Surviving a Shounen Manga

The Five Goblin Gods

"It was a joke, a joke."

Had the readers been watching, it would’ve been a very funny scene.

I was so surprised that I fell backwards on my ass.

‘… This is absurd.'

To be honest, that wasn’t enough to describe it. Those jaws gaping monstrously wide were definitely not funny, and they weren't cute from any angle one cared to look. It was a scene that literally left me speechless because I couldn’t find a way to put it into words.

I could feel how the goblin aesthetics clashed with the shounen manga concept, once again.

From my position on the floor, I looked up at the child who was still grinning.

It was quite a different one from last time.

An innocent and mischievous grin.

The God of Mischief had a face that really fit his title.

I slowly got up and waved in greeting.

"… Long time no see. God of Mischief… right?"

The child smiled brightly in response.

"That’s right."

"Honestly, I was a little confused. That face sure was something… but actually, when I first saw you, I thought you were the God of Sabotage. To think the God of Mischief himself came first to meet me…"

"That kid’s got a bit of a playful side, sure, but he doesn’t like these kinds of pranks. He think they’re childish."

"Huh."

That sounded believable. The Disruptor God definitely preferred to work on a large scale.

"But why did you think I was him? You don’t even know our faces, do you?"

"Ah…"

I’d just blurted it out without thinking.

I pondered briefly, and –

"Rather than thinking that way because of your appearance… isn’t the God of Sabotage the youngest? Judging by the fact that you appeared as soon as I arrived here, you look like my guide… well, I'm not much of a bigshot, so I wondered if the job would fall to the one with the lowest rank…"

I decided to fall back on the universal idea of ‘age equals authority’[1] (although it didn't seem that important in the Goblins’ Den).

I couldn't say that I’d seen their faces in the original work, after all.

Then the God of Mischief giggled and burst into full-blown laughter.

"Does that make any sense? You thought he’ll come out first since he’s got a lower rank?"

He looked at me and shook his head.

"Expecting a goblin to be polite… talk about mean."

I didn't believe him, though.

But although I was a little embarrassed, it didn't seem like he was going to be digging any further, so I just accepted the situation.

"Oh, yeah. That's right. You really thought that horrible mess of a face was that guy, huh?"

The God of Mischief giggled for a while longer, leaving me wondering if he liked my answer.

After a while, as if he’d calmed down to some extent, he spoke up again.

"Oh, and it’s true that I’m the eldest, but there’s no hierarchy between us. I came out first just because I heard something. Somebody was asking really hard to take good care of you…"

"Ah…"

It looked like he was talking about Chinuavi.

Don't you worry, kid.

"And everyone else will be here soon anyway. Human smells aren't that common in this neighbourhood. And you’re even an acquaintance, no?"

It was literally at that moment.

Just then,

Sway–.

The wave of light that was circling around me rippled once.

‘… Another visitor. Who is it this time?'

I looked around carefully and waited for a while. But nothing caught my eye other than the scattered light.

Hmmm.

Since he didn’t take a material form, the god who came this time wasn't as playful as the God of Mischief.

That was then.

– Ah! Is that you?

A voice came from the air.

‘Huh?'

A shrill voice.

One that shook me the tiniest bit.

Last time when I’d heard it, it must’ve been like thunder. My eardrums had felt like they’d been about to burst.

"… Haah."

I relaxed a little.

In fact, even up to this point, I’d been wondering if my body would be able to withstand the power of the gods.

Although I’d come face-to-face with the God of Mischief already, my previous experience was still etched deep into my memory.

The I could withstand two was enough. No, it was more than that.

There were only two of them now, but I was sure. I’d be okay even if all five came.

I’d grown so much. Enough to stand proudly in front of the gods of a race.

Of course, those ceremonial weapons with me were also a great help.

Anyway, I thought I could be a little more comfortable now.

"Hello, who are you?"

– Me? Hmmm… I don't want to tell you.

"Ah… yes, I see."

The newcomer seemed quite capricious. As expected of the God of Whimsy.

That was then.

"Does it seem like everyone has arrived?"

The God of Mischief pointed in one direction and said.

The light there was flickering violently.

Then, the ripples gradually began to spread to the surroundings, and finally it reached my position.

Then,

Thoooooom–.

As if the world was turned upside down, in an instant, light exploded in all directions.

…

When I got my senses back, the gods had already arrived.

‘Only four?'

But soon I shook my head.

There were indeed five.

A little further away, another wave of light was swaying strangely. Of course, I still didn't know which god was avoiding me that much.

I looked back down at my own body.

I was feeling a little jittery, although there were no big problems.

This was not due to external pressure, but because of the palpitations inside my chest.

I looked straight ahead.

Unlike the Capricious God, this time there were two more people who participated in the God of Mischief's prank.

Two new kids were looking at me with interest, although they didn’t hold a candle to the scene the God of Mischief had greeted me with.

"Ohoho! A human’s come to this place in the Dream Realm! Twice at that! This has never happened before!"

"There’s no sign of fear at all. Hey, aren’t you super strong? Are you really human? If we tussle, I think might lose!"

Looking at the way they spoke, they were the God of Lies and the God of Bluffs.

The one acting shy from far away was the Disruptor God.

Good. Now, everybody I needed were gathered.

"Hello, nice to meet you all."

I greeted them casually.

There was no pressure at all, and I’d already drawn their interest. There wasn't really anything more I could do.

And then,

"First of all, let me tell you a little bit about how I came to visit the Dream Realm twice, and about my business here. I’ll take questions after."

I immediately started the briefing.

"I have the unique ability to mimic the unique abilities of others. Honestly, I can mimic just about anything. As a result, I became more and more interested in various abilities, which eventually led me to the abilities of the goblins."

Of course, it was just filler. Just something you say to fill in the blanks.

"But, as you all know, humans and goblins are quite different in the way they use their unique abilities, right? If I want to mimic their abilities, I must first get your permission. So that's why I came here on my own. Well, I admit I was a little unprepared on my first visit."

That was then.

"By the way, how did you get here?"

One of the gods asked me.

"I was able to visit this place purely because of my abilities. I tried to mimic the ritual, and I ended up here. Of course, I couldn't use your powers. Probably because I didn't get permission from you."

I also didn’t forget to make eye contact with the listeners while speaking.

The God of Mischief, the God of Lies, the God of Bluffs… and even the air over there, I earnestly looked at them all.

They were still looking at me with curious eyes, and they listened very obediently.

"Now, here’s my business. I would like to ask for permission to use your powers. Of course, you don't have to give me any particular ability. You just need to allow it. So that I can use the powers of the other devotees that you have chosen."

And as soon as I finished speaking,

"Hey, hey! Wait a minute."

"Is that even possible?"

"The power of all of us? I just have to give you permission!?"

The three children uttered one word each.

In addition,

– Is this a scam? Our selection of worshippers itself is the concept that grants unique abilities…

Even the Capricious God who watched invisibly, spoke up.

"Well…"

I was feeling a little absurd.

It was because they were asking a very one-dimensional question.

Didn’t the have the imagination to extrapolate even a bit?

Naturally, it was impossible to perfectly duplicate unique abilities. Because that was the principle of this world.

But that wasn’t without exceptions. No, they were the ones who should’ve been the most familiar with that, right?

After a moment's pause, I tacked on a bit more.

"Oh, of course. With one exception. The one standing a little far, over there. He has to give me one particular ability. In other words, allowing me to use the power of you all."

Then,

"Aah…"

"Yeah, that’s right."

"I’m telling you! He sounds just like a goblin!"

– Huh.

All my words so far have actually been aimed at just one person. These four gods in front of me were just tools to make the fifth, feel moved.

The Disruptor God.

In the first place, ever since my arrival, I hadn’t been concerned how the other four might react. Because they were just people with ‘ordinary goblin tendencies'. If something seemed interesting and fun, they’d jump on the bandwagon without hesitation. There was no need to do anything special to convince them.

The Disruptor God, however, was a problem.

He was the most important god in this plan, and he was also the most difficult opponent.

He was no different from other gods in terms of pursuing fun, but he took pleasure in different things.

He was literally an ‘evil psycho' who took pleasure in breaking, smashing, sabotaging, and disrupting what others had built.

Moreover, his actions had so large a scale that the setting even said that the goblin race itself was on the verge of extinction because of his antics.

The plan I’d come up with to move the Disruptor God was simple.

1. First, elicit favour and interest from the other four gods.

2. Then, the Disruptor God would naturally appear.

3. Now persuade him to let me mimic the powers of the other gods.

Of course, the problem was the third step.

Because of his disruptive nature, he’d try to move in the opposite direction of what the others wanted.

This point was a contradiction, but in fact, I wasn't too concerned about it either.

It was because of the two characteristics of the Disruptor God; one that he was never an idiot, and the other that he didn’t sweat the small stuff.

He knew.

That to disturb the wishes of me and the other four gods now would only being momentary pleasure.

He needed chess pieces to play with for a long time. That was why he was always trying to pick up capable goblins, and when I first came here, he wanted to give me strength.

In other words, he definitely had enough patience.

Just then,

"You should’ve just come straight to me and got down on your knees to beg. That would’ve been one thing. But here you’re talking about me behind my back."

With a flash of light, the Disruptor God appeared.

Oddly enough, he also had the form of a child.

I asked him straight up.

"Do you remember what I said before?"

"I don’t."

"I told you that I would be favoured by all the five gods."

Then he snorted, ‘hmph'.

"Do you even know what ‘favouring’ means? It's not just about liking somebody. Literally, it’s about bestowing power…"

"I know. That’s what I'm asking for. So? Can you help?"

Of course, I didn't know how it was even possible.

All I knew was that only the Disruptor God could make me mimic the abilities of the other goblins.

[In this world, there's only one rule that applies to the Disruptor God.]

[That he doesn't follow any rules.]

Perhaps it was because of that?

Maybe.

To be honest, I couldn't be sure of his answer.

There was one thing for sure, though, that the more eagerness I showed, the less likely he would be to accept.

I pretended to be as indifferent as I could.

After a while,

"Alright."

The answer came much sooner than I’d expected.

But, of course, this didn’t mean actual consent. It couldn’t be that easy.

"In return, I have conditions."

I knew it.

"Tell me."

"Do you know what I like?"

"… Roughly, yeah? Harassing, disturbing, and obstructing others, right?"

The god in the form of a child giggled and then burst into laughter.

"Right. So that’s what you have to do. Every little while."

"Well, that’s not a difficult request."

This was true.

The role I was currently playing in this story, although perhaps not intentionally (?), had certain resemblances to the God of Sabotage's hobby.

However, I thought this wouldn't be all.

And as you might guess,

"And you have to pass the test, right now."

There was one more thing.

"Test? Right now?"

I honestly didn't expect this.

"What is it?"

But instead of answering me, the Disruptor God suddenly disappeared.

Then, to my dismay, the other goblin gods also began to disappear one after another.

– Huh? Hey, let me in too, will you? How annoying…

From the looks of it, it felt like everyone was participating in something the Disruptor God had cooked up.

Then, suddenly, the surrounding lights began to fluctuate violently.

Puff–.

I looked straight ahead with slightly dazed eyes.

All of a sudden, five children, who looked exactly the same, were standing in front of me.

"Uh… Five twins? Is that what you really look like?"

Then,

"Idiot! How could that be?"

The one in the middle rebutted.

Then, starting from the left, the kids started to talk one after the other.

"The test is simple."

"You just need to properly distinguish us."

"If you can guess a god’s identity correctly, it’ll be possible to communicate with that god."

"As many as you can guess."

"Try hard."

"… Whoo."

It was an amazing story.

In fact, even just one more god along with the Disruptor God would’ve been a good haul in my view. Who knew that more than that was actually possible?

Even in the original work, the goblin who’d properly learned this great setting of ‘doesn’t follow any rules', never did that. Using two unique abilities alternately was the best scenario.

So honestly, I’d thought that was the limit…

"Then, if I properly distinguish you all, you’ll allow me to work with all five of you. That’s the crux of it, correct?"

The five children nodded at the same time.

"Sure."

"But even if that happens, it doesn’t mean that you can use five unique abilities at the same time."

"… I know that already."

This alone was enough.

Any ability beyond that was bound to be poison. The readers would cry foul at the rampant power inflation and I’d be promptly discarded.

"Then can I ask you one thing before we start?"

"What is it?"

"If I get it right, all five of you will be working with me from now on, right? So at this time, I’d like to tell you a little bit of what exactly I want to do with your favour, and you can tell me what each of you want and what your aspirations are."

Naturally, this was a trick. I was hoping to distinguish them from the tone of their responses.

To be honest, right now I wasn't confident to properly distinguish a single one.

Then,

"Ah, I guess I should first tell you about my future goal and direction. I'm going to cross the King's Road to the Midlands, and then climb to the top of the Tower of Adventure."

Since they were still hesitating, I tacked on one more sentence.

"I want to become the new Adventure King."

Fortunately, my last words seemed to have stirred something.

Because soon, the five children spoke up one after another.

1) "What? You, the Adventure King? That's the king of this world, you know! This kid has a great dream, eh?"

2) "Hey, good, good. This is a guy with a pretty useful goal."

3) "The Adventure King…. I somehow miss that name, for some reason. Brings up some sad memories, too."

4) "The Tower of Adventure? Feh, what’s the point? There's nothing to see there. There are so many more interesting things in the world, you know?"

5) "Hmm, well… but is that up to you? Or maybe, do you want to disturb me somehow?"

… Well, this was easy.

I immediately started to distinguish between them.

"O-, Oldboy! I-, it’s shining!"

"… I’m not blind, you bastard."

After chastising the manager of the Lark’s Nest, Oldboy went back to observing.

It was an unbelievable sight.

A sphere was forming above the head of the lying down Squatjaw, and it was starting to emit a pure white light.

It was a sign that a god was now dwelling in his body.

"Heeh…"

To be honest, he couldn't believe it.

A human, even one with an unique ability, receiving favour of the gods of goblins?

At first, it’d just been a funny proposition. He’d been wondering what kind of a prank was in progress.

He wasn’t even able to activate the mirror.

Oldboy had been uncertain at first, but that fact cemented it for him.

Of course, when Squatjaw suddenly ‘fainted’, he’d admired it a little.

This bastard was ‘serious about acting' in a way he hadn't seen in a long time.

With the determination to give the target a scare, he left no stone unturned in his path.

That was why he was just watching without waking the bastard up…

The old goblin gulped.

‘What kind of god is…'

He was very curious.

What the hell had happened? Which god had chosen him? What ability did he get?

So, he was anxiously waiting for Squatjaw to open his eyes.

"O-, Oldboy! O-, over there!"

"…"

Suddenly, another sphere appeared above his head.

Then, the same light began to leak out from it as well.

"Th-, this can't be…"

Two spheres, two lights.

It was his first time seeing such a sight.

This wasn't the same as a goblin, favoured by the Disruptor God, given two unique abilities.

That light, indicated a goblin god.

Literally, two gods had chosen him.

"H-, how can this…"

That was then.

"O-, Oldboy…"

The events that followed, left Oldboy dumbstruck.

Next to the two spheres, another three were coming to life at the same time.

"…"

After a while, what came out of the old man's mouth was a fragment of a very old legend that even he had only ever faintly heard about.

"… The Goblin King."

Editor's Notes:

[1] 장유유서 (長幼有序), it’s always the younger’s turn.

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