Chapter 13: 13- ...When I can Just Show Up?
Megan's POV
Staring at the huge metal-framed front door, I inhaled deeply, exhaling and repeating the process, counting again to three before I once again hesitated but this time, I knocked.
My anxiety has been on a high but as soon as I entered the property and I picked up his scent, I was a bit ...serene. I do not comprehend why Jax has this calming effect on me when he is not my mate.
While our alpha says he is my mate and I do not feel this with him. I figured this is similar to what Jax meant by the mate pull but heightened.
Red is restless, and circles around me and almost beats me to it by calling out to Blue but she gives me the reigns and stands in the background, waiting.
"Meg, you're okay!" Jax almost shouted the words, his eyes searching behind me, alertly, engulfing me in his tight bear hug. Tears sting my eyes.
Overwhelming joy and relief flood me. My heart feels as if it beats faster and a pained expression covers my facial features, though I am everything else but that.
"What happened Friday?" Jax questioned me as we both stood in the arch of his front door my hands fist by my side, even when I wanted to bury myself in his chest.
It's been two entire days since our alpha sent everyone out from the omega house and the sight of my friend had my heart wanting to burst with joy, the thought of him not being with me again had me defying the command of our alpha.
"Stay away from the delta." The alpha's warning words two days prior, echo inside my head.
Moreover, Red, weary of the alpha's warning, is delighted to see Jax and runs around chasing her tail at the sight of him, quickly leaving us to chat with Blue. She is scared that we are here but delighted that we are, nevertheless. Did I mention she has not spoken to me since either?
Only just now she had detected Blue's presence because it's possible that she was impatient with me, after all, she hadn't seen her friend either. Blue is the only other wolf she knows or speaks with, just as Jax is mine, so nobody understands each other like her and me.
How do I tell Jax that the alpha gave an order for me to stay away from him?
See, two days back, the alpha and I did the dirty against the kitchen sink, after he told me to take him to my room- of course, I had been shocked again
After the mind-blowing twenty minutes, I expected him to just leave- but no. Then Alpha slept on my shabby bed, holding me close. MY BED!
But before he slept away, was when he said sternly with a finger pointed at me when my phone rang and the caller had been Jax. "Stay away from the delta," and closed his eyes, then, "Get in here, this bed is uncomfortable."
He was being playful with his warning just as Red warned. But in a fit of jealousy, my chest burning, I mouthed of, "Go to your own then where you will find Beth, warming it for you."
"I want to be where you are silly," he'd said it as if I am supposed to know that. His deep voice wreaked havoc inside me. Then he'd pulled his t-shirt off when he saw my old fan but didn't comment on it. His jeans which he had not bothered to put back on, were thrown on the back of the only chair there.
The state of my poverty shamed me while at the same time, the sight of his naked body sent my pulses racing into chaos. My breaths quickened.
"You need A.C."
"You need to get out before the others see you," I countered, wanting him to stay but also not wanting the other pack members to think less of him for getting caught leaving an omega's bed.
"I told you, I sent them off," he mumbled.
The alpha had set my head at ease by telling me he had told them to head back to the pack house. I'm guessing via the mind link that I did not have with them. It disheartened me that I was not one with the pack.
But I had also been worried about Jax, and what he would think of me now. Would he think that I am now the pack whore? I couldn't take it if he thought that of me.
"Beth-" I wanted to ask him if she was his girlfriend. To ask if she was to be the luna as everyone had been saying. And if indeed she was, then what was my place with him? My heavy heart did not want to be what he was making me out to be, which was someone to sleep with when he was bored. Or worse- lacking from other females and I was his last resort to scratch his itch.
"You sound jealous- don't worry your pretty little head," he'd said pulling me down onto the bed to snuggle up. My cheeks grew scarlet red... My pretty- he thought I was pretty?
Me? The lowest rank of the pack? Me with an old towel draped around my waist and my cheap top still on and him completely naked – pretty?
He'd woken me up later and showed me how to please him before we slept away again. In my entire life, I had never been that happy. It felt as if my chest would explode but when I awoke, he was gone.
It was almost dawn and my happiness evaporated. My tiny bed that had never been so comfortable nor so warm, now chilled me as it never did in all the years I had slept in it.
While all my life I had been alone, void of human affections, never before had I felt this vacant.
How do I explain this to Jax?
How, do I tell my best friend- my only friend as a matter of fact, that I avoided his calls and messages in the past two days because I lived in fear that our alpha might harm him? Or that I am pregnant with the beast's baby?
How to tell him that I want to return his embrace but I cannot because I fear for his life, if not my own? To confide in him how my heart ached for someone who isn't mine? To tell him how alone I felt and how with each second that went by, without the alpha, knowing he used me again and has not contacted me since, caused an ache deep inside. And that I feel like dying?
"Are you hurt badly?" Jax sucks in a breath and holds himself back from me, confusing me with his question but I tell him no. I guess he must have thought I hurt myself.
"Why didn't you reply to my text?" Jax continues and holds me now at arm's length, searching my face and examining my hands, not opening the door wider for me to enter. He even turned me around and searched the back of my neck, raising my t-shirt to scan my lower back before he spun me back to face him, a frown and a perched right eyebrow accompanied him at my unmarked flesh at the front.
He pulled my much bigger-than-me, red t-shirt, back down, while I gazed at my beat-up white sneakers.
Raising my head, I provided him with a lopsided smile, I didn't feel. "Why reply when I can just show up? Which would you prefer?" I replay his words to him, but it isn't funny because he does not laugh. It isn't funny. Not in this situation anyway.
"Did he hurt you, Meg?" His tenderness revealed to me, he knew of the alpha and I. But how do I tell him that yes, I was hurt by the alpha but not with external scars? I shake my head no, avoiding his eyes.