Strange Life of a Cat

Three months ago, when Zheng Tan first met Fatty, he was small and thin. Now, he was starting to look like his name. Zheng Tan admired the old lady, who named him, for her foresight.

As if he felt movement on the balcony, Fatty turned to look outside. This, however, was slightly too much for the instant noodles he was sitting on. The noodles broke with a crisp “snap”.

Hearing the sound, Fatty froze immediately, his ears drooped and he turned back to his original position, his figure exuding a sense of desolation.

Zheng Tan felt a pang of guilt. Looks like Fatty’s midnight snack was gone.

The old lady who owned Fatty had a son working in the military. Once a while, she would bring Fatty to visit him at the military camp. Sometimes, he would come over to visit her here. Those days were Fatty’s worst nightmare.

Zheng Tan remembered doing military training in his freshman year in college. Whenever he made a mistake, his platoon officer would make him stand at attention for hours. That was not realistic for a cat. So instead, whenever Fatty did something wrong, the old lady’s son would make him squat on a pack of instant noodles. The quality and quantity of his snacks depended on how intact the crispy noodles were after he was done.

Papa Jiao was done parking his scooter, so Zheng Tan jumped off the balcony railing and followed him home.

Mama Jiao was already home when they entered the house. She was giving Zheng Tan a funny look that he did not like. He escaped hurriedly into Gu Youzi’s room and eavesdropped from behind the door.

“What’s the matter?” Asked Papa Jiao.

Mama Jiao sighed. “Well, Tiger is dead.”

Zheng Tan froze in surprise. Tiger was jumping up and down just a few days ago with all the energy in the world. How could he be dead?

He listened on and realized that by ‘qushi’ they meant neutered[1] . So Tiger was a eunuch now?!

“I heard from Ling that this would help Tiger quit some of his bad habits. Since Tiger recently turned eight-month-old, they took him to get the surgery done.” There was a long pause.

“Today Ling asked me if we were going to take Coal to Mr. Guo’s place as well, to do the procedure. I said no. ” Mama Jiao said.

Zheng Tan felt a chill go down his spine. He didn’t let out his breath until hearing her last sentence. By the way, Charcoal was his cat name. He was a black cat, of course. It was typical, he knew.

“Our cat doesn’t need that surgery,” Papa Jiao said emphatically. “Cats are not all the same. Her family’s cat needed to be neutered. Ours doesn’t. Just straight out refuse if Ling ever brings it up again.”

“That’s what I thought.” Seeing that her decision was supported by her husband, Mama Jiao smiled in relief.

And so did Zheng Tan. He did not want to lose his manhood. He would rather run away if he had to undergo that surgery. His soul, after all, was still human.

He did feel bad for Tiger, but just for a minute. He always knew Tiger peed everywhere. Even if he was at home, he would manage to pee outside his litter box every single time. His family had to find him a double layered litter box. He was even worse when he was outside. You could smell cat pee all around the residence quarter. Zheng Tan had to teach him lesson on multiple occasions. The guy just did not learn.

Since Tiger was not in a life-threatening situation, Zheng Tan decided not to worry. Cats had their own destinies. Ever since he came into this life, he had been telling himself to get used to it.

The next day, the otaku across the hall came knocking on the door. The dark circles around his eyes were the only color left on his face.

It was a Saturday. The kids were home and enjoying a peaceful breakfast.

“Oh, aren’t you early!” Mama Jiao exclaimed in surprise when she opened the door.

It was nine already. How was it early?

Gu Youzi looked out at the bright sunshine and exchanged a glance with Jiao Yuan. The two kept their heads down and decided to pretend to focus on their noodles and eggs.

It was, however, very early for Qu, and Mama Jiao knew this. The boy seldom got up before noon.

Qu forced a smile and looked around the living room. “Um…Is Brother Jiao here?”

“He has lab sessions today and left early in the morning. If it’s urgent I can call him.” Mama Jiao offered.

“Well … you know… it’s nothing that important. ” Qu’s eyes were set on a stool near the dining table. More specifically, the cat eating noodles on it. “Say, Miss. Gu, can I…maybe…like borrow your cat?”

Jiao Yuan and Gu Youzi looked up from their bowls in unison. They stared at Qu who was standing awkwardly at the door. They too remembered a certain someone bragging last month about not having rats in his home.

Seeing the children stare at him, Qu was even more embarrassed. He fake coughed. “I mentioned his to Brother Jiao yesterday.”

Mama Jiao did not give him a hard time. To her, people wanting to borrow her cat just meant that her cat was talented. This filled her with pride.

So she waved her hand. “That’s no big deal. Just come get him when you want him.”

Zheng Tan and the children were speechless. Mama Jiao was always quite dictatorial when Papa Jiao wasn’t home.

“Oh, thank you so much. I’ll come get Coal after dinner today. Gosh, you have no idea. The rat in my place is driving me nuts.” Qu seemed so relieved now that he got the cat. He returned to his place in full triumph.

Mama Jiao’s face broke into a huge smile. “That’s what’s good about having a cat.”

Jiao Yuan poked at his noodles and tried to imitate Qu. “No rats at my place, not even one.”

Mama Jiao gave him a light smack on the back of the head. “Eat your food.”

Gu Youzi pursed her lips. She did not look happy.

Around eight that day, Qu came to pick up the cat. Mama Jiao did not have to urge. Zheng Tan picked himself up and walked across the hall, shrouded by a sense of purpose. He had to do his sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. Or else what was yesterday’s practice for?

Jiao Yuan cheered him on at the door. “Go Charcoal! Show them how it’s done!”

Mama Jiao was not impressed. “Homework. Now. Careful or I’m cutting your pocket money.”

Zheng Tan followed Qu inside.

At first glance, the room felt familiar. It was a mess. Just like his room back in the day.

On second glance, he noticed some familiar creatures.

He saw the cockroaches the moment he walked in. One just went into the bathroom, one escaped under the cabinet and the one closest to him saw him, paused, shook its tentacles and dived under a pile of magazines.

As the oldest living insects on earth, there little crawlers that once lived with the dinosaurs were famous for their ability to survive. Apparently, it was still evolving. God knew what it could become.

Footnotes:

[1]:Died and neutered sound the same in Chinese