was promoted because the previous captain died during the fight.” The man came closer. “You are hereby ordered to accompany me to Earl Rosewind’s castle.”

“Can this wait, captain? I have a rather busy schedule and—”

“It cannot wait, my lord.” Ribbons cut him short. “This way, please!”

And if things weren’t suspicious enough, six more guards assembled behind Ribbons, all of them keeping their eyes on the avatar. Left with no choice, Theo could only widen his smile and allow his avatar to be escorted to the earl’s castle. On the way, the thought of zapping them with lightning crossed his mind, but was quickly rejected. For all its benefits, holy lightning couldn’t be used on people, especially those of the non-evil variety.

The outside of the castle seemed surprisingly well, considering what it had endured. Several sections of it had been damaged, but other than the main entry point, all the damage seemed superficial. With a bit of effort and the money the dungeon had given the earl, the castle could be repaired in half a year, maybe less.

Unlike before, the halls were mostly empty. The only people present were a few old servants who were doing their best to clean up what they could.

“Where are we going exactly?” the avatar asked.

“I have been instructed to lead you to the throne room,” the captain replied.

“And the guards?”

“I have been instructed to take them with me.”

That didn’t sound good. Not that Theo wouldn’t survive an attack. After all the skills he had learned, taking care of a few guards would be like child’s play. That is, unless there was some enchantment in the throne room that negated his abilities.

All the nobles had gathered in the great hall, along with the earl’s son and duke Godon’s daughter.

“Ah, baron, my good friend,” the earl greeted him without standing up. “So nice of you to pass by.”

“The pleasure is mine, my lord.” The avatar bowed. It’s not like you gave me any choice, he grumbled mentally.

“Quite the bit of excitement we had recently, don’t you think?”

“Yes… excitement.”

“You’d never guess how surprised I was to learn that the reason Lord Mandrake attacked us was because of something you did all the way in the Mandrake Mountains.”

“Oh?” Theo felt uneasy. He had completely forgotten about the villagers. No doubt one of them had spilled the beans, letting Earl Rosewind know that he was the cause of the attack.

“Crippling his stronghold, freeing all the villagers he kidnapped, not to mention stealing one of his airships. Do I have everything right?”

“Villagers are prone to exaggerations,” the avatar laughed uneasily. “There were many factors involved.”

“And on the way back, you passed through Vinewood forest,” the earl continued. “I’m sure you knew that there exist strict rules forbidding people from entering elvish lands unannounced.”

“Oh, that was merely a misunderstanding. You see, I was figuring out how to steer the airship and just happen to crash—”

“There are many more things I could mention, but it would be a waste of time.” The earl’s expression became deadly serious. “Liandra told me most of it, and the parts she decided to keep from her were filled by the villagers you brought here. Oh, and let me not forget the griffins.” He leaned forward from his throne. “All my nobles, with a single exception, urged me to do something on the matter. Let me tell you, it’s not something I’d do lightly, but given the circumstances, I don’t have any choice. My hands are tied, as it were.”

Theo couldn’t believe his ears. Betrayed by a bunch of backstabbing nobles? He had been so worried about keeping his secret that he didn’t even see this. It looked like he’d have to

“Starting today, you’ll be given your own hamlet to rule within walking distance of Rosewind,” the earl said loudly.

“I’m sure…” The words trailed off, lost in Theo’s mouth. “Huh?”

“I’m making you a land noble in charge of a hamlet,” the earl winked. “It’s unfortunate that I don’t have the power to grant you a higher title, but give it time, we’ll make a viscount of you yet.”

There was a moment of relief, though it was short-lived. Initially, Theo feared that he might be punished or even killed. Now, after he had a few moments to reflect, it still seemed as if he was being punished.

“My lord, I’m really not too good at organizing people. A hamlet is a huge responsibility. There must be someone more suited for it.”

“Nonsense. I’ve spoken to several of the villagers you rescued and they couldn’t think of anyone better. Not to mention we’ve all seen how fast you could create buildings.”

“Right…”

“Liandra also supported the idea. In fact, she was the one who proposed it. It’s unfortunate that she had to leave last night. I know she would have loved being here to witness the event.”

“I’m sure she would,” Theo said through the fake smile of his avatar. “What about the food necessary to feed the people of… my hamlet?”

“Oh, I’ve spoken with my tax collectors to grant you a sizable plot of land in my domain. It’s the least I could do after the great deeds that you’ve accomplished. Just let them know where you want the hamlet to be and they’ll take care of all the bureaucratic details.”

“I’m eternally grateful, my lord. I’ll… get to it right away.”

Thus ended the first reluctant adventure of Baron d’Argent, heroic dungeon, and protector of Rosewind. His new existence was completely different from the life he’d led in his previous life, and the one he had asked for. Instead of a calm existence in the middle of nowhere, he had ended up becoming the larger part of a town and a noble with his own hamlet. The only thing left was to keep smiling and pickup a new hobby… like creating a new observatory or two.