Soul Master Upon Gensokyo

Cold.

Even under the blazing heat of the summer sun, it was incredibly cold.

Cold enough to numb my limbs.

Cold enough to take my breath away.

My body started hyperventilating automatically, as if by unconscious choice, trying to gather more oxygen to burn inside my body to generate more heat.

In a sense, it was painful, but at the same time, not.

It was a numbing feeling, after all.

Now, my body started vibrating.

Yeah, this is how it felt...

How it felt to be alive!

"Woah! The water's freezing! Just what I need to wake me up this beautiful morning!"

I shouted out loud, pulling the Hieda mansion's servant's gazes towards me.

Their eyes filled with equal parts warmth and amusement.

To them, I must be an eccentric young girl, after all.

This makes sense, considering that I was someone crazy enough to go out and help solve an incident while I was still acclimating to living in Gensokyo.

Still, their eyes didn't sting, as I felt the slightest hint of admiration in their eyes.

If I can make people's lives better by just enjoying myself, it's a good thing.

Hm?

Are you curious about how I am doing fine?

After all, yesterday, not even 9 hours ago, I was lying on the side of the road, bleeding out.

Well, it's a long explanation.

Let's start by going through all the notifications I've been ignoring!

[5* Embodiment of Scarlet Devil Incident - Complete]

[Calculating reward reduction due to mediocre clear]

[Reward: 96 Skill Points, 54.321 System Points, Photosynthesis Skill, Synchronization Skill, (~~10 Gacha Tickets~~)==>1 Gacha Ticket]

As you can see, my participation in the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil Incident seemed slightly dull for those so-called creators watching me.

Though, it made sense in hindsight. If my rewards could be increased because of "excellent clears," they could also be reduced.

Still, this time, it didn't seem too bad.

As far as I can see, the only reduction this time was the amount of Gacha Tickets.

I didn't expect much from it. After all, the last thing I got out of it was a ribbon.

Once again, the summoning animation appeared, only for another gray to be the result.

[Jar - Common]

Why the fuck is the system giving out jars?

Well, as for my system account...

[Lvl. 22 Dead Living, Rin Satsuki]

[Skill Points: 0]

[System Points: 0]

I finally reached a point where I was convincingly stronger than the average villager living in this village.

But as you can see from my SP, I am broke with both.

How? Especially after the rewards I got from solving the incident?

Well, the explanation was simple. One glance at my skill tab told the whole story.

[Skills]

[Basic Boxing]

[Spellcard Creation Lvl 0 (Max Level)(+)]

[Alchemy Lvl 1 (+)]

[Dash Lvl 3 (Over the level Cap)]

[Heat Plunder Lvl 0 (+)]

[Mystic Eyes of Soul Perception Lvl 0]

As you can see, I have a new skill.

Quite frankly, it's even the only reason I am alive right now.

My new skills, [Photosynthesis], [Synchronization], [Strong Vitality], and [Body Enhancement], have combined into [Heat Plunder].

But, unlike my [Mystic Eyes of Soul Perception], the fusion option triggered only when I went over the level cap with each of those skills.

So I had to spend all of my Skill Points maxing out my new skills and even converted my System Points to compensate for my lack of Skill Points.

It turned out that even without a conversion event running, you can still convert your SP.

Just expect a 50% price increase.

Still, it was uncomfortably close. Without [Heat Plunder], I'm unsure I could stand as strong as I do now.

[Heat Plunder Lvl 0 (+)]

[Absorb "Heat" from a target and convert it into vitality.]

["Heat" is a fundamental energy necessary for existence. Lack of it leads to death.]

That's the long and short of it.

But, as you can see from my title, that skill is the only reason I am alive right now.

On that day, I died.

Receiving the fitting title of...

"Living Dead."

Meaning someone who has died but lives due to unnatural means. In my case, I am absorbing the surrounding heat and turning it into life for me.

The Sun's warmth… Its heat, no doubt—is different. It's not the kind that sustains life the way I need it. Still, it's something.

In other words, my skill is performing sub-optimally in subpar conditions.

Still, it's thanks to it I am alive.

"Goddammit."

Weak.

Incredibly weak.

These thoughts filled my head lately: a certain sense of powerlessness and the inability to pursue what I want.

The limits of this broken body I am moving around like a puppet.

Shrugging to myself, I sighed in exasperation.

"What's the use complaining-"

If I knew about my reincarnation, I would have treated myself better. But I didn't.

That's why hindsight is a bitch.

Sighing, I took hold of the next bucket, throwing it into the well.

Each action had to be careful, each movement considered, as each touch reverberated throughout my entire body.

Once again, the heat inside my body welled.

Once again, with trembling hands, I pulled out a new bucket of cold water and poured the cooling liquid all over me.

This coldness made me feel alive.

"Well, not all is well."

Peaking under my clothes, the red scars that stained my body since the Scarlet Devil Incident worsened.

Ironically, the ability that saved my life is also actively deteriorating my body.

As much as heat is life, the increased temperature made my blood boil, melting the vulnerable parts of my flesh.

Luckily, since I usually keep myself fully covered, I managed to cover my state from everyone.

No one noticed the toll I paid for my survival, but I wondered for how long. My body is breaking down, and it will only get more challenging to hide it from now on.

"Rin-"

Hearing the soft voice of the girl I served, I was pulled out of my thoughts.

I was so preoccupied with hiding my struggle that I didn't even notice her presence despite my eyes that perceived souls.

Feeling her sweet embrace, I felt strength arise—the strength that helped me hide my condition.

"Ah-, Akyuu-sama. What did I say about running around in this summer heat? I can't have you faint from heatstroke!"

Still hugging me, the cute girl pouted as she looked up at me. How amusing.

"Rin, we've talked about this. No being formal with me!"

A faint smile formed as I heard her adorable complaint, hugging that legendary super cutie in retaliation.

It'd be a lie if I said I didn't understand how Akyuu got so attached to me, but it would also be a complete lie if I said I wasn't surprised.

Then again, it's not as if I've been entirely blind to her situation.

In particular, I noticed two people since I've been serving Akyuu as her attending physician.

[Lvl. 11 Mother of the 9th Child of Miare, Ichiro]

[Lvl. 20 Father of the 9th Child of Miare, Yukiko]

Both of them have the title of Akyuu's parents. Yet, her mother was just a handmaiden, and her father was only a guard.

In addition, they addressed her using "-sama," almost outright revering her.

It's not my place to judge them, especially since I knew the importance of the Child of Miare, but...

It was still sad seeing it.

It made me wonder what she saw me as. Was I just her attending physician, her friend, or was it something more?

As those thoughts filled my head, my heartbeat reverberated through my entire body again.

These sensations would have driven a normal human insane. But, right now, with Akyuu before me, the mask of my performance was far more significant.

"Acute~"

I called, using my nickname for her, grinning.

"Huh-? wah-"

Before she could protest, I took the small girl off her feet, lifting her into the air.

"What are you doing, Rin! Let me down-"

But, for some reason, Akyuu stopped mid-sentence as I held her.

Why would she, then again...

What expression was I making?

...

It would be a lie if I said I wasn't worried about Rin.

In fact, I've been worried about her ever since the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil incident when she set out to help solve it.

But when she returned at dawn with Reimu and Marisa in tow, I felt no relief at her sight, even when she appeared perfectly fine.

At first, I felt guilty for feeling that way, thinking that something was wrong with me, that I was messed up in the head for feeling that way.

How couldn't I? After all, my friend returned home in perfect health, and instead of feeling relief, it was something else.

A stuffy feeling akin to swallowing down your emotion formed in my chest, and I didn't know why.

Considering it irrational, I chose not to dwell on it and focused on my duty as the Child of Miare instead.

That is, recording for the Gensokyo Chronicles.

I enjoyed hearing their stories, how Reimu solved the incident, how Marisa uncovered its mysteries, and how Rin helped in the background.

For a moment, I really thought that I was just irrational.

Upset that Rin did something so reckless.

Angry that she didn't consult me.

Bewildered that she dared to leave my side.

Frustrated at my sick and weak body that made her make that decision.

Yes, it had to be just my emotions acting up. So, for that moment, I decided to put a lid on them and find relief for them later when I scolded Rin.

But it never came to that.

After all, the feeling in my chest was not anger, frustration, or even sadness.

As I thought about it again, there were many signs.

Signs I ignored or dismissed because of Rin's kind and patient smile...

Things I ignored because of her easygoing and relaxed attitude...

I overlooked her reckless actions simply because I thought she was strong, intelligent, stubborn, beautiful...

Venturing out of the village, not sleeping for weeks at a time, experimenting on herself, working as a doctor for free, a general disregard for her own health and safety.

There were things she shouldn't have forgiven her friend for simply because she believed Rin knew what she was doing.

Truthfully, that would have continued to be the case.

I would have stayed blind to the situation, not thinking too much about Rin and her actions.

That was until I saw her face.

I had a hunch yesterday when she stayed behind to "gather materials."

Her expression was slightly faltering but not long enough for me to notice.

That is, until now.

Rin, I let you sleep in today, giving you as much rest as needed.

The breakfast was big, so you could regain strength and energy from your hard work.

I didn't lecture you for your recklessness because I didn't want to add more to your burdens.

I even acted cute in the hopes to cheer you up.

So, why?

Why do you have such a pained expression on your face?

"Rin, what are you hiding from me?"

...

I slipped.

It was only a question of time at this point, but I slipped.

The perfect mask I have maintained throughout my life...

The mask I wore ever since I set out on my journey...

The faces I would casually interchange to get what I wanted...

My facade...

...it cracked.

Dizzy, sick, vertigo, as if the ground under my feet slipped away...

Maybe I still could get away with this if I just...

"Oh, my expression? It's nothing important. I am just a bit tired from what I've done-"

"DON'T LIE TO ME-!"

Ah, as expected. It was too late for that.

"You think you could just fool me?!"

It worked pretty well in my last life.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice just because I am young? Did you really try to fool me like you would any other child?!"

Yeah, I was too optimistic about that, after all...

"I am the Child of Miare, for god's sake!"

She lived through 9 lifetimes. Seven more than me.

In terms of experience, she was ahead of me.

How arrogant of me to think I could deceive her.

Especially when...

My head is already a mess.

I was already only barely able to hold myself together.

Even the lightest poke could unravel me right now.

If it just weren't for this broken body, I could be myself.

If it weren't for the lack of heat in my body, I wouldn't have needed to supply it from outside.

If it weren't for this foreign heat in my body, I wouldn't be overheating.

If I weren't overheating, I wouldn't need to dowse myself in ice-cold water.

If it weren't for this icy water, my eyes wouldn't be irritated, giving me a massive migraine.

If it wasn't for this migraine, I would be able to think clearly and maintain my facade.

Everything was hurting, itching, stretching, melting, pulling, bothering her.

Why couldn't she have her fun?

Why did she have to suffer so much?

As always, you only have to do what I tell you, so follow my or-

"Oya~, aren't you a shameless one when this is your fault to begin with."

Like a puppet whose strings have been cut, I lost control of my body.

Forget sight. Even sound, taste, smell, and especially touch were gone.

Instead, it was replaced with the crushing sensation of restraint and a racket of voices surrounding me from all sides.

Voices like...

"You can't even handle this. How pathetic~."

"You thought you were in control? Getting ahead of yourself, aren't we?"

"This is all your fault. You should've known better."

"Oh? You still think you can keep that smile up? What a joke."

"What is it that you want? What do you even need right now?"

"Look at you now, broken and pathetic. How the mighty have fallen."

"Shameless? You've been shameless your whole life. Why stop now?"

"What happened to all that confidence? Did it just vanish?"

"All this effort, and for what? For some cheap laughs?"

"Do you really think you can survive this? You're already on the edge."

"I knew this would happen. Did you think you were different from everyone else?"

"You think you've suffered enough? You don't even know the meaning of pain yet."

"Why are you pushing yourself this far? Just let go, just for once."

"You had a choice. You always had a choice… and you chose this."

"This was bound to happen. Sooner rather than later..."

"Oh, look at you. So brave, so strong. Is this the part where you pretend it doesn't hurt?"

Countless such voices were ringing out and quieting down, taunting her, mocking her, ridiculing he, condemning her, pleading with her, accusing her, but ultimately, amidst that torrent of her inner voices, one stood out.

At first, it was far, distant, as if locked away in the far reaches of her subconscious, but gradually, it gained more and more volume.

It was a voice louder, sharper, and more distinct than the others.

And then, when the racket of the voices reached its apex, it managed to drown out all the others.

In an instant, the space overwhelmed by voices grew silent as if everything had died in an instant.

An unfamiliar voice that seemed so foreign, so unfamiliar to me, yet it pulled me out of my thoughts like a comrade I could trust with my life.

Yet, I felt neither relief nor trust in a comrade appearing.

Instead, it was the dread and anxiety one would feel when facing an apex predator.

To put it briefly, it was the focus one would gain when desperately trying to survive.

"'Unfamiliar' voice? Quite rude of you to think so. Especially when you took [my name]. Is that how you are going to repay me? When I was there to lend you a hand..."

If I could move my face right now, I am sure it would have a wry smile on it right now as I stood face to face with the voice.

Yes, a voice that has always accompanied me since I arrived.

The voice that has always been stuck in the back of my mind.

Something that could only come to be in Gensokyo.

It was a voice that came from me, different from the usual me...

"Have you realized yet, Dea~?"

"I am/You are [Rin Satsuki]."

...

Suffocating...

...doesn't even begin to describe the sensation I was subjected to.

It was as if, from now to then, I was suddenly teleported to the deepest parts of the Mariana trenches, but ten times worse.

And the pressure was still continuously rising without signs of stopping.

That's the malice I felt from [her].

"Quite the trouble, huh Dea~?"

Amidst the endless nondescript space, [her] ephemeral figure was the only thing that interrupted it.

Her form hovered before me with a disturbing smile, disheveled ashen blond hair, dull yellow eyes, and pale, transparent skin.

The figure was more akin to an apparition than anything else.

But, I instinctively knew...

"What a f*cking waste of a perfect body-"

Even the claws that buried into me...

It was without a doubt, but...

[She] is me.

Or, to be clear, she is the original owner of my current name.

She was the real [Rin Satsuki].

"100 points for the peanut gallery! Wow, what kind of deductive reasoning did you go through to find that out? Other than the fact that it's [MY NAME]!"

My nonexistent ears rang when I heard her scream.

Hearing her voice was like hearing someone scratch a blackboard, grating and irritating, completely dissonant, almost unbearable to listen to.

Yet, undoubtedly...

The pressure pushed upon me felt like my entire existence was forcefully compressed into a palm-sized cube.

[Rin Satsuki]'s animosity towards me was real.

"You think you're living the dream? A life in Gensokyo, with the name of someone who should never have existed in the first place? You think you're the lucky one, Dea? I'm the one who was left to rot—I should have been the one who lived in this world. But you..."

Yet, why the hell...

"...you get to play pretend. Let me remind you, Dea…"

How is...

"You are not me. You can wear my name, but you can never take what's mine. You can never take what was denied to me. But you—you have the audacity to pretend you can carry it? How utterly revolting."

...her appearance, voice, and even that twisted and empty smile...

"Did you think I would remain silent? That I would fade away, a forgotten name in your mind? After everything I've been through, after everything I was denied? You wanted to take my name, my life and make it yours..."

...they were undoubtedly [mine].

"Oh, Dea~, you understand so little... You see, this was always meant to be my fate. You? You are just the vessel."

With a gleeful smile, it seemed that Rin was done with her speech as she buried her ice-cold claws into my face.

In an instant, the world started to spin, twist, and morph as I lost all sense of coordinates.

A drifting consciousness was what was left of me after I lost all of my senses, but even that was compromised now.

And the next moment, indescribable pain overwhelmed me.

"Why hold onto something that is so utterly broken? I am the one who is meant to be in that place anyway. No more pretending. No more struggling..."

The pain was sharp, unrelenting. It ripped through me as if trying to scrape all signs of my existence clean.

"No... more... you~."

The pain ripped through my core. I was being torn apart. Body, mind, soul, nothing was spared.

My very being was in danger.

"Finally, I've waited so long for this day. What should I do first once I am again? First, a proper bath and not whatever that idiot did all this morning. A hot and steamy bath. I can already imagine it. I'll sink into the water and let it wrap around me, feel the weight of the water cover every inch of my body. The sensation will be genuine this time. After that... right, it has to be food. There are so many options and so many sensations to choose from. Should I try something sweet or choose something heartier with more umami flavor? The pain of spice is an option, too. There is much to choose from and only so much capacity. I'll go savor every bite. I'll take my time taking in the sensations. Taste, smell, feel, sight, even sound. And once I am done with that, a nap sounds nice. Sure, sleeping might be a state of non-existence, but it's leagues better than the real deal. I'll rest, and then... yes, I'll go for a run. A long run. Feel the earth beneath my feet, the sky above my head, pain, hunger, all of it will be mine, just as it should have been."

It was terrifying, the thought of death, not like the other two times I experienced it.

This time, it will be final. No reincarnation, no afterlife, no floating in limbo for eternity, just utter and final non-existence.

This situation was no joke.

It was unfair, ridiculous, nonsensical, unreasonable, wilful, misdirected, and other such words, but ultimately...

It didn't matter. I had no say in this matter.

I was just a convenient vessel for her.

A fool who chose the name of Rin Satsuki on a whim without putting much thought behind it.

It was...

...disappointing.

Disappointing how much this process of erasure didn't hurt right now.

Don't get me wrong, this is still bloody painful, but compared to breaking down when I was fighting Cirno...

I'll give it a 6 out of 10. It's kinda mid.

Not to mention, but what is with that overindulgent fantasy of that fool? I get her desires, but isn't she also forgetting a lot?

For example, the glaring problem of my body that was already breaking apart before all of this, or having to deal with Reimu and Marisa, especially Akyuu.

Oh, I am sure she'll figure it all out... somehow, but I really don't want to give possession of my body for something so trivial.

Especially when all I did was take her name.

Well, all this pain brought me back to my senses. So, which of my skills were rooted in my soul again?

Right, [Mystic Eyes of Soul Perception] and [Heat Plunder].

Gradually, I felt sense return to me. From my eyes to my fingertips, each part was moved with careful consideration.

Well, you tried to steal from me, so don't be too angry at me for doing the same to you now, 8D E1 8C 8E 20 97 D9.

"How long is this taking? Is it still holding on-"

Catching her off-guard, I interrupted her as I paid her back by doing the same thing she did to me.

Burying my nails into her head.

The only difference would be that my nails would feel scorching hot, not ice cold.

"'It'? Have I been already demoted that low in your mind? You told me that I am rude, but aren't you the rude one? Especially when you are stealing my appearance here. People are usually polite when asking others for a favor, and I might have lent you a hand, but like this...?"

You know, I've been curious...

"You can forget about it. Try asking a little more nicely next time~."

...about the feel of plundering heat from a person and not the air.

"Wha-?!"

It seems she realized what I was doing right now. Albeit, it was already too late.

"Have fun dealing with the damage, me~"

Enjoy the trial period of my body, albeit only its damage. I take your healthy form as payment~.

And with that, I returned back to reality.

"D-"

Only one thing before she could curse me out.

"I have as much claim to being Rin Satsuki as you. So, before you curse me out, at least do it right~."

She froze, utterly speechless for a moment—but it was already too late.

From now on, with this declaration, she won't be able to deny that I am Rin Satsuki.

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN-!"

...

Gripping and relaxing my hands, I exhaled in relief that my five senses had fully returned.

Taking in the information around me, it seemed that practically no time had passed as everything was in the same state as I remembered.

Something that was both a relief and a burden at the same time.

Relief as it didn't escalate the situation further.

Burden as I was in the same position as before.

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

As shameless as I am for my entertainment, the last thing I desire is to make someone else genuinely heartbroken for it.

Not to mention, but...

...there is some truth to what Rin Satsuki said.

I was only someone pretending to be Rin Satsuki, but I never stopped to think about what it meant to be Rin Satsuki.

Who would have?

Truth is, there isn't a whole lot to know about her. After all, she is a scrapped character.

Still, this was reality now and not fiction.

In life, there is no such thing as a scrapped character. Only people who met their end earlier than others.

As for Rin Satsuki, I only used her name without consideration of her. I was being myself while all she could do was look from the sidelines as I acted in her name.

No wonder she'd be pissed.

But, all things considered, it was still quite a surprise to think a real Rin Satsuki existed.

Next time I meet her, I'll ensure I'll be worthy of her name.

Besides, I was starting to tire of living selfishly.

Slowly walking towards the tearing-up girl, I am still unsure what kind of expression I made at that time to this day, but...

"Akyuu, I know this will hardly be a satisfying answer, but please forgive me."

The moment I started patting her head, her tears temporarily dried up.

"Please overlook it this time. After all, a secret is what makes a woman a woman."

It was a pathetic answer if I had to say it myself. But it was also the only thing I could come up with.

Between truth, trust, burden, concern, responsibility, and duty, this was the best answer I could think of.

Even Akyuu had no words left for me after what I said.

Her expression was changing by the second, hesitation hindering her from uttering a word as her mouth opened and closed without a sound passing.

It seemed that even with the wisdom of nine lives, she didn't know what to say, or maybe it was precisely because of that wisdom that she couldn't say anything.

After this uncomfortable silence continued for a considerable amount of time, I stood up, taking it as a reluctant acceptance to continue this conversation on another date.

We were both busy people with things to do in life, after all.

"Rin..."

But before I could leave the scene, Akyuu stopped me with a painful smile one last time.

"If you can ever find the place in your heart to trust me, please share your burden. Even if I can't find a solution, even help you‒even if you think it would be a waste of time, please entrust me with your fears. I swear, as long as it eases the burdens on your shoulders, it would've been worth it."

"..."

What a pathetic woman I am, making a girl cry like that.

It stung, incredibly so.

It was an uncomfortable feeling I avoided all throughout my second life by acting like a smug bitch, but...

It didn't feel too bad to take on this burden.

But the situation still didn't sit right with me.

If I were to leave now, I am sure it would leave our relationship strained. Not to mention, I would end up unhappy about this situation, and Akyuu too.

Isn't there something I could-

Scratching my head, I could only laugh as something new came to mind.

Why didn't I think of it sooner?

Walking back to where Akyuu stood, I lifted the girl on my shoulders.

"Wah- Rin, what are you doing? This is hardly the situation or the atmosphere for this kind of thing. Honestly, I am close to boiling over with anger-"

Usually, I would have chuckled, but given the situation, those words carried heavy feelings with them.

"Hey, Akyuu. You want to know more about me, isn't that so?"

Not understanding what I was hinting at, all Akyuu did was pout as she gave me a nod.

"There isn't an entry about me in the Gensokyo Chronicles yet, right?"

Now, understanding what I was trying to say, Akyuu's eyes lighted up. In moments like this, she wasn't the ninth reincarnation of Are, but just the innocent Akyuu 8 years of age.

Seeing her lighten up like that was worth telling her whatever she wanted to know about me.

Within the lines of my story, of course.

Setting her down at the usual place she wrote, I sat down before her with a smug smile.

"Ask away. I promise I'll be as truthful as possible in this interview!"

Giving me a genuine smile, Akyuu nodded as she picked up the brush, dipping it into the freshly ground ink.

"Well, first things first, epithet and name."

Smiling back, I thought back to my confrontation with Rin Satsuki.

The girl was forgotten and abandoned even by Gensokyo.

But now, her name will be engraved into its history.

Forever.

I wonder what epithet would suit her and me both.

"Enchanter of 3rd Chance, Rin Satsuki."