The Hedge Wizard

“It seems we’ve been blessed with another night beneath the stars,” Bud said. The rusty knight almost sounded pleased.

“That’s probably my fault,” Hump said wryly. “The gods hate us wizards.”

It was another cold, wet day of riding, and they’d passed neither inn nor farm. Somehow that did nothing to dull his new companion’s spirits. Bud rode with his head held high through wind and rain, always with a childlike glee in his eyes as if every place he looked might harbour the start of his grand adventure. Hump knew enough to know the harsh reality of the world—if he looked too hard, all he’d find was bandits in these hills. There was no such thing as fairy tales.

There had been a time when Hump had believed such things existed. He’d looked at the Chosen of the gods in their shining armour and been captivated. Turns out, even heroes lose their shine when they’re dead in the mud. Wizards couldn’t afford such ideals. They had no godly boons, no blessings or skills, only the spells they learnt through study and practice. Those passed on from master to apprentice, generation to generation.

Wizards found their own answers, for the gods sure as hell didn’t give them any clues.

Bud chuckled. “I’m sure it’s nothing personal. The gods work in mysterious ways.”

“Never seemed so mysterious to me. The Wizards’ Law is certain: whatever you hope will happen, won’t happen.”

“Now that’s just ridiculous.”

Hump shrugged. “Travel with me long enough and you’ll see just how true it is. When I want sun, I get rain. When I want an inn, I get empty lands of nothingness. When I want a quiet, undisturbed night beside my fire, a rusty knight shows up and scares the shit out of me.”

Bud scratched the back of his head, a goofy grin on his face. “I said I was sorry about that. And you can’t expect the gods to plant an inn along the road just because you’re tired of sleeping outside!”

“Maybe not an inn… Would it have hurt them to have a merchant pass us by though? Just a little effort, that’s all I’m asking.”

“It is not for the gods to appease us,” Bud said. “Perhaps you bring bad luck upon yourself. I’d heard wizards went against the norm, but you’re asking for trouble.”

“You worried I’ll rub off on you?” Hump gave a mocking smile. “Kelisia might not be too pleased to know one of her honoured knights is travelling with a wizard. Not that she’d notice; she’d have to be listening for that.”

“I’m not so sure. Perhaps it was more than mere luck that I found you.”

Hump laughed. “There’s a theory. Perhaps she really is watching over us. In which case…” He gazed up at the dark clouds, raised his hands over his head, beseeching the heavens. “Send me an inn!” he called. When nothing happened, he frowned and looked at Bud. “See, she’s not interested.”

Bud’s eyes went wide, his mouth dropped open. He looked from Hump to the sky as if waiting for a lightning bolt to strike him down. Finally, he shook his head in disbelief. “You’re a brave man, Hump.”

“I’m telling you, wizards are just cursed. That’s the life we chose.” Hump paused and rubbed his chin. “Though maybe having you about won’t be so bad. You are a Chosen after all, perhaps you’ll balance it out.”

“I fear it would take more than a single knight to balance you out.” He glanced about the surrounding hills. “But I shall pray She doesn’t decide to bring bandits down upon us in the night.”

“Pray all you want, but just in case she’s not listening after all, I’ll cast my veils over the camp too. Not that it did me any good last night.”

Strange as Bud might be, Hump was glad to have him along. He kept his mind away from thoughts of the old man and the lonely road ahead. Bud had the mannerisms of a lord but lacked the pride and narcissism that usually came with it. From what Hump had pieced together, he was likely some lord from one of the estates nearby. No doubt ran off after a disagreement with his daddy. Either way, Hump found himself taking a liking to the knight.

Whether by Kelisia’s mercy or wizardry, the bandits left them undisturbed that night. And by noon the next day, they had left the Brookwood behind for the farmland of Bledsbury. The shadows of the afternoon were growing long when they finally reined in atop a hill that overlooked the town. It sat far below in the basin of the valley, dwarfed by the lake along which it was built. Farms quilted the hills from where they stood all the way down to the town. Across the lake was thick forest, only broken by a long, grey road that wound its way through. The Mountain Road. The reason the king had placed a prize to clear this dungeon.

“It’s magnificent,” Bud said.

Hump nodded.

“Have you been here before?”

“No,” Hump said. “Most of my apprenticeship was spent in the south. We don’t have so many hills down there. You?”

“Not once. Amidst all my training, there was little room for travel. To think I would never have seen this if I hadn’t left home.”

“This type of terrain makes for hard travelling,” Hump said. “The horses won’t like it.”

“My Asoltef can handle it,” Bud said, patting the stallion’s neck.

“Good,” Hump said, urging Prancer onward. “But it’s not the stallion I’m worried about. Let’s hope someone in town knows where the dungeon is.”

Bud followed at his side, eyes wandering the mountains surrounding them, roaming over the great lake below. Hump could almost hear his mind ticking.

“It almost seems a shame not to find a nice spot along the lakeshore and set up camp,” Bud said. “Why be indoors when we could be out here? One with nature.” He took a deep, deep breath and let out a long sigh.

“Feel free,” Hump grumbled. “You want to spend another night getting pissed on by the heavens, I won’t stop you. Myself, I want a hot meal and an even hotter bath.”

“You’re right. I know it. But all my life I’ve spent cooped up in the city. It’s been rather nice to spend some time out on the open road, man against the elements. It’s almost primeval.” He paused. “A hot meal does sound nice though.”

It was a deceptively long way to the town, and twilight graced the sky when the sound of music and voices reached Hump from an inn. They’d made it. “Thank the gods,” Hump said, and for once he meant it.

The Lake in a Bottle was packed with twice as many people as there was space for, squashed up on long, makeshift tables and benches that had been set up in rows to make room for as many as they could. Built of rough and polished timber, the inn was two stories tall—an impressive size by the standard of most small towns, but not enough to house all those that had flocked for the dungeon.

Hump breathed deeply, mouth salivating. “Can you smell that?”

Bud scrunched his nose. “Smoke, stale ale, and sweat. Indeed I do.”

“Not that you rusty fool. Food!”

“Well yes, that too.”

The innkeeper handed five mugs full of ale to a serving girl as they approached, then wiped down the counter. He was a thin man with dishevelled greying hair, and tired eyes. When he spotted them, he looked more stressed than pleased. “Ain’t got no more roofs if that’s what you want. We’re stuffed as a pig.”

Hump scrunched his nose. Maybe they would be camping by the lake after all.

“What about food and beer?” Hump asked. “Oh, and a bath.”

“No baths for diners.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” he said blandly.

“No, you do not. Just the food then.”

He nodded. “What’ll it be? We’ve lamb and boar on the spit. Chowder in the pot.”

“I’ll have the lamb,” Hump said.

“What about you big fella?” he asked Bud, who was looking around the room as if he’d walked into a zoo.

“What? Oh. The chowder if you would. And have you got any cheeses? And a flagon of wine would go down splendid.”

He nodded and looked at Hump. “Drink?”

Hump grinned. “Beer.”

“Susie!” He shouted to the back. “One lamb, one chowder!” He turned back to them. “Copper for yours,” he said to Hump. “Four for the big man.”

Hump looked at his lordling friend expectantly. For a moment, Bud appeared confused. Then in a panic he slapped his hand to his belt, searching along it. His eyes widened.

“No!” Hump growled. Eyes wide. Pure shock stormed through him. “You didn’t!”

“I…” Bud winced. He had the same face Hump had seen a hundred times.

Hump glanced at the innkeeper then back to Bud. He stepped closer to the knight, and whispered, “Tell me you didn’t leave without your coin.”

“I… erm, well. I left in somewhat of a hurry.”

“You’re a knight!” Hump snapped. “How could you have no coin?”

“Either pay or leave,” the innkeeper said. “Not sure you noticed, but we’re a bit busy.”

Hump gritted his teeth, so angry and hungry he could have tossed the knight out onto the street. But the fantasy was fleeting. Bitterly, he took two coppers from his purse. “Forget the wine, he’s having beer too. And no cheese.”

The innkeeper nodded and poured out their drinks.

Hump glared at Bud. “You owe me a bloody castle.”

Bud grinned. “You truly have Kelisia’s generosity—”

“Don’t say it,” Hump snapped. “Don’t you dare say it. This is my generosity. You owe me!”

It didn’t take long for a woman to bring out their dishes. She nodded toward the tables. “Find yourselves a seat.”

Hump stared at his beer on the counter. Plate in one hand, staff in the other, he was stumped. For all the spells he knew, he lacked the truly important ones.

The woman looked at him as if he were an idiot. “Someone will bring it over for you. Stop standing around and find yourself a seat.”

Hump smiled awkwardly and nodded. “Thanks.” But when he turned around, his shoulders slumped. “Easier said than done,” he muttered.

Oddities always seemed to gather in places like this, looking for work just as he was. And always with more sharp and pointy things than he’d have liked. There were few places one could find outlaws sharing tables with soldiers, mercenaries with adventurers, vagabonds with thieves, or a duo of Northmen the size of bears with pale white skin sitting in the corner nearest the fire, and a woman sat between them with long braided hair. Hump made a point to stay away from those last ones. All would be competition for the king’s grand bounty: the dungeon core.

Not that Hump expected to claim that prize. He’d be happy to get away with a few midweight heartstones and gold coins. Unlikely enough to purchase any spell higher than Tier 1, but it would keep him going till his next job.

“Right,” Hump said, searching for seats. “Go find us some of Kelisia’s generosity.”

“Over there.” Bud pointed.

Hump followed his finger to a gang of that could have easily passed for bandits or sellswords. They looked six pints in already. They didn’t have much in the way of armour, but they had the broken noses and scars to show they lived the rough life. Not the best of company, but there were two vacant seats at the end of their table and Hump was too hungry to care.

The moment they sat down the table went quiet. Mugs clattered to the table and the six men gave them a wicked look.

The broad-shouldered man at the centre of the table leant forward and looked at them with a toothy smile. He had dark eyes and dark hair, and the stare he gave them was darker still. “Hello there,” he said, loud enough for the whole room to hear. “I’m Nel. What’s your name, knight?”

“Bud of Blackthorne,” Bud proclaimed. He extended a hand. “Pleased to meet you.”

The man grinned but didn’t take it. “You in town for the dungeon?”

“You guessed it,” Hump said.

“I wasn’t talking to you, kid,” he growled. “Shut your mouth.”

Bud stiffened. “There’s no need to be rude.”

Nel laughed loudly. Slowly, he rose from his chair and sauntered over to stand behind Bud. He rested a knobbly hand on Bud’s shoulder. “Funny you should say that. I always heard a lot of good things about you knights. You reckon you’ll take home the treasure?”

“It’s my first time in a dungeon,” Bud said, frowning at the man’s hand. “I don’t expect too much, but a man can hope, eh?”

“Well put. You see, my friends and I need the coin. Where a man like you, well, the armour’s got to cost more than I’ve ever had. Right?”

“Believe me,” Hump said, “he’s broke as they come. And that armour’s rusted to shit.”

“Kid,” Nel looked at him with hollow eyes. “I told you to keep your mouth shut. You interrupt me again and I’ll smash your teeth in.”

Hump stared at him. His grip tightened on his staff. A part of him wanted to blast the man. In a one-one-one he was confident he could take him, but with his friends nearby those odds plummeted. That, and the innkeeper would kick him out if he started a fight, whether it was his fault or not.

Bud stood, nearly seven feet of metal and muscle, shoving off Nel’s hand and looming over the man. “Now you’re going too far,” he growled.

Nel squared up to Bud, but being at least a head shorter than the knight, it was more amusing than threatening. “Sit the fuck down,” Nel snarled.

Bud placed a hand on Nel’s shoulder. “I think that’s enough.”

As one, the rest of Nel’s group were on their feet. The music in the inn went quiet, and Hump felt all eyes turn to watch.

Hump glanced at the lamb on his plate and sighed. He started to stand, but one of Nel’s lackies tried to stop him. Hump pointed his staff at the man, gathering his will. “Blast,” he whispered, essence flowed into his staff. The runes shimmered faintly blue, and power pulsed from the crystal. Hump hadn’t put much strength into it, but it was enough to send the man stumbling back. He tripped on the leg of the bench, crashing to the floor entangled with the legs of the man behind him.

And then Hump was on his feet, his staff poised to launch another spell, his left hand ready at his side. The few pieces of battle magic he knew were the prize of his collection. They required only short incantations and movements. Hump could practically taste the words on his lips, calling to him, lulling him to let loose the ancient power. “I wouldn’t start anything if I were you,” he said instead. To emphasise his point, he channelled a little extra essence into his staff. The crystal pulsed with blue light.

The closest two recoiled, covering their faces, expecting a second blast. Hump gave them his most pleasant smile.

For a long moment, the inn was silent with tense trepidation. Hump’s gaze moved between the sellswords. Each of them stayed back, glancing at each other, waiting for someone else to make the first move. Good, Hump thought. That’s what they get for picking a fight with a hungry wizard.

On the next table along, another man stood up—a soldier from the looks of him. “There a problem here?” He wasn’t as tall as Nel, let alone Bud, but he had the build of a man that had trained all his life, and the fair hair common in those of the south.

Nel glanced at him, then back to Bud. His lips tightened into a sinister smile and he looked Bud right in the eye. “Course not. No problem at all.” He shrugged Bud’s hand from his shoulder and stepped back. “We’re all friends here.” Hump noticed the sneer on the man’s face as he sat back down, the rest of his lackies following hesitantly.

Bud was still frowning at the sellsword. His type might not be common in the inns the lordling was used to, but most low-level dungeons had their rogues in Hump’s experience. They never messed with the old man though. He had an aura to him that made it clear to everyone that he was not a person to be taken advantage of.

“Leave them,” the soldier said. “They’re not worth the trouble. You two best find yourself another table.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Hump said. “Thanks for your help.”

The soldier nodded. “Dangerous place for two young lads. Look out for yourselves.” He took his seat, the other soldiers continuing as if nothing happened.

Hump picked up his plate and sighed. All he wanted was a hot meal.

This would never have happened to the old man, he thought bitterly.