The Disastrous Life of Saiki

Saiki (thinking): I just want a quiet day. No interruptions, no chaos. Is that too much to ask?

(Saiki walks into the school library, hoping to get some peace. But as soon as he steps inside, he spots Satou sitting at a table alone, reading a book with a plain simple look on his face.)

Saiki (thinking): Of course, Satou gets to sit there in perfect peace. No one bothers him. Why can't I have that kind of life?

(Suddenly, Saiki feels a tug on his sleeve. He turns to see Toritsuka.)

Toritsuka (panicking): Saiki! You have to help me! I've got a HUGE problem!

Saiki (thinking): Here we go…

Toritsuka (desperate): I accidentally promised two girls I'd take them on a date at the same time, and now I don't know how to handle it! Please, can't you use your powers to, I don't know, clone me or something?

Saiki (thinking): Clone him? Yeah, no. If anything, one Toritsuka is already too much.

(Saiki tries to slip away, but just as he turns, Mikoto appears out of nowhere, blocking his escape route.)

Mikoto (dramatically): Saiki! You won't believe it.I had a vision that something terrible is going to happen to the school! You have to help me figure out what it is before it's too late!

Saiki (thinking): Fantastic. Two problems, two people demanding my help. And all I wanted was to be left alone.

(Mikoto grabs his arm while Toritsuka looks at him for help, both talking at once. Saiki glances back toward Satou, who is still peacefully reading his book, completely without a care to the world around him.)

Saiki (thinking): Look at Satou. Just sitting there. No chaos, no one demanding anything from him. How does he do it?

Toritsuka (waving his hands): Saiki! Are you even listening? This is serious!

Mikoto (urgently): I saw fire, Saiki! FIRE! You can't just ignore this!

Saiki (thinking): Of course I can. I just wish they'd let me. I should've stayed home today.

(Saiki sighs as he tries to figure out a way to deal with both of them without actually getting involved.)

Saiki (thinking): How is Satou's life so simple? No powers, no responsibilities. Just… normal.

Toritsuka (grabbing his arm): Saiki, come on! What should I do? I can't let either of them down!

Mikoto (wide-eyed): Saiki, please! If you don't help me, we might all be in danger!

Saiki (thinking): I could easily fix both of these problems in a second… but then they'll just keep coming to me for more. I need to get out of this.

(Suddenly, a plan forms in Saiki's mind. He glances at Satou once again, still unnoticed by anyone, and realizes the perfect solution.)

Saiki (thinking): All I need to do is blend into the background, just like Satou. The ultimate defense,normality. If I act like I'm as ordinary as he is, maybe they'll leave me alone.

(Saiki concentrates for a moment,removing all the aura around him, making himself seem as plain and unremarkable as possible. Toritsuka and Mikoto both blink in confusion, forgetting what they were talking about.)

Toritsuka (scratching his head): Uh… what were we…? Oh! Maybe I can figure this out on my own.

Mikoto (nodding): Yeah… I should investigate that vision more. I'll handle it.

(They both walk away and leave Saiki standing alone.)

Saiki (thinking): Success. Finally, some peace.

(Saiki glances back at Satou, who hasn't moved from his spot. He still looks perfectly at ease)

Saiki (thinking): I'll never understand how someone can live like that all the time. Maybe I'm a little envious after all.

(Saiki takes a seat at a nearby table, finally ready to enjoy the quiet. But just as he picks up a book, Kaidou bursts into the library, dramatically posing at the entrance.)

Kaidou: Saiki! There you are! Dark forces are at work, and we need your help!

Saiki (thinking): I give up.