Surviving as a Useless Bard in a Game

---

Sitting by a small campfire and listening to someone else’s stories while having a simple meal… it’s really akin to torture.

Every time I open my mouth to take a bite, he launches into the next story and is waiting endlessly for my response.

Chew quickly, swallow quickly, and answer quickly. And before he finishes his next story, I hastily shove the next piece of food into my mouth.

Honestly, this is torture.

“After we go to the church—”

“Why are we heading to the church?”

“You didn’t listen when I explained earlier.”

“Yeah.”

“Let me explain again. The reason we’re going to the church is that it’s a merciful place that gives bread and water to people without money.”

“But we have money.”

“The prices in the north are ridiculously high. I don’t want to spend any more of my money. If I spend it all on buying scrolls again, I won’t have anything left.”

“Can’t you just use magic?”

“I don’t have a heart, you know that.”

“What does that matter?”

“It’s like a wagon without a driver. No, to be precise, the driver controlling the horse could be considered the brain… but you get the idea.”

“So, it means controlling what can’t be controlled.”

“Yes. Controllable magical power moves along the path set by the user, but uncontrollable magical power just explodes in all directions.”

“Then how did you use teleportation at that time?”

“It’s simple. If I keep bursting magical power inside my body, it creates an explosion pattern similar to teleportation.”

“…You’re crazy?”

“It was a crazy situation worth trying something crazy in.”

This guy… was he actually trying to save face against the Mad King in such a dangerous situation? Is he out of his mind?

Choosing that option in a scenario where begging for his life would be more appropriate? There really are no words to describe this except for calling him crazy.

That his body endured to that extent is a miracle.

The fact that teleportation even activated in the first place was a probability-defying miracle…!

Looking at the shape of the clouds in the sky and thinking, “Hey, doesn’t that look like a breast?” while watching the explosions happening inside his own body?

‘A lunatic…?’

No, I genuinely can’t think of any other way to express it besides calling him insane.

“Anyway, let’s get back to the main point.”

“Okay.”

“And you’re aware that you possess God’s Body, right? Even though you still think it’s absurd that you’re ordinary.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You’re not ordinary… No, let’s put that issue aside for now; I’ll explain the four forces collecting bodies.”

“…There are four forces?”

“If you include minor factions and individual hunters, it’s countless. I’m just picking out the four organizations you need to be most cautious of.”

Countless?

Certainly, possessing something like ‘immortality’ is a talent everyone would envy. Moreover, they even throw in a bizarre ability as a bonus.

Skylar’s heart had the absurd ability of infinite magical power, and if I only knew how to handle my eyes properly… I could possibly wield similar power.

‘The problem is, I don’t know how to handle it or which direction to take.’

For now, I’ll just sit still and listen to the explanation. Since my intelligence has increased when not affected by status, I’ll organize the information myself.

“First, the church—”

“What?!”

“Yes. The church.”

“Aren’t we headed to the church right now?!”

“No, you knew this. I thought I mentioned it before… Did I not? It’s confusing. Just Selina, is your memory so poor that you can’t recall? Or did I really not mention it?”

“Such questioning just clouds my mind. That’s not the issue right now!”

“Don’t bother elaborating. It’s obvious what question you’re going to ask. Clearly, it’s ‘the church is one of the most dangerous and powerful four forces targeting the bodies, so why are we going there.’”

“That’s spot on.”

“If we say we don’t have any bodies, then that’s that. Plus, the chance of such matters being handled in a rural church in the north is low.”

“…There’s no need to take that risk, right?”

“Fine. I’ll tell you the truth.”

Ah, so there was something he was hiding.

He could’ve just said it from the start.

So he’d go to a nearby church risking danger just for a petty reason like saving money? I thought he was better at calculating risks.

He’s not someone who would act irrationally without reason. Let’s hear the reason first.

“I have a friend in that city.”

“…Ugh, so it ultimately comes down to connections?”

“Yes. He’s a trustworthy person.”

“Alright. I get it.”

“Good. Now, back to the topic, I’ll explain about the church.”

“Wait a minute.”

“Yes?”

“I have a question. What kind of god does the church believe in? Isn’t there more than one god?”

“Originally, there were three gods, but they all died, and a new god was born. The church believes in that one and only god. Over time, this singular god detached parts of itself to create new gods.”

“For example?”

“The Achilles’ tendon was shed to create the storm god, the eyes were shed to create the love god, the brain was shed to create the time god, and the heart was shed to create the magic god.”

“That’s fascinating.”

“Okay. Now let’s get back to explaining.”

To sum up Skylar’s explanation:

Honestly, he’d gone into a detailed and lengthy explanation about the four forces, so even if I tried to summarize, it was never going to be ‘brief,’ but still.

It would be less tiring to read a concise summary than listen to a tedious, boring explanation.

I roughly organized things in my mind.

–

1. The Church.

The reason they collect God’s Body is simple. They want to restore their god to a perfect form. Therefore, instead of using or transplanting bodies, they merge and assemble them.

Some of the high-ranking members are still alive in bizarre forms, with the bodies embedded within themselves.

They claim that as long as it’s not used, implanting the body is reasonable.

Though it’s clearly stated that using the gods is an act of blasphemy in their doctrine, their logic is that as long as it’s not used, it doesn’t count—

Some say a few high-ranking officials have used the bodies. It’s an open secret.

In reality, very few uphold the doctrine. The church has already split several times, and the devout have weakened. The reason is simple.

They can’t cross the line and cannot blaspheme the gods. Hence, they are weak.

…It’s a world where good people suffer.

–

2. The Empire.

They currently hold the most powerful force. In other words, what they desire most is to maintain the status quo.

There’s no need for them to possess God’s Body. The Emperor isn’t interested in immortality either. However… it’s troublesome if the enemies of the Empire have the bodies.

That’s the extent of their policy.

If caught by the Empire or discovered, they would likely seduce or try to make deals. It’s best to consider that as a last resort.

Skylar briefly explained and wrapped it up.

–

3. The Mage Tower.

The most troublesome individuals.

If you do get entangled, no—in fact, it’s best not to get involved at all… but even still, if you ever do get tangled up, just end it yourself.

…End it yourself.

Skylar’s face looked extremely serious and incredibly dark.

I didn’t respond at all but merely nodded.

In the end, I didn’t hear much about the Mage Tower.

–

4. The Mad King.

Once a hero of the Empire, he began to act as if he were a different person after acquiring the ‘god’s brain.’

He then rebelled against the Empire and declared that he would hold hostility toward the Empire if he didn’t receive his land… his share. The Emperor chose negotiation over fighting.

Ultimately, the Mad King threatened the Empire for land and rights, only to waste his time in his territory.

The goal is unclear for now, but he is one of the factions collecting bodies.

–

“And lastly.”

“Huh? Wasn’t that four?”

“This is about you.”

“About me?”

“I believe you were artificially created by one of the four forces mentioned above. No, I’m certain of it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Considering the Mad King, who treated you as a stranger, is an exception, and since the church hasn’t said anything… the probability is high that you’re an experiment by the Empire or the Mage Tower. Especially the Mage Tower—”

“The Mage Tower?”

“No, no. What I want to say is that you don’t have to pretend that everything’s fine with you, just because you have that indifferent expression. And your intelligent persona is likely—”

“I think you’re mistaken. I don’t have any memories.”

“From the Adventurer’s Guild… Ha… If you don’t want to talk about it, fine. Let’s just say you got lost.”

Skylar ended the conversation there.

What kind of misunderstanding is he having? I don’t think I had anything special at the Adventurer’s Guild.

At best, I played music in front of other adventurers, drank for free, and received this special instrument in the Songwood.

Oh, maybe it’s because of the eyes?

If not that… did he notice something about the instrument?

‘It’s certainly a magical instrument. Its shape changes at will, and it tunes to the desired sound just by moving my fingers…’

Well, I guess I’ll have to figure it out myself.

For now, I should keep walking earnestly towards the nearby city.

‘Even if my lousy stamina and “narcolepsy” and “clumsy habit” kick in, it’s a distance that’s manageable within a day.’

One step forward.

It’s time to move on.

Three days have passed.

We barely reached the city in shambles.

—and Skylar comes up with a hypothesis in his mind.