NOVEL NEXT Chapter 3
Chapter 3 Goblin Head Soup 3
The term “massacre broadcast” might sound grandiose, but its concept is simple.
It involves entering a dungeon alone, hunting all the monsters, or killing the boss mob by oneself—that’s the main content.
As I mentioned earlier, having a Hunter certificate of at least B-rank is the minimum requirement for these massacre broadcasts, but merely possessing the certificate doesn’t guarantee approval.
The broadcasting station and the Hunter Association must first assess whether the applicant is skilled enough to freely broadcast from inside a dungeon.
Only after multiple rounds of evaluations and interviews does one barely receive the permission to conduct a massacre broadcast.
The stringent review process arose due to various incidents early on.
When the Great Rift event first stabilized, new societal orders were established.
But in the beginning, they permitted practically anyone to broadcast dungeon massacres, resulting in numerous low-level hunters being brutally slaughtered on-air within just 10 minutes of entering the dungeon.
Of course, without strict regulations, some people would go to extreme lengths to attract attention.
In fact, there was even an insane incident where a regular person hired a hunter for a live commentary, only to get spotted by a monster the hunter missed, leading to the broadcaster’s death live on-screen.
In short, the dungeon massacre broadcast nowadays serves as a guarantee of sorts: “I can conquer this dungeon while interacting with viewers and maintaining an entertaining vibe as if I were strolling in a park. Even if ambushed, I’ll still walk out unscathed.”
Naturally, skilled hunters don’t bother with broadcasting, as they’re not hunting for money.
Even though Hunter streamers have gained widespread popularity in recent years, top-ranked S or A-class hunters can earn heaps of money just by participating in a few raids.
Their basic salary from the state is substantial, so unless a hunter enjoys streaming or urgently needs money from donations, high-ranked massacre broadcasts have become a rare sight.
The fact that the broadcast permit itself is hard to come by has made massacre broadcasts increasingly scarce.
Recently, these broadcasts have mostly been about A to B-class hunters who are short on cash, taking on C to D-class dungeons just to generate interest.
Still, the appeal remains for viewers: watching a hunter’s dynamic action, live bloodshed, and the thrill of dominating a dungeon with raw power.
Yet, seeing truly top-tier S-class hunters or other formidable individuals engage in massacre broadcasts has practically become non-existent.
For reference, just because a dungeon is ranked A doesn’t mean an A-class hunter can solo it, overcome its harsh terrain, and defeat the boss alone.
Unless it’s a dungeon without any particular mechanics or mobs, only the boss standing there, that might be an exception…
But in an A-class dungeon, every single monster is ranked A, and the terrain, difficulty, mechanics, monster distribution, and number of mobs make for an average A-rank challenge.
Unless you’re an S-class or someone with overwhelming talent capable of reaching S-class, it’s generally recommended that a party of at least three A-class hunters tackle such dungeons.
-What’s the grade of this dungeon, though, Streamer?
“I don’t know either.”
-Really?
-Really??
-Why not??
-You shouldn’t not know, you know that, right?
-Is this a debate now? Seriously, how can you not know?
“I came here because an acquaintance recommended it. The Association hasn’t officially planned a strategy for this dungeon yet. The external erosion rate is as low as C-class.”
-If the erosion rate is C-class, then it must be a C-class dungeon, right?
-Yeah, C-class for sure.
-If goblins are appearing, it’s obviously C-class. LOL.
-Nope, there are dungeons with an external C-class erosion rate but an A-rank interior.
“Yeah, as one of you viewers pointed out, erosion rate and dungeon difficulty don’t always align. It’s been a few years since the Great Rift occurred, and we still don’t know everything about it, apparently.”
Crunch!
As I said this, I grabbed the head of a goblin that had been trying to ambush me from behind a tree.
It probably didn’t expect that I would punch through the tree and grab its head, so the goblin shrieked, struggling to escape. But before it could even scream, I crushed its skull with my hand.
Pop!
“But seeing as there are only goblins here… It probably is C-class. Maybe even D-class.”
-Wow, you smashed it like tofu. LOL.
-Streamer, how did you even notice the one behind the tree?
-OMG LOL, it just exploded.
By the way, viewers watching the broadcast don’t actually see the guts or blood.
The smart AI drone cameras filter out the gore for the sake of sensitivity.
For example, blood appears white like milk, and if bones or organs are crushed, that part gets slightly censored or replaced with something else.
And so, I kept on slashing through goblins for a while.
For about an hour, I found and killed goblins one after another, while the fleshy tentacles on my back secretly devoured their bodies.
At some point, I got so full that I stopped eating to avoid catching the viewers’ attention.
Rather than a massacre broadcast, it had turned into a chatting stream, more like a Just Chatting broadcast.
“Since the goblin head soup failed, what will I eat next? Obviously, goblin head soup.”
-What??
-Excuse me?
-What did you say???
-???
-What?!
-Our Saintess has truly lost her mind.
-Please stop. Our saintly maiden simply wants to babble nonsense.
-LOL Saintess of Babble XD.
-I’m seriously going to lose it now.
“Think about it for a second…”
Crack!
Before I could answer the chat, I rushed over and killed a small goblin squad that had been about to shoot arrows from afar.
That little goblin shooting arrows ruined my soup!
“An enemy of my soup!”
Screeech!!
Splat!
I hit it so hard with my fist, imbued with righteous vengeance, that the goblin’s body exploded like it had been hit by a bomb.
-You, Saintess, just do whatever you want….
-You’re crazy strong.
-Whoever dates the Saintess is going to have their guts blasted, right?
-Banned.
-That’s over the line. LOL.
-‘Halkard’ has been kicked.
“Oh my, I didn’t even mean to ban anyone, but it looks like the admin couldn’t hold back. You all better suck up to the admin instead of me, okay?”
-Admin, sir, loyal and obedient, salute^^7.
-^^7.
-^^7.
-^7.
-^^&^^&.
-The admin is more powerful than the streamer in this broadcast.
“So, as I was saying… I don’t fail when it comes to cooking. I’ll definitely eat it.”
-Saintess, please do whatever you want… as long as you’re happy.
-Then make soup with the goblins you just killed.
-Yeah, right, as if their bodies aren’t completely splattered. LOL.
“By the way, regular goblins taste bad. I’d never make anything with them. The one I was going to use for soup earlier was a rare Hobgoblin.”
-Was the Hobgoblin the dungeon boss by any chance?
-If it was, the dungeon would’ve been fully cleared by now.
-But how do you know regular goblins taste bad?
-?
-?
-??.
-? Wait, huh?
-You didn’t… eat one, did you? LOL.
Wow, these sharp little bastards.
“No comment.”
-LOL.
-LOL.
-?
-Did she actually eat one?
-LOL.
-Did she really eat one? LOL.
“Okay, fine. I ate one.”
-LOL, she’s lost it.
-LOL.
-LOL.
-LOL.
-Did you seriously eat one???
-Saintess, do whatever you want, but please stop eating random things.
-When did you even eat one??
“I didn’t eat it today. Back when I was experimenting with making Hobgoblin soup, I did a bit of research.”
But regular goblins were not only disgusting but pure filth and disease incarnate.
“To describe it, imagine eating a cockroach raw. No, at least cockroaches taste somewhat like shrimp if you keep eating them, but regular goblins are like devouring a festering plague no matter how much I purify them. The taste is bitter as hell, and the texture is god-awful. The tiny hairs on their bodies don’t come off, so when their hairy scalp touches the roof of my mouth, it’s enough to make me puke. I rarely feel the urge to vomit from eating, but that almost did me in.”
-Oh gross, damn.
-That’s some vivid description.
-Saintess, please don’t eat goblin scalps…
-I’m gonna throw up after dinner. LOL.
-Why would you even eat that, you crazy woman?
-Saintess… do everything you want, but please stop eating everything.
[‘HalfChickenHalfBoneless’ has donated 30,000 won!]
-By the way, have you eaten a cockroach before, streamer?
-LOL, Bug Saint.
-I feel like she probably has. LOL.
“If I told you about one of my survival stories from that other world, you’d be bawling your eyes out…”
[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 100,000 won!]
-“Please stop babbling and just do the broadcast.”
-LOL.
-LOL.
-LMAO, emotional bait shutdown.
-No room for emotional bait from a Returnee streamer anymore. LOL.
“What the…”
Emotional bait?
My past stories before returning here were filled with epic sagas of heroes and witches…
Well, what’s the point of bringing it up now?
As the viewers said, to the people of this world, it might just seem like some emotional manipulation.
There were even some returnees who faked their stories like a novel, only to get caught.
Whether that guy was a clout chaser or trying to make money, I’m not sure, but ever since then, people stopped blindly believing the stories of returnees.
Even the immigration office that manages returnees supposedly has hunters with lie detection and truth-reading abilities.
“Ahem, anyway, regular goblins are disgusting. But rare variants like Hobgoblins are really tasty.”
-Yeah, it got smashed before you could taste it. LOL.
-Ground: slurp Goblin soup.
-LMAO.
-Slurping sound effects. LOL.
-Slurp, seriously?! LOL.
-Are you mocking my cooking now?
“Hey, admin, kick the viewer who just ‘slurped’ my soup!”
[Middle finger emoji]
-LOL.
-LOL.
-LOL.
-LMAO, even the admin’s more powerful than the streamer.
-Well, telling them to kick was a joke.
After chatting with the viewers and killing ambushing goblins, I realized that I had circled the entire forest.
But something felt off.
Usually, whether it’s a C or D-class dungeon, there is always a boss monster.
The boss monster is what maintains the dungeon’s existence and gives the dungeon its purpose.
Yet no matter how much I explored this forest dungeon, I didn’t find anything unusual.
This dungeon was just a dense forest, ideal for goblins to inhabit and ambush in. Other than that, and the slightly cool temperature, it wasn’t much different from an ordinary forest.
“This is strange. The dungeon isn’t ending.”
-Yeah, where’s the boss?
-What, is it sleeping underground?
-Sandworm?
-Sandworms are only in desert dungeons!
-Ew, reminds me of the time the streamer ate sandworm sashimi.
-Streamer ate it like it was a feast.
-Disgusting, you mean.
“With an erosion rate of only C-class, and seeing only goblins, the danger level feels more like D-class. Their weapons were just clubs, rusty swords, and arrows.”
If there were a typical lower-tier boss for a C or D-class dungeon, I would have found it by now.
But the Hobgoblin I had caught earlier, which I was going to make soup out of, was just a rare variant, not the boss.
And no matter how much I rampaged around, there was no sign of a boss monster.
[Blow it up, if you want.]
At that moment, I got a whisper from the admin.
Her insight was sharper than mine, so maybe she had figured something out.
“Everyone, I just got some advice from the admin.”
-What did they say?
-If the admin speaks, we listen.
I controlled the tentacles on my back, wrapping them around my hand.
At the same time, divine energy began gathering at the tips of my tentacles and hand.
The tentacles helped steady my grip as the tremendous holy power grew more concentrated, eventually becoming so strong that it was visible to the viewers.
-LOL, what is that?
-That’s insane…
-OH WOW OH WOW.
-Do whatever you want, Saintess!!
-BLOW IT UP!!!
-SHE’S GONNA KILL US ALL!!
-The streamer’s so mad the boss didn’t show up, she’s blowing up the whole dungeon! LOL.
“Don’t worry. I made sure there are no people around.”
Besides, I was the only one authorized to enter this dungeon anyway.
The condensed holy power became so intense it warped the surrounding space, and I could feel the weight of it in my hand.
“Since the boss won’t come out, I’ll just wipe everything out. If nothing shows up after this, well… it’s probably hiding underground.”
-Something big is coming!
-Streamer’s gonna blow up the cameras again, LOL.
-She did that last time, LOL.
-Oh, that time! LMAO.
[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 50,000 won!]
-Thanks for the view, streamer!
“Thanks for the donation. Alright, I’m blowing it up. Adjust your volume; it’s going to be loud.”
After warning the viewers, I gripped the mass in my hand.
[Miracle – Sacred Ruin]
BOOOOM!
I unleashed the miracle, compressing and releasing the immense holy power.
If you gather and compress hunter mana to a similar degree, they say you could wipe out an entire village. But what I was using was denser than mana—the divine energy itself.
As it exploded, the force it created was akin to a nuclear blast, obliterating everything in the vicinity.
“…Ugh, my ears… Can you hear me?”
Of course, I had shielded the drones filming me with holy power.
I once blew up a bunch of expensive cameras while using this move before.
The price wasn’t the issue, but the time it took to manufacture and deliver new cameras meant I couldn’t stream for a while, and that was a big loss.
-What happened?
-LOL.
-Wasn’t this a forest dungeon?
-It’s a wasteland now! LOL.
-LOL.
After quickly glancing at the chat, I surveyed the surroundings.
The once lush forest, along with the goblins’ hiding spots, was completely gone.
Nothing was left…
“…Or is there?”
Now that the trees were gone, I realized why the dungeon boss hadn’t shown itself.
The small crevice where the goblins seemed to be hiding had been deepened by my miracle, and from it, dense erosion energy began seeping out, prickling my skin.
As I approached, I saw the familiar distortion of space typical of a dungeon gate.
This isn’t the exit, though?
-What is that?
-What’s happening?
-What is it?
-That thing…
[‘CrazyCrazy’ has donated 150,000 won!]
-That’s a camouflaged dungeon. How did you find it?
“What’s a camouflaged dungeon? Do you guys know?”
-What’s that, nerd?
-Camouflaged dungeon? No idea.
-No idea.
-I KNOW!
[‘KawaiiHorned’ has donated 10,000 won!]
-It’s a dungeon within a dungeon. The outer dungeon’s erosion rate only registers as C or D-class, but there’s actually another gate inside, masking the true danger. The real erosion rate is super high, probably A-class or more. The difficulty would be too much for one person.
“Oh, so the dungeon tricked us, huh?”
-Yup, yup, yup.
-But if that’s true, isn’t that super dangerous?
-Streamer, get out of there!
-Yeah, it’s definitely dangerous.
In simpler terms, the dungeon master, whether intending to invade the human world or hide, had deliberately concealed the true erosion rate by creating a dungeon within a dungeon.
As the viewers said, if this was indeed a camouflaged dungeon, its rank would skyrocket.
And if I crossed through that gate, it might not just be a few goblins waiting inside.
Wait… if that’s true…
“Does that mean… there might be elite goblins or rare variants in there?”
-?
-Huh?
-What??
-What??
-Saintess, no.
-Streamer, STOP!
-STOP IT, LOL.
It was too late.
My decision was swift and clear.
-LMAO, why is she going in? LOL.
-I said it’s dangerous, LOL.
-She’s really going in!
-You crazy woman!!
-STOP!
-LMAO, she never listens, LOL.
-She’s seriously insane, LOL.
-Isn’t this what a massacre broadcast is all about? LOL.
-Exactly, LOL.
Before the viewers could react, I dove into the camouflaged dungeon.
I mean, they said there might be elite goblins or rare variants in there!
How could I resist the chance to remake my goblin head soup?
[You’re seriously crazy.]
The admin’s whisper tickled my ear, but I chose to ignore it.