Song of the Void

"How we deal with bad news tells a lot about us as people. Some people break down either in grief or in despair. Some of us react with anger and potentially violence if there is someone to take these feelings out on. These two extremes are the most common reaction, although they are also qualities that are not good for those in positions of leadership. That's not to say you're worse for having these reactions, they just make you less suitable for certain roles.

Some people react to bad news with the mentality of facing the problem head-on and solving the potential issue. Now, not all bad news come along with an avenue of ‘fixing' the problem. In fact, most of the bad news we receive are not so accommodating. In these cases, the action-focused people will throw themselves into work. They try to work through the issues by literally working and focusing on something else, with varying degrees of success. This approach is useful for emergencies, which is why it's a trait preferred in positions where dealing with bad news in emergency situations is common. However, it's not very healthy in the long run. Those that can work through their emotions through grief or even anger usually deal with their emotions more successfully. Those that prefer work, well, let's just say that letting these kinds of wounds fester can become problematic."

- High Ambassador of the Mrrroww

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"You've got something, don't you?" Selendil asked, quietly addressing her words to Nox. She could read the AI to an extent, and Nox had been unusually quiet for a few days now. "I'm assuming the reason you've not mentioned anything yet is because you're making sure that whatever you have figured out is actually true?"

"Sort of. I'm mapping all the possibilities which can still influence the odds, though I'm suffering from a lack of information, which makes the process slow." Nox replied carefully.

"Yet clearly you have reached some kind of conclusion that you're not happy with. Or to be more precise, some kind of conclusion that you think I won't be happy with. This obviously has to do with the missing memory tampering I asked you to analyze." Selendil shot back, not allowing Nox to wiggle out of it.

"True. I'm not yet finished with my analysis though. I wouldn't want to give a potentially detrimental conclusion without at least a certain level of confidence in that conclusion." Nox hedged her words.

"And you never will be entirely finished considering all the possibilities this time. Just tell me what you have figured out so far." Selendil prompted. She was currently alone and had some time. Now was as good of a chance as any to get bad news that she would have to deal with eventually anyway.

"Well, first of all, I have a bit of good news. Well, that depends on perspective I suppose, but I would consider it good news. I have eliminated the possibility of a third party interference with the memories. I'm not talking about the universal consciousness or the Great Song doing something by the way. I still haven't figured out how that would work, or even how to analyze the possibility. What I mean is that I can see no way how an unknown third party of another race could've interfered with the transfer of memories and eliminated those particular memories. Even if you were rather distracted at the time, it's still not feasible. The others would've noticed and informed you. Besides, just because you were distracted, that doesn't mean there were no defenses in place." Nox had done research with the databases of Dhar history as well as asked Selendil several rather probing and detailed questions. The transfer was not something that happened instantly, so the other Keepers would've still been alive during the transfer. It would just take too much power, skill, timing, and luck to pull off something like memory tampering on this level for it to really be a realistic possibility.

"Well, I suppose eliminating one of the options is good news, though I'm not sure if I like the alternatives that are left." Selendil realized why Nox had said this was good news depending on your point of view.

"Well, you're not going to like the rest of it either. All the scenarios I've run result in the same conclusion. It doesn't matter whether the person to remove those memories was another Keeper or you did it yourself, the most likely reason is still the same. Either the plague was somehow your fault, or you could've prevented it somehow. To be more specific, the latter scenario seems by far more likely. The important bit here is why I think that to be the case. I traced some of the records left behind in my database. You listed some of the people whose memories had been tampered and it seems all of the missing parts came from the very last moments of the plague. It's not easy to be entirely sure since something like this was not well recorded close to the end, but I'm almost certain that those memories didn't all come from one Keeper." Nox explained carefully.

"That…makes sense in a way. It's hard enough to imagine one Keeper going against our sacred duty, not to mention several of them conspiring together. Besides, we had not figured out the reason for the plague by the time the last days came. I would've known otherwise as I was still perfectly functional before I was overwhelmed, even if I wasn't at my best. So the only way this is possible is that they figured it out at the very end, the same period of time they made those messages, which is probably part of the reason why they made them in the first place. They could sense my grief. One of the few things that could've united several Keepers to bend the rules like that, in the end, is if they wanted to prevent further guilt for the only one that would survive. And with me in that state, they could've kept something like that a secret." Selendil speculated.

It was a bit dodgy, but it was feasible. Still, it didn't sound quite right to her. There was something they were missing. She had no trouble believing one of her decisions could've helped stop the plague, even if she didn't quite know how. She made several important decisions and gave several important pieces of advice over the years after all. She could even see the others sparing her from that guilt. It was the same theory she had come up with herself. It took her a while to figure out where the problem was. There was something that kept nagging her that something was missing.

"How did they figure out the reason for the plague at the very end? And how did they come to the conclusion I was either at fault or could've prevented things? Those are two quite hefty revelations to come at the very end considering they eluded us for so long." Selendil voiced the problem with the theory. "The messages also mentioned something on the lines of nothing being ultimately able to stop it. They also spoke as if I would already know what they are talking about, as if it's something obvious, so the people leaving those messages were not aware of any memory tampering. The people that left me messages didn't sound like they were blaming me either. I can imagine that they would want to spare me the guilt, but I genuinely couldn't sense any resentment from the messages. You would think I could sense at least something if they were faking it."

"I've also been with you for almost your entire life. I can't figure out anything that you've done that could've caused the plague. At least not with your actions. Your words and advice maybe? But even then it would've been others that chose to follow that advice. Which is another reason why I think the more likely reason is that you could've prevented it somehow, but didn't. It also goes along with the wording of the messages you told me about. Still, even with that, it doesn't quite make full sense. If you could've prevented it somehow, doesn't that mean that other people could've done so as well? I mean, you're strong and have a wide range of rare abilities and talents. But unique ones that no other Keepers had? That's more of a stretch. The only way we can figure this one out is by finding out what makes you unique. Assuming we want to find out?" Nox questioned slightly. She was pretty sure of the answer, but still wanted to be sure.

"Aside from my survival, you mean? And yes we want to find out." Selendil confirmed.

"Well, maybe, maybe not." Nox didn't quite agree with Selendil's off-handed question. "We always assumed that the reason you survived where others didn't was because of your isolation, but maybe that's not the reason. Or not the only reason. Maybe the thing that makes you unique is also the reason why you lived where others didn't? This is just one possibility, but I think it's one worth at least considering."

"I get the feeling that the answer to that is tied to the source of the plague." Selendil speculated.

"I agree." Nox quieted for a while. "I must say that you're taking this surprisingly well."

"Well, for one it's still a theory. It would be quite futile to break down over a theory that is still unconfirmed, even if it is the best guess we have at the moment. Secondly, I was expecting something along these lines ever since I noticed all the messages about not feeling guilty. Besides, I'm starting to run out of…how should I put this? Well, the Humans have an interesting expression that somewhat fits. It goes something like this: ‘I'm running out of fucks to give.' The time since waking up has been too much emotionally. At this point, I'm just too exhausted to really lose myself over this." Selendil shrugged.

"I think I like that expression." Nox stated in agreement. "It's a bit vulgar, but it's succinct and conveys the rather complicated concept fairly well."

"The Humans are rather expressive. Or Illum. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure which of the two came up with the expression. Not that it matters I suppose. Anyway. I'm not up for emotional outbursts for now. We need to figure this one out first. Keep working on it, and add an additional task of figuring out what makes me so unique, or what I could've possibly done to prevent the plague." Selendil got up and headed for the canteen. She needed something to distract her and food would do well for now. "Oh, and I didn't forget my promise. I'll start working on that body soon. It won't be something quickly built though, assuming you want quality."

"I've waited this long, so I'd rather wait a bit longer to have a proper one." Nox replied firmly.

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"So how was it?" Amaterasu asked Miyo. The two had just returned from a meeting with Selendil. The meeting between Miyo and Selendil had been somewhat awkward. Most of the Illum had already gotten used to Selendil's presence, but Miyo had not built that tolerance yet, so she had been feeling giddy the entire time.

"Odd," Miyo stated while laying back against the soft chair in Amaterasu's quarters. The quarters were really quite spacious for being on a ship, almost matching an apartment of moderate size. "In some ways, it was even more than I expected, yet at the same time, it was almost anti-climactic.

Amaterasu gave a sympathetic smile. "That's always the problem when meeting someone you revere. In the end, you will discover that they are still people with their faults and foibles. That's true even if they are as powerful as she obviously is. She knows much and is worth our reverence in many other ways, but she is still someone with flaws and quirks."

"It's not that. Not really. I always knew that would be the case, even if I didn't consciously think about it." Miyo struggled with her words a bit. "No, what I mean is that I somehow expected the meeting with a Progenitor to be some kind of momentous event, with…I don't know, chariots of fire and a choir of angels or something. I did not expect it to be just an encounter in a ship's cantina where she was busy absorbing everything in reach."

Amaterasu laughed at the image. Selendil had been more voracious than normal, and that was saying something. "Moonshadow said something along the lines of eating being something she does as emotional comfort. I can't pretend to know what goes on in her head, but I would suspect that she has a lot to deal with. Right Nox?" She knew the AI was able to hear.

"Yes. She…just got some bad news." Nox replied carefully.

"I suppose that makes sense. We all have to deal with things in our own way. I just hope she has someone she can talk to." Miyo felt sympathy for Selendil. Which in itself was a weird thought for her.

"Well, leaving that subject for a while, have you managed to figure out if there have been any aftereffects from you little brush with mental destruction?" Amaterasu changed subjects.

"Well, at least one quite obvious one. I wasn't sure at first, but now I am. I'm definitely psionic." Miyo announced.

"Wait, what? You became psionic? Can that even happen?" Amaterasu asked with some incredulity.

"Well, it would seem so." Miyo simply shrugged. "I don't know much about any abilities I might or might not have, since I've only toyed around with the powers for a few days and I don't know that much about the subject."

"Nox, do you have any explanation for this? Can Selendil actually make someone have that ability?" Amaterasu questioned. Once she realized the AI was rather free with most information, she had started using the AI's answers more and more.

"That's a complicated question. There are many things that go into someone being psionic. Giving the ability to someone with absolutely no potential is not possible, but pushing someone on the border over that edge is doable. That's when it comes to individuals. The Dhar have given the ability to several races when they worked on a population level and over generations. That said, this isn't exactly my area of expertise. You'd have to ask Selendil. As far as my stored information goes, the Dhar have always been psionic, so they didn't need to grant the ability to their own. They have improved the level of the ability, but…" Nox explained.

Even her sources didn't go back far enough to a time where the Dhar were not all psionic. If such a time even existed.

"So could Selendil improve our abilities?" Amaterasu asked eagerly.

"She already has. Those nanites and the exercises she has taught you have all improved you as psions. You just need to work for it a bit. The kind of improvement you're thinking of is possible, but only with the help of the Great Song." Even Nox knew that much of the subject.

That thought gave Amaterasu even more reasons to succeed with joining the universal consciousness that Moonshadow had already managed. She personally thought that the only reason the Mrrroww had managed to beat her in this was because she was always busy with traveling back to Illum and dealing with the war. The damn cat had more free time on her paws! Speaking of… "Miyo, have you decided what you want to do in the future? You can't return to your previous role now that your cover is blown."

Miyo shook her head a bit. "I can't say for sure. Honestly, I'd like to stick around here for a while. I know that I'm not exactly the most qualified person to become part of the crew, but I don't really have anything else either."

"Well, I'm sure Selendil won't mind giving you some time with that. Actually, to be honest, I don't think she'd much care as long as you're part of my retinue and I'm not going to rush you. Still, you'll have to find your place among the crew if you want to stay. You need to find your own role. I'd suggest checking out work in the medbay, but that pervy doctor is there." Amaterasu grimaced at the throught of Khaemwaset.

"Yes, I suppose my expertise in Progenitor archeology and anthropology are somewhat irrelevant on this ship of all places. " Miyo gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "Though I suppose I could approach Nochehuatl. My knowledge might be of some use. He has to deal with many matters related to the Dhar and I might be able to help."

"That sounds like a plan of sorts." Amaterasu nodded, though she wasn't sure if the plan would work. The science officer had managed to gain quite a bit of expertise in Dhar technology during his time on the ship so far. He was already the leading expert. "Huh. That does give me an idea. We have gained a bit of insight into Dhar technology and we've heard some random things about them as people, but I don't think anyone has actually focused on studying their society, customs, history, culture, and what really made them tick. It might not be a bad idea if someone with expertise in anthropology were to compile a primer of sorts at least."

"That's…actually something I could do. I'd have to spend quite a bit of time questioning both Nox and Selendil though. Do you think that's viable?" Miyo asked, though she still made the mistake of asking Amaterasu and not Nox directly.

"Well, I can answer many questions from the point of view of an AI serving them, as long as we don't go to certain areas that include information that I shouldn't reveal. I'm not sure how much time Selendil will have but I doubt she'd have anything against answering some questions about Dhar culture every now and then. Just keep in mind that she might not be the perfect person to answer as she's not the most typical representative of a Dhar. Actually, you could even suggest that she assumes the memories and knowledge of another Dhar to get other perspectives. That's partially what Keepers were for, even though perhaps not for the purposes of a cultural study." Nox answered Miyo even if the question wasn't properly directed.

"I've heard her mention something on those lines. She's storing the memories of other Dhar, right? So does she become that other person when she speaks for them, or how does it work?" Amaterasu asked, equally curious.

"From what I've understood, it's not that. She can simply tell how that person would've acted or what they would've said in a particular situation." Nox replied. She had even less of an idea of how it worked as an AI, even though she had seen it many times.

"Interesting. I'll be sure to ask questions about that when I do get the opportunity." Miyo nodded to herself. She now had a purpose of sorts and was starting to get excited about the prospect.