Book Five: Diplomacy - Chapter Fifteen: I Know You Can
I see the normal sparks emerging from the lizog, their colour the bright red of fresh blood. But as I look at them, I immediately realise that something is wrong. The sparks are not as numerous and they’re not whirling around him as River’s did, or Bastet’s before him. Instead, it’s like they’re spitting weakly from his body, without even the power to whirl around him.
I watch, biting my lip, a nasty feeling growing inside me even as curious samurans start to gather round. Apparently, even though it’s not an Evolution of one of their own, it’s still a spectacle they want to see. Joy and Tarra join my side, the feeling over the Bond one of hesitance and concern. Not concern for Fenrir himself, per se – this is more the concern someone in a bus might have when watching a stranger face-plant into the road with a car approaching.
“There’s something wrong, isn’t there?” I ask them quietly, hoping that saying it won’t make it more true than I already fear it is.
I’ve seen this before with others, Tarra replies, her own clicks and grunts equally discreet. The odd villager who becomes frustrated with his progress and tries to force through an Evolution before he is ready. It…never ends well.
I don’t need to ask for clarification. I know that the best result to expect is that Fenrir is alive, but never able to advance to a higher Tier. Other possibilities are that he advances to Tier two, but with a flawed Evolution which cripples him, or that he simply dies. That’s apparently the most likely consequence.
“Is there anything we can do?” I fret, the growing sense of panic from Fenrir’s side of the Bond making me start to fidget – he’s realised that something has gone wrong.
No, answers Joy shortly. It’s the answer I expected, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
A feathery head presses against one hip even as a furry body leans against my thigh. My hands drop down to stroke both of their heads. When did Bastet and Lathani get back?
We returned from the hunt and saw the commotion over here, Lathani explains, apparently sensing my unspoken question.
This is not good, Bastet says slightly anxiously. His inner channels are still damaged. He should not have forced through the Evolution.
“That’s the reason for this?” I confirm my suspicion with the raptorcat, giving her my full attention. She sends across the feeling of a shrug.
I think it is most likely. I remember what it felt like for me. Instead of explaining further, she sends me a memory of her sensations at the time. I feel a great pressure both inside and out, like water is blasting through every vein in my body, and it’s only not forcing its way out completely because the pressure on my skin is just as strong.
I feel like every vein – no, not vein, Energy channel – in my body is being scoured clean, and new ones are being developed following my vision of myself and the patterns I have already established in my body. Like a crack which is forced open and develops a hundred more in the same style.
Her suggestion makes complete sense. If there was a damaged part of her body, a leaky channel, then how could the process continue as it should? All the pressure would simply blast that area wide open, and not in the right way.
But how does this knowledge help me except to know with even more certainty that Fenrir is not going to get through this intact?
Bastet is looking at me.
You can help him. I know you can. Her faith-filled statement cuts me to the bone. How can she have that much belief in me when all I’m able to do is stand here like a lemon?
“I can’t,” I hiss at her, my tone almost pleading. Begging her to understand, to forgive my weakness. My lack of knowledge. “I don’t know how.”
You came close with me yesterday, I felt it, Bastet insists. But instead of going into my inner space, you went into your own. You can do it.
I bite my lip again, this time tasting blood and feeling a small sting of pain as my teeth break skin. Do I dare try? What if trying messes things up further?
Then again, Fenrir is clearly doomed if I don’t intervene. How much worse can I make it?
Hesitating for one moment longer, I decide to take the plunge. Refusing to let myself second-guess my decision any longer now I’ve made it, I step forwards and through the weakly spitting sparks.
From the shock I hear rise from the samurans around me, I wasn’t supposed to do that. I don’t care. My focus is on Fenrir.
He’s suffering. As I touch him and open our Bond wide, I feel it. The pressure that Bastet experienced is even worse for him because he isn’t balanced. The pressure inside is weaker than the pressure outside; I can even see bones being shifted painfully under his skin as the process forces changes which should never have happened.
Bastet said that I was almost there yesterday, only I diverted into my own Core space instead. So, I start in the same way as yesterday: sending my mind down the Bond between us, my hand on his head making it easier to do so.
Last night, I attempted to Meditate while my consciousness was in Bastet, but ended up just returning to my own body as I fell into Medium Meditation.
Maybe that’s the issue. Maybe the Skill can’t work when I’m trying to look at someone else’s Core space? But if so, I’m not sure how to turn the Skill off – I’ve spent so much time recently with it permanently on.
This time, as I try to sink into meditation, I try not to actually use Meditation. Instead, I try to sink my awareness into Fenrir’s body, into the centre of his body, into the space which isn’t physical but some other realm entirely.
I feel the pull of Meditation, of my own Core space, but aware of it, I notice that it pulls me to the side. It pulls me away. I don’t want to go away – this is exactly where I want to be, just deeper.
And then, like blinking only to find my reality has changed, I’m there. In Fenrir’s Core space.
My immediate impression is that it isn’t really a Core space, not yet – it’s a solar system with no sun. And his channels are completely different from mine. His are far more similar to what Lathani showed me hers were like, thick veins which all converge on a single point. I guess that’s where Fenrir’s Core is supposed to be eventually.
Each of the veins branches off into smaller channels, the ends almost feathery in appearance. Except on one branch. On that branch, I see that the smaller channels have been corroded away, the end of that vein looking very unhealthy indeed.
The next thing I notice is the Energy that’s rushing back and forth along the veins. It looks like it’s supposed to be pushing towards the centre, creating that Core that he needs. But it can’t, because every time it starts building up pressure, it leaks out of the corroded channels.
Right. That’s where I need to start, then.
To heal my own channels, I needed to pull mana from my core and feed it along the golden lines. Can I do the same here?
Trying to pull my own mana into Fenrir’s Core space ends up being worse than a failure: it ends up being actively detrimental. As soon as my mana touches the closest Energy vein to my physical contact with the lizog’s body, it starts damaging the channel, blackening and eating it. Actually…is it burning the golden vein? Is this my fire affinity at work?
Not wanting to cause more damage than I have already, I quickly pull my mana back. Clearly, that’s not going to work.
I hope that there’s the same kind of time dilation between Fenrir’s Core space and reality that there is with my Core space, otherwise we are already almost out of time.
I think there must be, though: the waves of Energy rushing through Fenrir’s veins have started reducing in speed, but not significantly. I suspect that if I don’t do anything, Fenrir will simply fail to gain a Core. What other effects or long-term consequences he might suffer, I don’t know. I don’t care to find out either.
Focussing on the movement, I wrack my brains to try to find something else I could do to help Fenrir which doesn’t involve my own mana.
Gazing at the flowing Energy gives me an idea. When I repaired my Core, I wasn’t able to use my own mana since accessing it just caused the Core damage to worsen. Instead, I used the Energy that entered my Energy channels. Can I do that here?
It’s not my Energy, but if Fenrir works with me…. It’s worth a shot, I decide.
Trying to grasp the Energy rushing through Fenrir’s veins is hard. Harder even than grasping my own Energy the first time. But it’s true that practice makes perfect and, by this point, I’ve had lots of practice.
The waves of Energy have slowed a bit more since I started my attempt, but finally I manage to grasp some of the flowing golden light. Moving with the waves helps my movement, and I manage to get it to the channels which are corroded and damaged.
Healing them is also hard. My own fire affinity must have significantly helped me in the battle with the alcaoris, or my own Energy channels are so much more responsive to my actions than Fenrir’s. Maybe a mix of both. Either way, it takes longer than I was hoping to fix the Energy channels, even once I’ve got the Energy there.
By the time I’m done, the waves of Energy have slowed by an easily noticeable amount, though, newly confined, they don’t slow any further. I suddenly fear that there won’t be enough of them to condense the Core. In that case, what will happen to the built-up Energy? I think about tales of beasts dying in the attempt to Evolve – have I just made things worse?
What if I give Fenrir some of my own Energy? Mana clearly doesn’t work, but what about Energy which hasn’t been converted to something personal? Again, it’s worth a try – I still don’t think I’ve done enough to actually improve the situation.
Reaching into my own Core space while in the space of another is a new experience, and one that makes me feel inordinately vulnerable: I sense that if Fenrir attacked me right now, I would just shatter. But I manage to connect to my Core and pull Energy out of it.
There isn’t a lot in there – just what I’ve collected since my last level up. But I draw on what I have, and tentatively feed it into Fenrir’s internal matrix. I brace for some negative effect as I add a couple of small drops – hoping that it’s not going to explode him or something.
After a few moments, it’s clear that nothing bad is going to immediately happen so I gradually add a bit more. As Energy drips into Fenrir’s Energy channels, the golden waves start to brighten again, picking up pace. I drain my own Energy dry and mentally cross my fingers, hoping that it will be enough.
Go on Fenrir, you can do it, I encourage. His presence has been hovering around me like a cloud for the whole of the time, half-aware of me, half not. I’ve felt his panic turn into bewilderment, his automatic resistance to my efforts becoming submission, and now, his fear turning into hope.
I feel him concentrate. It takes me a few moments to realise exactly what he’s concentrating on: himself. Not in a selfish way, but in the sense that he’s trying to focus on exactly what he is – and what he wants to be.
He’s focussing on size, strength, and durability. He’s recognised his role as the tank of the group, and clearly wants to emphasise that. Though not wanting to distract him, I can’t help but give him a little nudge to consider health and health regeneration. That’s how I’ve survived this long: by being able to replace my health almost quicker than my enemies have been able to bring it down.
He encompasses the nudge seamlessly into his concentration. The waves of Energy build up speed, the pulses of golden light becoming almost invisible with how quickly it moves from the centre of his Core space to the ends of his channels and then back again.
Suddenly, it reaches critical mass. All the light drains from the Energy channels and condenses in the centre. It becomes white hot, burning even my mental presence here. Unfortunately, without eyes, I can’t close them or look away. Time pauses for a moment of eternity.
And then it erupts, all the Energy rushing through his veins and out. Behind, a fragile-looking, dim crystal is left in the centre at the nexus of all his thickest veins.
I sense that the process isn't finished, but that my presence is no longer necessary. May, in fact, be detrimental.
Carefully, I withdraw, trying not to affect anything as I do so.
Returning to my body, I open my eyes to find myself surrounded by bright red sparks. Lifting my hand from Fenrir’s head, I push myself to my feet, almost stumbling with the weakness that threatens to overcome me.
The moment I step out of the cocoon that now surrounds Fenrir, Bastet, Lathani, Catch, and River are all there to support me. I feel exhausted, and weak, and more than a little nauseous. It’s not because of mana exhaustion, though – that bar is close to full. It must be something else that I’ve overstretched.
Looking around, I see the eyes of every samuran present fixed on me, shock mingled with hope within their gazes.
“What?” I croak, my throat as dry as desert sand.