NOVEL NEXT Chapter 37
“Master Mage, did you perhaps discipline the students Mi-rae and Yoo-jin forcefully to preserve your power?”
The words that came from Desmond’s mouth were entirely unexpected for Kim Jae-hyuk.
As an Inquisitor, he thought the man would keep a serious atmosphere, but suddenly he’s questioning his methods of discipline?
“…What do you mean?”
Startled, Kim Jae-hyuk asked back with a trembling voice. Desmond responded in a tone that suggested he was agreeing.
“Yoo-jin and Mi-rae. The two students you sponsor are outstanding. They’ve been accepted into the Empire’s top elite program at the Imperial Theological University, with one becoming a researcher and the other a model faithful.”
Desmond suddenly started praising the two. However, that praise was not the essence of what he was trying to convey.
“…But is their admission to the university and their desire to pursue the clergy truly a decision stemming from their sincere hearts? That’s what I’m really asking. Did you perhaps intend to mold them into respected clerics through coercion to maintain and expand your own power?”
“No, what are you talking about? I cherish them both immensely, so why would I have such suspicions?”
Kim Jae-hyuk was nearly at his wit’s end from frustration.
Sure, he had indeed suggested the path of the clergy to them, but that was purely as a reasonable means of survival; there was no coercion involved in that process.
The notion of power preservation and abuse? That was even more absurd. To others, it might seem like it, but Kim Jae-hyuk had voluntarily stepped back from his career, effectively retired. How could he be pursuing power?
However.
As indicated by the phrase “to others,” to those watching from the outside, Kim Jae-hyuk might appear as the “tragic cleric who had to retire due to losing out in a power struggle.”
And if such a person were to look at the two students, who were almost like his own daughters, it would be understandable that he might harbor such suspicions.
Could it be that he was trying to use the two students to regain power and influence in the religious community?
“You say you cherish them. If you value them so much, then why is Mi-rae locked away in the prayer room all day, just doing penance prayers? From my personal investigation, I found out Mi-rae’s university life was exemplary. She was praised among the staff as well. Yet, here she is, desperately praying for God to not punish her and for her salvation. That doesn’t sound normal, does it?”
“…Well, that’s…”
He knew the reason behind Shin Mi-rae’s troubles well enough, so revealing that to the Inquisitor Desmond was out of the question, leaving Kim Jae-hyuk sweating, unable to offer a single excuse.
Then Desmond began to criticize him sharply.
“What’s the reason? I reflected on this and suddenly had such thoughts. Yoo-jin’s university grades are exceptional, but Mi-rae’s are not. For a faithful follower, being an exemplary model may not be enough to aim for a high-ranking position. From someone trying to use the two to regain power, that would surely be unsatisfactory. Perhaps that’s why she is being pressured more forcefully, pushing her into unnecessary guilt.”
“Wait! This is a misunderstanding! I never raised those kids with such ulterior motives! They are like my own daughters to me!”
In shock at Desmond’s misunderstanding, Kim Jae-hyuk waved his hands in denial. But Desmond continued to look at him with suspicion.
“…Then you should be able to explain why Mi-rae is exhibiting such serious behavior. You’re not claiming to have remained unaware while your daughter reached such a state, are you?”
“Well, that is…”
Desmond’s words pierced sharply into Kim Jae-hyuk’s chest.
He had never intended to exploit Shin Mi-rae for his own advancement.
However, if one were to ask whether he was aware that she had been struggling alone all this time, the answer would be yes.
“…I never intended to use those kids. But listening to you, I find I have no excuses left. I tried to be a good father, but rather than being a good father, I realize I couldn’t even be a good adult.”
He had known for a long time that Shin Mi-rae was troubled. He had encouraged her several times to speak if she needed counseling, and he was ready to do anything for her sake.
But the world judges based on results. The fact that he couldn’t alleviate the struggles she carried alone until she became an adult filled him with a crushing weight.
“…But please know this. My feelings for those kids are genuine. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.”
“As a clergyman, how can you say such things? Can you bear the weight of dodging questions that weigh faith against those two students? Can you confidently say the children are more precious?”
At that question, Kim Jae-hyuk suddenly remembered that the person in front of him was an Inquisitor.
Faith and family. These are topics frequently discussed in religious debates, but if the Inquisitor is the one bringing it up, the implications become much more serious.
“…Yes. Above all else, those kids are the most precious to me.”
However, Kim Jae-hyuk did not back down. He didn’t want his feelings to be swayed by calculations and schemes.
His deep care for the two, and the regret of not realizing Mi-rae’s pain ahead of time, weighed heavily on his heart.
“So, I see. That’s what you’re saying…”
At Kim Jae-hyuk’s words, Desmond wore a sly smile.
Was he trying to twist those words into implicating both himself and Mi-rae as heretics?
Kim Jae-hyuk felt a moment of unease from Desmond’s smile but soon steadied himself, deciding to face whatever came his way.
However.
“Well, it seems I should apologize.”
The next moment, what came from Desmond’s mouth was a polite apology. He bowed his head and spoke to Kim Jae-hyuk.
“I didn’t realize how deeply you valued those two students, and I dared to suspect your intentions and undermine that love. I sincerely apologize for that.”
“…Uh, um.”
Startled by the sudden apology, Kim Jae-hyuk froze with a dumbfounded expression. When he told Desmond to raise his head, Desmond looked up at him with a flustered demeanor.
“My tone must have been too aggressive? I’m sorry. After seeing Mi-rae’s condition, I thought it was surely serious. I felt it was necessary for an outsider like me to step in to rectify the situation for the student’s future. Consulting you about scripture was partly motivated by that intention.”
His aggressive stance came solely from a genuine concern for Mi-rae’s future.
Hearing that, Kim Jae-hyuk couldn’t hide his bewilderment.
Naturally, he thought Desmond would approach him to dig for evidence that would pin Mi-rae as a heretic after hearing her prayers.
To think that he sincerely cared about Mi-rae and came to correct the situation when it was actually the guardian Jae-hyuk who was being suspected was truly unexpected.
“While I appreciate your concern for that child… this is a bit of a double-edged sword. I chose to voluntarily retire to avoid the misunderstandings of having my eyes blinded by power or being intent on advancement. Yet here I am, inciting such suspicions…”
“Considering your fame in the central region, that would be the case. Even if you are currently retired, with a resolute mindset, you still wield considerable influence and could easily return to the center. With students you sponsor entering the clergy, it’s only natural for someone like me to harbor such suspicions.”
“Are you saying there are others besides you, Desmond, who share similar thoughts?”
At Kim Jae-hyuk’s question, Desmond bitterly smiled and nodded.
“Yes, particularly among the high-ranking individuals in the central region, especially those of the radical faction opposed to you, there are such concerns.”
“That’s quite a bitter story. I voluntarily stepped away at such a young age to avoid friction with them.”
“Perhaps that, in turn, raised more suspicion. It’s rare for a promising high-ranking cleric to leave on their own accord, so people start to wonder if there’s something more behind it. In their curiosity, they often misinterpret trivial matters.”
Just as I did, assuming I understood your intentions based on Mi-rae’s condition.
As he said so, Desmond bowed his head once more to apologize. As Kim Jae-hyuk awkwardly accepted the apology, Desmond shot his head up and smiled brightly.
“Well then, since the misunderstandings are cleared, shall we get back to work?”
With that statement, Desmond reopened his research material and resumed his tasks. Kim Jae-hyuk found himself swept back into the sea of documents.
For the next few hours, Desmond refrained from mentioning anything about Shin Mi-rae and focused on his work. Observing his attitude, Kim Jae-hyuk felt any remaining doubts fading away.
Desmond was merely genuinely worried about Shin Mi-rae.
That he came to correct her situation wasn’t because he suspected either her or him as a heretic.
“…Um, if you don’t mind, I would like to ask something. Could you perhaps share the content of Mi-rae’s penance prayer that you overheard?”
Trying to probe Desmond cautiously with a hint of suspicion, Desmond shook his head in a perfectly earnest manner.
“Prayer is a private conversation between God and the faithful. It’s not something to be casually divulged by others. If you truly care for Mi-rae, it would be best to ask her directly.”
If you show that you’re ready to share her burdens sincerely, she is sure to respond to your questions.
With that perfectly reasonable answer, while Kim Jae-hyuk felt uneasy, he couldn’t press further.
“…I see. Well, that makes sense.”
But in reality, Shin Mi-rae had already confided her worries to Kim Jae-hyuk.
Thinking that way, he suddenly realized that Desmond was the main reason she was able to share her worries. Had she known Desmond was an Inquisitor, she might still have been grappling with her troubles alone.
“…Thank you.”
“Hmm? What are you thanking me for?”
“Just… for things like this.”
Thinking that, he found himself slightly grateful to Desmond, whom he was suspecting just moments before. Seeing the meaningful expression on Kim Jae-hyuk’s face, Desmond chuckled.
“Right, right. To celebrate clearing up the misunderstanding, after finishing up, I’ll make a trip to the orphanage. I’ll bring plenty of gifts for the children. There are still many kids at the orphanage besides Mi-rae and Yoo-jin, right?”
“Eh? Ah, yes. Of course, but there really is no need to go that far…”
“I’m just sorry for the inconvenience caused to you. Besides, I am, after all, a humble priest. Helping the less fortunate around me is simply a basic virtue.”
Also, you see, I quite like kids.
Watching Desmond smile cheerfully as he said this, Kim Jae-hyuk couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Then let’s do that. When do you think you’ll be able to visit?”
“After organizing the materials approved by you and sending them by post… I think it’ll be about three days from now.”
And exactly three days after that conversation.
“What is going on here…?”
Kim Jae-hyuk, who had come to welcome him, was left speechless upon seeing Desmond appear in front of the orphanage.
“What are all those? And those people behind you…?”
“Hahaha! I brought quite a lot of gifts for the kids! I called over a few subordinates that were nearby to help me!”
Desmond was carrying two large sacks and smiling brightly. Behind him, there were people who seemed to be members of his party, each with similarly large sacks slung over their shoulders.
“I stopped by the market on the way and bought all sorts of things. This is pork and chicken for the kids. A few types of seasonings for the kitchen. Oh, and I also found some toys and books the kids would enjoy. And also…”
“No, you only needed to come. There was no need for this much… Let’s get inside for now.”
“Yes, I’ll gladly accept your invitation!”
As he stepped inside the orphanage, children who had been peeking out of the windows for quite some time rushed toward Desmond and his group.
Despite the visit from a stranger, the children’s eyes sparkled not with wariness but with curiosity and expectation, likely due to the word “gift” they had heard earlier.
“Alright! Kids! This gentleman has brought you all these wonderful gifts! I can’t unwrap them alone, so would you help me?”
Desmond began unpacking the bundles with the children, resembling Santa Claus himself. Among the swarm of children, Shin Mi-rae watched from a distance.
‘…Looks like he’s not as bad a person as he first seemed.’
When Kim Jae-hyuk, after meeting Desmond three days ago, said, “I don’t think I need to suspect him anymore,” he still hadn’t been entirely free from the doubts, but witnessing Desmond’s act melted away those suspicions.
Feeling ashamed of being caught up in the prejudices surrounding the Inquisitor profession. Approaching Shin Mi-rae, who was looking down at the ground, blushing,
“Mi-rae, I’m planning to make a meal with the ingredients that Mr. Desmond brought. Would you be willing to help me? Today, other nuns are out, and we’re short-handed.”
“Ah, yes! What can I help with?”
“Hmm, first we need to move the ingredients to the kitchen… No, Yoo-jin and I will handle that. Mi-rae, could you please go to the backyard and fetch some firewood? Bring back as much as you can.”
She mentioned that a lot of firewood would be needed to cook a soup that everyone could share.
With a joyful smile on her face, the Head Nun spoke, her happiness evident.
Even though it was one of the major sects, the Dion Church-run orphanage’s financial situation wasn’t great. They always tried to ensure the kids were well-fed, but it was fortunate if they had meat dishes other than jerky during seasonal changes.
So the thought of being able to feed the children heartily after a long time made the Head Nun almost giddy with joy. Shin Mi-rae, seeing her younger siblings rejoice, couldn’t help but smile as she eagerly headed to the backyard for firewood.
“…Hmm.”
However, upon seeing the pile of firewood towering like a mountain, she thought about how on earth she would move all that. Just the act of unloading the high stack onto a cart was going to take forever for her alone.
I should probably go back inside and get a few boys to help me out.
“Hmm?”
As she turned around, contemplating that, Shin Mi-rae bumped into Desmond, who was entering the backyard.
“Oh, Mi-rae! Long time no see!”
“Desmond? What brings you here?”
“The Head Nun asked if I could help with anything, so she sent me here. She mentioned it seemed hard for you to move the firewood alone. Haha! There’s certainly quite a bit!”
As Desmond laughed, looking at the high stack of firewood, a smile naturally spread across Shin Mi-rae’s face as well.
“Desmond, I truly appreciate your visit today. Both for the food and the gifts. Thanks to you, it feels like a feast for the children. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them so happy.”
“Hey now, sharing is a basic virtue for a priest! Oh, I even prepared a little gift for you, Mi-rae! Let’s see…”
As Desmond rummaged through the sack he held in one hand, he eventually pulled out a small lamp.
It was small enough to be covered by one hand. Inside its glass and bronze body, a piece of metal filament protruded awkwardly. It looked unlike any ordinary oil lamp or a magically illuminated gem lamp.
“Tada!”
“Oh my, what’s that?”
“It’s a lamp. One used to illuminate dark places. But it’s not an ordinary lamp; it’s a sacred artifact blessed by Asras, the god of fire.”
“Oh? Isn’t that extremely valuable?”
“Not at all! It’s an item that’s very common in the Asras Church. It’s a ceremonial tool that can be easily made by a high-ranking clergyman once they bless it.”
“A ceremonial tool? Ah, since it’s the god of fire, I guess there’s something to be done with it using a lamp.”
“Roughly speaking, yes.”
As he approached with a chuckle, Desmond pointed to the gem embedded in the bottom of the lamp.
“If you touch this part, the lamp will ignite. Go ahead, give it a try.”
“Ah, okay.”
Following Desmond’s instructions, Shin Mi-rae touched the gem. Instantly, flames shot up to about two-thirds the height of the lamp.
“Wow, it’s real! What’s the principle behind it? It doesn’t seem like a typical oil lamp. Is it using some sort of divine power since it’s a sacred artifact?”
“…Well, it’s similar but a bit different.”
As Desmond took the lamp from Mi-rae, the flames quickly dwindled. Immediately after, he touched the gem, but unlike Mi-rae, the flames didn’t reignite.
“The divine power is ultimately the energy drawn from faith in the deity, right? However, this lamp operates differently. It ignites using fear as its fuel.”
“Fear…?”
“The god of fire, Asras, is also the god of terror. Thus, the faithful not only worship him but also regard him with awe and fear. This lamp is used in religious ceremonies by those who serve him. To ensure that the believers don’t take their deity lightly and maintain the proper fear they ought to have towards him. It’s a tool for congregants to verify each other.”
If Park Yoo-jin were here, she would probably already know this from her knowledge of mythology.
However, Shin Mi-rae knew almost nothing about the Asras sect, which is one of the minor sects among many. She was learning for the first time that they valued fear as a virtue and had a means of measuring it.
“Um, so what that means…”
But even Shin Mi-rae could grasp it.
The lamp, which reacted to fear of the deity, was responding to her.
What would someone with normal religious beliefs think if they saw that?
“Well, while Asras is the only sect that values fear as a virtue, there’s no rule that other sects wouldn’t have fear of a deity. A god is ultimately an object of reverence. They are beings who deserve respect and fear at the same time. However…”
Desmond placed Shin Mi-rae’s hand on the gem again, and once more, the flames surged slightly higher.
“It’s indeed somewhat unusual to show such fear towards a deity. Although God is an object of fear, one would also expect them to bestow mercy, blessings, and grace upon the believers, right? Is there really a reason to be afraid of such a being?”
“Um, could you let go of this for a moment…?”
As Shin Mi-rae tried to pull away from Desmond’s grip, his hand, clutching her wrist tightly, wouldn’t budge, like roots of a tree.
“Excuse me, Desmond…!”
“Actually, I heard all of Mi-rae’s prayers.”
At that sudden declaration, Shin Mi-rae felt her heart sink.
However, unlike her, Desmond continued in a calm manner.
“I apologize for doubting your existence. Please do not punish me, and guide me to have a true faith, even as one who cannot believe.”
The tone was different, but it was exactly what Shin Mi-rae would recite in her daily prayers. As Desmond observed the ghostly pale look on Shin Mi-rae’s face, he asked, not understanding.
“I was puzzled while listening. It’s common to blame the lack of faith and reflect on it. But to say you cannot help but doubt the existence of God? It’s something universally known, from three-year-olds to eighty-year-olds. While there may be those who do not worship the deity, those who doubt their existence cannot be found, at least not in this Empire. They shouldn’t exist.”
“…”
“Moreover, how can you ask to be given true faith on such a topic? Faith springs from deep within your heart, it cannot be imposed by others. Both your rationale and conclusion seem off. In my lifetime, I’ve never heard such an odd penance prayer. Why did you pray like that?”
Shin Mi-rae recited the bizarre prayer she had written down with desperation. Not only were her prayers earnest, but even in her daily life, she seemed eager to serve and devote herself as if striving to become a more faithful believer than anyone else.
Desmond had been keeping an eye on Shin Mi-rae and had contemplated why she had led such a twisted life. Soon, he reached a single conclusion.
“I think it goes like this. You don’t believe in God, yet you acknowledge that there is one. But even knowing that, faith doesn’t arise in you. So you’re afraid of being punished, and you compulsively engage in service and sharing, praying diligently for forgiveness every day. However, even then, you can never feel at ease, so you turn to the deity you don’t even believe in and plead for true faith.”
To be granted such faith.
That through that faith, she could forget the worries and fears she was currently feeling, and seek comfort.
“Am I right?”
Desmond had accurately identified Shin Mi-rae’s psychological state. But up to that point, it was merely a hypothesis he had constructed on his own.
Thus, he had sought the artifacts of the Asras sect to gain certainty. Since the Asras sect was one of the most obscure and rare groups, it had taken considerable time to acquire a lamp.
But the outcome was clear, confirming his theory about Shin Mi-rae’s abnormal fear of God.
“…A person who does not believe in God yet prays for personal gain, pretending to be a devout believer.”
The smile that had been on Desmond’s face vanished wickedly.
It was as if he had removed a mask.
“Those who engage in such things, we call them…”
As a diligent researcher.
As a kind neighbor.
As an easy-going elder.
As a devout believer who practiced sharing and caring, the façade of Desmond fell away.
“Heretics.”
The Inquisitor Desmond.
In its most fundamental form.
“Ugh, ugh…!”
At that attitude, which had turned 180 degrees chillingly, Shin Mi-rae swallowed back her breath involuntarily. Watching her reaction, Desmond spoke as he used to, with the same friendly smile.
“However, don’t worry! Even if you are a heretic, I won’t arrest you and torture you on this spot!”
With the same friendly smile and tone. Yet the atmosphere that came with his words was chilling to the bone. Shin Mi-rae could sense the still-glimmering razor’s edge behind that cunning smile.
“…But instead, I would like you to do me just one favor.”
“A… favor?”
“Yes. It’s a bit stiff to call it that, but calling it a deal would be acceptable.”
In light of the fact that he had already pinned her as a heretic, why was this Inquisitor talking about a deal?
Kim Mi-rae’s brain, paralyzed with confusion and fear, couldn’t decipher his intentions. Yet Desmond kindly explained it to her.
“I’ll spare you, Mi-rae. In return, I need you to testify that the reason you’ve come to hold heretical views is because of Master Jae-hyuk’s influence.”
My goal isn’t you; it’s the man behind you.
“…Huh?”
With Desmond’s declaration, Shin Mi-rae’s mind went white.