The damned soul

declares that the sayings 'easy as pie' and 'piece of cake' are now changed to 'easy as bread' and 'piece of bread'. I just realised that I was typing with my phone in portrait mode! Now I turned it into landscape and I feel so freeeeeee!!! I need to come up with other things that I do randomly... Like the rainbow fluffysheep hanbooks challenge booklet subset! If I am talking about some random subject, I will now randomly put a challenge for you, the reader (which probably doesn't exist) to do! Piece of bread! In section 7 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset it STATES that your challenge is: get anyone you know to say piece of bread instead of piece of cake! (They probably won't do it unless you tell them the reason (or you have really good friends)) i have to shorten the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset so that I don't have to write the rainbow fluffysheep handbooks challenge booklet subset all of the time. From now on, it is considered TRFSHCBS. I probably news to add vowels to pronounce it. And take out 'the'. RAFLUSHEHACHABOOS. Pronounced ra-fluh-shee-ha-cha-boo-s. that'll work. I need to write more to fill my writer quota. That just sounded cool to say. I probably write about... 100 words a day. Well I started today at the zombie thing, so yea. What's going to be the next big thing in the future? Technically, I'm writing this in the past, so you guys can email me at [email protected] and tell me what the future's like! The only problem is that I will only receive it in the future. Another one of my BRILLIANT ideas gone down the tubes. Goodbye. The world is unjust! I worked for hours on end, making an app for a coding competition. And then they announced... We made it to the country finals! The COUNTRY! By that time, my app had over 5,000 downloads! It was amazing. But we came in second. Guess what the prize was for second?!?! TAKE A WILD GUESS!!!! NOTHING! This wouldn't have been so bad, but at the competition they were giving away free stuff. And GUESS WHO GOT SAID FREE STUFF?!?! MY BROTHER, THAT'S WHO!!! So in the end, after spending half the year doing a competition, my brother, who did absolutely nothing, got more out of it then me. The world is unjust! Unfair! Prejudiced! Biased! Fascist! (Wait, that was autocorrected). I just needed to get my anger out. When I wrote autocorrected, it autocorrected it to autocorrect ex! That's the last time i buy an apple product. How many devices companies are fruit? There's apple obviously, and blackberry, and pear (I've seen pear shops in cities) and raspberries (as in the greatest computer of all time, raspberry pi). That could be the most expensive fruit salad ever! What would you like to order, moisuer? I'll have the fruit salad. Oui, oui. Harold! That costs $5k! So? I bet it's good! KSHHH and here's how the skit would have went if I had autocorrect on. Why would you like to order, moisture? You guys have moisture in this restaurant? that's not up to the code for restaurants. i'll have to tell the building inspector! Oh yes, anyway, I'll have the fruit salad. Out, out! Runnnn! I'm coming Harold! That waiter must have something about fruit salad! Maybe he had a bad experience as a child. Wow, I sure went off on a tangent. Do you think that it would be cool if apple made all their devices different fruit names! The iPad pro could be the watermelon, cause its so big. And the iPhone nano could be the strawberry (other berry names are trademarked) what else? A phone with a lot of space could be the peach, because the pit is like the hard-drive! (That was a bit far fetched) and the MacBook could be an orange because when you open it it it cut in the inside... Cuz laptops are like two parts... You know? (and if you cut a grape in half and put it in the microwave it will make plasma (just thought you'd like to know that)) Earbuds could be cherries because they always have the two cherries which are like the ear things! And they'd call the charger 'The Root'. Why a great idea! I will let apple use these names and I only need a 0.00000000000001% share In the company. Even though I did work hard at this. I just thought of something amazing! If you are in a shop and you see a jar of nondescript sauces (mayacamole) and it costs two bucks. TWO BUCKS!!! You know for a FACT that the shop just across town sells them for one-fifty. The shop is five minutes away. If you choose to go to the shop, then you my friend are working for minimum wage! (Except in the case that you have to walk back. If so, just buy the mayacamole at the former option( or just get salsa. It's on sale! (Which probably means that its old))) wasn't that interesting? Here's another situation. You are buying a $400,000 home (average price right now I'd say) and you think "what a steal!" And your neighbour thinks "where did i put that shotgun cartridge again? But is you think about it you are working for 1,667 weeks to pay for that! (Assuming 8 hours a day, five days a week at minimum wage) That's 32 YEARS! Let's say you work for 12 hours a day, seven days a week for $20 an hour, that's still 238 weeks! That's still five years! Just buy a camper van for goodness sake! I just got to thinking; how many tiny changes would a cereal company have to make to earn twice as much from a box of cereal? (Assuming people still bought the same amount ( I think I can trust the general population)) it turns out that if we want to double the profits by decreasing things by ten percent, we would have to do it seven times. Which means instead of selling these cornflakes: Box height: 1 meter; Box length: 1 meter; Box width: 1 meter; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 100%; Percent of box filled with bag: 100%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 100%; Production cost: 10 cents; they could sell these: Box height, width & length: 0.9 meters; Percent of cornflake that is cornflake ( not air): 90%; Percent of box filled with bag: 90%; Percent of bag filled with cornflakes: 90%; Production cost: 9 cents; they would make double the profits! Hooray! Well that's that. You know how people always have weird names on the interweb? Well I came up with Internet name generator! (Random adjective)(Random noun)(Use a deck of cards for this part. Take out the jokers and face cards, and tens are now zeros. Pick out numbers until you get a club) additional things include: (pick a card. If it is three or lower, put X at the start and end)(pick a card. If it is an ace, replace noun with random country. If it is a two, replace noun with Internet related company + fan.) let me try this. Here is what I got: FoulSoup31, XxInternalAle10xX, StrengthenedFillet49458, MediocreElectrode20, and EpicRedditFan7515. That was a lot more accurate than I thought it would be. Bye. Hello! I need to rant more! I am going to start a sentence without knowing where it is leading. I wish I could buy a mocha for my clown pants while aliens eat your toes which glisten in the sliver of wind. That was fun. Why is orange so popular? There are SO MANY WORDS that don't rhyme with other words too, like engine, silver and angry (hangry isn't a real word as far as I know). And people know that orange rhymes with "door hinge"! Some people say that doesn't count. But there is another! Sporangia! Well, it's pretty close. I think it's like fern spores. Well remember, whenever you see the color orange, type #boycottorange, so people stop taking pictures of orange things. For Halloween, people will carve watermelons instead of pumpkins. Trump will no longer be president because of his orange skin. Oranges (the fruit) will be replaced by reds! (The soon to be fruit). The sun will disappear, or if we want to not go extinct, just change its color to blue. I have a map of Europe on my wall, which has the countries in different colors. BEWARE IF YOU LIVE IN: The UK, Spain, Hungary, Latvia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece, Denmark and Armenia. You guys will soon disappear off the face of the earth. And my favourite pop is club orange! Nooooo! And Jupiter will disappear too! Now that I think about it, losing orange things wouldn't be that bad compared to other colors. Like blue. We would lose water, blue paint, the second book in the Rust comic book series, the sky, Pluto and that one triple angry bird. That would be awful. In section 255 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it STATES that the king of oddly colors farm animals (me again) will never make all blue things disappear, but he may make all orange things disappear. Now you guys don't have to worry! :)! Why are kings higher than queens in a deck of cards? That's really sexist! People think that king is worth thirteen and queens are worth twelve! (If you can't tell, I'm mocking that people that get offended by everything). Why do vegetarians worry about hurting animals, but not plants!?!? Plants have feelings too (I think)! In fact, vegetarians kill MORE than carnivores. Instead of a whole family eating a chicken, if they are all vegetarians, then they will probably kill hundreds of plants! Think about THAT, people! In this whole LoTeEv, I have probably offended a lot of you guys. Sorry bout that. In section 1029384756 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that if the mug of oddly colored farm animals (me again) offends any reader, he is sincerely sorry *citation not needed because of section 12345679 of the RFSH*. Why are the money symbols not consistent? Like there's €uros, ¥en and £ounds. But why $ollars? Maybe it's supposed to be dollar$. That makes more sense. Now I won't get that nervous eye twitch every time I see that symbol. "Hey look, I just found this ten dollar bill on the ground! Hey why the flop is he doing that?" "It's just... a Thing that he does..." "Oh." "I have a great idea for this! Whenever he gets near money his eye twitches! That means we can find money on the ground just by watching him!" And that's how I lost all my friends. It turns out that was the only reason they liked me. Wait what is this ?? That is so ?eird. Goodbye. I'm back! Hahahaha gotcha! I was just kidding about that. But you would have never known that! I'm going to try to make words using only the top row of letters. Hmmmm... Lets see. Tip, rip, port, type, write, writer, typewriter. Fascinating. I'm going to make a fake movie trailer. Using only words. Here we go: [Have you ever...]{scene of old woman churning milk}[wanted to...]{scene of older woman churning what is now cream(the reason she is older is not because it is a different person, but because we filmed it after}[churn your own butter?!?!]{scene of even older woman churning what is now butter (the reason she is even older is because we got a new actor because the other one retired (she used to put tires on her vehicle, and now she does it again))}[This is a great movie, if you are an IDIOT]["this is a great movie"][i had popcorn while I watched this movie, and I really enjoyed it, it soothed the pain of having to watch that movie]["I really enjoyed it, it really soothed"][i actually really enjoyed the movie!][wait... What? You know we're not paying you guys right? Oh. Anyway, "I actually really enjoyed the movie!"][while being on an oil rig?!?!]{well... No, but anyway (shows a picture of an old woman churning butter which is thick and black and worth a lot more than butter)}[Coming soon to you][this summer][and fall][and winter as well][lets just add spring too][The Lard of the Rigs] That was actually fun! {Warning: if you use this movie name you will BE SUED actually now that I think about it you probably won't. In fact, if you DO actually make this into a movie, send it to me} Do you guys think I'm random enough? I really hope so! In section 5647382910 of the RAFLUSHE – I can't remember. That challengey things name. But anyway, make that movie. Plz. I'm board. And not just any old barn-wood planks, mind you, but a board of fine stained oak as the flooring in the White House. By!!! I'm back! No, just kidding, I'm front! I have a topic that I'm actually very serious about. Puzzles. Am I the only one that thinks that puzzles are the most useless thing in the world?!?! That's like the PROOF that the human race have made it too far. When we actually make challenges that we have to face OURSELVES, AND WE PAY FOR THEM! We are literally paying to give ourselves problems! We have enough problems! Well at least I do ;). Probprobprobprobleeeeeemsomomo! I'm going to type something about politics to sound super cool. As you know, recently president Obama (That was like years ago) oh... Sozsozsoz. As you know, recently president Nixon (no, that's not exactly right) Oh yea, I forgot. As you know, recently president Lincoln (ARGH! We are not doing this anymore) was a president before Donald (finally) Duck! (Nooooo! It's TRUMP) What? No! You think you're SOOO smart person who talks in the brackets. Actually, trump is a businessman in that show where he says YOU'RE FIRED!!! What, you probably also think that a bodybuilder actor that says "GEAT TOUW THAE CHAEOPPAER" is a governor too!?! Hahahaha... Donald Duck was a great president. His slogan was "I will fight for american democrats" and he bathes in gold. What a great job. Money is so dirty though! Now that I think about it, he probably gets the money wholesale from the mint. Or else, how could he afford it?! I have a new segment in my text now! It's called the "Random Fun Fact" segment! (Now that I think about it, I never know when to use those ". I think it's "" when someone is talking and " for saying something sarcastically or shortening a word. For example: "Hello there Chuckie! How'ya doing 'nice guy'. Were you being sarcastic? Yes, but how could you see the little apostrophes when I'm talking to you?... Science." And that's. If it is a two, replace noun with Internet related company + fan.) let me try this. Here is what I got: FoulSoup31, XxInternalAle10xX, StrengthenedFillet49458, MediocreElectrode20, and EpicRedditFan7515. That was a lot more accurate than I thought it would be. Bye. Hello! I need to rant more! I am going to start a sentence without knowing where it is leading. I wish I could buy a mocha for my clown pants while aliens eat your toes which glisten in the sliver of wind. That was fun. Why is orange so popular? There are SO MANY WORDS that don't rhyme with other words too, like engine, silver and angry (hangry isn't a real word as far as I know). And people know that orange rhymes with "door hinge"! Some people say that doesn't count. But there is another! Sporangia! Well, it's pretty close. I think it's like fern spores. Well remember, whenever you see the color orange, type #boycottorange, so people stop taking pictures of orange things. For Halloween, people will carve watermelons instead of pumpkins. Trump will no longer be president because of his orange skin. Oranges (the fruit) will be replaced by reds! (The soon to be fruit). The sun will disappear, or if we want to not go extinct, just change its color to blue. I have a map of Europe on my wall, which has the countries in different colors. BEWARE IF YOU LIVE IN: The UK, Spain, Hungary, Latvia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Greece, Denmark and Armenia. You guys will soon disappear off the face of the earth. And my favourite pop is club orange! Nooooo! And Jupiter will disappear too! Now that I think about it, losing orange things wouldn't be that bad compared to other colors. Like blue. We would lose water, blue paint, the second book in the Rust comic book series, the sky, Pluto and that one triple angry bird. That would be awful. In section 255 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it STATES that the king of oddly colors farm animals (me again) will never make all blue things disappear, but he may make all orange things disappear. Now you guys don't have to worry! :)! Why are kings higher than queens in a deck of cards? That's really sexist! People think that king is worth thirteen and queens are worth twelve! (If you can't tell, I'm mocking that people that get offended by everything). Why do vegetarians worry about hurting animals, but not plants!?!? Plants have feelings too (I think)! In fact, vegetarians kill MORE than carnivores. Instead of a whole family eating a chicken, if they are all vegetarians, then they will probably kill hundreds of plants! Think about THAT, people! In this whole LoTeEv, I have probably offended a lot of you guys. Sorry bout that. In section 1029384756 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that if the mug of oddly colored farm animals (me again) offends any reader, he is sincerely sorry *citation not needed because of section 12345679 of the RFSH*. Why are the money symbols not consistent? Like there's €uros, ¥en and £ounds. But why $ollars? Maybe it's supposed to be dollar$. That makes more sense. Now I won't get that nervous eye twitch every time I see that symbol. "Hey look, I just found this ten dollar bill on the ground! Hey why the flop is he doing that?" "It's just... a Thing that he does..." "Oh." "I have a great idea for this! Whenever he gets near money his eye twitches! That means we can find money on the ground just by watching him!" And that's how I lost all my friends. It turns out that was the only reason they liked me. Wait what is this ?? That is so ?eird. Goodbye. I'm back! Hahahaha gotcha! I was just kidding about that. But you would have never known that! I'm going to try to make words using only the top row of letters. Hmmmm... Lets see. Tip, rip, port, type, write, writer, typewriter. Fascinating. I'm going to make a fake movie trailer. Using only words. Here we go: [Have you ever...]{scene of old woman churning milk}[wanted to...]{scene of older woman churning what is now cream(the reason she is older is not because it is a different person, but because we filmed it after}[churn your own butter?!?!]{scene of even older woman churning what is now butter (the reason she is even older is because we got a new actor because the other one retired (she used to put tires on her vehicle, and now she does it again))}[This is a great movie, if you are an IDIOT]["this is a great movie"][i had popcorn while I watched this movie, and I really enjoyed it, it soothed the pain of having to watch that movie]["I really enjoyed it, it really soothed"][i actually really enjoyed the movie!][wait... What? You know we're not paying you guys right? Oh. Anyway, "I actually really enjoyed the movie!"][while being on an oil rig?!?!]{well... No, but anyway (shows a picture of an old woman churning butter which is thick and black and worth a lot more than butter)}[Coming soon to you][this summer][and fall][and winter as well][lets just add spring too][The Lard of the Rigs] That was actually fun! {Warning: if you use this movie name you will BE SUED actually now that I think about it you probably won't. In fact, if you DO actually make this into a movie, send it to me} Do you guys think I'm random enough? I really hope so! In section 5647382910 of the RAFLUSHE – I can't remember. That challengey things name. But anyway, make that movie. Plz. I'm board. And not just any old barn-wood planks, mind you, but a board of fine stained oak as the flooring in the White House. By!!! I'm back! No, just kidding, I'm front! I have a topic that I'm actually very serious about. Puzzles. Am I the only one that thinks that puzzles are the most useless thing in the world?!?! That's like the PROOF that the human race have made it too far. When we actually make challenges that we have to face OURSELVES, AND WE PAY FOR THEM! We are literally paying to give ourselves problems! We have enough problems! Well at least I do ;). Probprobprobprobleeeeeemsomomo! I'm going to type something about politics to sound super cool. As you know, recently president Obama (That was like years ago) oh... Sozsozsoz. As you know, recently president Nixon (no, that's not exactly right) Oh yea, I forgot. As you know, recently president Lincoln (ARGH! We are not doing this anymore) was a president before Donald (finally) Duck! (Nooooo! It's TRUMP) What? No! You think you're SOOO smart person who talks in the brackets. Actually, trump is a businessman in that show where he says YOU'RE FIRED!!! What, you probably also think that a bodybuilder actor that says "GEAT TOUW THAE CHAEOPPAER" is a governor too!?! Hahahaha... Donald Duck was a great president. His slogan was "I will fight for american democrats" and he bathes in gold. What a great job. Money is so dirty though! Now that I think about it, he probably gets the money wholesale from the mint. Or else, how could he afford it?! I have a new segment in my text now! It's called the "Random Fun Fact" segment! (Now that I think about it, I never know when to use those ". I think it's "" when someone is talking and " for saying something sarcastically or shortening a word. For example: "Hello there Chuckie! How'ya doing 'nice guy'. Were you being sarcastic? Yes, but how could you see the little apostrophes when I'm talking to you?... Science." And that's how they work) where was I? Random fax! I will send all of my readers a fax with has facts on in! How brilliant! The facts of the paragraph are... Ice cream was invented in china, something that is 'blue' (got it right there!) Is actually every color BUT blue, and I like cheese. And the country of the paragraph is... Mexico! Why not, right? Did you ever wonder how records work? (Just in case you don't know, a record is a thingy where you put a round black thing on a majig and it puts a sharp whatchamacallit on that and funny rhythmic sound emerge and tickle your ear holes) I know how they WORK, with ridges and diaphragms and blah Blah BLah BLAh BLAH... But how do they WORK?!?! Like who was sitting there in their layzboy having diet Pepsi (or popsee to avoid copyright infringement (and that's when I checked my forehead, and sure enough, there was a mint there)) And then they realise... Hey! Bumpy things can make sounds! I just can't get my head around it (clockwise is my preference). Do you ever wonder what the worst collections are in the world? I currently collect words, pins and the "to kill a mockingbird" series (not much work ( besides the fact that I have to give them (it) back to the library by tomorrow morning ( the last time I will ever bring a library book late again is when I borrowed the book entitled 'How to sharpen a pencil for dummies' (Don't blame me! It was the 'Extended and revised' edition! They had all the technical 'lead vs. graphite' stuff added.) an they called out my name over the loudspeaker telling me to return the book immediately or I would be fired (yes, I worked at the library (I never could figure out the Dewey decimal system)). Now that I think about it, they never said what book to bring, they just said my name. Oh no, I never handed in the 'how to sharpen a pen for dummies' book! (Which I rate a 3/5, "would not borrow again" because of its poor layout and overall structure (although the information was altogether helpful)) what collections do YOU have reader? Find out next time on "deer or no deer!" (Remember forehead sweets) oh no! I wrote how to kill a mocking bird! I meant 'pow do gill hamma (hammer) king turd'. Phew. Got outta that one. I have a new topic! A high-quality, name-brand, box-not-bag topic! I figured out a great business plan! Make onsies! Not just out of clothes, but out of everything! Like: Did you eat two bowls of granola this morning? Well ONSIE! [poured granola into one bowl, causing it to be crushed under its own weight] do you have two hands? Well ONSIE! [handshakes himself] Do you have twins? Well ONSIE! [wait... How is this supposed to work?] Get yours now at your local Amazon (which might not be very accessible if you don't live in South America) for a free trial! *happy tune* Onsie, Onesie! Life is better with a onsie. Spin a web, less than two. ONSIE! (I think that was to the tune of Spider-Man (I mean Smiter-Can) Onsies only cost... Whatever you want them to cost! Yeah, I think i'm going to go now. Baiii! Wait.. What? When did i wrote that ONSIE thing?? I just came back and I do not remember doing that. What the hat does 'Spin a web, less than two" even mean? That is some weird stuff. So today I listened to that radio station again, and it was totally worth it. He was talking about these married people in Germany that are going to a Walking Dead convention for their 17th anniversary. Weird. Weird, weird, WEIRD!!! You know guitar tuna? Probably not. It is an app where you tune your guitar (obviously). I thought of how they could make so much more money! If they had bass tuna, electric guitar tuna, acoustic guitar tuna. BUT THEY WOULD ALL BE THE SAME THING!!! They would make so much money! Wait. What about canned tuna! (Also, if they thought in that way, then bass tuna would be extremely perplexing because they are both fish). Well, that's my stuff for today! Hallo! I'm back! And I don't get house decorations nowadays. People put old stuff in their house, and they think it makes it look amazing! People always talk about that 'Vintage Look' which is just putting old stuff that people fifty years ago would have said "why do you have a *fill in the blank with an old thing* in your HOUSE?!?!" In their house. I should rant. Like what I'm doing now. I'm just talking about random things just like the flaming chicken person does just to fill up space on the page. I should also write long words like pnumonoultramicrkscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and disestablishmentarianism . Actually, since it only matters for words count, I should just type really small words. Hi, my name is jo. (Its not actually, but I need to type small words). I eat a lot of pie and I love it too. It is yum in my tum. Wow that was probably really boring to read (and to write). Hello there, reader! I've just decided that I want to talk to you. I always seem to do all of the talking, but maybe I should give you a chance! *really really long drawn out super weird and uneventful awkward silence*. Oh I see what's happening. Either you can't talk to me because you are in the future and I'm in the past, causing us to not be able to communicate due to the sad reality that is the third dimension, or... Your trying to talk to me on a walkie-talkie! I could never figure out those things either. They're so confusing. Lets see... Oh, there it is! The 'walkie-talkie almanac: a complete collection of all the knowledge YOU will need to acquire (did you know acquire is also a board game? If you are ever playing, always buy America, and then buy quantum stocks (well it worked that one time I played (are you saying that games are DIFFERENT every time you play them!?!? (That's the last time I mesmerise fifty-three rounds of go fish))) to use your very own... WALKIE-TALKIE! (well what else would the walkie-talkie almanac be about!?!?) lets see... Contents... It says the contents page is on page 1... Wait – WHAT?!?! The contents page has a line for the contents page! That's like a website having a link to itself! (Which is not a bad idea for my own website to get a lot of views (like I could a a tab on my website called "the best sites on the web! And I would have links to places like YouTube and twitter (or whatever you young'uns go to these days! When I was a lad I used to play 'Pokémon Pearl' and 'Facebook' now you kids are all on her newfangled 'Pokémon Go get outta here' and yer 'SnapperChatters' (i bet if you are reading this in ten years you won't know that I was talking about Pokemon go and snapchat (or how I got from talking to you to young ones (btw: if you are reading this in 2028 or beyond: welcome to the distant past! (Now that in think about it, I started reading the longest text ever by 'Sam' (real readers will know who that is) when it was about ten years too! And I don get the references to stuff like 'neopets' and 'The Matrix'))))))) Okay where is it... Oh there; it says that the 'pretty much how to use it' section is on page -3! Well thats eas- how do I go to page -3! Lets see... Oh look! They have a 'how to go to negative pages section too! It's on page -7. Noooo!! I guess I'll just look it up on the Internet. Ok first you have to turn the book into antimatter... Ok got that done... Now just turn to the page without the negative! Well that was easy. I'm on page 7 now. It says all you have to do is convert the book into an antimatter form and- hey this sounds familiar! I'll go to page three now. It says here, and I quote: "to use the walkie talkie, hold in that little button on the side o the walkie talkie". Did you that reader! Can you try talking to me now? Oh yes! I can hear you! Oh wait, I'm on the wrong station. I'm on number five, but your on number six. I have to click a button to change my station number! Too much work. Do you think I'm crazy because I talk to myself? I'm not! Yes you are. I am not! Isn't talking to yourself the DEFINITION of crazy? I'm not talking to myself. The who do you think I am? Oh yea. I'm your imaginary friend, RatGuy! Don't you remember me! No. Oh *sniffle* well *odd breathing patterns* we *tear emerging from eyeball* used *pure weeping* to- I CAN'T TALK TO YOU WHEN YOUR CRYING BECAUSE YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING YOURSELF! Technically, since you're talking to yourself your also interrupting your self. I guess I am. Continue, RatGuy. As I was saying: we used to skate around on a skateboard together. We would have so much fun doing tricks that other kids could have only DREAMED of, like the 'ground ollie' and the 'down-the-curb'. We moved at speeds that the other kids couldn't even begin to imagine. 90% the speed of light. But RatGuy?

>

>Yes? If sewers moving at 90%!• the speed of light, would the air compression deflecting us not cause us do develop into an expanding plasma fireball. This is a story, Writer. Stories don't have to 'work'. I NEED TO STOP!!! I keep writing all this nonsensical blubber and I can't stop. Are you, the reader not so confused and uncomprehensive of what I've just been typing to the last hour!?!? Oh wait, you can't tell me if you were or not, your walkie-talkie isn't on the same channel as mine. I just realised something. I work hard to you guys trying to give you quality topics and extra-special rants. And how do people repay me? By writing more than me!!! I spend all day thinking about things that i want to put into this, and then I type it all up! And then I see that people want quantity, not quality! But no! You loyal readers will have to deal with me not writing 500 words a day, because I'm thinking of things and stuff. I was just thinking, I need complain about my life more. That's what all the people are doing nowadays. "Oh, my life is so hard, I just broke a fingernail!" BIG DEAL! "Oh, my life is hard too, i just broke a finger" BUG REAL! " oh my life is mildy uncomfortable and difficult, I broke all of my fingers, toes, limbs, necks, mothers vases, favourite Guinness book of world records records, my most-used language rules, that kinda stuff. Just in case you didn't realise, I'm an introvert. So I have lots of problems with... People. And my guess is that you do too! So here are some crucial situations for you to read and laugh at me because you know I can't hear you! 1: You know when your talking to someone and you can't figure out what part of their face to look at? Is it their eyes, or their nose, or their mouth? So then you kinda unfocus your eyes and stare in the middle of their face, like your looking right through them? And then they finished talking and you have no idea what they just said? CUZ THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME! 2: when your talking to someone and they are saying important stuff, but instead of listening to what they're saying your just saying yes whenever they stop talking for a little bit? 3: when you are going into a building and there are people behind you, and you can't figure out if you should hold the door open for them or not? If you don't and they're too close, It will probably hit him/her in the face but if you do and they're to far, its really awkward because you are just standing there for a really long time. Have any of these things happened to you? Leave your answer in the comment section below! (There actually isn't one, I can't figure that much out). Hedgehogs must find it really hard to have birthdays! If they have lots of balloons everywhere, they probably pop them; the police come because they think that its gunshots, and there goes all the hedgehogs friends. I'm sure glad I'm now a hedgehog! In section 333 of the rainbow fluffysheep handbook it says that free pop-proof balloons will be sent to any hedgehogs in need. Well goodbye, I'm off to slay a fantastic fedora fanatic! But before I go, I have to ask one thing. Did you really make it this far? Because if you have, the you have been promoted from herder of the rainbow fluffysheep to shearer of the rainbow fluffysheep. It's a title only few in the world have. Did you know I also make comics? Probably not, because I haven't posted any yet! Well stay tuned for them someday. What's up with everyone wanting to deep fry things? Deep fried mars bars, deep fries cool aid! Well I've come up with a new food type! 'Shallow fried' available at all good pharmancy checkout lines beside the mayacamole and the taco sauce. (That sounds really good!(jut i case you didn't know, mayacamole is mayo and guacamole combined. Doesn't that sound MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!!!( I think it does))) shallow fried stuff has half the fat, uses half the 'deep fry juice' (whatever they put in there) and has have the flavour! For twice the price! Even though we never had an original price. Whatever. Do you know what's the worst? Trying to buy computer – related things in charity shops. I was at value village, and I saw a USB. It was 64 gigabytes! That's pretty good (I bet if your are reading this in the distant future than you think that a 64 gigabyte USB is awful. Well it isn't in this day and age) I thought, so I went to buy it. It's only two bucks! Wow, what a steal. I looked closer at it and that's when I realised. It said 64 MEGABYTES!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE THAT IS! if you are from the distant future than you are probably thing 'that's like nothing' and you'd be right. It can only store like 60 million letters! That's only 15 million words! That's only a million sentences! That's only 200,000 paragraphs! That's only 20,000 chapters! That's only 1,000 Books! That's only 250 quadrilogies! Now that I think about it, 250 quadrilogies isn't that bad. If you couldn't tell, I used a method called Fermi Estimation, though a little more precise. In Fermi Estimation, you can be off by 100x in either direction and it doesn't really matter. According to Fermi Estimation, this is me. Age: 10 Number of eyes: 1 Social Security Number: 1000000 PIN code: 1000 number of limbs: 1 people in my family: 1 (forever alone). That's why I like Fermi Estimation. I actually didn't tell you why I like it. Oh well. Where I live, they use blackcurrant in everything. It's pretty much a replacement for grape. But am I the only one who thinks that grape flavoured things taste way better? Whenever I get something blackcurrant flavoured I offer it someone, because they usually like it (and I hate it). Works well for me!! I was just thinking about tides. Way back in the day, wouldn't tides make no sense? The sea would just get higher and lower and there was no reasoning behind it. Maybe that's why they thought sea monsters existed. No what I think about it though, the moon pulling on the water is kinda even crazier than that. And now for a commercial break. Kshhhhhh – Tacos... I LOVE

(Short chapter today)