Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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After the long, drawn-out conversation, night fell.

In a cramped bed, a beautiful woman and a handsome man lay down together. I could easily guess what was about to happen next.

—That’s right, they were going to gossip!

If you were thinking something lewd, sadly, that wasn’t going to happen. The reason was… my mind was that of a man!

“Skylar! Can you tell me more fun stories?”

“…It’s 3 AM, Selina. Please.”

“It’s your fault! The moment you started telling such a wonderful adventure at this time was the real mistake! And you just cut it off because it got too long? Are you even human?!”

“I’m starting to doubt if you’re human for asking for more after listening from 9 PM to 3 AM!”

“Why are you suddenly shouting?”

“You shouted first! Anyway—”

Skylar’s words were cut off.

Because someone hit the wall from the next room.

Thud.

Thud.

Then, bang!

We heard someone from the other room yell, “Can you please keep it down! I understand you’re newlyweds, but come on!”

With flushed faces, we both turned our backs to each other.

We couldn’t see each other’s faces, but we could certainly feel the heat rising. In the end, we just desperately ignored each other.

*

Morning came.

Chirp.

The sound of birds chirping could be heard outside.

It wasn’t the ominous sound of crows I had heard last night. The thought that you die if you kill a bird makes my skin crawl even now.

I rolled over and sat up, looking beside me.

Skylar was not there.

“Are you awake?”

“Yes. Two hours ago.”

“…You managed to wake up early even though you didn’t sleep until dawn.”

“Thanks to that, I’m still tired.”

“Sorry.”

“If you pressure me like this again when we share a bed, I’ll really kick you out to the floor.”

“You can just get a room with two beds, or rent two separate rooms.”

“We have to save money!”

Certainly, Skylar had been covering most of the travel costs until now.

He was insensitive when dealing with others but strangely meticulous and sensitive about money and goods.

Sometimes, it wouldn’t hurt to show a little more consideration. Anyway, all wizards seem to lack social skills.

I hadn’t known any other wizards besides Skylar, but judging by his personality, it seemed pretty clear that the others wouldn’t be any better.

No need to see to know that.

“Stop giving me that look and let’s start getting ready to leave.”

“…Okay.”

“It looks like we’ve resolved all the followers trailing us and dealt with the crows, so… we should be fine. Once we arrive in Regan—”

“Let’s part ways.”

“…Yes. That was what I was going to say.”

Our strange contractual relationship was limited to just the journey to Regan.

Once we arrived in Regan, we had decided to end things neatly.

The first contract was undoubtedly made to use one another, and we had gone through various experiences and shared secrets along the way.

Thanks to that, we had evolved from a merely utilitarian relationship to somewhat… considering each other as companions.

So. What I wanted to say was different.

Skylar.

You don’t need to make that sad face. I also have no intention of ending this relationship or parting ways.

It seems we both have similar thoughts.

I opened my mouth and made a proposal.

A very sweet, irresistible proposal.

“And once we arrive in Regan, let’s make another contract.”

“…What?”

“Let’s travel together until we decide we’re of no value to each other. I still think I need you.”

Skylar didn’t respond for a while.

He was hiding his emotions to gain a favorable position. Wizards are always the type to calculate even in joyous situations.

I was already used to that expression.

It was a face I had seen multiple times. Naturally, I would get used to it.

Because of this, I also knew precisely how to handle Skylar when he made that expression. It was simple… to press him.

“3… 2… 1…”

“Ah, fine! I’ve got it. I’ll accept.”

“You should’ve answered sooner.”

“…Anyway, let’s get going. It’s almost lunchtime.”

“Huh? I thought you got up early?”

“Oh dear.”

Skylar pointed at the window.

The sun outside was at about a 30-degree angle from the highest point in the sky. In other words, Skylar had overslept too! Just like me!

If I were to guess the time now, it was around 10 o’clock.

It was quite surprising for someone like Skylar, who usually kept track of time closely, to wake up at such a late hour.

Maybe he had changed a bit since starting this journey with me? Yes. So… perhaps his personality might soften a little someday.

*

The preparations were complete.

It was time to leave the city.

Although we had moved from city to city multiple times in less than a month, I already felt a familiarity with the words adventure and travel.

Whenever I declared farewell to a city, I remembered something I had heard before.

The farewell words from the receptionist at the Adventurer’s Guild in a small countryside village near the Singing Forest.

May we meet again someday on the Path of Fate.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Just… the cityscape is beautiful.”

“It is the prettiest one among the cities we’ve visited so far.”

Windmills, sunshine, flowers, and meadows.

In the distance, towering castle walls that seemed to scrape the sky and shining golden crosses in the center.

From up close, the cityscape was bustling, chaotic, and filled with extravagant nobles and clergy.

But from a distance, it looked this beautiful.

Sometimes, stepping back and absorbing the scenery isn’t too bad compared to constantly pushing forward. That thought crossed my mind.

“I wonder what Regan is like.”

I leaned one arm on the wagon’s railing, peeking around from the back of the wagon, muttering to myself.

Seeing my appearance, Skylar looked at me with a pitying gaze for a moment before turning back to focus on his reading.

…It’s a bit embarrassing when you don’t react at all. Can you at least give me some response?

“Regan is… an ugly, filthy, and dark city. You could hardly consider it the capital of the Empire.”

“Really?”

An answer completely different from what I expected popped out.

I felt a little disappointed.

I succeeded in hiding my disappointment, but Skylar could probably read it. He was good at exposing hidden feelings, after all.

“You’re probably wondering why a national capital can look like that after hearing my story. You might be a little disappointed too.”

“To be honest, yes.”

“Even though it’s an ugly, filthy, and dark city, the people of the Empire love their Regan. The indomitable city that has been rebuilt time and time again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Empire is the greatest nation. And where do you think the group that fought the most until the Hero and the Saint appeared, heralding the end of the myths, slaying the Demon King, and eliminating the remaining mysteries in the world is?”

“Of course, it must be the Empire.”

“To say that the greatest nation is also the largest target means just that. Because of this, the capital of the Empire has been destroyed twice so far.”

“…Huh?”

“Once, the former emperor used the whole of Regan as a mass bomb, and the other time it was destroyed during a war with the Holy Kingdom.”

“……Mass bomb?”

That was a term hard to come by in a medieval fantasy world. What on earth did that mean?

Skylar stared at my face for a moment, remaining silent. He didn’t even sigh as usual or say something like ‘Why is your intelligence so low?’ He just stayed quiet.

I found his attitude a bit strange. It seemed distinctly different from his usual self.

Eventually, I couldn’t hold back my curiosity.

To be honest, I didn’t really plan on holding back anyway.

“What’s up?”

“No, it’s just that I feel like I’m getting used to your lack of common sense questions.”

“…Ugh.”

“I really shouldn’t get used to such questions.”

“Do you have to give me such a hard time?”

“If I get used to such low-level questions, I feel like my own intelligence is deteriorating, so I can’t help it.”

I clenched my fist and punched Skylar on the head.

My fist landed squarely on the crown of his head.

Thud.

A cute sound was made, and my fist hurt just a little.

A tear formed.

Skylar just stared at me with a bunch of question marks floating over his head. He didn’t look hurt at all.

He just seemed to think I was playing a prank.

My pride was hurt, but I couldn’t show it.

In the end, I could only grit my teeth and vow for the future.

‘Once I get rid of any health or strength penalties later, I’ll definitely hit him sincerely where it hurts.’

It wasn’t like he made a significant mistake that warranted my punch, but small mistakes pile up to make a big one. If I could repay him with just one punch, wouldn’t that be a bargain?

I swallowed the blood that had pooled in my mouth and climbed back into the wagon.

Once again, it was time to move forward.

Finally, to Regan.