The Bounty Hunter

June 10th, 2089

Dante’s POV

“Bad dog!  Really bad dog!” I shouted as I sprinted through the burning ruins of what once was a cheerful little town in Macedonia that had been in the midst of a summer festival.  I’m sure it was once a charming place, based on the scenic mountainside it was located on and the quaint homes.  Unfortunately for them, one of my siblings decided to visit with his minions and ravage everything.  The 4-story 3 headed dog with a mane of dead snakes and a chain like tail of bone and muscle barked out in frustration as he continued to try and devour me.  Or char me to a crisp.  Or melt me into a fleshy puddle.  It’s hard to tell which one exactly as he kept alternating from breathing fire, spewing acid and simply biting at me.

This is the last of my siblings that I need to convince (pummel), thankfully.  My kin are naturally drawn to making and respecting hierarchies of power, so it was rather easy so far to bring them into line.  I just needed to beat down the leader, grant them a name and the rest followed obediently.  572 of my 666 siblings have submitted, all that is remaining is bad doggie and his friends.  “WOOF!”  “DON’T WOOF AT ME YOU DAMN MUTT!  I KNOW YOU CAN TALK DAMNIT!”  Cue the frantic pirouetting as the bad doggie started spitting boatloads (literally) of acid.

Pssh!!!  My rhythmic evasive maneuvers were effective and quite stylish as well.  I should consider a career in dance.  It’s all in the hips.  Cha cha cha!  Avoid dog bites with a double backflip.  Cha cha cha!  Oh, here comes the fire breath again.  Go low like in limbo to slide beneath it.  Cha cha cha!  And then Cerberus uses Tail Whip, a gaming classic!  Hop over it like I did in that pick-up game of double dutch yesterday.  Cha cha cha!  And now… RUN!!! 

I quickly scampered from the path of the frustrated dog that has resorted to trying to crush me by rolling over the ground where I just was.  Ha, a dog rolling over, it’s like I am training him!  “What are you going to do next, big guy?  Sit on me?”  I heard a loud growling and finally my assailant spoke “Don’t tempt me.”  And damn it, apparently, I am a sultry temptress because I saw a big, furry canine butt descending upon me like the wrath of the heavens.  As funny as death by dog butt would be to have on my epitaph, I’ll have to decline.  One frantic emergency barrel roll later, I was back to running as the three-headed dog chased me.

*Sigh* I was having fun pretending to be weak, but it’s getting repetitive now that we’re back to the chasing.  I guess I should wrap things up.  I suddenly stopped and turned with my fist cocked back as tens of thousands of kilograms of smelly dog came upon me.  “SUPER AWESOME INSTANT COUNTER!!!!”  I roared as I activated my magic for an epic punch.  My shoes became so heavy that a large crater formed around me.  My pants grew like roots to pierce the ground and anchor me in place.  Lastly, my sleeve and glove bulked up as if there were suddenly the massive muscles of a giant beneath them instead of my lean frame.  The lunging doggie face full of teeth met my oncoming fist and shattered.  A high-pitched yelp was emitted as the now two headed dog was flung backwards and the shockwave decimated the few remaining houses standing in the town square.

The bad doggie groggily tried to get up from my blow, but he then fell back down as he didn’t have the strength to stand.  It was like watching a cute puppy trying to take its first steps.  Aww, it’s too damn cute!  I am now going to proceed to viciously beat this cute little puppy until he acknowledges me as his new boss.  *Smash* *Break* *Crack* *Squeals of Pain* *Repeat for the next 2 hours* “So, who is the new lord of you and your former subordinates?” I asked as I wiped off the blood that I was drenched in.  “You are.”  “And my orders are?”  “Absolute.” 

I smiled cheerful at my new groveling subordinate.  “Okay, as your new lord and master I shall grant you your name.  Rise as my vassal, Cerberus.”  Granting and accepting a name among our kind is the equivalent of acknowledging a contract of servitude.  As treacherous a breed as we are, we never violate a contract.  As Cerberus rose, I couldn’t help but get a warm, bubbly feeling inside.  Then the indigestion faded and I started thinking about my situation.

I now have all 666 of my lesser kin under my control.  It is time to call everyone together and for me to explain my vision.  These poor misguided fools were just gleefully slaughtering wherever they went up until now.  Luckily, I caught up with them rather quickly and they at least had enough sense to keep to the shadows.  This world may have left magic behind centuries ago, but if they knew the truth behind our existence that could change.  There are still artifacts of yore that hold power here, but they are currently collecting dust in ruins and museums.  I want to keep it that way.  Or better yet, claim those items for myself.

Furthermore, only a fool would underestimate this world simply because they don’t use magic anymore.  The power of technology and industry is matchless in open warfare.  Had Cerberus, for example, continued his rampaging without being discreet in the Balkan peninsula he would have been brought to heel.  A well-organized army, coordinating with their artillery and air force, could bring him down (not without casualties however). 

Teamwork, the strength of numbers, and the relentlessness of machines can bring down all but the most powerful beings and users of magic if one is willing to pay the price.  Sadly, many of my newfound subordinates are weak.  They barely have any magical capability or intelligence and a few trained soldiers with guns could handle them in a fair fight.  An open battlefield would eradicate the majority of them.  I would be fine in open war, but what kind of lord would have no subordinates? 

Magic may not necessarily be supreme on the open battlefield, but when it comes to smaller-scale engagements and subterfuge there is nothing better.  It is simply a matter of quality over quantity.  Especially when this world has no defense against it, no way to detect it or even a general awareness of its existence.  But skulking in secrecy the entire time would be tooo booooring.  Going for a one-hit kill by launching all of the world powers’ nuclear arsenal while disabling their missile defense systems would be just as dull since I wouldn’t even be able to savor slowly corrupting this world.  And who wants to rule over a pile of radioactive rubble?  So, I simply need to obscure our true nature as we spread terror and destruction in my quest to create an inferno of fun.

I already have a plan for that.  There are these wonderful enterprising groups all over the world who are known as “terrorists”.  They actively seek to spread terror and do so in all the most inventive ways.  It’s disappointing that they all try to use that terror for a political or social purpose rather than simply seeking to spread it for fun, but no one is perfect.

Ah, but if I want to start a terrorist organization I need a cool name!  That’s an absolute must when running any organization.  Even more so when we will eventually become the most notorious group on the planet!  Although we’ll be hiding our true forms, I kind of like the idea of secretly rubbing it in everyone’s face.  And then when it is far too late to stop us, we’ll let them realize the truth.  Anarchy, despair, violence and depravity, we’ll spread it all.  It’ll be bedlam.  It’ll be chaos.  It’ll be mayhem.  It’ll be pure… Pandemonium.