The Bounty Hunter

January 20th, 2090

Dante’s POV

I rubbed my temples tiredly as I looked over the massive pile of paperwork that was on my desk.  I remember the good ol’ days, where terrorism and insurgency didn’t require anything besides violence.  “MY LORD!  HAVE YOU FINISHED WITH THE DUTIES OF RULING YET!?!”  Ibaraki-doji bellowed as he came by to drop off even more paperwork.  The strength of his voice caused the documents on my desk to scatter about the office, making me bite back a depressed sob.

Why is Ibaraki-doji my secretary in the first place?  Why isn’t Susan or Mannequin doing this?  Having a sexy secretary would have eased some of this stress with some naughty break time, but no, I get stuck with the exact opposite.  Fuck my life.  “That’s it!  I’ve had it!  Ibaraki-doji, go get Jumbo and tell him he can deal with this fucking paperwork!”  I roared as I stomped out of the office.  It’s 2090, damnit, yet I’m forced to do all my work on paper to avoid the Council of Nine assholes!  Their computer mumbo-jumbo has been a massive pain in my ass.  Breathe, Dante.  Breathe.  In, out, in, out.  Yes, just like in Lamaze class.  In, out, in, out.  Phew, I feel better now.

Pandemonium has been forced to go underground recently, and apart from the occasional bombing or shooting, we’ve done nothing.  Our newfound secrecy was due to my darling Rin’s rampage across the globe.  She did a rather marvelous job exterminating all the decoys I set-up to distract everyone.  The problem is that she did it a little too early and was a little too thorough.  I guess she was rather pissed that she fell for my misdirection last time.  But honestly, it was necessary.  My darling was interfering with every single operation we had in Japan, and we had to get her out of there to do that job for Hayashi.  Doesn’t matter anymore, since the old man snuffed it.

Everyone’s been fooled into thinking that Pandemonium’s goal was to infiltrate the criminal underground and use that as a staging point for its terrorist activities.  Thus, all the eyes and ears have been focused on them.  The truth is that my main plan has no use for them.  Their sudden disappearance means that the Council of Nine and Rin will be looking around for Pandemonium and I no longer have bait to tempt them with.  Ah well, it’s fine.  The decoys did a good enough job to get us to the final stage of the plan.  Just a few more things to cross off the list and we’ll be ready to rumble.

“My lord, we are ready.”  Susan appeared in a chilling swirl of snowflakes to report in.  “Wonderful!  Let’s get to it then.”  I teleported away with Susan in tow, appearing at a rinky-dink base in the middle of a vast desert.  It was a very strange military base.  The artillery they had were all facing in instead of out.  They even had some mechs, looking rather fearsome as they stood 20 feet tall.  Covered in dull grey armor plating, they looked similar to blocky knights from the medieval ages that were missing their head.  Optical sensors placed across the body provide a 360-degree visual feed to the pilots in the center chest.  On their shoulders were a variety of launchers and energy canons, complementing the high-caliber machine gun they were carrying. 

Damn, I really want one of these things.  Humans create such wonderful war machines, I’ll have to keep some on as slaves to make them for me after I conquer the world.  The few soldiers around that were not in an air-conditioned cockpit all looked miserable in the heat, while the eggheads were enthusiastic beyond measure.  Both groups were completely unaware of our presence.  I followed Susan to the largest building around, a reinforced warehouse, and entered.

And there, surrounded by various protective barriers, was… something.  I felt a shiver through my entire being as I entered the premises.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Susan do the same.  This place is rich in mana like nowhere else on this planet.  “Woah, I didn’t expect there to be something so remarkable here where we were born.”  I commented as I continued focusing on the anomaly.  “Do you know what it is, my lord?”  Susan asked.  “No clue!”  I cheerfully replied.  “However, I think that it could be a dimensional rift left over from the mana calamity.  Whether this is just a transient tear in dimensions or something more is up in the air.”

Hmm, this is rather fascinating.  When a little birdie told me about this place, I thought it was just an exaggeration.  But it clearly was not.  Hell, even the humans can tell something is off here.  And they know jack shit about mana and almost nothing about alternate dimensions except for the fact that they may exist.  That’s probably why they’re so eager to study it.  This dimensional rift is the first physical sign of the multiverse theory.  “What do we do about this, my lord?”  Susan asked.  “Nothing.  All that we can do is wait and see what happens.  We’ll be getting updates about this place without having to invest in it anyway.”  Susan nodded in deference to my impeccable logic.  We left as quickly as we came, teleporting back to the castle in Denmark.

I walked past my office, taking the time to savor Jumbo’s loud wails of frustration as he tried to get through the endless paperwork.  Teehee, it feels great to delegate!  I sat down in my favorite leather armchair and picked up a cigar to enjoy.  With the decoys gone, it’s vital that Pandemonium acts like it has been severely impaired.  We’ll send out some “internal” e-mails that the Council of Nine will intercept that indicate we’re hurting, cut down on open terrorist activity, and generally act as if we’re scrambling to recover.  Politicians the world over will act as if they have won a great victory and pander to the masses that the threat is gone.  Then we’ll come back with a vengeance, like our absence was nothing but a big April Fool’s joke.

Patience.  That’s the word for now.  It’s not a very fun word (it lacks the letter o after all), but it’s necessary for the plan.  My fellow demons are likewise unenthusiastic.  It’s only due to the promise of a feast at the end of this wait that’s keeping them docile.  That and the fact that if they dare disobey me my foot will be so far up their ass that their breath will smell of shoe polish.

The world may not know it, but we’re in the end game here.  A new era is coming, with Pandemonium at the helm.  My inferno of fun will consume the world soon.  It’s gonna be fabulous!