The Disastrous Life of Saiki

It's a quiet morning in Saiki's room. He's sitting at his desk, staring out the window, deep in thought.

Saiki (thinking):

Only one week left until Christmas break. Should I even bother going to school? No one would notice if I skipped, and it's not like I'd miss anything important. But if I stay home, something ridiculous might happen here instead. Yare yare... either way, it's a headache.

As Saiki debates with himself, the doorbell rings. He glances at the clock.

Saiki (thinking):

8:30 in the morning? Who even visits at this hour? Wait... that aura. No, it can't be.

From downstairs, Saiki hears his mother's cheerful voice.

Kurumi: Oh, hello there! You're Akechi-kun, right? What a nice surprise!

Saiki (thinking):

Of course, it's Akechi. If I stay perfectly still, maybe she won't...

Kurumi:

Saiki! Your friend Akechi-kun is here to see you!

Saiki (thinking):..call me out. Great.

(Footsteps echo up the stairs. Before Saiki can stop her, his mother opens his door, entering Akechi inside.)

Kurumi:

Here you go! Make yourself at home!

Saiki (thinking):

Why does she always let people in without asking me first?

(Akechi enters into the room, speaking before he even sits down.)

Akechi:

Saiki! Long time no see! Well, it's only been three days, but you know, time feels longer when you're thinking about stuff. Speaking of time, have you noticed how weeks like these feel extra slow because of the anticipation for the holidays? Oh, but wait, I haven't even asked the most important question,are you going to school next week or not?

(Before Saiki can even think of a reply, Akechi continues, barely taking a breath.)

Akechi:

Personally, I've decided not to go. Why? Well, it's simple! What's the point of going when there's nothing to do? All the teachers are just going to show movies or make us clean the classrooms, and honestly, I'd rather spend my time at home doing something productive, like reading or planning my holiday schedule. Oh, and don't get me started on how crowded the trains are during this season. It's unbearable! But you, Saiki, you're the kind of guy who probably thinks about these things way ahead of time, right? I bet you've already made your decision, but wait,maybe you haven't, because here I am, asking you, and you're still sitting there without answering. Or maybe I should say you're probably still wondering what to do because, with everything going on, it's just so hard to focus on anything, right? Unless you're like me, where distractions are just part of the process! I mean, who has time to organize their thoughts when everything around them is so chaotically exciting? You could say I'm just naturally u-nable to focus, or maybe n-ot even trying to keep track because my brain f-lies in different directions constantly, like it's o-verloaded with c-oncepts that refuse to slow down for even a second. It's like a whirlwind,so fast-paced, so u-nbalanced,and I s-wear it's not a bad thing, but sometimes it feels like e-veryone else just doesn't get how I process everything!

Saiki (thinking):

Yare yare. I should've just teleported away the moment he walked in.

(Akechi, oblivious to Saiki's inner turmoil, starts pacing around the room, gesturing wildly as he speaks.)

Akechi:

Anyway, I bet you're torn because on one hand, school is a waste of time next week, but on the other hand, it's routine, and you strike me as someone who values routine! Am I right? Oh, and what about the Christmas party? Are you going to that? No, wait, of course not, you hate crowded places, don't you? Or maybe you'll surprise me and show up, but then again, you hate surprises, so that's unlikely, but who knows, right? Right?!

Saiki (thinking):

This is what I get for not locking the door. I should've just pretended I wasn't home.

(Akechi finally pauses, waiting for an answer. Saiki considers several responses, none of which would stop Akechi from talking.)

Akechi:

So, what's it gonna be, Saiki? Are you going to school or not?!

Saiki (thinking):

Why do I feel like no matter what I say, he'll keep talking?

Saiki:

I haven't decided yet.

Akechi:

Haven't decided yet?! Wow, that's rare for you, Saiki! You're usually so decisive! Oh, but wait, that makes sense, because this is a tricky decision, isn't it? I mean, school or no school, both have their pros and cons, and..

(As Akechi continues rambling, Saiki tunes him out, staring out the window again.)

Saiki (thinking):

I'll go to school. Not because I want to, but because if I stay here, he might come back. And that's even worse.

(Akechi finally notices Saiki's blank expression.)

Akechi:

Hey, are you listening to me? Oh, never mind, I'll just repeat what I said, because it's really important...

(Saiki stands up )

Saiki:

Fine. I'll go to school.

Akechi:

Really? Great! I knew you'd make the right choice! Oh, but now I have to rethink my decision. Should I go too? Maybe we can..

(Before Akechi can finish, Saiki grabs his coffee jelly, walks past Akechi, and teleports to a quiet park bench.)

Saiki (thinking):

Yare yare. One week left. I just have to survive one more week. In fact, five days… or better, four days. I won't go on Friday.