Sweet Shot

#26

Cha Jun-seong spat on Ha-min’s shoes. Ha-min looked down at the white mucus on his shoes with a sunken gaze. Why did this always happen?

“Just wait. If my grades go to shit, I won’t let this slide,” Jun-seong warned menacingly. His face was so distorted it looked hideous. Ha-min just stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact. Having said his piece, Jun-seong shoved Ha-min’s shoulder hard as he passed by. Ha-min let out a small groan at the forceful collision. He watched Jun-seong’s retreating back with a dumb expression, clutching his shoulder.

Ha-min pounded his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. It should have stopped by now. As he exhaled the breath he’d been holding, his throat felt dry. He hated moments like this the most. When he was trapped there alone, unable to do anything. When he couldn’t say a word to the curses mocking and ignoring him. When he became detached from himself, unable to do anything.

“…”

Ha-min quietly took a tissue from his bag and knelt down on one knee. He silently wiped the dirty saliva off his shoe. Because Jun-seong had spoken quite loudly, people around were glancing at them. He stayed still for a while after cleaning it off. Just then, his phone vibrated.

[Mom]

It happened to be from his mom. Ha-min bit his lip for a moment before forcing a smile.

“Yes, Mom.”

-Son, is your exam over?

“Yeah. It went well.”

-Good job. To celebrate your exam, I’ll make you something delicious. Come home if you have time.

As soon as he heard the nostalgic voice, Ha-min felt his insides crumble. Still crouching, he placed his hand on his knee.

-Tomorrow’s the weekend. Stop by home. I’m starting to forget what my son looks like.

The timing’s good too. Ha-min nodded, resting his forehead on his crouched knee.

“Okay. Got it.”

-You don’t have work, right?

“The boss said I don’t have to come during exam period.”

-Seems like a sensible person.

“Should I buy something to bring?”

-No need to buy anything. Just come.

“Something like fruit. Mom, you like strawberries, right? Should I bring some?”

-Oh, son. It’s not strawberry season now.

“Ah… right. Then…”

-Son.

Mom cut off Ha-min as he tried to continue speaking nonchalantly.

-Did something happen?

“Huh? No.”

Ha-min replied with an awkward laugh. What could have happened? It wasn’t even worth mentioning. It was just pathetic. Ha-min stood up, dusting off his legs.

-Your voice sounds off. Didn’t you say the exam went well?

“Our Madam Kang’s intuition is way off. I’m perfectly fine.”

He hated whining to his mom, who had been worried sick about him ever since that incident. Ha-min laughed casually as he said this. He got up, dusted himself off, and left the building.

-You know to tell Mom if anything happens, right?

Ha-min nodded at her words, spoken in a deliberately stern voice.

“I know… don’t worry. I’m leaving now.”

Alright, come safely. After the final greeting, Ha-min hung up. Originally, he had planned to go back to his gosiwon room and catch up on sleep. His eyes felt heavy after pulling all-nighters for several days. Although both his school and Seoul home were in Seoul, his family home was on the outskirts, so it took quite a while to get there. Ha-min checked the bus schedule on his phone.

“Why are you coming out so late?”

A familiar voice came from beside him as he was crossing the outdoor parking lot after leaving the building. When Ha-min turned his head, he saw him leaning against his foreign car, smoking a cigarette. He was wearing a comfortable knit outfit with slacks that showed his ankles. The exposed ankles looked firm and smooth.

“Your last exam is over, right?”

He continued speaking instead of Ha-min, who was too surprised to answer. Ha-min just nodded, at a loss for words. He didn’t even wonder how the other knew. Whenever he saw him appear so surprisingly like this, the first thought that always came to mind was simply that he was glad. Just that foolish feeling of being purely happy.

“Yeah… but why are you here?”

He always asked this, as the answer that he came to see him didn’t come out right away. Tae-rim smirked at Ha-min’s innocent expression. Then he opened the passenger side door.

“Get in.”

He gestured with his head, instructing him to get in instead of answering. Ha-min shook his head with a bewildered expression.

“I have somewhere to go now…”

“Where?”

“Um… home.”

“Can’t you eat with me before going?”

“Well, Mom said she’d make dinner…”

“Ah…, your family home? How is your mother doing?”

He casually continued the conversation.

“She’s good. Healthy.”

“Is that so? That’s good. Alright then, get in.”

He spoke again after briefly asking about her well-being. Ha-min looked at him with a troubled expression.

“I need to go home…”

“Okay, I’ll drive you.”

“Huh? No, it’s okay. It’s far from here.”

Ha-min frantically waved his hands, adamantly declining the offer to drive him. At his intense refusal, Tae-rim stood still, staring at Ha-min. His eyes showed no sign of joking.

“Ha-min.”

“Yes?”

“Are you avoiding me by any chance?”

“…”

“You left without saying anything that day. You barely reply to KakaoTalk messages. Now you won’t even get in the car.”

“…”

“I wanted to see your face, but I held back until your exams were over so I wouldn’t disturb you, and now I’m here.”

He continued speaking as if feeling wronged, with his arm resting on the car roof. He said embarrassing things with a straight face. It was Ha-min whose face turned red. Fidgeting with his heated nape, Ha-min hurriedly opened his mouth.

“It’s not like that… I didn’t intentionally avoid you.”

How could he do that? To his brother. How dare he do that to Lee Tae-rim?

Ha-min shook his head in denial. He also looked flustered by the other’s voice that sounded disappointed. He didn’t mean to make him feel that way.

“……”

Tae-rim let out a deflated laugh at Ha-min’s consistently flustered behavior.

“…We’ve even rubbed dicks, why are you being so shy?”

Tae-rim muttered quietly towards Ha-min, who was still acting stiffly. Ha-min lowered his head with an embarrassed face. He could never get used to the other’s vulgar words. And his head spun at the memory of that day, which still seemed unbelievable.

Having finished his cigarette, he threw the butt on the ground. With a nonchalant face, he held the open passenger door and spoke again.

“Get in.”

It was an affectionate command.

**

The air in the car was unusually tense, unlike usual.

Tae-rim didn’t say much either, and Ha-min kept glancing at him nervously. He had tried to avoid him many times but never succeeded. But this time was different. It wasn’t him he was trying to avoid, but the memory of that day, that time.

Was he perhaps angry? Ha-min cautiously glanced at Tae-rim. He was holding the steering wheel, looking straight ahead. The light changed and the car came to a smooth stop. Ha-min, who had been just watching, spoke up in a small voice.

“Brother…”

“Yeah.”

Though his gaze remained indifferent, looking only ahead, the reply came immediately.

“Um… don’t misunderstand, I’ve never avoided you…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s true. Really… That day, I…”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I was em-embarrassed… I left first because I felt awkward.”

Ha-min tightly gripped the hem of the dress shirt he was wearing. He didn’t know that his brother was concerned about him leaving first, as if running away. At that time, he only wanted to avoid him as soon as he opened his eyes.

“Is that so?”

“Y-yeah.”

Ha-min nodded at the kind voice that seemed understanding. The gaze that had been fixed straight ahead finally turned to look at him.

“I didn’t know. I thought you wouldn’t care much.”

“……”

“You seduced me first, after all.”

Leaning leisurely on the steering wheel, he grinned at Ha-min. He was clearly teasing. Ha-min couldn’t even smile and avoided his gaze. He had no words to excuse himself.

The car started moving again. He skillfully turned the steering wheel with one hand.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Ha-min.”

He spoke casually as he turned the steering wheel and rounded a curve. His tone was even, without any hint of teasing.

“All guys are like that when they’re horny.”

“…”

He spoke in his usual voice, as if it was no big deal. It was Tae-rim’s inherent way of speaking that sometimes came out, alternating between kindness and bluntness. Ha-min kept his mouth shut. He had expected that he would be the only one attaching meaning to that incident. He didn’t even imagine that the other’s feelings for him would change in an instant.

That’s why he tried to focus on other things for days, not wanting to think about it. He felt disgusted with himself for regretting yet not regretting the act committed in the heat of simple pleasure. And he was sure that if the same situation arose, he would act exactly the same way. Because the other person was none other than Lee Tae-rim.

Buzz. In the brief silence, Ha-min’s phone rang once more. The caller was the same. Ha-min glanced at Tae-rim for a moment. When he sent a silent look asking if it was okay to answer, Tae-rim immediately nodded.

“Yes, Mom.”

-Are you on your way?

“Yeah.”

-How much longer do you think it will take?

“How long…?”

Ha-min asked back, looking at Tae-rim. Tae-rim promptly replied, “20 minutes,” catching on.

“It looks like it’ll take about 20 minutes.”

-Already? Are you taking a taxi?

“Huh? No. Um, someone I know offered to drive me…”

Ha-min made up an excuse with a flustered face. He whispered as quietly as possible so Tae-rim wouldn’t hear. He felt that if he mentioned Tae-rim, his mom would make a fuss for no reason. Since childhood, it was Mom who liked Tae-rim more than Tae-in, who was Ha-min’s best friend. She would say, how could a boy be so pretty and well-behaved? Back then, Tae-rim was known in the neighborhood as a very handsome and well-mannered teenager.

-That’s very kind of them. Bring them home with you. Let’s feed them a meal before sending them off.

“Ah, no. They’re busy… They need to leave quickly.”