Thank You For Being Trash

It was a late night as usual.

I glanced at the Abras that Acacia had placed in the vase. Even though the flower did not wither, the fragrance was fading though it still maintained the freshness as it was.

As I opened the window, the sky full of stars was still beautiful today.

It was a familiar act. Today, Acacia came to guard the door. He was still busy because of my orders, so I wondered if I still had a conscience as I was a little worried.

Creak.

I opened the door. There was Acacia, who looked tired.

"What's wrong?"

“It’s not like that. I can't sleep.”

"Ah…”

His eyes narrowed. What did he think of my words that I couldn’t sleep?

Acacia could be seen under the dim light. I slowly closed my distance from him. As I got closer to him, little by little, his figure became more and more distinct. He looked a little thin and tired. Somehow, his cheeks look flushed today.

Was I just looking at the cheek flushed red from the redness of the candlelight like a lewd devil? If that were the case, I wouldn’t even have an everyday life…

“You look tired.”

"Ah… This is fine.”

The corners of Acacia's eyes curved in an arc.

When I raised my hand in front of him, Acacia naturally bowed, setting his eyes on me. I placed my raised hand on his cheek. It was not ‘Please hit me.’ I didn't mean to hit him… Putting my hands on Acacia's cheeks, I moved one hand on his forehead as I felt a little bit of heat on his cheeks.

"Ah…”

Were my hands cold or Acacia’s body hot?

Startled by the fireball-like forehead, I released my hand. The cheeks were still red. Thank goodness, I could have an everyday life…

Unlike my heart, which was a nonsense pit, I spat out quite normal words out of my mouth.

“You’re having a fever now.”

"It's okay."

What was okay?

I wanted to say something about Acacia's foolishness though I closed my lips tightly because I didn't mean to. I sighed in secret. Then, I grabbed his arm and led him into the room. I closed the door, locked it, and laid him on the bed.

Even though he was exhaling harsh breaths from the heat, he struggled to get out of the room. What kind of patient was so strong?

"Rest."

"Haa… no."

“It’s an order.”

My hand tightened and pressed Acacia's shoulder as he was about to get up. He collapsed on the bed helplessly. While sweat dripped from his hot forehead, the breath coming out of his lips was hot.

Haa. Even if I'm a pervert, I couldn’t believe I was still excited in this kind of situation. Moreover, Acacia was now a patient.

"No. I can’t rest.”

“It's an order.”

Acacia, who was trying to move his body, shut his lips at the word ‘order.’ Then, I carefully covered him with the blanket. Was there a wet towel? Or hot porridge. I felt quite sorry as there was nothing I could do for him.

“I haven’t used you for anything yet.”

It was funny that I had no choice but to say that so he wouldn’t get sick. Acacia was seriously listening to such a nonsensical word as a command.

It was humorous. What was I even doing?

In the end, he closed his eyes. His condition, which quickly fell into a deep sleep, seemed a little more serious. Acacia kept dripping sweat down his head. Even though he was so sick, his honest loyalty to come to protect my door was burdensome.

I sighed.

I tried to tear the duvet to use as a wet towel, but it didn't rip well, so I took off my clothes. Even though it was a silk material, I wondered if I could wipe his body with water. Fortunately, there was water in the bathroom attached to the room. It was all cold.

I went back to the room with the wet clothes, squeezed out of enough water. I wiped Acacia's sweaty face.

"Ha…”

I unbuttoned Acacia's shirt and wiped away his wet body, stroking him. I brushed against his tightly woven abs. The scars I see occasionally. There were small scars here and there that I did not know whether it was a wound from a sword or what kind of mark it was.

On the pretext of wiping his body, I had a dark intention.

My conscience was a bit pricked, but I tried to rationalize it. When would I have the opportunity to touch Acacia’s wonderful body to my heart's content?

Even then, seeing him gasping for breath, I felt a strange sense of guilt.

While enduring this pain, what should I say? Why was I being punished alone? Besides, if I hadn't gone down the hallway to see him, he would have spent the rest of his time alone in the cold space. My heart was agitated. I took the cold towel back and headed to the bathroom.

I was wiping away the sweat from Acacia's neck. His eyelids opened. The blurred pupils gave off a faint light.

Acacia got up. He grabbed my wrist that was placed around his neck and looked at me. He seemed to be out of his mind with the fever.

The murderous energy in his eyes was dreadful.

"Haa… Who’s… there."

Suddenly, Acacia's grip on my hand loosened.

“…Arne?”

He checked me and leaned on me in relief. Acacia's body was collapsing without warning. At this point, I took off his coat and wiped his sweaty back.

The hot breath tickled my throat. I gazed at Acacia, who opened his eyes just by the fact that something touched his neck even though he was in so much pain. Numerous marks and traces gave certain certainty.

Why did I think that he was not human just because I saw such a person in the book? Did I think he was a flat and unchanging person?

I laid him down slowly, being careful not to let anything touch Acacia's neck.

If his neck accidentally lightly touched the pillow, I was worried that he might wake up. However, contrary to what I thought, Acacia did not open his eyes. I put my hand on his neck again, just in case. I tried to strangle him slowly.

He didn't open his eyes.

I felt strange.

My heart was pounding. Even though it may be an insignificant, meaningless behavior, it felt strangely good. I think he trusted me. Perhaps, it was just my own delusion. He seemed to trust me… It made me happy even though it didn't make sense.

To him, I was the King of the enemy country and the King of the country he destroyed. He knew I wanted to kill him and wanted him to die. Still, how could he sleep looking so relieved when he saw me?

What does he think of me?

"Haha……, Ha."

I touched Acacia's neck with my fingertips again. Again, my lips drew a smile at the sight of him exhaling even breaths.

How good it felt to be trusted by someone? I just found out now.

* * *

I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was already lying in bed.

As I woke up, I remembered last night when I saw Acacia’s robe that had fallen. My heart still tickled. It was the first time I'd felt so good without a relationship.

The maids showered me generously with perfume, washed and clothed me. After that, after having breakfast and lying around, Lepis would come to visit. Wasn’t this the good life of a jobless person? I was put to sleep, washed, and fed.

I waited for Lepis to come around lunchtime.

It was time for him to come. Why didn't he come…?

As I rolled over the bed, I jumped up when I felt a presence. The door swung open without a knock. I didn’t think it was Lepis. Even though he always came at the same time, he did not forget to knock.

“Did you wait for Lepis?”

Seeing me standing, Distria spat out cold words. No, not really, why was he here? The man I hadn't seen in a long time approached me slowly.

“I have prepared something for my lovely Arne.”

One of his fingers lifted my chin. I was uneasy at Distria’s sight, who seemed to be in a good mood.

“You will definitely like it.”

Distria laughed. Rewan flashed through my mind. My heart was pounding.

…Please, don’t let it be that.

Even though I didn't love Rewan more than my life, I just didn't want him to die in front of me. Did that mean I didn’t want him to die? Or was I denying my love for him?

“Oh, it’s been a while since, so why don’t you wear nice clothes? You look so shabby.”

My restless mind became certain.

It was just one day, today was the only day Acacia was sick. Still, Rewan was caught? I couldn't believe it. I thought this would have worked. Was this just fate? Or was it a story that is inevitable because it would go according to the book?

Distria hung his fingers around the neck of the round silk dress before sliding it down. The thin fabric was torn easily by his light gesture.

“Send the handmaid.”

My head became so white that I couldn't even respond to Distria's actions or words. He tapped on my pale white cheek and opened the door.

I instinctively grabbed Distria's arm as he was about to get out.

“Are you going to kill him?”

Distia’s mysterious eyes reached me. He gazed at me and lowered his gaze, and I followed his gaze to where my hand was holding him.

“I’ll see what you do and think about it.”

…Right now?

What should I do to prevent Distria from killing Rewan? Should I get down on my knees? Should I give my body? My mind was worn out by the irrational thinking. I didn't know what Distria wanted me to do.

What if Rewan died when I chose the wrong option? I couldn't move easily.

There were times when I easily thought of Rewan's death.

There were times when I easily spoke of Rewan’s death.

There were times when I used to think it was fate.

…It was just fate, but why was I so afraid to face it?

I took a breath.

I thought of his death when I first saw him. I thought of Rewan. His empty eyes and angry face. The way he cared about me… that smile that made me smile from time to time, and that stupid look he made when he was embarrassed…

His death was nowhere among it. I didn’t remember his death anymore. It didn’t come to mind.

Time passed slowly as if it had stopped.

The time that stopped, move again with Distria.

“Then, let’s go see him.”

Distria misunderstood my hesitation. I couldn't stop him as he left the room.

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