The Human From a Dungeon

Nick Smith

Adventurer Level: N/A

Human - American

"So... what do you suppose it is?"

"I dunno. It looks kinda like an elf. But the ears are weirdly round, and it has... body hair."

"Yeah, can't be an elf. Maybe it's a tall dwarf?"

"No. Not enough body hair to be dwarven. Plus I've never heard of a dwarf over four feet tall."

"Yeah, me neither. Don't they all have beards?"

"Pretty sure."

These voices sounded strange to me. Like they're speaking my language but in a weird accent or something. And the voices were... heavy? No, that's not the term. Rumbling? Why's it so hard to think?

"A gnome?"

"No. Gnomes are just short elves. It could be some sort of weird pig-kobold... thing."

"Oh yeah! Wait... that still doesn't explain the round ears. Plus the face is all wrong. Look, the nose is too pointy."

Am I asleep? Dreaming? What are they talking about? The last thing I remember was going to the hospital to see my girlfriend. Did I get hurt along the way? Are these people doctors? I'm not in any pain, though... But I can't open my eyes. Why can't I open my eyes? What happened to me?

"I wonder if it can talk. Where'd you find this thing, anyway?"

"You remember that wall collapse in the dungeon? My team and I were explorin' that and we got separated. Next thing I know, I find this thing on some sort of weird lookin' table. It had a bunch of writing on it, but... well... you know."

"Yeah, you have trouble reading. That's alright. Go on."

"Right, well I figured that I'd have a hell of a time trying to find my way back there, so I decided to take it with me. Once I picked it up, a lot of light started shining and suddenly I was at the dungeon entrance."

"Teleportation?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Huh. That's interesting. You know, since you found it in our dungeon, it might be an orc!"

Boisterous laughter. It reminds me of my old karate instructor. He used to laugh like that all the time, even when nobody was joking. I wonder what happened to him. I wonder what happened to me. I think... I visited my girlfriend. The love of my life, Cassandra.

She wasn't in pain today, but the cancer's getting worse. Her formerly luscious blonde hair that went all the way down to her waist was now patchy and wiry from the chemo. Her stunning blue eyes still had their kindness and humor, but betrayed the pain that she was desperately trying to hide. She looked kind of like a skeleton with skin now, but she joked that maybe she can finally be a model. She's still my Cass.

I stayed with her until she fell asleep, then I started to head home. I had to study, because even with everything going on they were still making me take finals. The bastards know that Cass is sick, but they don't care. State requirements for graduation or whatever. Pisses me off. Fuck them, I want to drop out and get a job.

But Cass won't hear of it. Neither will mom. Dad understands, and says he'd do the same, but he'd like me to respect the wishes of mom and Cass. How am I supposed to study with the thought of losing her looming over my head, though? How can I think of anything else?

"There's no way this thing's an orc. It's too small. Plus the ears..."

"Yeah, yeah. I feel like you're hyperfixated on the ears."

"Hyper-wha now?"

"Fixated. You're focusing too much on the ears."

"Well they're WEIRD though. Have you ever heard of anything that has round ears?"

"Not off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's something. After all, we're looking at round ears right now."

Round ears? What does that have to do with anything? Whatever, nothing to do with me. What happened after I started to walk home? I stopped by a gas station and grabbed some chips and a soda to lighten my spirits, and the last thing I remember is... crossing the street? There were horns and screeching and then... Huge lights? Pain! I felt pain! All over my body! And then nothing... Did I get hit by a truck?

"I wish we could ask it what it is."

"Well, I COULD cast healing magic on it. See if that wakes it up."

"You think chief would be okay with that? He'll probably want to see it first, right?"

"I won't tell if you don't. We'll just say that it woke up on its own."

"Hmm. Alright, deal."

"Awesome. Keep a hand on your axe, just in case."

"Ready."

"Laeh Ronim Tsac!"

A pleasant warmth began to spread throughout my body. Like getting a massage from a million fingers all at once. My grogginess began to ebb, and I opened my eyes. Things were blurry at first, but I was soon able to focus on the wooden ceiling. I don't know this ceiling... Wait, wooden ceiling? What kind of building has a wooden ceiling? A barn?

I sat up and looked around. The furniture in the room looked like it came straight out of a medieval movie, but a bad one that didn't pay attention to details. I was on a bed with woven sheets and a blanket, for one thing. For another, there were metal handles on some of the furniture. That wasn't a thing in medieval times, right?

Then the two people who were talking earlier caught my eye. Cosplayers? How'd they manage to look so big? One was wearing metallic armored pants and no top, showing off its rippling muscles. It looked as if it were scared of me, and it was holding a large serrated axe at its side. The other one was wearing a robe and carrying a staff with some sort of metal ball at the top.

All of these details about their appearances were striking, but the most striking thing was that they were both green. Green, pointy ears, and huge. Even hunched over, the robed one with the staff was probably 6'5". The one with the axe was pushing 6'10". The one with the staff grinned and showed a mouth full of very pointy teeth. Like an alligator's.

"Woah, careful there. You just woke up. Don't want you falling over," it said.

The words sounded weird. As if I weren't hearing them right. No, that's not it. The mouth movements are weird. It's like they're saying something else but it's dubbed over, with a hint of the original audio left in.

"W-where am I? Who are you? What are you?" I asked, trying not to panic.

My mouth felt weird when I spoke. Like I'm saying the words that I'm saying, but my mouth was moving differently. Like trying to make a tuh sound but making a kay sound instead. There was something else that was strange as well, but I couldn't figure it out.

"I'm Yulk," the grinning one said. "This is my brother, Nash. We're orcs."

"Yup, nice to meetcha. You're in Nuleva, a temporary orc settlement that's right outside of the Delver's Dungeon. We're hoping to make it a village someday," Nash said, taking his hand off his axe and crossing his arms.

"Orc?" I asked, getting used to the weird talking.

"Yes," Yulk said. "We're orcs. Now that we've answered your questions, I'd like to ask you one."

"Ask me a question?" I asked. "What do you..."

"What are you?" Nash interrupted impatiently.

I sat stunned for a moment. Orcs are real? And what do they mean what am I? I looked at my hands, the same ones I've always had. Even with the same scar I got as a kid, though the scar was looking a bit smaller now. I noticed I didn't have my shirt on and I quickly checked under the blanket. Yep, naked. Weird. All of this is weird. What the hell is going on? Nash cleared his throat, patiently waiting for me to answer his question.

"I'm a... human, and my name's N-nick. Short for Nicodemus. Nicodemus Liam Smith," I stammered as I pulled the blanket up a little bit more.

The two orcs shared a confused glance at each other before looking back to me. What's there to be confused about? Sure, Nicodemus is kind of a rare name, but it's not THAT rare. Hell, I used to get picked on for it all the time. The Secret of NIMH is singlehandedly the reason that I go by Nick.

Yulk turned back to me and asked, "What's a human?"

Huh?

"What?" I asked.

"I've never heard of a human before," Nash said, scratching his head. "What were you doin' locked away in the dungeon?"

"What dungeon? What do you mean you've never heard of a human?" I asked.

"Okay, wait," Yulk said. "Let's try not to make assumptions here. Let's start at the beginning and get on the same page. Nick, you're a human. We don't know what that is. Nash here found you in a secret room inside the Delver's Dungeon. You don't know how you got there?"

"No, the last thing I remember was walking home and..." I trailed off. "Oh, right."

"What?"

"I think I got hit by a truck."

"What's a truck?" Nash asked.

"It's like a... wagon or something that doesn't need anything to pull it," I said.

"Oh, we've got those," Nash said. "Right, Yulk?"

"Yes. We call them magicarts, but I suspect that they're not the same thing."

"Magi... carts? Carts pulled with magic?" I asked.

"Yep," both orcs replied in unison.

Wait. Wait wait wait. Orcs, magic, dungeons, getting hit by a truck... Did I get isekai'd? Or is this just a hallucination that my dying brain is showing me to protect me from the trauma of getting hit by a truck?

I suppose there's nothing I can do about this being a hallucination, so I have to go off the assumption that it's not. Which means finding a way back. Wait, if I got reincarnated or whatever to this place, then maybe Cass did as well!

"Have you seen any other things like me?" I asked. "Like, others in the dungeon? Any females? They usually have long hair and... larger breasts."

"Oh, so you're a male human?" Yulk asked. "I kinda guessed, but didn't want to be presumptuous."

"No, like I said earlier we haven't seen anything like you before," Nash said. Then he leaned closer to Yulk and asked quietly, "What's presumptuous mean?"

"It means not being able to observe what's appropriate or permitted in a social setting," Yulk whispered back.

Meanwhile, I was trying not to lose it. Cass is terminally ill with cancer, and I wasn't going to be there for her when she passed. I clenched my jaw and stared at the ceiling as I fought back tears. It's not fair. She doesn't deserve to be alone, and I promised. I promised her that I'd be by her side until the end.

"I take it that all this comes as a bit of a shock," Yulk said softly.

"Y-yeah. Yeah it does," I replied.

"Alright, well we'll let you process things. We've got to go tell the chief you're up. And then get yelled at for waking you up," Nash said. "We'll send someone in with food and drink in a bit."

"Wait," I said. "Where do I go to... defecate?"

Nash looked surprised and then pointed to the door opposite the one he and his brother were next to.

"That's the bathroom. Pull the handle to flush the toilet."

"Okay," I said, wiping my eyes.

The two orcs left the room. Indoor plumbing was unexpected, but I suppose I shouldn't be entirely surprised. There's magic here, and there's no telling what that magic can do. Maybe... Maybe it can return me to my world in time to be with Cass again. So that I can say goodbye. Or maybe even save her. I owe it to her to try, at least. She's made me happier than any man has a right to be.

The room started spinning a little bit, so I laid back down. How did I go from getting hit by a truck to being asleep in a dungeon anyway? And when you get isekai'd don't you normally get to talk to a sexy goddess or a pervy old god? Some exposition would have been nice.

It finally hit me what else felt weird about this place. The air. It smelt different, tasted weird, and was hotter than it should be. But all of these things weren't necessarily strange. You would get that just by going to a different city. No, what was strange was how it felt on my skin. A tingle that felt like it should be giving me goosebumps but wasn't. Very odd.

The door to the room opened and a short orc, still about 5'9" or so, entered holding a plate full of meat with a cup of something on it. Her green skin was slightly paler than the other two orcs, and she had an air of grace surrounding her that defied expectations. Like meeting a princess in a bandit camp.

What she was wearing definitely wasn't something that royalty would wear, though. It was an outfit that left little to the imagination. A skin-tight bikini top and very short shorts that exaggerated her ample curves. I tried not to stare, but noticed she was trembling and trying not to look at me as she set the platter down on a table next to my bed. Then she quickly turned and almost ran out of the room.

"Weird," I said under my breath.

I looked at the plate of meat. I guess this confirms that the orcs are carnivorous. I figured that was the case based on the teeth, though. Going to be hard to deal with a meat-only diet, since I'm not a fan of liver. At least they cook it. Would these guys farm? Maybe, for trade or to feed their domesticated animals. I'll have to ask.

I took a bite from one of the brown pieces of meat. The tart metallic taste made me grimace a bit. Liver. A necessity for omnivores on a meat-only diet, though. As I chewed the gamey meat I found myself hoping desperately that they had wild orange trees or something nearby. The white meat was far more palatable, though. It tastes similar to chicken, but not quite. Like a juicier version of quail.

I washed it down with the liquid in the cup. Plain old water, but it felt more refreshing than anything I've ever had. I wondered how long I had been unconscious in that dungeon they mentioned. Hopefully not long. I don't even know if time works the same here as it did on my world. There's too much I don't know.

I finished the food and suddenly realized how weak and tired I felt. Like I had been running around carrying heavy stuff all day. I was afraid to go back to sleep at first, but then I thought that if I go to sleep maybe I'll wake up in a proper hospital bed back in my world. Maybe this IS just a dream. Maybe I'll be able to see Cass again.

I'll do anything to see her again.