Sunshine Shower

“Moon Seoyoon.”

“…What.”

It seemed like the owner of the bed had finally entered the room. The slightly delayed response might have been mistaken for drowsiness, as the sound of the lights being turned off followed shortly.

“Have breakfast before going to school tomorrow.”

“…Okay.”

Knowing that refusing would only lead to more nagging, Moon Seoyoon answered from beneath the covers.

One of the unspoken rules when staying over at Woo Yeonjae’s house was having breakfast together. Although Moon Seoyoon usually ate breakfast regularly, he often skipped it after his mother passed away. Woo Yeonjae must have noticed, because he always made sure they ate together on the days they went to school. Hearing the reminder to eat breakfast was now familiar to him.

“Your response is slow.”

“It’s because I’m sleepy.”

Moon Seoyoon felt the bed dip slightly as Woo Yeonjae climbed onto it, chuckling.

“If you’re sleepy, just sleep.”

“…You’re the one talking to me.”

“Ah, you caught me.”

Even though the bed was large enough to fit two adults comfortably, it wasn’t exactly common for two eighteen-year-old boys to share a bed. Moon Seoyoon was aware of this, but sharing a bed with Woo Yeonjae felt natural to him. It would be stranger to suddenly become conscious of something that had been a routine since they were six years old.

If it weren’t for the feelings he kept to himself, he wouldn’t be comparing their private routine to other people’s standards.

Moon Seoyoon fidgeted with his fingers under the blanket.

Everything about the routine was familiar: going to Woo Yeonjae’s house after exams, having dinner together, watching movies until dawn. Even entering the connected dressing room, he knew his uniform would be hanging right next to Woo Yeonjae’s.

No one in the house found this strange—not Woo Yeonjae, not his parents, not the house staff. The fact that he now felt the need to question if this was okay was solely because of his impure thoughts.

‘At least I’m the only one who knows I like Woo Yeonjae…’

For that, he was somewhat relieved.

“Moon Seoyoon.”

“What.”

“Goodnight.”

Perhaps finding it boring to tease him any longer, Woo Yeonjae offered a simple goodnight. Looking back, it was always Woo Yeonjae who wished him goodnight.

“…You too.”

Moon Seoyoon answered with a sigh, trying to mask his trembling heart.

The silence that settled in the darkness was not awkward. It was simply a quiet, nerve-wracking peace.

* * *

Moon Seoyoon barely managed to lift his eyelids. He thought he might have been dreaming, but his mind was too hazy for anything to be clear. The only memory that faintly surfaced was the moment he had cried uncontrollably, overwhelmed by the intense pleasure as he trembled beneath Woo Yeonjae.

“Ah…”

He squinted at the sunlight, but only for a moment. As soon as his blurred vision cleared, he noticed broad shoulders beside him. The sunlight spilled over them, reflecting into his eyes.

It was only then that Moon Seoyoon realized he was practically nestled in Woo Yeonjae’s arms. The realization instantly drove away any remaining drowsiness, making his nerves stand on edge.

Holding his breath, Moon Seoyoon cautiously moved his eyes upward. Fortunately, Woo Yeonjae was still sound asleep. His soft breaths gently ruffled Moon Seoyoon’s hair.

The unfamiliar ache that suddenly hit him reminded him of the previous night. Not only was it embarrassing to think about the soreness in certain areas, but his whole body felt as heavy as if he had been beaten.

Despite his tense nerves, his thoughts were sluggish, as if his mind was wrapped in thick fog. He blinked slowly, trying to clear his head. It took a few minutes before he could even begin to think clearly.

“….”

He suppressed a sigh that nearly escaped his lips.

He had slept with Woo Yeonjae.

The miserable situation, born of greed and stubbornness, weighed even heavier on him than the pain. He didn’t know what to call the torrent of emotions crashing down on him like a storm.

It wasn’t simply the joy of having been intimate with someone he had a crush on—there was the issue of the other person being his friend. Not just any friend, but his oldest friend, someone who had known him for 17 years, someone who knew everything about him.

A wave of intense self-loathing washed over him. Or perhaps it was sadness. A sadness with no clear cause.

His memory of the previous night was still fuzzy. The last clear moment was when he had crawled onto the bed and laid down on his stomach. He was shocked when his clothes were stripped off, overly tense when he was spread open, and in excruciating pain when the other entered him. After that, a pleasure he had never experienced before pounded through his mind.

Even in a situation where his carefully hidden feelings were dismissed as mere sexual desire, that very desire took control of all his senses. With each thrust of Woo Yeonjae’s body, Moon Seoyoon crumbled helplessly. Tears, moans, and saliva flowed freely from him.

In the midst of being tossed around by those rough movements, there was one moment that stood out.

It was a cowardly confession, one that could only be made during sex, directed at the crush who misunderstood him as having a mere friends-with-benefits arrangement.

His response had been light, mixed with a laugh, as if it was no big deal. It wasn’t an answer to his confession, though. No matter how much Woo Yeonjae might have been in tune with him, he wouldn’t have understood a confession made in the heat of the moment. But it still felt like an answer to his confession, which made his heart ache.

Moon Seoyoon found himself assigning significance to Woo Yeonjae’s words, even though they probably meant little to him. He felt pathetic, but it wasn’t something his rational mind could control.

He bit the inside of his swollen lip, and soon enough, he tasted the metallic tang of blood on the tip of his tongue.

He couldn’t remember how many times they had done it. He felt like he might have blacked out momentarily from feeling too much. Among the disjointed memories, there was a moment when Woo Yeonjae carried him to the bathroom.

As the memories resurfaced, shame overwhelmed him. He vaguely remembered sitting in the bathtub like a child, watching Woo Yeonjae wash the sweat, bodily fluids, and semen from his body. He had wanted to bathe alone, but he could barely move a finger.

“Ugh…”

As he swallowed a sigh of self-reproach, Woo Yeonjae shifted in his sleep. Even the smallest movement made Moon Seoyoon freeze completely. With the way they were practically wrapped around each other, even breathing quietly felt like it would somehow reach the other person.

Unable to do anything but raise his gaze slightly, he saw Woo Yeonjae’s peaceful, sleeping face. What happens next? The problems he had pushed aside due to his own greed began to surface.

Woo Yeonjae’s calm voice echoed in his ears again.

Was that an offer to keep sleeping together as long as he wanted? How long would that last? Until he found a girlfriend?

“Ha…”

In the end, he couldn’t hold back a sigh. He hadn’t intended to have sex a second time—half of it had been driven by greed, and the other half by defiance. The first time was hard, but the second time was easier. If he slept with Woo Yeonjae one more time, it would only get easier from there. The mere thought of it filled him with guilt, making it hard to breathe.

If he kept trying to rein in his emotions, perhaps other feelings would eventually reveal themselves. But Moon Seoyoon chose to bundle all of his feelings under the label of guilt. He wanted to erase even the fleeting despair he had felt when his cherished feelings were reduced to mere lust. To do that, he needed to gather all the emotions curled up inside him and compress them into guilt.

He bit down on the inside of his cheek, his teeth pressing into the tender flesh. Moon Seoyoon barely managed to swallow the emotions that threatened to burst forth.

The truth was, he was upset. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what upset him, but he knew he was distressed. It felt like tears might fall at any moment.

He had achieved his one desire, to be Woo Yeonjae’s first, so he should be satisfied. No, it was more than enough. So it was okay.

Moon Seoyoon carefully began to extricate himself from Woo Yeonjae’s arms. It seemed that Woo Yeonjae had unconsciously embraced him in his sleep, as the arm around his waist withdrew without resistance. Just as he placed his palms on the bed to push himself up, a sharp pain shot up his spine.

“Ugh.”

The pain was much more intense than when he had been lying down. Moon Seoyoon involuntarily let out a groan and glanced over at Woo Yeonjae. His face was still peaceful, seemingly undisturbed.

He didn’t know what to do next, but he felt like he needed to leave the room. Normally, they would joke around as they got up, but he couldn’t bring himself to act casual after having sex with his childhood friend.

Just as he was about to muster the strength to stand despite the throbbing pain in his lower back, a voice called his name.

“Moon Seoyoon.”

The voice, heavy with sleep, made him flinch and turn his body slightly. His eyes met those of Woo Yeonjae, who had somehow wrapped an arm around his waist again.

“When did you wake up?”

He blurted out the question in his surprise, and Woo Yeonjae, who had been lying partially on his stomach, narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Why?”

Then his eyes curved into a teasing smile.

“Did you plan on ditching me after screwing me?”