The 17th Princess Just Wants to Live

For several days after that, Tristan was deeply troubled.

What should he do?

Pushing Lucilia away had been almost instinctual for Tristan. Having grown used to rejecting others for so long, he chose to push her away before even figuring out what she wanted.

But now, he found himself wanting to hear what Lucilia desired, if only once.

It wasn’t ordinary for someone to go through so much trouble to find him after all this time. He didn’t know what it was, but maybe if he gave her what she wanted, her interest in him would fade.

To Tristan, this situation felt like an abnormal state he needed to escape quickly. Lucilia reminded him of things he had long forgotten, and with those emotions inevitably came old fears and despair.

For him, feeling happiness was always a precursor to impending misfortune. Tristan wanted to successfully push her away before that misfortune could reach her.

So Tristan asked her.

“What is it you want from me?”

Lucilia answered.

“I want Tristan to be happy.”

It was an entirely unexpected reply.

If he could, Tristan would have been willing to grant whatever she asked. But Lucilia spoke so casually of an impossible wish.

Happy.

For a brief moment, that thought crossed his mind. And it plunged him into despair.

Tristan, now a bit older, knew his fear was irrational.

But whenever he tried to become even slightly happy, unknown misfortunes would appear and crush everything.

This wasn’t some irrational delusion, but the cold reality of Tristan who had been abused for nearly ten years.

Knowing that fact, after all this time of surviving by distancing himself from others and killing his emotions over and over, he still hadn’t grown tired of hoping again.

Tristan loathed himself for it.

“Go back.”

In hindsight, it had been wrong from the start. Every moment he came out to this meadow, knowing she would come, was a mistake. Every night he fell asleep wondering about her thoughts, curious about her as a person, had been wrong.

“Never come here again.”

Even as he sensed things were going wrong, he enjoyed the warmth. He had dragged things this far because he wanted to hold onto that rare warmth for a little longer.

And so, Tristan fled from her.

At the time, he thought that was enough. But ever since the day he ran from Lucilia, Tristan hadn’t been able to sleep. He was terrified she might appear in his dreams.

Every night, he tossed and turned, repeating the same thought until he passed out at dawn.

Did she come today as well?

That thought filled his mind every night.

It seemed like he wouldn’t sleep again tonight. With a sigh, Tristan got up. He decided to check on the horses and chop some firewood.

It was then that he heard a small whisper.

“Tristan?”

Tristan thought he had gone mad.

It was the voice he longed for endlessly. A voice he sometimes wanted to hear just once more, yet tried to erase from his mind when he couldn’t even meet her in his dreams.

A voice he could never forget or mistake.

Before him, frozen in place, a small, dark figure appeared. It was someone cloaked in black with the hood pulled deep over their head. When she removed the hood, her tearfully beautiful blonde hair shimmered in the darkness.

Lucilia smiled at him awkwardly.

“Um, have you been well?”

….

Tristan didn’t respond to my greeting. From the moment I called his name, he had turned to stone, not moving an inch.

I was worried he might have been so shocked that he was having a heart attack, so I approached him to check his complexion, but he flinched and stepped back.

“Don’t come any closer.”

In the past, I might have been hurt by gestures like that. But I was not the same Lucilia I used to be.

Ignoring his words, I strode toward him. Tristan retreated each time I approached, but soon, the stable wall blocked his way, and he had no choice but to stop.

“Your Highness.”

He reached out and grabbed my shoulder. But it seemed almost unconscious, as he quickly withdrew his hand in surprise, unable to push me away properly.

I felt as if I was tormenting him. I should stop pressing him now.

Satisfied with standing a little closer than usual, I stopped. Then I smiled.

“You were really startled, huh?”

“What are you doing here?”

Tristan asked in a very low voice.

It was understandable for him to be on guard. I had just broken into Aschenbach residence. If I got caught, writing an apology letter wouldn’t be the end of it.

But I hadn’t come unprepared.

“I know no one’s around.”

I frowned as I spoke.

“Oh, I mean the people of the duke’s family. The duke, the duchess, and both of their sons went to Madam Melroa’s party. It’s a three-day event, so they won’t be back immediately.”

“And the servants…?”

“They’re all passed out drunk. Didn’t you know that the liquor supplier came by today? They gave them two bottles of top-notch alcohol as a bonus. With the masters gone, the servants had a big drinking party. You didn’t notice?”

I thought he would have at least known about the drinking, but judging by his expression, he had no idea.

It made my heart ache. Not only the Aschenbach mansion but even at the townhouse, the staff were ostracizing Tristan.

Without knowing how I felt, Tristan repeated his question like a parrot.

“Why on earth…?”

“Why did I come here? Don’t you get it?”

I leaned towards Tristan. He flinched and pressed himself against the wall even more.

He was two heads taller than me, yet his effort to avoid me seemed both pitiful and, well, oddly amusing… there was something about teasing him…

No, what was I thinking at such an important moment?

“I came because Tristan wouldn’t meet me.”

I said, steadying myself and speaking solemnly.

“Go back.”

He replied, his answer the same as before.

“Please, just go back. What Your Highness wants is impossible.”

“Not at all. I’m going to make it happen.”

“No!”

Tristan shouted, forgetting his attempt to keep his voice down.

“Wait, Tristan…”

I took a step back to calm him down, seeing how agitated he was.

But suddenly, Tristan’s eyes widened as he looked past me into the sky.

“Huh?”

I started to turn to see what he was looking at, but before I could, Tristan grabbed my wrist and pulled me sharply.

“Whoa!”

He dragged me to a corner of the stable and threw me onto a pile of straw. Just as I was about to get angry at his rough behavior, he came over me and covered my mouth with his hand.

“Shh!”

It was an odd situation, but though I was surprised, I wasn’t scared. Mostly because I couldn’t fully grasp what was happening. While I was frozen in shock, Tristan grabbed a blanket from the floor.

Then, he hugged me.

‘What…!’

He wrapped the blanket around both of us, covering me up to the top of my head. Suddenly, I was trapped in Tristan’s arms.

‘Wait! What is going on?’

I panicked and tried to push him away, but Tristan held me firmly, preventing me from moving.

“Just wait, please, just for a moment…”

Tristan whispered desperately, and the fear in his voice made me stop struggling.

Only then did I realize—Tristan was trembling slightly as he held me.

Something was out there.

I held my breath, staying as still as a corpse. Tristan squeezed me tighter, curling up even more.

My cheek was pressed against his chest. I could feel his heart beating fast, like a frightened bird.

He smelled of grass and earth, and realizing this only made my own heart race faster.

I didn’t know how long it lasted, but eventually, I felt the tension in his arms release. Tristan let out a long, low sigh and stood up.

“You can come out now.”

I jumped up as if spring-loaded.

“What was that?”

I asked, hoping my voice didn’t sound too strange. For some reason, my face felt hot. I could still hear the echo of Tristan’s heartbeat in my ears.

It must have been the fear. That kind of terror made people act strangely, I thought, flapping my hands to cool down my flushed face.

“What was out there?”

Instead of answering, Tristan pointed to the distant sky. There, I saw a crow flying away from the duke’s mansion.

“That is the duke’s eyes.”

Tristan said.

“What?”

“Duke Aschenbach uses that crow. There are two kinds—those without eyes and those without tongues. The blind ones can’t see their surroundings but can relay the duke’s messages, while the ones without tongues can’t speak but act as his eyes and ears, watching everything around them.”

Was that crow like a surveillance camera for Duke Aschenbach?

A memory flashed in my mind.

On the night of the festival, I had seen a massive crow with burning golden eyes perched on Anton’s shoulder. He had said, “The duke has summoned you.”

“I think I’ve seen one before…”

I murmured, sorting through my thoughts slowly.

“It was probably one of the blind ones.”

It did convey the duke’s message, and thinking back to when Ludwig suggested we let bygones be bygones, if the crow could see, the duke would have already known about our meeting.

I’d been so distracted with other matters that I hadn’t realized how strange it was. Duke Aschenbach didn’t seem like the type to use magic.

“When the duke is away from the mansion, the crow appears to monitor it. Sometimes once a night, sometimes several times.”

My eyes widened.

This was something even Theodora didn’t know. If she had, she would have definitely warned me about it.

I had been careless, thinking the mansion was unguarded while the duke was gone. That could have been disastrous.

“You should leave while you can. There’s no telling when he might return.”

Tristan said, trying to send me away again. I understood his intention, but I couldn’t leave just yet.

“Fine, but I’ll go after we finish our conversation.”

Tristan sighed.

“I don’t have anything else to say to you, Your Highness…”

“Tristan. I’m going to bring down Duke Aschenbach.”