Speak of The Devil

I don’t remember it that way. In fact, I didn’t remember it well. It wasn’t that my memory was bad, but rather, because of the intense events caused by Jung Yiyeon, my memories of Jaeoh were overshadowed. Thinking about it that way, Jaeoh’s words weighed even heavier. Because of the strong presence of Jung Yiyeon.“…Alright. I’ve forgotten everything. Just… I’m sorry too.”“Yeah… Still, I was a bit surprised when you agreed to meet today.”Jaeoh forced a smile and tried to lighten the mood.“I’m heading down to Busan later. I quit the concierge job a while ago.”“Suddenly? It hasn’t even been a year yet.”“My father told me it’s about time to stop. I need to live for myself now.”“I see…”I was about to say it was a good decision but decided to keep quiet. I couldn’t dare to guess what Jaeoh was feeling about going down.“But it’s good to see your face. Hearing that you two got along well helps me sort out my remaining regrets a bit.”“…Do you still have regrets?”That guy had a lot of lingering feelings. After causing all that chaos and with so much time having passed since then, if he still had lingering feelings… Well, if there were no lingering feelings, he wouldn’t have contacted me in the first place.But Jaeoh surely, or rather, Jaeoh knew best. A coffee at an ambiguous time, not even a lunch. That was the most we could share.“Shall we get up now? I need to catch a train soon.”“Yeah. Take care when you’re down there.”“Sure. Since we’re meeting, let’s spend some time together.”Jaeoh joked in a teasing tone. Still, seeing a hint of relief on his face, I couldn’t help but smile a little too.After tidying up, we left the cafe. The cold wind was blowing fiercely due to the cold spell that had started from Friday and hadn’t let up. As we faced the impending farewell, I felt a bit awkward again. Jaeoh spoke first, just like before.“Take care.”“…What?”“Take care. Don’t make the person who likes you feel lonely.”“…”“I’m off. Take care.”With advice that seemed to imply approval of my actions, Jaeoh turned away for the last time. I watched his back as he walked away through the cold.The words “don’t make the person who likes you feel lonely” hit me a bit sharply in the chest. Perhaps Jaeoh had felt lonely because of my selfish actions, despite being satisfied with maintaining our ‘appropriate distance’. Most likely, this had been the case with most of the people I had encountered so far.Maybe even Jung Yiyeon.Naturally, he came to mind. His resolute demeanor when I asked if he would sleep over, and his subtle relief when I told him to come inside. However, a heavy feeling settled in my chest at the subtle lack of enthusiasm he showed despite my invitation. And ultimately, I had made him leave without even seeing me awake in the morning.“Sigh.”I exhaled a white breath and headed towards the subway entrance. I was starting to feel hungry. Had Jung Yiyeon eaten? Should I call now and cancel our plans, saying something came up… and then suggest we grab a meal together?I hesitated but ultimately chose to go home. I felt like filling my stomach at a nearby restaurant and going in. Perhaps I could use the excuse of being out for work-related reasons. Although he had said he was at home during our earlier call, I decided not to disturb him, thinking he might be busy.In truth, this was always the same pattern. Understanding and accommodating the other person’s emotions had always been annoying and exhausting for me. So, until now, I had always ended relationships by turning away from the other person and moving on to someone else. I had even told them not to express their dissatisfaction, or if they couldn’t speak up, not to show any signs of discomfort. Yet, I lacked the will to change anything, even when faced with their dissatisfaction.Ultimately, due to this one-sided and selfish avoidance, I didn’t know what to do with Jung Yiyeon. No, I knew what to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to act on it.Anyway, Jung Yiyeon would soon come back, managing his emotions well and acting as if nothing had happened, right? After all, he was the type to hang on even when pushed away. If he did come back, couldn’t I just pay a little more attention to him and treat him well from then on?In my relationship with Jung Yiyeon, I was undoubtedly the one in the wrong. I thought that Jung Yiyeon would naturally come around and reconcile after a little time passed. However, much to my surprise, aside from sporadic messages a few times a day, Jung Yiyeon didn’t make any effort to reach out. He used the excuse of being busy, but it was clear to anyone that he was avoiding me.Thanks to the time I gained from being alone, I found myself deeply contemplating our relationship. And on the third day, I packed a few necessary items into my travel bag.When I called Jung Yiyeon and he said he was at my doorstep, I felt a sense of relief. I had unnecessarily worried myself over the situation, thinking it would have been easily resolved if I had just waited a little longer. Bringing the sparse belongings I had, I felt like I had made a big mistake by coming to him first.But when Jung Yiyeon arrived at my house…“You came?”The joy spreading across his handsome face and the way he hugged me as if I were the most precious thing in the world made me feel like it didn’t matter after all.***“So, what did you want to talk about?”“Just wanted to see your face after a long time, that’s all.”“… ”He hardened his face in an instant, as if he couldn’t stand the situation. I wanted to ask if you were now on friendly terms with Seo Jaeoh, but I refrained from doing so.“That friend of yours quit his job.”“Yes, he went back to Busan.”“I see. So, that was the last time you saw him? There won’t be any more encounters now, right?”You needlessly intoned your hopes in a solemn and serious manner. Of course, I also thought I wouldn’t see Jaeoh again, but I didn’t respond. However, I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, so I fixed my gaze on the red taillights of the car in front of me.It was Friday night, so the traffic was quite heavy. Despite the late hour, there were frequent traffic jams, causing the journey home to take longer than expected.In the momentary silence inside the car, I found myself recalling Jaeoh’s words again and reflecting on my feelings when I started living with Jung Yiyeon. I also looked back on the past month spent with Jung Yiyeon.“Yeonye, can I ask you something?”“Yeah?”I called out to him to break the reverie, but the words didn’t come out.“Why? Do you have something to tell me honestly? I’m nervous.”“…No. I’m just curious.”“What is it?”It wasn’t anything significant. It was a bit awkward to ask for no reason. But since we were going to see the movie tonight, he might remember the past and Jaeoh’s words, so I gathered a bit more courage.“I went to Japan before.”“Oh… Yeah.”“You kept chasing after me.”“I did.”“…I’m wondering how that was even possible now. It’s not something you can do, keep clinging to someone who doesn’t like you.”“Haha. Well, what could I do? I couldn’t just give up.”He laughed lightly as he spoke, but the emotional turmoil between us at the time was practically irreparable. Even though he may have seemed crazy for persisting until the end, I couldn’t help but wonder how Jung Yiyeon could have clung to me so tightly. Even in our current relationship, Jung Yiyeon was the one sacrificing and accommodating more.“Well… There was a glimmer of hope, to be honest.”“What do you mean?”“…When I said let’s meet just ten more times.”Jung Yiyeon hesitated for a moment before speaking again.“I was worried you might say no if I asked for ten more times.”…Huh?“But there was no need to negotiate positions. You naturally accepted that you were the one leading.”Wow. Really. Seriously. This felt like a heavy blow to the back of my head. My head was spinning.Until then, my tendency to lead had continued almost habitually with Jung Yiyeon. And I wasn’t even in a position to be threatened!Ah, damn it! Yeah. If I had said I’ll give in and let you lead, how would it have been? It suddenly felt so regrettable. Not because I wanted to assert dominance over Jung Yiyeon, but because I missed an opportunity to assert myself and show some backbone. Of course, now those emotions from that time have all but dissipated, and ultimately, things turned out well with Jung Yiyeon, even to the point of us living together…“Ah, it feels unfair.”“Hmm. No, it’s not. Even if you had brought up the position card back then, I would have defended myself well.”That may be so, but it still annoys me. I felt like snapping back with something like “Just keep your mouth shut.”Wait a minute. Did Jung Yiyeon already know that I tended to yield to him more than necessary?“Anyway, I realized that then. Oh, Lee Nan sleeping with me wasn’t so bad after all. Fortunately, one part of me was pleasing to him.”“…Hmm.”“I felt like I needed to try harder.”…Try harder at what? I had nothing to say, my mind was blank, and my face felt hot. Unfortunately, what Jung Yiyeon said wasn’t entirely wrong.At that time, I really didn’t think about it. I might have said all sorts of things to anger Jung Yiyeon and show him up, but the revolutionary idea of letting you lead never crossed my mind. That’s what’s so regrettable. Despite what he said… damn it, yeah, it was fine. I’m still quite satisfied now.A release. The sound of my anger dissipating was heard somewhere. Ultimately, what was the point of being angry when I was in a relationship now?Yeah. This relationship had ended up like this. Perhaps it was destined to be this way from the beginning. I let out a laugh tinged with disappointment as some emotion filled the void where my anger once was.Maybe the whole world knew except for me. It was such a clear emotion that everyone probably knew. Even Jung Yiyeon might have sensed it subconsciously.“I don’t know.”This time, Jung Yiyeon called me. “Why.” Even though my anger and irritation had subsided, I deliberately responded bluntly.“Well, actually, I’ve been really busy lately.”If the conversation up until now had been somewhat playful and casual, Jung Yiyeon was quite serious now. It was about company matters, so I had to respond seriously too.“Executive Director Jung Sang-yeon is trying to kick out his own younger brother. The younger brother manages the distribution and department store subsidiaries, and he wants to take them over.”“Don’t the chairman and the honorary chairman intervene? Are they already fighting among the grandsons?”“The elders of that generation still believe that the family business should be passed down to their sons, so you could say that they’re not on Executive Director Jung Sang-yeon’s side.”“Oh…”“So, my grandfather also had expectations of me. Among the grandsons, it’s only me and Executive Director Jung Sangyeon who are still intact. The rest are all scoundrels who are hell-bent on embezzling company funds.”I had heard similar things before, but hearing it from Jung Yiyeon made me feel like I understood why Executive Director Jung Sangyeon had restrained him so much. Jung Yiyeon might not have any intentions, but if he did, wouldn’t Executive Director Jung Pilwon, the honorary chairman, at least offer full support? Even at his age, rather than giving full power to his eldest son, Jung Pilwon, the chairman, was the one with the most influence in the group.“…Aren’t you ambitious?”“Why, do I seem ambitious? Should I try for the next chairman’s position?”It was a playful tone, but then he became serious again.“I really wish you could come to work. It’s not just empty words.”“Do you want me to give you work? We just hired a new secretary.”“You can just sit there. I just want to be with you all day.”Sitting around at work with nothing to do is more torturous. As I looked at Jung Yiyeon with a disapproving look for saying something absurd, he quickly added.“If you don’t like being my secretary, you can join any department you want. Or you can return as my secretary, but I won’t make you work as hard as before, without even getting to leave work.”“Well, I’m not sure if being together all day at work would be good for our relationship…”“I’ll do well. Okay?”In response to Jung Yiyeon’s words, I simply closed my mouth. It was a question I couldn’t answer right now. What would happen if we went to work together while still in a state of tension or anger, like before? Jung Yiyeon may be the CEO, but I’m just a regular subordinate, and a secretary at that… I couldn’t help but worry.But considering my recent lethargic state, I also felt a desire to return to work. It might be better to return to work rather than having my career come to an awkward halt. After all, you never know what the future holds.“Think about it. Of course, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”Even though he said it in a nonchalant tone, Jung Yiyeon’s gaze was seductive.Damn. Somehow, I felt overwhelmed and turned my gaze away.“Is it because he’s persistent, or because you’re giving in to him?”Jaeoh’s words echoed in my ears. In the end, all that came out was a bitter laugh.When Jung Yiyeon came to my house with a broken arm and apologized. I had suggested we start dating, but I thought the love I had for him had died and disappeared. It was a thought to see where this relationship would go with some kind of resentment or recklessness. I wondered how far we could go when we had already seen each other’s worst sides.Three months had passed since then, and we had been living together for over a month now. Winter was almost over, and spring was about to begin. As someone who had always been fickle and selfish, I was in a record-breaking long-term relationship with just one person. It goes without saying that our relationship had deepened over time.Looking back, our relationship had progressed so much. I talked about my parents, whom I had never talked about to anyone before, and I had opened up areas of my life that I considered to be my own privacy. And as much as that, I was deeply involved in Jung Yiyeon’s life.Surprisingly, it was Jung Yiyeon who had taken the first step here. I, as a person, always withdrew first before getting too close to the other person. That was how I formed and maintained relationships with others. Perhaps it was like a defense mechanism to protect myself.But with Jung Yiyeon, I missed the timing to withdraw. No, in fact, I was doubtful if I really wanted to withdraw. Perhaps from the moment I first saw him until now, amidst all the twists and turns of emotions like love and hate.My feelings for Jung Yiyeon, like an ember that never goes out, simply couldn’t disappear from within me. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand the reason why. But undoubtedly, I…“Hey, can I wear this tie?”“Oh… Is that better? Sure.”“I’ll tie it for you.”It was Monday morning. While Jung Yiyeon was getting ready for work, we were in the dressing room together. The only difference from usual was that I was also putting on a suit. I had finally decided to return to work, and today was my first day back.It wasn’t like I had forgotten how to tie a tie after a few months off, but Jung Yiyeon personally selected a tie and tied it around my neck. His hands were quick and skillful, like a man who ties a tie every morning, resulting in a beautiful knot.“It suits you well.”“Yeah, how much was it?”Jung Yiyeon chuckled at my question. I laughed too, as overwhelmed as always.Before going to work, Jung Yiyeon insisted on buying me a suit at a luxury store. He scolded me for wearing a suit worth millions as a secretary, but I reluctantly got one. Jung Yiyeon was so pleased that if I didn’t like luxury, he even booked a reservation at a tailor shop for a custom-made suit. By this point, it was just easier for me to give in.After getting up in the morning, washing up, and having breakfast, I put on a neat suit. Now, all that was left was to wear the watch. Of course, the watch I wore was my father’s heirloom watch. It was one of the few items I brought with me when I came to this house, and it was kept in Jung Yiyeon’s flashy watch box along with other watches, not inferior to any watch shop.Among many watches, it looked particularly humble, but still, as I pulled it out and put it on my wrist, I paused for a moment. The watch. Suddenly, I thought of another watch.“You know.”“Hmm?”I asked Jung Yiyeon, who was tying the tie by himself.“Do you still have the watch I was going to give you before?”“Oh… that one.”The watch I received and immediately threw away in anger. Since the memory wasn’t a pleasant one for either Jung Yiyeon or me, his expression dimmed slightly.“Did you throw it away?”“…No. But it’s in the bottom drawer.”Following his somber response, I opened the drawer beneath the watch box and sure enough, I spotted the familiar box.After a moment of hesitation, I placed the old watch I was about to wear back in its original spot. Instead, I opened the neglected box in the drawer and put on the skeleton-designed automatic watch. The dial size was slightly awkward compared to what I was used to, but fortunately, it matched the suit I was wearing very well.Jung Yiyeon was silently watching me like that. It seemed like there were ripples in his eyes, and I hoped it was just my imagination that his eyes looked moist.“Let’s go to work.”As I grabbed my coat and walked out of the dressing room, I gently tapped his shoulder. Yeah, I hoped his trembling voice as he answered like that was just my imagination or a misunderstanding…Damn it. What’s the big deal about just giving me a watch to wear? I burst out laughing. Well, actually, it might be that my heart is tickled, making me laugh constantly. Why does Jung Yiyeon make me so excited over every little thing?Seo Jaeoh was right. If it were anyone else, it would never have turned out like this. It was only possible because it was Jung Yiyeon.It wasn’t a fiery love like when I hugged Jung Yiyeon, but it was a deeper and warmer emotion than I had imagined. It was as if the fiery ember of love that Jung Yiyeon held for me was transferred to my chest as well.And I felt strongly that there would never be anyone like him in my life again.Jung Yiyeon soon followed me out. We took the elevator down to the underground parking lot. Jung Yiyeon still had a face full of smiles. Occasionally, he would hold my hand and then let go repeatedly. He looked like he was about to die from happiness.“I’ll drive.”Yeah, I wish I had known that I would blurt out nonsense in happiness.“Do some companies have their CEOs come to work with secretaries?”“That’s our company.”The nonsensical conversation seemed to go on endlessly if left unchecked. I firmly and concisely said one thing.“Just shut up and get in the back seat, boss.”As Jung Yiyeon looked flustered, I ignored him and settled into the driver’s seat. Eventually, he opened the back door and got into the car.“Look at that charisma. You’re cool…”“Please fasten your seatbelt.”I lightly dismissed his playful teasing, as if he had fallen for me again, and started the car. After confirming that Jung Yiyeon had fastened his seatbelt, I began to drive.It had been a while since I last drove, but it felt familiar. As we got closer to the office, my heart strangely began to beat faster. While waiting at a red light, I glanced at the back seat through the rearview mirror, and it seemed like Jung Yiyeon’s gaze met mine, as if he was looking at me reflected in the mirror. He smiled subtly. He still looked so happy.Well, my previous CEO crush seemed to be a bit more dignified, charismatic, and professional than him. However, amidst the pleasant tension, I couldn’t help but feel a little excited by the tingling sensation spreading through me.“Boss.”“Yeah?”“Since we’re going to work anyway…”Half jokingly, half seriously, I asked.“Should we try aiming for the head of our group?”If you’re a man, you should have that level of ambition. Jung Yiyeon’s eyes widened at my words, then he burst into laughter. He leaned forward and even stretched out his head. As my face reflexively turned towards him, Jung Yiyeon kissed my cheek and lips as if it were natural.“If Secretary Lee wants it, let’s give it a try.”It was getting a bit too absurd, but that just made me laugh even more. Laughing because it was absurd, Jung Yiyeon leaned over the headrest and kissed me more passionately. Shallow and deep kisses continued all over my face.While receiving Jung Yiyeon’s kiss, I heard a honking sound from behind. I quickly snapped out of it and turned my head, realizing that the light had turned green and the car in front had moved ahead. I quickly changed gears and stepped on the accelerator. Jung Yiyeon even laughed joyfully at that.“Next time, please sit in the passenger seat, Secretary Lee.”“I’m just following the boss’s lead.”As Jung Yiyeon and I exchanged such unconventional banter and chuckled, I felt like I knew the reason he insisted I return to work because he wanted to spend the whole day together. Of course, things might get more tense if we were to argue, but… that was okay. Sometimes, it’s necessary to encounter friction and overcome emotions as they arise.Outside, it was still cold, and the snow from a few days ago was messily piled up along the roadside. However, it was evident that spring would come soon. Even then, Jung Yiyeon and I wouldn’t be joking and laughing like this.A warm breeze carrying the scent of flowers blew, and the season of budding awaited. Something akin to the sprout of a spring day had already begun to stir in my heart. The upcoming spring would be more joyful and abundant than ever before.