Somewhere Someplace

Antica’s brain throbbed… Her eyes felt like death—No, worse than death, for death was that state of absolute nothingness. Yet this was not the total absence of sensory experience… No, this was rather sensorily potent. Truly, she had nearly forgotten this…feeling… To sleep too little and feel such misery; to sleep too much and feel such misery…

Her vision, while clear, was nevertheless…difficult to parse. Her brain was still ‘booting up’, so to speak… She required a moment to contemplate where exactly she was and what she even was…despite already knowing. All she knew in the immediate moment was that…she had just been awoken, harshly so.

Antica, sitting up from that so-called ‘bed’, emptily stared… She gently rubbed her eyes, before caressing her temples and…head in general; her breaths ever-faintly groaned, ever-barely audible.

“Finally.” so uttered Novea who stood in front of sight, face obscured by her corvid mask; “Considering how…‘on edge’ you always seem to be, you are remarkably…stubborn to wake…” Her voice was clear yet still…lacked that prior genuineness.

« So it…videtur… » Antica groggily replied with a merged accent, still caressing her head’s temple… Her recently awoken eyes so dangled their sight about, before instinctually checking her terminal device…

Novea immediately tensed as she did so, seeing that…

Antica froze, ignited eyes staring at the pulsating screen of alert… Her terminal device’s unauthorized contact safeguard had been activated; the device’s access was locked…

Someone had touched it…

As if a switch igniting within, her brain thus woke up. Her once weary eyes so suddenly sharpened, lancing their piercing sight straight into Novea. “Spy…” Accusation was borne by Antica’s voice.

Novea silently looked, before…her mask-obscured eyes drifted astray, hesitations and second-guesses filling within… Yet her eyes quickly came back; “Listen, it was an ac—”

Yet… “Speaking is unnecessary.” Antica cut her off, voice hollow yet filled with ice. Without even looking, her fingers so quickly tapped away at the screen. Trooper recognition alone was insufficient to unlock this specific security measure, thus she entered her intendant unlock code—which she…had actually remembered. The screen flashed in cyanic approval, access functionalities returning. “I understand. It is obvious.” Although this was not the biggest of deals… Indeed, that strange burning sensation was remerging within…

Novea’s sight withdrew, breaths tensing more… For whatever reason, out of all possible responses, this had stung the worst.

Antica stood up, stretching only slightly before standing attentively. Her cyanic eyes peered aside, seeing… Her small-arm, rapier-conduit, portable storage unit, and… Right, she had… Ugh, why had she…

Oh well… At least, they were exactly as and where she had so…hastily left them, having remained seemingly untouched.

“At any the rate,” Antica began to speak, her eyes returning their gaze to Novea, “you have come with the briefing, no?”

Novea inhaled and exhaled…an affect-inhibiting breath; “I have…new instructions.” her voice hardened; she stepped more towards the table.

Antica followed and stood closer; “Well…” She was waiting.

Novea needed to collect and structure her thoughts. Aheming, she readied her voice and throat… “So, firstly I should clarify the…state of our ‘team’ before…anything” thus she finally began to speak; “The Bureau’s…relevant…deciding persons here, after…deliberation, have decided to formally accept…Dragon Slayer’s cooperative assistance offering and have…also approved the signing of that freelancer’s service contract; so, they are now officially part of this ‘team’ and…mission.” Oddly, she was omitting their names.

“I see…” Antica just acknowledged, slightly disinterested in such formal acknowledgments of what was already reality; “You spoke of having these ‘new instructions’.” Indeed, not ‘briefing’… Novea’s wording had felt more deliberate than not… “That is what I care to know.”

Novea paused momentarily, requiring another moment… She took a slim breath; “Alrightly, you are going to need to…try to follow my words because they may not be ordered clearly or…linearly.” thus she stated; “There are two directions: right now, in this exact present moment, and the possible future—that…being this coming day and those ahead.”

“Uhuh…” Antica just mumbled; “Just speak it already…”

“I am getting to that… Just…” Novea nearly lost her chain of thought, though she quickly rebounded... “Alrightly, so, again try to follow… So, right now, for the time being, we—as in this ‘team’—are being moved to standby retrieval, not active searching… That means we are to wait and lay low until Blossom’s location is found and confirmed, whereafter we—again, as in this ‘team’—will be sent for recovery and return escort. Considering the…composition of this ‘team’, that is what it was deemed better suited for.” thus she explained.

“I see” Antica acknowledged, following; “So, that is one of these ‘directions’… What is the other?”

“The other, as I said, is the possible future, and the possible future is that…” Novea’s voice paused, requiring a moment… “Is that we might be retasked…”

« … » Antica froze, flat affect only flattening more. “What?” Her head immediately tilted.

“Or, rather, you might be retasked, and thus me too by direction… So, the team’s aforementioned instructions would still stand, but without us…” Novea attempted to clarify, her own thoughts becoming tenser.

« … » However, such did not alleviate Antica’s tilting head of confusion. Indeed, instead that burning sensation within was only accumulating more.

“And, to quickly say, there is a chance—again, chance—that you might be asked to head for Grandberry, in which ca—” Novea was saying, yet…

“I thought that we were to avoid Grandberry?” Antica immediately interrupted.

Novea’s chain of thought was again disrupted; “Y-yes. That was the case, but things change, and as I was about to—”

“So, you are saying, then, that coming here was pointless?” Antica interrupted again, despite logically knowing that…their coming here was not entirely pointless. However, for reasons untold, that accumulating burning sensation within…was making her…uncaring to such, perhaps to the point of being willfully obtuse; of course, she could not comprehend it.

“No. Obviously not.” Novea’s voice had hints of annoyance; “And that is still the… We do not want you to… Avoiding is still the preference, but… And all of this is a possibility of might. Nothing is confirmed—”

“So, you do not know?” Antica, again, so interrupted.

“No. I said nothing is confirmed.” Novea’s voice became slightly aggressive, which only made that burning sensation within Antica more…reactive. “Now, please… Just let me…” Novea took in a few breaths, needing to…reorganize her thoughts. Yet… “Great… Now I can’t…” she muttered aloud, becoming irritated within; she struggled to recover the flow… “Fine. I will just state…that our preference in either case—the one converging destination of both directions—is that, no matter what or who: you are to remain here in Strawberry until told otherwise by us for the time being—”

« Hem… [‘By us’], síc énquit… » Antica was not aloof to Novea’s phrasing; “You said ‘preference’ yet speak as if commanding. So, which is it? The ‘preference’ or the command?”

“Raven Mother…” Novea exhaled, her chain of thought not being allowed respite; “No, my tongue is just… Don’t…” She took in a few more breaths; she was feeling noticeably hotter, starting to sweat beneath her mask… “It does not matter.” her voice hardened; “That is what we want you to do in either direction: to remain here in Strawberry for the time being until told otherwise by us, and with absolute discretion; so, you need to lay low and—I should have prefaced with this—but you need to change forms, because—”

“Ah. ‘Changing the forms’.” Antica yet again so interrupted; “And I may take it, then, that I must also leave my things here, alone, after ‘changing the forms’?”

Each interruption was a lance piercing Novea’s thought-chain. “Yes, obviously. But there is no… You don’t need to be concerned, this safe area… This is our exclusive stay-spot, so me and you will be the only ones—”

“And that is supposed change this by what means?” Antica so cuttingly interrupted, cyanic eyes momentarily glancing at her recently molested terminal device.

Novea staggered in mind; “Well… Regardless, our preference is that—”

“And my preference is that I do not stupidly leave my things unattended to be prodded.” Antica so bluntly interrupted, her hollow voice perhaps slightly combative.

Novea’s breaths began to…jitter, just a bit; “Yeah, well, then the alternative is that you are to remain here in this safecellar and not leave it until further—”

“Ah.” Antica, again, so cut her off; “So, you want me thus to be the…‘prisoner’, then? Encaged within here…” Indeed, abruptly coming into mind were those caged souls earlier seen.

Novea so nearly groaned, posture becoming increasingly frustrated; “No, no, I didn’t… Ugh… Listen, it’s… Things are…complicated, and I am trying my best here, but you are… Just, I need to…” her heated breaths were struggling to convey.

Her chain of thoughts was being continuously disrupted. It was difficult to get it back on track to the flow with which she had initially started, which added to frustrations within that only further disorganized her mind which only further added to those frustrations; her cognitive fatigue was certainly not helping.

“Your words are scattered and confusing.” And Antica’s constant interruptions were absolutely not helping either.

“And things would be so much clearer if you would just follow with me and actually let me finish.” Novea nearly…snapped, although just managing to temper her voice.

Antica’s cyanic eyes…withdrew slightly… “Continue…” she permitted.

Taking in cooling breaths, Novea tried to reconstruct that broken chain… However, such was futile; the flow was utterly lost. She did not even know anymore where she had originally been going with this despite knowing the destination. She sighed; “Alrightly, fine. I will just say it: You have been directly requested by the United Central Trade Company, and are to report to their headquarters here in the coming morning… And by you, I mean ‘Nilia de Relevancia’…”

« … » Antica blankly stared… “Why did you not…speak that to begin with?” Indeed, such would have contextualized much.

“Goodly, I wonder why…” Novea sarcastically muttered. “Anyway, they would not tell us why… In fact, they seemed to have waited on telling us anything until this day…” She perhaps said more than necessary; “Ahem—but our main inference is that the Company might be planning on retasking you; that is why I was trying to build to this by laying out our preferences firstly…”

“This would have been better if you had spoken the point straightly from the start, instead of speaking in this way of bending to it.” Antica quite frankly remarked.

“Yeah…” Novea just exhaled; and this would have been better if Antica had not continuously broken her chain of thoughts. “But, anyhow, that should answer most of your wonderings.”

Yet Antica’s eyes…withdrew lightly down, mind starting to reflect somewhat… Hm…‘wonderings’, indeed… “I was assuming that this mission was urgent; that I was required in some capacity…” Her ignited eyes returned their sight; “Does this…imply, then, that I am no longer needed? That Blossom is close to being located?”

“Well…” Novea took a moment; “I can disclose what the Company disclosed… They have us beat, I guess to say… A person of…relevant status, a long-spanning partner of the Company, is soon to begin a tour of the eastern bulge’s lower nobility for…personal matters, and the Company took this opportunity to solicit his assistance; they disclosed all of the necessary details for identifying possible candidates for Blossom and will be keeping in touch… He might be the best bet for finding Blossom timely. Although…”

“…although?” Antica lightly tilted her head.

“He’s an opportunist and sleezy bastard, so it is possible that”—Novea caught her tongue—“…and I’m speaking too much…” Truly, she was so exhausted.

“Yet you still kept this ‘relevant status’ whoever vague…” Antica remarked…

“Yeah… Well, the Company did too…” Novea just said; “Anyway, so, the Company might be thinking that this is now settled and may try to repurpose you…for whatever else. But, regardless, you need to remain here in Strawberry and keep yourself absolutely discreet…”

“…‘need to’?” Antica caught; “First it was the ‘preference’, now it is the ‘need’…”

“…my tongue twisted. Nothing more. Please don’t fixate on…” Novea sighed such an exhausted ugh… “Well, anyway, that’s enough… Morning is in a few hours; so, for now, we need to return to those two adventurers so that I can…tell them their need-to-know; I can already foresee…they are not going to be happy… Might to have wake them, actually…”—she ahemed—“But afterwards, we will return here so that you can change forms, and…then I will take you to the Company H.Q.” thus she finished; “Got it?”

“Hmm…” Antica just mumbled, still stuck in mind…

Yet… “Alrightly then…” Novea had interpreted that mumble as acknowledgement; “Since we will be returning, we can leave our things. It’s best to just get going; faster the better.” Novea thus began to move, making ready to leave.

However, Antica remained in place…

For reasons untold, coming into mind once again was that…argument between Blue and Red… Although she still held no opinions or true judgements, such…continued to be a source of contemplation… Directness, frustrations, and problems left neglected.

Indeed, earlier this day prior to their entry into Strawberry, Antica had been close to… But the moment—the environment—did not allow… Yet now they were in the…perfect place… And that burning sensation remained festering within.

“Not yet” Antica so spoke; “We must talk more…”

“Huh?” Novea paused with some surprise, turning around… “Look, I know you might still have… But there is nothing more to discuss. As this has already taken more time than…necessary, we must get going.” she spoke sharply.

“You will have to make the time, then, because I refuse to cooperate further until we talk.” Antica, however, stood her ground.

Novea’s brain froze, processing… “Huh??” her breaths expunged; “I don’t…” She did not know how to reply, having been taken completely off guard by this suddenty…

“I will be honest: I do not like this.” Antica thus so firmly spoke; “It has been evident to me that more is happening than is being implied. So, I must know: what is happening?”

Novea’s breaths tensed… “Things, Antica. Things are happening. Things are always happening. Sometimes we have to let things play themselves, and sometimes we just need to play along.”

“Fine.” Antica approached closer, halting before Novea; “To ask better: What is happening with you?”

Novea’s breaths only tangled more; “Huh-wha? I don’t…” Her mind was…struggling to keep up with this…practical ambush; “Is this about…that night? Or your…”—she glanced at Antica’s terminal device—“Is that it?” Indeed, she was not naive to…the obvious impacts of her actions, both recent and…two nights ago.

“Your ‘snooping’ was… I cannot make it into words, but I did not appreciate it. But that is not the problem. Rather, since we left Upperberry, you have been… ‘Ice-hearted’? Yes, you have been the ‘ice-hearted’ with me and no longer how it was before—I cannot make it into words, but something has obviously changed.”

The pressures only rose in Novea’s discomforted breaths; she began to pick at her fingernails. “No, alrightly, no… Just… Look, listen, there is nothing… I have just been… All I have been…” Her thoughts were jumbling, her legs evidently becoming…somewhat fidgety… “Can we please not…”—she paused—“Nil-Anti—We are not having this discussion.”

“But we are ‘having this discussion’.” Antica cuttingly replied, disinterested utterly… That burning sensation within only intensified… “This has been within my…head for…all of this day and now it is more so. I cannot…make it into words, but I do not like this. These changes in you. These changes with…what I thought this was to be…”

“I-I told you…” Novea was trying to keep herself composed, “at the very beginning…that the Bureau… W-we have our…way of doing things, a-and I have my…way o-of doing… of handling, so-so why are you now…” her stuttering voice was struggling to convey.

“And it has been obvious to me from ‘the beginning’,” Antica spoke unimpeded, “that you and your Bureau have the greater interest in me than said. However, as I had said: as much as you have your interests, I have mine, and my cooperation is contingent on the ‘overlap’ of these interests…”

That is a bluff, and you know it…

Deep down within your mind’s shadow…

You have not any the faintest idea what you are doing anymore

And had not for quite the some time…

Existences having been rendered utterly pointless

“And if your Bureau wants my…cooperation to continue, then it must not assume that I am mindless and unobservant; that I cannot notice when these changes happen; that I cannot infer the possibilities of the implications.” Truly, so odd… Although Antica struggled to transcribe her thoughts into words, it was nonetheless hard to stop speaking… that which had been festering within.

“Please, let’s just… You are being so…” Novea’s jaws jittered, breaths sizzling, fidgets worsening. Indeed, this suddenty was…rather stressful; the proceeding ‘briefing’ was also…rather stressful; this entire day was…rather stressful; Novea, in general, was and had been…fairly stressed and overwhelmed.

And a boiling pot could only endure so much pressure.

“So, I must know,” yet Antica continued on, “there is more to this ‘mission’, no? Beyond finding Blossom… Involving, perhaps, me? What is my role in all of this, truly? Why am I not allowed to—”

“HUGH!” Novea thus erupted; “Yeah, alrightly, fine, the entire fucking world seems to be revolving around exclusively you, Miss Inhuman Empty-Heart! You think I am ice-hearted?? You are being so unspeakably frustrating! You know I cannot possibly answer! So can you make MY life easier for ONCE and just SHUT UP and cooperate?! Do you think I know everything? Do you think I am not force-fed horseshit either? So please, for everything sacred, just please…” Breaths simmered… “…just…please…” The eruption withered… “Just… just… oh…” Realizations immediately began to enter…

« … » Indeed… Antica stood there, unreadable and deathly silent, glaring coldly.

“I… Raven Mother… I… I… Just…” Novea’s breaths cramped as she realized just how…badly she had, bluntly, ‘fucked up’… “Oh Gods, oh Gods, Raven Mother, I…” her voice fractured as she backed away until her back hit the wall behind…

Novea prepared for the worst.

Yet…

« I am sorry… » Such words were lanced; “I give sorry…” Antica…apologized?

“Huhh??” Novea’s lungs compressed, yet again taken by complete surprise… Her back slid down as she…slipped onto her bottom… “You’re not…” Her head bobbed with each exhaling breath…

It would be a lie to claim that Antica had not experienced a surge in that…burning sensation from Novea’s eruption, yet seeing…all of this to follow… Indeed, affect-inhibitions enacting hold, she recognized that continuing this exchange would be unproductive, having…needlessly escalated; immediate de-escalation was the most necessary course of action…

Novea, however, remained where she was; decompressing, breaths began to ventilate. Everything within losing restraints, it all just came…bleeding out. Muscles trembling, she forced off her corvid mask as her hood came falling down… Lungs palpitating, tears forced themselves out despite hardly crying.

Antica immediately approached before her, yet…

“Please, do not—do not touch me, do not…come near me—I just need to, just need to, just need to…” Novea hyperventilated with expanding tears, mind utterly overloading.

Antica…simply stood in place, silent.

In retrospect, the behavioral foreshadows to this…affect-overload…were evident well before this moment, yet Antica had completely ignored them. Truth be told, even to herself, her combative behavior just moments ago was…peculiar. Deep down within, she did not know, nor comprehend, why she had acted so…that—whatever that was. Although her…contentions were valid, she could not have picked a sloppier method.

Novea spoke no words… Breaths hiccupping with flushing eyes, affect overloaded…uglily… She had to lower her facemask just so that it was not soiled. Though, she eventually settled.

“This city is such a mess…” Novea finally began to speak, breaths battered… “I came here expecting straight debriefing and briefing, only to spend the last…several hours overtime being shuffled around like a whore, all because I’m the only openly active Raven here… And don’t get me started with the…type of men…who willfully work with the Bureau…”

Antica leaned down, peering… “Your eyes…” she quickly noticed… Indeed, Novea’s eyes were…visibly baggy—strained utterly.

Novea sniffled… “I haven’t been sleeping… Nightmares… Not worth it…” she mellowly admitted.

« ‘[Nightmares]’, énquitne? » Antica murmured… Hm. Interesting word.

“I haven’t eaten decently in…two weeks either” Novea continued… “But I am not weak… This job is hard, but… The demands, the expectations—I meet them, and I always will… I can handle it…”

“Evidently not.” Antica bluntly observed, her lean withdrawing. Truly, she was…perhaps…reminded of herself, in all the worst ways.

Novea sniffled again, eyes finally peering up, albeit evasively… “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…my words… I’m sorry…” she mellowly apologized… “It’s just… There’re always so much, you know… Things I cannot say, and things I don’t even know… And I just… I really need you to understand, Antica, that I am… I have very clear…”

“I do understand, Novea. That is why I am standing down.” the protocol-bounded Antica certainly did understand; “I will continue to cooperate and ‘play along’, for your sanity if not theirs.”

“Huh…” Novea’s eyes so gazed, ears having heard… Not once this entire journey had Antica ever… Yet… Indeed, Novea began to burn a little on the inside, yet for reasons… different. “Nine…” she…corrected, wiping her eyes; “Different…form, so…call me Nine…”

“Rightly, Nine.” Antica…had perhaps needed to be reminded, for she was always either ‘denizen’ or ‘Novea’ in her mind.

Novea…stabilized; much having been emptied, only relieving warmth filled within… “Sorry for being such a mess…” she sniffled again, before standing herself up, Antica assisting… “Alrightly… I think I’m back…” She wiped her eyes, sniffling one final time… “And…just to say… Your concerns have been…noted…” She abruptly paused, head lightly bobbing in reflection… “Also, this never happened.”

« Quid? » Antica tilted her head; “Did something happen?”

“Teh… Goodly heard” Novea smiled a little, humored… Her eyes then drifted a bit… “So, uhm… Now, let’s get going?”

“Hm…” Antica, however, cogitated… “No. I believe that I will remain here.”

“Reason…being?” Novea…tensed again…

“Changing the forms. I said that I will cooperate. And it is best if I handle that while…alone.” Indeed, such was going to be…a process, Antica already predicted; one best done denizen-free.

Yet Novea…blushed; “Oh, rightly… Of course, yeah, that sounds…fine…” she spoke, becoming slightly…awkward; “I will return by sunrise, then… That should give you…enough time… Then I’ll take you to the Company H.Q.… So, be ready…”

« Éntelliģetùr. » Antica acknowledged.

Novea ahemed; “Anyway, and your…clothing is in my—actually, let me…take it out for you, and then I’ll be on my way…”

“It is understood, Novea.” Antica, again, acknowledged…

“Ahem—Nine…” Novea…somewhat awkwardly…corrected again.

« Novem. » Antica counter-corrected.

Although she doubted this would remain so, it was nevertheless…perhaps an agreeable sight to see Novea’s…more genuine side again.

Ah…

And here I hoped this kettle would have been left to boil over…

Not addressed this soon

Stories, after all, are built from tension—not healthy communication styles

Nevertheless, most truly…

The futility of trying to force such…cold distance

Towards whom one feels the opposite

Indeed, this has reminded me of a certain other so attempting the same…

And this scene has given me a few…ideas…