The Divine and the Damned

My teeth ground against each other in anger and confusion.

How? Why?

What the hell was happening?

Why did Dawn's smile and words make me… feel?

I used to hate her.

Whatever the reason, it didn't matter. It couldn't matter. She was Dragos' girlfriend—my brother's happiness.

I couldn't feel this. I wouldn't feel this.

My hands balled into fists at my side and I stood up abruptly, startling Dawn.

"Training's over for today," I said harshly.

Dawn's face fell in surprise. "Azrael…"

"Dragos or Rafael can pick up where I left off tomorrow," I replied brusquely, sauntering away before she could reply.

I couldn't let whatever that was, grow. Not for Dawn. Not for my brother's sake. And definitely not for my own.

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The next day, I avoided her like the influenza. I had breakfast in my room, and when afternoon came, I went downstairs to train in one of the orchards, hoping to exert whatever emotion had decided to rear its ugly head yesterday.

I was just finishing up when Dragos found me, drenched in sweat.

He raised a brow. "I can't remember the last time you trained this hard. You've never needed it."

I avoided his gaze. "There's no such thing as too much training. Can't have myself slacking off."

"Is that the case?" He asked, walking towards me "'Cause, to me, it seems to me like you're avoiding everybody."

He stepped closer, arms still crossed. "Had breakfast in your room. Didn't show your face to anyone. Came straight here to train" He counted each point on his fingers.

Dragos' eyes were curious. "Dawn said you ended training early yesterday. That you seemed… off."

"I'm not the right person to train her. I'm too hard. You know that," I said, staring at the practice dummy, now marred by the brutal slashes of my sword.

"I might have changed…" I began, then caught myself, "...or at least, I'm trying to. But that doesn't soften my methods. You or Rafael should take over."

Dragos was smart. I couldn't let him catch on to the real reason I was keeping my distance from Dawn.

He stepped up beside me, his gaze falling on the damaged dummy. Clicking his tongue in mock sympathy, he looked at me. "Save all that talk for yourself. She wants you"

I stilled. "What?"

"Dawn wants you to train her," Dragos clarified, picking up my sword, Bane, and examining the fine details on the hilt.

"Why would she want that?" I asked.

My heart began to beat faster again, but I slammed a balled fist against it.

Silence, traitor.

Dragos frowned at the action. "You okay? Why'd you do that?"

"Palpitations," I lied.

His brows squeezed in concern. "Are those the only symptoms of the curse you're experiencing? Apart from the tremors?"

"Yes," I lied again. There were more—muscle spasms, tightness in my chest, almost constricting my heart. Coughing fits. But I didn't want to worry him any further.

"Why does Dawn want me to train her?" I asked again, keeping my tone as bored as possible.

Dragos dropped Bane to the ground and looked at me. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

I picked up a bottle of water and ripped off the lid. "I don't see why that's necessary."

As I gulped down the contents, Dragos continued. "I think she wants to understand you… get to know you better. Bond with you," he explained. "Isn't that a good thing? She's willing to forgive your past misdeeds toward her."

I threw the now-empty bottle to the ground and wiped the sweat from my face with a handkerchief. "I don't want her trying to understand me. Or bond with me, Dragos. What I want is for us to deal with this mess of helping her with her powers so she doesn't kill us."

Dragos frowned as he studied me "You're acting strange. Something's wrong"

"Nothing's wrong" I replied defensively, taking off my sweat-drenched T-shirt and wringing it out.

He moved closer, peering at me with those curious golden-brown eyes. "Whatever it is, I'll find out"

"Good luck with that, little brother," I smirked as I bent to pick my sword up, sheathing it. 

I left him standing there and headed back to the mansion, only to run into Dawn along the way. Caught off guard, I glanced back toward where I'd left Dragos, then back at her, briefly wondering if they'd planned this ambush, but the surprise on her face gave me the confirmation I needed that they hadn't set me up.

"Azrael," she called.

"Dawn," I replied, suddenly hating my appearance. I was shirtless and sweaty, and my long hair was tied back messily.

A blush crept up her neck as her eyes took in my naked torso.

"Are you avoiding me?" she demanded.

It took a moment before I replied, and when I did, I lied. Again.

Lying was coming far too easily to me these days.

"No."

"No?" She looked unconvinced. "Did I do something?"

"No. I'm not avoiding you."

She inched closer, arms akimbo, standing on her toes as she fixed me with a serious stare.

I noticed the light freckles scattered across her nose, so faint they were almost invisible. My gaze dropped to her perfectly shaped lips with a full upper and lower curve… perfect freaking lips.

A lock of red hair had escaped from her bun, falling softly across her face.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

My heart hammered in my chest.

Before I could stop myself, my hand reached out, and I tucked the stray strand behind her ear.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Even louder now.

Dawn's eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at me.

That's when I realized what I'd done.

I snapped back to my senses, a slight feeling of panic coming over me. I wanted to rip off my own arm and heart—the traitors that were acting on their own.

Without speaking, I moved around her and continued toward the mansion, my strides faster than before.

"Wait!" Dawn called, hurrying after me. "We're not done talking, Azrael!"

She caught up to me. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

I didn't look at her, unable to even trust myself.

"Was it because you opened up a bit about your past?" she asked again. "That's fine, Azrael"

I guffawed. "Trust me, that's not it"

I stopped walking for a moment, glancing at her. "Nothing's wrong. Just leave it be"

I do not have feelings for you.

I do not have feelings for you.

I do not have feelings for you.

I repeated it over and over in my mind, a mantra meant to kill this thing inside me before it could grow.

Dawn's voice hardened in frustration. "You're lying. I can feel it."

I tilted my head, turning fully to face her, forcing myself to keep my expression cold. "You can feel it?"I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just can"

I fought back a groan.

Please tell me lie detection wasn't one of the Divine Purge's abilities, because if it was, I was utterly done for. 

"I can't really put it into words, but I feel more deeply and I'm more sensitive to what others are feeling, now." She sighed. "I can sense emotions more clearly. Does that make any sense?"

It made sense. Her powers were growing, making her more attuned to emotions. A bitter laugh nearly escaped my lips.

Perfect. Just what I needed.

"I understand you, but you're wrong," I said coldly. "If you think I'm lying, that's just your mind playing tricks on you."

"Oh, really, Mr Vlad?" She leaned in again, and I instinctively leaned back, turning my head sharply to the side. 

Damn her persistence.

"Yes," I said through my teeth.

Dawn let out a breath. "I thought we were getting somewhere, Azrael... making progress, especially after you opened up about your past," She sounded frustrated. "What's going on with you? Are we back to square one?"

I remained rigid. Dragos could show up anytime, and I didn't want him getting involved in this. 

Getting somewhere. Making progress. Toward what? Friendship?

I couldn't be her friend. I couldn't be anything to her. Not when I was feeling… this. I thought I'd sleep it off, that the feeling would pass overnight, but when, for the first time in centuries, my dreams weren't of Lily but of a certain five-foot-six redhead with piercing green eyes and a tiny waist, I knew I was doomed.

Why Dawn, of all people? I'd thought myself incapable of feeling anything since 1464, in fact, I'd sworn off it, but then, out of nowhere, my heart had the audacity to start beating again, and for her, of all people.

Curses on Dragavei. Curses on the universe. Curses on me and my inconsiderate heart.

I let out a cold laugh. "Listen, Dawn. Don't get the wrong idea." I began. "Just because I switched sides doesn't mean we're suddenly friends. We're not. You're my brother's girl, and I respect that, but it doesn't change anything between us. It doesn't mean we're going to get any closer." I bent just enough to look into her eyes. "I don't do 'friendship.' If I gave you the wrong impression yesterday, that was a mistake on my part. I'm sorry." 

Rising to my full height, I broke eye contact. Hurting her was harder than I thought, and I didn't want to cause her more pain than I already had. The look in her eyes had changed.

 "I regret how I treated you before, but that's as far as it goes."

Her face fell, hurt evident in her eyes for a split second before she quickly hid it. It made me feel bad.

Dawn shook her head and scoffed. "This is what I get for forgiving you too easily." Her voice was soft, wounded.

My nails dug into my palms, drawing blood.

Pushing her away was the best thing because only in her hatred could she see me as the monster undeserving of compassion or friendship. Only in her hatred would she stop looking at me with those beautiful eyes or smiling so warmly in that way that made me want what I could never have.

Only in her hatred could she keep her distance, far away from the chaos that was my existence.

So I stayed rooted to the spot even as she walked away. 

I had done a horrible thing. In the history of betrayals, I'd committed the ultimate one.

I'd fallen for my brother's girl, and it was a secret I'd take to my grave.