Thank You For Being Trash

“I risked my life. Why are you suddenly asking for my master’s chastity? This is an outrageous demand.”

Distria glanced at Rewan, who was covered in scars, with an indifferent look. Red blood dripped from Rewan's arm, where the blood had not properly stopped yet.

As if he still couldn't figure out his place, Rewan's eyes shook with anger.

Despite his arrogance, Distria couldn't hold back her laughter as he knocked on the table loudly. There was a crackling, small noise in the room that had been filled with silence. It seemed as though he was quite enjoying the current situation.

He was interested in Arne anyway, so he was going to take her by any means.

To him, this offer was just a one-time entertainment. To make Rewan have no choice but to abandon his master, Arne, and to see his collapsing reaction… an act that brought despair to Rewan.

For Distria, it was just entertainment.

Distria stopped the hand tapping on the desk. The room fell silent again. His red lips opened.

“Even if you die or get defeated in a duel, I will take her. Who else will protect your king here but you?”

“…But!”

“Either I take her after you die and there is no one to protect her, or have mercy on her and take her without killing you. It’s one thing, isn't it?”

Rewan's lips were tightly closed.

Distria was right. In fact, there was nothing to worry about. He couldn't bear to choose the option of betraying his master with his own mouth. He made a fool of himself and did what he shouldn't have done because his reason was overwhelmed by his rage.

He blamed himself… still, it was already spilled water.

However, he couldn't speak, as if his jaw was blocked by something. Meanwhile, Distria rose from the seat and slowly approached him. Rewan couldn't even move or raise his sword, like he was caught up in something.

It was outright fear.

His face, initially contorted with anger, grew more and more helpless and hopeless. As Distria grabbed Rewan's chin, he laughed.

“I'm giving you a slightly better option now.”

Despite his humiliating behavior, Rewan could not do anything. The fingertips holding his sword trembled.

For the first time in his life, he regretted it.

He regretted settling for a normal life and not trying harder. A complacent thought that the peace of Sorano Kingdom would last forever until he died. So even though he was well aware that he was at an average level, he didn't try. He thought there was no need to try.

He had an easy life.

He thought it was easy… He thought it was boring. Besides, Rewan thought he was pretty good at this. This was a punishment for the bravado while knowing full well that he was mediocre.

This was the punishment for those who found life boring.

He couldn't even grasp his place at the moment, lost his reason in anger, and couldn't make a reasonable decision.

…It was all his fault, all his sins.

“I want you to make a choice right now before I kill you and go get her.”

Distria's words were cold.

The words that came out of his mouth pierced his whole body like a blade stabbing. It was more painful than the still-bleeding wound he had received during the duel with Acacia. He opened his mouth, but no words could come out.

Time passed carelessly. It didn't wait for him to stop.

Rewan had to make a choice. None of the choices had good options. He had to answer.

Any answer.

He opened his lips and closed them again. He had to… answer. Distria's hand touched his neck. He was getting more and more breathless.

…He had no more time.

Rewan forced his lips to open.

“…Instead of life.”

He managed to spit out his words.

He wanted to die.

His incompetence, his impatience ruined everything. It gave the worst ending. He hated himself and wanted to die. Humiliated with himself, he thought of death. The words he spat out now weighed more than the weight of her death. He wanted to die…

If only he could die

“I will offer my master’s chastity.”

Distria's hand touched Rewan's shoulder.

Tap, tap.

He laughed as he tapped his shoulder.

Rewan was miserable. After Distria left the room, he barely swallowed his tears. He didn't even deserve to cry. He had no excuses about the results. He was incompetent, sold his master to save his life, and was impatient and thoughtless.

He was not qualified to be a knight.

He thought about death for a long time in front of Distria's door.

* * *

How did he come up with the idea of going to Arne's residence?

He had no conscience.

Rewan laughed in front of Arne's door. He wasn't afraid of death. He had always had death in mind from the moment he held the sword. However, more than death, he was afraid of how Arne would look at him.

As he hesitated in front of the door for a long time, he eventually raised his hand, thinking about death.

Knocking on the door, he barely opened his mouth. He has sinned. He committed a great and irreparable sin on Arne. He could neither die to apologize nor live to breathe. It was difficult and painful to breathe, and he was choking on his breath.

“It’s… Rewan.”

A little time passed, and the door was opened.

Rewan closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine how she would look at him.

Oh, he was worried because he didn't know what conclusions she might have reached, or maybe she had already got the situation report.

She must have heard such insulting words to take care of her body because soon her chastity would soon be taken away. Would she look at her as he enters with resentful eyes? Would she blame him for his incompetence?

In that fleeting moment, he came up with tens of thousands of possibilities. The brief moment when the door fully opened and Arne faced him passed slowly like an eternity of time.

“…Rewan? Why are you so hurt?”

He opened his eyes to the friendly voice full of concern as her warm hand grabbed his. It was so warm, so hot that he wanted to stop crying. He bit his lip.

Arne, who had been silently treating his wounds with sincere hands, spoke.

“It would not have been a fight for honor. What were you fighting for? What did you lose in return for defeat?”

He didn't want to say anything. Her hand holding him was so hot. He wanted to keep feeling that body temperature, afraid that kindness would turn into resentment.

Rewan knew his sin. He was not afraid of being scolded and criticized by others for his lack of ability. However, for some reason, he was afraid of Arne’s reprimand that he would hear. He couldn't even open his mouth.

Why? He was scared of being reprimanded by her.

…Why?

He kept his silence as his body trembled with fear. As Arne stroked his hair, Rewan glanced up at her. At the same time, the worried eyes touched him. He didn't think he deserved her worries.

As he thought so, his heart sank to the surface.

He was a sinner…

He inhaled a breath as he felt the rolling waves calmly subside. After thinking about it for a long time, he finally uttered one sentence.

“I risked my life.”

Rewan shut his mouth again. After these words, he didn't know what to say. He didn’t know how to talk, he didn’t know how to speak. He cowardly shut his mouth again. He acted like silence was his weapon.

He was a sinner. He was a coward. He was not even a person.

I risked my life in a duel, and I sold your chastity for my lack of ability.

I risked my life in a duel, but I lived by selling my master.

I risked my life…

Words he couldn't bear to say lingered in his mouth. Feeling a thorn in his mouth, he inhaled. He was stopped by Arne while removing the sword from its scabbard. He thought death was atonement, but at the same time, he thought it was flight.

The sword fell from his hand.

“If you can’t say it, don’t do it.”

What did he say? He couldn't remember. Like spitting something, Rewan told Arne about his own incompetence. He confessed his sins, pouring the out. Not knowing what kind of expression she might be making, he shook his head.

How.

How…how to say it… how to live. How to atone.

He couldn't get a feel for it.

He was a sinner… A sinner who has neither the right to live nor the right to die in peace.

Would it have been easier if she had cursed at him, criticized him for being incompetent, and resented him? He wondered if he would have felt comfortable if she treated him as someone she didn’t know and cursed at him.

Still, why didn’t she resent him…?

He didn't know. That made him even more anxious.

Or was it because he was not trustworthy, so she didn’t express Her feelings? Otherwise… otherwise, she didn’t expect anything from him?

Rewan shook his head.

He was already a sinner. It was something he had to endure without having to fear Arne's feelings. It wasn't something he should care about.

…But why was he afraid of being scolded by Arne?

* * *

He was waiting for Arne, sitting on his knees and waiting for her blankly. What kind of resentment would she have, and what kind of expression would she look at him after spending the night with Distria? He was very worried.

He couldn't even sleep a wink.

Was he afraid of being denied his abilities? Or would Arne hate him? Was that what he was worried about? Why was he so anxious and worried about her reaction? Rewan didn't know. He was staring blankly at the door when Arne came in.

After a long wait, she entered the room and spoke to him.

“I want to rest. If you have nothing to say, please leave.”

"How should…. I… how should I have acted in the right way?”

Ironically, Rewan felt a strange jealousy when Arne came in. It was a feeling he did not know. Seeing traces of other people on her body full that were not him, he felt anger.

Arne's white flesh was visible through the gaping gown. He felt some strange feelings towards it. It was a feeling he did not know. His mind was impatient and troubled. The feeling of being cut off by something.

Unknowingly, he kissed her.

Even a bit of rationality disappeared from the warm body temperature on the soft lips. He shouldn't do that.

It was another sin.

As he took off the thin gown, Arne's mottled white body was exposed. He kissed the lips and put his own marks on top of the red marks.

Ah, Rewan, who had come to his senses, looked at the crying Arne. She, who had not confided all of her anger, resentment, and worries to him, was crying sadly. He hurt Arne so much that she couldn't hide her feelings.

He dared to comfort her…

Soon, he lowered his outstretched hand back down. In the midst of this, Rewan became aware of his selfish heart.

He loved her.

And, he was a sinner for her.

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