Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

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“AAAH—!”

I’m out of breath. The sun was already directly overhead, and my stomach was howling for food. But my mouth was too busy screaming.

“Help! Help!”

“I won’t kill you!”

Bang!

Why is there an explosion sound from a weapon wielded by a person? Why is dust rising? Why is the ground caving in? Is that even a human?!

My mouth was filled with dirt and dust, along with my disheveled hair. No time to spit it out before the next attack comes.

Nisha appeared to be quite relaxed.

It was clear she was holding back and attacking me with a lot less force…

I knew that being at the platinum level was impressive—after all, it’s a setting from my previous life, and still relevant knowledge even now in this sequel.

But… but…

“I didn’t expect it to be this ridiculous!”

The spear’s tip swung dangerously close to me. The wind literally split apart. Every time she swung lightly, a whoosh sound followed.

If I get hit by that spear head-on, I wouldn’t just split in half; I’d turn into a pile of mush!

–
Searching for possibilities…
–
I instinctively knew.

I’m going to die—!

“You’re dodging surprisingly well.”

“W-well, your body tends to move efficiently when facing death?!”

“Is this really that much of a death threat?”

“YES!”

“You still have the energy to raise your voice? It’s clearly not a death threat! When a real death threat comes, you won’t even have the energy to shout.”

No, I’d still scream when I die, I swear on my gender.

Even when a death threat appears, I’m going to scream loudly!

“AAAH—!”

“If you keep running away like a little rat… that won’t do!”

She yelled, and suddenly a whirlwind, almost like a storm, began to lift dust from the ground around her.

Thick clouds of dust and sand obscured my vision.

But I could still see.

For some reason, I could still watch. Even if sand and dust cover my eyes, they can’t obscure the essence, so I can always read my opponent’s actions and form and predict the next attack.

Saliva dripped from my slightly parted lips. Tears streamed from my eyes. Focus!

Whoosh!

The thick dust parted like a round opening.

Through the gap, a golden spear came flying at me.

Is this truly how I’d die? Not heroically on the battlefield, not gallantly in a charge, not facing a monster during an adventure, but just in a training session?

That’s… embarrassing!

Turning my head aside… I managed to dodge.

“How…”

“I don’t know either.”

“Interesting.”

Nisha smiled.

It was a foreboding smile.

As if declaring that this was not the end… she was going to test my limits.

It was a smile akin to a child with a desired toy.

Yeah! Right now, I was completely just a toy!

“Skylar, stop if it seems dangerous.”

“Huh?”

“If you activate a few scrolls simultaneously, you can block at least one of my attacks, right?”

“No way, you want me to waste that much money on training?!”

“Yep.”

Nisha finished notifying Skylar, who was watching nonchalantly on the side, and straightened her posture.

Her stance, whether due to her tidy nun’s uniform or the cross-shaped spear, looked a bit like someone praying.

And then, from my view, she disappeared to the right.

Recognizing that she’d vanished from my view, I also understood the direction she’d gone, but recognition and reaction are entirely different matters.

Even if I can see it, if I can’t move my body, what good is it?

I can’t use my instruments. Even buffing through performance or debuffing wouldn’t work against this opponent.

‘I’m scared of breaking it in the first place. I left it behind.’

So what can I do? Use this pathetic dagger in my hand to block a spear that’s moving faster than I can see, while linking an attack in return?

Are you crazy? Can I really do that?

It’s a miracle to even be holding my ground with this pathetic status!

My health is already in the basement, and there’s nothing left of my strength. I can’t do anything… No, wait. There’s one thing I can do.

I gathered mana into my eyes.

The scroll tore off, and pink light sparkled in my vision.

‘Charm!’

I was a person of strong will and, after all, a platinum adventurer, so I didn’t expect to charm her this easily.

In the first place, I was trying this without any TRPG corrections to the status window and options; even if there were corrections, I doubt I’d roll a 20 for success.

So… just making her hesitate for a moment is enough!

‘Even if she stops for just a moment, I can block an attack at least visible to my eyes. Then…!’

I threw off the black cloak I was wearing forward. Dust swirled around me, and in front of me was the black cloak. Her view was now completely blocked.

Now that she’s momentarily halted in the air because of my charm, there’s no way to dodge.

In the middle of the cloak.

I thrust my dagger where she should be…

No, just as I was about to stab.

Boom.

With a cute sound, my attack was blocked by something.

It was magic.

The scroll that Skylar threw activated, and strange fluffies started pouring out from the scroll.

“…Did I kill it?”

“You shouldn’t say such lines without confirming the enemy is finished.”

Nisha tapped my head from behind.

Ouch.

A tear trickled down.

I turned around immediately, glaring at her. My mana was still circulating through my eyes.

She quickly avoided my gaze and brought her hand down on my head again.

That hurt even more.

“Ugh.”

“You’re abusing your eyes too much.”

“Well, this was the only way I could win!”

“No, it wasn’t the only way.”

“Then how on earth did you dodge?”

“I just planted the spear into the ground and used a pole vaulting technique to leap over your head. Once you get the hang of it, it’s easy.”

That didn’t look easy at all.

‘Are you insane?’

Is she really human? She didn’t even use her divine body? Seriously?

I suddenly felt gloomy.

Is this talent? An overwhelming wall? No matter how hard I try, I wouldn’t be able to reach that level—such thoughts seemed to be fertilizing the growing negativity inside me.

But still, I managed to hold my ground against a platinum adventurer. Yeah. I need to have confidence. This isn’t me! I’d rather be solid like a mighty tree than swaying like a fragile reed.

Is that a discriminatory statement?

Just a moment ago, I was getting pounded by a girl. This much is forgivable.

“Ah.”

“Hmm?”

“What technique did you use?”

“…?”

“No, I mean, isn’t there a school or guild for swordsmanship or spear techniques? They usually have names for basic stances and attacks.”

“I just swung it.”

“Huh?”

“If I didn’t strike with proper form, I thought I might mess up the timing. I just swung it, that’s all.”

…Just a basic attack?

The attacks that I dodged with all my strength, the ones I could barely keep an eye on, were just basic attacks?

Ah.

Today, my world crumbled.

*

After the training ended, I collapsed in the church.

“There’s not a single part that doesn’t hurt.”

Bones, joints, muscles, flesh, my whole body.

With just a little mana circulation, my veins and eyes also throbbed.

If my stats forcibly lower my intelligence again, my head will start pounding.

At this point, I might as well be walking around like a hospital.

Cough cough.

…?

I felt something blocking my throat.

I sat up straight. I raised my body from lying down, coughed loudly, and scratched my throat, making a gurgling sound.

Yet still, something was blocking my throat.

I struggled for a while, and finally, the mysterious object that had choked my throat popped out.

Ptooey.

A red lump, no, blood.

I quickly glanced around. No one was looking at me. I immediately started to clean up.

There wasn’t really a need to hide it, but I just didn’t want to show my weakness to others. I never expected it to be this bad.

‘…The penalty of negative status.’

Because my health and strength were negative, it must have worsened… resulting from overexertion.

I squished the clotted blood under the thick soles of my shoes until it broke apart, and then I casually wiped the black, liquid-like blood from the tip of my cloak, tossing it into the forest near the church.

Just in case someone finds it. Maybe I should bury it.

I scraped some dirt with both hands and covered it with the black cloth.

‘It’s about time I make my way to Regan.’

I need to gather money and quickly find items to increase my status. If I don’t get them soon, the penalties will squeeze my neck even more.

My leisure time for idleness was rapidly running out.

After hastily wiping the blood flowing from my nose with my hand, I looked in the mirror to check myself.

I felt a gaze on me, but it was probably just my imagination.

There was no one around.