Stalking Diary

Joo Kwon-oh was undoubtedly the apex predator among men. He knew how to easily subdue his opponents.

And anyone could see that Joo Kwon-oh was heterosexual. You could tell just by his gentle attitude towards women.

He could be seen as a typical strong-against-the-strong, weak-against-the-weak type, but rather than such a righteous description, he was more rebellious, flexible, and had an edge to him. Plus, he was handsome to boot, so that said it all.

He was already a celebrity on the Korea University campus.

In short, it meant he would never be involved with an unremarkable, timid gay person like me.

I knew my place well. I was satisfied just quietly stealing glances at his handsome face and doodling in my notebook.

But how did he end up discovering my feelings?

[Joo Kwon-oh: Have you ever kissed a guy?]

Looking at the KakaoTalk message Joo Kwon-oh sent, I wondered how this situation came about.

[Me: Why do you ask?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: I want to try it.]

[Joo Kwon-oh: It might seem a bit crazy, but thinking about it, it’s not a bad deal for you, right?]

[Me: Why so suddenly?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: Do I need a reason when I’m turned on?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: You’re a guy, so you should understand]

[Me: I don’t really…]

Why would someone like Joo Kwon-oh, who had nothing to lose, be doing this to me?

Did he suddenly become interested because it was surprising that I liked him? Or was he trying to play with me?

[Joo Kwon-oh: You already like guys, so it doesn’t matter, right?]

[Joo Kwon-oh: It’s just touching lips once]

And just like that, Joo Kwon-oh became the biggest crisis and problem in my life.

Chapter 1

Thug. That was my first impression of Joo Kwon-oh.

He was smoking cigarettes in front of the bar where the opening assembly was being held, with his arm around a girl’s shoulder.

Standing with a crooked posture, he kept letting out low laughs as if something was so funny.

And around Joo Kwon-oh, lower-level thugs who seemed far inferior in quality compared to him were milling about, spitting on the ground.

“What. Got something to say?”

Joo Kwon-oh raised his eyes challengingly towards them. With his tall stature and fierce expression, he seemed quite intimidating even from a distance.

“Hey, let’s just go.”

“Ah, shit.”

The loitering men, realizing they were far outclassed in front of Joo Kwon-oh, avoided his gaze. Then they skirted around Joo Kwon-oh and the girl clinging close to him.

“Joo Kwon-oh! What are you doing? Everyone’s gathered inside.”

Just then, someone called out to him from inside the building.

“I’m coming, fuck.”

Joo Kwon-oh replied.

To use such rough language while embracing a girl, as if showing off. He was truly a low-class human.

For some reason, I thought the endlessly casual swearing didn’t suit his deep voice.

In fact, it was a ridiculous sentiment for me to have, not knowing anything about Joo Kwon-oh.

Anyway, as I was thinking this while passing by Joo Kwon-oh, I suddenly realized up close that he was quite impressive as a subject.

Enough to make me want to look back again.

A few seconds later, when I did look back, Joo Kwon-oh had released his arm from around the girl as if nothing had happened and was stubbing out his cigarette on the ground.

The girl, either rejected or something, was glancing sideways at Joo Kwon-oh with a reddened face as she awkwardly moved away.

What was that? Did they have a fight in that short time?

A gay person like me wouldn’t properly understand issues between men and women.

“Ryu Jeong-ha, you said you’d be late, but you arrived early?”

Kim Jae-hyun, who had just appeared, spotted me and approached cheerfully.

“It just happened that way.”

Kim Jae-hyun, who had instantly come up to me, furrowed his brow as he noticed the noisy surroundings.

“Why did the class representative choose a place like this for the opening assembly? It seems all the other departments are gathering here too since it’s in front of the main gate.”

“I know. Don’t they usually not do opening assemblies these days?”

“Apparently the freshmen really begged to do it. But I heard our department’s students are just floating around like oil in the bar right now?”

I could easily imagine the awkward atmosphere of the Painting Department, where it was hard to find someone who could dominate the mood as an insider. I unconsciously smiled.

“It’s dizzying to come out after always smelling graphite and paint while doing late-night work…”

“By the way, that guy standing in front of here earlier. Wasn’t that Joo Kwon-oh? Business Administration.”

“He’s in Business Administration?”

“Yeah. He should be a sophomore too? His expression looked fierce, why act like that even in university? It’s not like he’s a school bully.”

Kim Jae-hyun shook his head as if he had seen the same thing I did.

“I know, right.”

I actively agreed with Kim Jae-hyun’s words, as I didn’t like that type. Why not use that face for something meaningful? What a waste of a good-looking shell.

“That fucking Joo Kwon-oh.”

Exactly an hour later, the name Joo Kwon-oh pierced my ears again.

I guess because we’re having the opening assembly in the same alley as the Business Administration department, I’m unintentionally hearing the name several times.

After drinking with the Painting department students, I came down to the front of the building to smoke for a bit and glanced at the group of men next to me.

They had already taken over the smoking area and were chain-smoking, spitting on the ground, and cursing out Joo Kwon-oh.

I moved a few steps away from them, hiding my expression of disgust. Although I’m a smoker too, I don’t like the smell of cigarettes, so I always smoke flavored e-cigarettes in a corner. I hated how they were noisily spreading the smell everywhere.

By the way, is Joo Kwon-oh that popular? Or does he get cursed at a lot because his personality is bad? It bothered me since it was already the umpteenth time I’d heard the name today.

“Him? What now?”

“Earlier when I was trying to make a move on Yang Ji-hyun, he noticed right away and started hitting on her himself?”

“And Yang Ji-hyun just let it happen? Isn’t she a freshman?”

“Yeah. She was acting all high and mighty but immediately fell for Joo Kwon-oh.”

“Ah, you mean that girl with the super hot profile pic. The cat-like face.”

The boys continued their low-level talk shamelessly.

I wanted to cover my ears right away. I decided to smoke as quickly as possible and go back into the building.

“Did she avoid you knowing you’d try to hit on her?”

“You wanna die, asshole?”

“Why are you getting mad at me? Go slap Joo Kwon-oh instead. Idiot.”

“Shut your mouth.”

“Why are you feeling wronged? Good-looking guys get all the girls.”

“But I saw inside, they weren’t even sitting together?”

“Really? Why did he hit on Yang Ji-hyun if he wasn’t going to sleep with her? If that’s the case, give her to me.”

“What? So Yang Ji-hyun got rejected?”

“I don’t know, fuck. Earlier when Joo Kwon-oh was glaring intensely, I backed off…”

“Stop talking nonsense about backing off. Pathetic.”

Ah. A short sigh escaped inwardly.

I felt like I finally vaguely understood the situation I had seen in front of the building earlier.

Joo Kwon-oh was trying to get the female junior away from these smelly creatures who were hitting on her without knowing their place. That’s why when I looked back a few seconds later, they were awkwardly distanced… Probably.

Clearly, trying to persuade this vulgar type with words wasn’t effective. It was more efficient to show superiority in the way they pursued and put them down.

And Joo Kwon-oh used that method properly.

As I put the e-cigarette in my mouth, I recalled Joo Kwon-oh’s confident expression.

I needed to correct my thought that he should use his face for something meaningful, that his good looks were being wasted.

He was already using it in a pretty decent way.

*

I saw Joo Kwon-oh again the very next week after the opening assembly. When I entered the first lecture of Culture and Arts Industry and Business Models, which I had signed up for as a liberal arts course without much expectation, I spotted Joo Kwon-oh chatting and laughing with a friend.

The seat he had claimed was diagonally in front of where I sat. It was about in the middle of the entire lecture hall.

It was an amazing angle, to say the least. He was incredibly handsome from the front, but the back of his head and glimpses of his side profile were also excellent.

It was impressive enough to move me as an art student after a long time.

Perhaps it was the influence of positively making up for the first impression of him seeming like a young thug last time. I was unknowingly overvaluing him.

[Kim Jae-hyun: Hey, how’s the class?]

[Kim Jae-hyun: Everyone here is a stranger, I’m in trouble ㅠㅠ]

Just then, a KakaoTalk message came in from Kim Jae-hyun.

Kim Jae-hyun and I were in a very distressed state. We had agreed to take the same liberal arts course and tried to register, but stupid Kim Jae-hyun failed to sign up.

So I ended up taking the liberal arts course alone. Of course, Kim Jae-hyun also hurriedly registered for a remaining course, so it seems he doesn’t know anyone there.

However, the impression Joo Kwon-oh gave was strong enough to make me forget all about this situation. Before I knew it, I was sketching him in the new notebook I had bought for taking notes in the liberal arts class. My hand moved impulsively, I had to say.

The impulse didn’t stop at once. After that day, for one hour each week while attending the Culture and Arts Industry and Business Models class, I sat diagonally behind Joo Kwon-oh and secretly drew him.

Sitting in a seat that was neither too close nor too far, I was able to hear various information about Joo Kwon-oh.

I would draw pictures and also write down bits of personal information that Joo Kwon-oh unconsciously revealed while chatting with his friend.

I’m not sure why. I just wanted to write it down and not forget. I was seized by the desire to learn as much as possible about Joo Kwon-oh.

h1

And so, the notebook I bought for taking notes in the liberal arts class became filled with drawings and notes about Joo Kwon-oh.

First, as I wrote, Joo Kwon-oh is not interested in the class.

He doesn’t seem to be bad at studying, but he gives the impression of participating minimally.

h2

And women never stop coming. The fate of being a “peach blossom” that I’d seen on YouTube seemed to apply perfectly to him.

In the two or three weeks of taking this liberal arts class, he got phone numbers from at least four girls.

Considering he must have received expressions of interest in places I couldn’t see, the total number is probably much higher than four.

Also, when a girl asks for his number or requests to follow each other on Instagram, Joo Kwon-oh never refuses. He always gives it with a bright smile.

As long as you’re biologically female, you can buy Joo Kwon-oh’s number and at least some minimal interest.

Of course, there was no doubt that Joo Kwon-oh was heterosexual.

As a result of stalking his Instagram, about 80% of the comments on his occasional photos were from women. At this point, was he a player?

Oh, and,

h3

“Joo Kwon-oh. We have a club dinner this time, want to come? Not just anyone can join.”

Before the liberal arts class started. Two dark-skinned men who looked somewhat unpleasant approached Joo Kwon-oh and spoke to him.

“This isn’t an opportunity that comes often. Do you know Sena? She’s super famous on Instagram. Her breasts are natural but huge.”

“You crazy bastard. How do you know if they’re natural? Did you see them?”

My intuition was right. The guys who caused visual displeasure also caused auditory displeasure. They were damaging my aesthetic sense by snickering and making vulgar jokes.

I wondered how Joo Kwon-oh would respond. For some reason, I was secretly hoping he wouldn’t accept their invitation.

Depending on how he answered, the comment I would write in my notebook would be different, so I focused all my attention on Joo Kwon-oh.

Contrary to my hopes, based on what I’d observed these past few weeks, he likes women, so wouldn’t he enthusiastically agree and go along…

“You’ll come, right?”

Joo Kwon-oh just stared blankly at the two standing in front of him without opening his mouth, even as time passed. My mouth went dry from the strange tension that was neither visible nor audible.

“What. You don’t… want to?”

As they faltered under his piercing gaze, Joo Kwon-oh finally smirked and answered somewhat arrogantly.

“I’m not interested in that kind of thing.”

Joo Kwon-oh generally got along well with both men and women at school. For the most part. However, there was one exception in his relationships. He didn’t tolerate pretentious men.

Even if seniors who put on airs came to act friendly, he would sharply cut them off. It was the same at the opening assembly last time.

Joo Kwon-oh knew how to act tough in front of those who were showing off and take the invisible upper hand in relationships. This was precisely the point that made me misunderstand him as a young thug last time.

“…Let’s go.”

The deflated men finally exchanged quiet glances and disappeared.

Except for when guys were bothering him, Joo Kwon-oh led a normal and sociable college life with just a slight edge to it.

Seeing how he dealt with shy and timid people like me without hesitation, he was clearly friendly.

The first time Joo Kwon-oh and I exchanged words was in the third week of the semester.

“Hey, can I borrow a pen?”

“This is all I have too.”

I heard Joo Kwon-oh talking with his friend in front of me. It seemed he had forgotten to bring writing utensils.

“Ah, shit.”

As usual, I was sitting diagonally behind them, eavesdropping on their conversation. Once class started, I planned to spend time quietly sketching him again today.

“Borrow from someone else.”

“Okay.”

As soon as he heard his friend’s words, Joo Kwon-oh turned his head back, causing our eyes to meet.

It was the first time I’d seen his face this close up and straight on.

“Hi. Can I borrow a pen?”

Joo Kwon-oh spoke to me in a gentle voice. It was a tone that felt disconnected from how he usually spoke to the friend sitting next to him.