Teacher, Is This Your First Time?

“Wooow!”

The classroom instantly became noisy with the sound of palms pounding on desks. The department head teacher who would be in the next classroom quickly came to mind.

“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you. The next classroom is still in session. Everyone, shush.”

The kids who nodded this time, instead of shouting, vigorously waved their hands in the air in silent cheers. Perhaps because they were still young, I couldn’t help but smile at their innocent behavior, following instructions as promised.

“Hmm. They liked flowers. So I even attended flower arrangement classes to make bouquets for them.”

“Oh, a romantic!”

Though I quit as soon as I found out my senior joined the gardening club because of a classmate they had a crush on.

“Tell us more!”

“What kind of woman was she, teacher?”

The first love that came out of my mouth was 30 centimeters shorter than the senior in my memory, and the short hair grew just long enough to slightly pass the shoulder line.

The senior who first met me by directly hitting my head with a soccer ball became the senior who left their major textbook at the library, and the senior who would ruffle my hair randomly saying I should call them “big brother” if I wanted a response became the senior who smiled brightly saying I could comfortably call them “big sister.” The longer the story went on, the more smiles unconsciously escaped me.

Inside the classroom, everyone’s eyes were on me.

“What about confessing? Did you ever confess your feelings?”

“…Uh, right.”

The problem was that just one of them was different. Not an interested gaze, but a cold stare that seemed to pierce through.

My laughter cut off abruptly, as if sliced by an invisible blade. Like touching cold ice without thinking and quickly pulling away in surprise, I immediately averted my eyes upon meeting that gaze. Like someone who had committed a crime, I hurriedly avoided his eyes without even realizing it.

“S-so. The confession still…”

Even though I avoided it, the gaze didn’t disappear. Unlike before when he had never looked at me, now he wouldn’t take his eyes off me. Once I became aware of his gaze, all my attention was drawn to it. That’s why I didn’t want to turn my eyes in that direction again.

I don’t even know what I babbled after that. Only when the bell rang did my freely running lips finally close. It was a long, long five minutes.

* * *

I thought he must be angry.

It was my mistake. I had only worried about getting scolded, without considering that he might have felt bad. Moreover, if we were both late but only one of us got caught, it would have been even more unfair. Especially if that person was someone who had tried to help.

So I prepared an apology. It was a bit embarrassing. But I had to thank him for helping me that day, and that was the right thing to do. And also apologize for leaving him behind. I certainly intended to. Really.

But whenever I actually encountered Woo Tae-seon, I couldn’t say anything and would freeze up again. Even though I recognized his face, I would either quicken my pace pretending not to see him or grab my senior’s sleeve and urge him to hurry.

Only after passing by him would my tension release and my senses return. I couldn’t understand why I was only muttering those short, simple words to myself.

In fact, I had some idea of the reason.

My guilt toward Woo Tae-seon had gradually spread into worry that he might tell others about me. Though I didn’t have the courage to speak to him, I couldn’t avoid him completely from the beginning. Out of anxiety that he might tell someone, I lingered around him.

What if he changes his mind? If he starts talking about it…

“…So embarrassing.”

It was the worst.

I threw myself onto the bed. Lying on the hard bed was similar to my uncomfortable mind even with my eyes closed. I thought I might toss and turn all night again today.

In truth, I was the type who worried a lot but couldn’t actually take action. I often had so many concerns that I would fret over this and that, ultimately doing nothing and staying still.

But usually problems grew larger in situations where I couldn’t do anything either way. It was like that day, it was like today, and it would probably be like that tomorrow. Now I couldn’t even tell if it was pride, worry, or some other feeling.

“Ah. I don’t even know anymore.”

Only after checking the alarm set on my phone three times could I close my eyes with reassurance. It was a new habit formed after that noisy late day.

Perhaps because I tossed and turned with a single thought until just before falling asleep, I opened my eyes beneath the wall from that day.

‘…Huh?’

Woo Tae-seon, who should have been behind me, was looking down at me right in front of my face, but not recognizing that this was a dream, I didn’t find it strange that he was in front of me or looking down at me.

So without thinking, I tried to get out through the hole just like that day, but strangely, my body wouldn’t budge. No matter how hard I tried to stretch my body forward, I couldn’t move forward, and no matter how much I tried to pull my hips back, I couldn’t go backward either.

Only then could I realize my situation. That my body was stuck in the hole.

I struggled with all my might, but I simply couldn’t escape by my own strength. Finally, I looked up at Woo Tae-seon desperately.

‘H-help me.’

‘Again?’

The cold gaze, now familiar enough, was looking down at me.

“Huk!”

At the same time, I woke up from my sleep.

Was it because the cold face I had briefly encountered kept coming to mind? Seeing that I was now even dreaming about it, it must have been weighing heavily on my mind.

I don’t know if I had that dream because I was so concerned or if there was a message for me. Despite the uncertainty, I shrank even more at the thought that perhaps he was blaming me for constantly avoiding him.

I opened my phone to check the time. It was just the time I needed to get up. With a deep sigh, I rubbed my face, still not fully awake, with my palm. I felt like I could definitely speak today. Especially since today was a day when I had a class with class 5.

Today was my chance.

“Umm.”

After class ended, and quite some time after the bell had finished ringing, there were fewer than five people left in the classroom. That’s because many students grabbed balls and went out even during the short 10-minute break. Thanks to that, I could approach Woo Tae-seon without drawing attention.

As I stood awkwardly in front of Woo Tae-seon, he raised his head, and I slightly turned mine away.

“Yes, teacher.”

“Are you understanding the lessons well? Any questions?”

…Or anything else to say. I added in a very, very small voice. Though it was quiet, he must have heard it. Woo Tae-seon’s face, staring at me, told me so.

First, take him out, buy him ice cream, and start the conversation. I mentally checked once more the plan I had made all morning.

“No. I’m fine.”

But Woo Tae-seon gave me an answer different from what I expected. The direction he slightly nodded toward had other students still in the classroom.

Ah… I seemed to understand why he was pretending not to know. It appeared I had suspected him needlessly. And to think, he even pretended not to know without being asked, after I had run away.

Woo Tae-seon was a good kid.

“Mm, well, if you have any questions or concerns, feel free to come to me anytime.”

Woo Tae-seon smiled slightly, realizing I understood what he meant. What a pretty smile. Now that all the doubts and worries that had been pricking my heart were gone, I could see that smile.

I was the last person in the whole school to realize why everyone trusted Woo Tae-seon. The reason he received everyone’s attention wasn’t just because of his material abundance. He was also deeply considerate, keeping secrets without being asked, seemingly broad-minded, and loyal too.

“I’ll help you.”

“Yes, teacher. I will.”

Thanks to his smile at me at the end, I could return to the teachers’ office with a light heart, unlike when I had headed to the classroom.

* * *

Was it because I had been tense all day? Even though my body and mind were now at ease, the worrying that had made me toss in bed until late hours these past few days seemed to have been a great drain both mentally and physically.

Although it was only lunchtime, fatigue came earlier than usual. My body felt achy, as if I was about to come down with a cold. It seemed better to skip lunch and take a nap.

“What about food?”

If it hadn’t been for my senior, who had returned early from lunch, I could have gotten an hour of sleep in the male teachers’ lounge.

“I was going to sleep a bit in the lounge.”

“That’s because you’re not getting enough sunlight. Get out a bit.”

“What sunlight?”

“I’m planning to play a game of soccer with the kids after eating, just come watch. The sun is warm and nice today.”

If I had to choose between being able to fully watch my senior playing on the field after a long time and resting comfortably in the lounge, I would obviously choose the former.

“Soccer?”

“Yeah, our class made it to the finals in both basketball and soccer!”

My senior’s current interest was the sports day next week. Come to think of it, he had already changed into his gym clothes.